Gay children

[worriedmum]

my daughter thinks she is gay , i think she had been talked into this at school and now this has carried on. She’s never had a relationship with a boy. she’s immature for her age, shes 19. I let her go to a music place for under 16’s when at school and i later found out the music and the behaviour was all centred around homosexuality. She said she kissed a boy and felt sick and thus that made her think she was gay. I tried to explain its the person she kissed wasnt the right one. But someone she got involved with over the internet another gay girl reinforced too much and this girl does not lead a good life. Now my daughter seems to be breaking away from this girl but has turned her attentions to an older girl that she did some work for which i am angry about as i feel this woman has taken advantage. My daughter has a poor self-body image though it is slightly better now. I dont know if this is making sense as my heart is broken, i dont want this life for her as i dont feel she belongs in it. I am just wondering if anyone has a daughter who later decided to give boys a chance and turn away from this difficult life she is creating for herself? There are other factors but too much to type

 

[Philotheatoo]

Although none of my children experienced a ‘gay phase’, all four of them did do one thing in common at that age and younger; push in the opposite direction we pushed. We learned not to push but to be accepting by providing unconditional love and asking them to wait. Not condoning, nor condemning, we patiently pointed out that, whether it be a tattoo, interracial relationship, etc., we reminded them that a permanent decision, if it is meant to be, can wait until all things are openly taken into consideration. If you believe that gay persons are meant for a higher calling, one that does not include sex, tell her so, tell her why and, tell her how much you love her and will continue to love her, no matter what she does. Remind her how difficult life is just for the heterosexual couple and then ask her to examine how much more stress is added to a relationship under other circumstances. The odds start out against them. And then ask her if she plans on having children. Telling her you thinks she is vulnerable or being taken advantage of takes her power away. It tells her you are not seeing or hearing her as the adult she (thinks she) is.

God bless you and good luck.

 

[valentinarose]

One my coworkers thought she was gay and was involved with a girl she worked with. Later she realized she had been mistaken , maybe because she has a sister who is gay. She is now happily married (to a man).

 

[prodigalson2011]

I can’t offer you much advice, but if it’s any solace, I have heard that in matters of sexual orientation, women are more fluid. That is, more women are able to reorient their preferences. There was a guest on Catholic Answers not too long ago whose name I’ve forgotten, but she wrote a book called, I think, “Atheist Lesbian to Catholic Mother.”
Perhaps it could be of help to you and your daughter?

 

[Layman_F]

For what it’s worth, my gay friends that have been close enough to me to share deep things have all experienced sexual abuse as a child. You mention that your daughter is “immature”, and that sticks out to me as a flag. When one is abused, they stop developing in maturity. True, this isn’t always the case, but drug abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, all seem to stop or stunt a person’s psychological development. Bear in mind the harder you push, the harder she will push back.

 

[Leon_Bloy]

Help her focus on just making herself a better version of herself right now - on getting in touch with her “real self” (i.e. a normal, healthy psychological-sexual outlook) in a positive way, and of course, pray privately for her. Things should fall into place at least in large degree as a result. Just be a good parent, and encourage her to let the “jury” stay out on her “identity.” Water the plant, and the buds should sprout. I wouldn’t focus too much with her on the same-sex issues, though… hopefully those will fade as she becomes more confident. A large part of this problem is the sort of looking at oneself in the mirror and focusing on shortcomings, flaws, insecurities, etc., so help her steer away from that.

The culture wants to push young people to embrace an “identity.” The reality is many young people go through phases and confusion like this.

 

[Schieffelin]

There is a Catholic ministry group called “Courage” that helps people with same-sex attractions and they have a subgroup called “Encourage” to help family members dealing with these issues. I recommend you look up their website.

 

[Lamentation]

I think regardless of her thoughts on sexual orientation, you should rather focus on her Catholic faith… I have to say, one of my friends struggles with homosexual attractions; but she’s certainly one of the most informed people about the message of love and acceptance Jesus and the apostles preached about.

That’s not to say I support homosexuality as a valid way of life (I don’t), but it nearly brings you to tears when there are “Catholics” who shun such people and drive them from the Church, when in fact these are the very people we need at the forefront.

If the homosexual thoughts pass, it’s good. If not, it would be much more prudent that she at least understand the church’s views on the topic.

If she’s having issues with the faith, I think those would be best addressed first. Many of my peers (I’m 21) view the church as nothing more than harboring hatred, being the religion of “NO”; when in fact, we are taught to love another over all, being the religion of “YES”.

Obviously, I have no experience with parenting, but I hope my experience with my peers might be of assistance to you.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

Remember that her temptations are something that she may be tempted with for a very long time. However, fighting them off and not acting on them is something that can bring her closer to God. I have never used the “Pastoral Solutions Institute” but I saw an ad for it in my NFP magazine. It is a Catholic counseling service that can counsel over the phone. It might be worth a try so you can find good advice on how to deal with the situation. I am sure it would definitely be good for her to try as well if she is willing to try counseling.

 

[worriedmum]

thanks for all the responses, i did try and find that subgroup Encourage but couldnt , I will look again. I wish i could push the future 5yrs on but at the same time this might bring more heartache. She still goes to Mass with me and is taking communion. I havent pushed her to do this but do encourage her to go to mass with me. She’s never had a true female friend that has always been there for her like i did so i also guess this is what she gets out of this present relationship. I think she misinterprets friendship and i also feel she is scared of forming any more than being friends with boys. I keep praying and offering up in Mass.

 

[worriedmum]

There is a Catholic ministry group called “Courage” that helps people with same-sex attractions and they have a subgroup called “Encourage” to help family members dealing with these issues. I recommend you look up their website.

could you find a link for this if possible as i found it confusing trying to find it. thank you

 

[Schieffelin]

could you find a link for this if possible as i found it confusing trying to find it. thank you

Here you go couragerc.net/
They are a good group.

 

[Havard]

I can’t offer you much advice, but if it’s any solace, I have heard that in matters of sexual orientation, women are more fluid. That is, more women are able to reorient their preferences. There was a guest on Catholic Answers not too long ago whose name I’ve forgotten, but she wrote a book called, I think, “Atheist Lesbian to Catholic Mother.”
Perhaps it could be of help to you and your daughter?

Regarding that “more fluid” comment you made: I think you are right there. Unfortunately, there is a lot of confusion as to who is simply a “lesbian”, as many women with more fluid sexuality often call themselves lesbians when they in homosexual relationships. The somewhat frequent occurrence of this is a source of great acrimony in the lesbian culture. Being fluid is very much looked down upon among “not fluid” lesbians, for many of the same reasons that bisexuality among male partners is disliked by straight women.

 

[Morwenna]

There is a Catholic ministry group called “Courage” that helps people with same-sex attractions and they have a subgroup called “Encourage” to help family members dealing with these issues. I recommend you look up their website.

could you find a link for this if possible as i found it confusing trying to find it. thank you

Here is the main website for Encourage:

couragerc.net/EnCourage.html

If you are in the UK, here are local UK-based groups:

courage.org.uk/groups/discipleship.shtml

God bless you and your daughter.

 

[worriedmum]

thank you to all for the links etc

 

[Ubenedictus]

thanks for all the responses, i did try and find that subgroup Encourage but couldnt , I will look again. I wish i could push the future 5yrs on but at the same time this might bring more heartache. She still goes to Mass with me and is taking communion. I havent pushed her to do this but do encourage her to go to mass with me. She’s never had a true female friend that has always been there for her like i did so i also guess this is what she gets out of this present relationship. I think she misinterprets friendship and i also feel she is scared of forming any more than being friends with boys. I keep praying and offering up in Mass.

if she doesnt want anything with guys she should consider celibacy. Issues gets complicated during youthful age. It seem we youth need to learn that only a fool will learn by experience alone. Some youths will only agree there is something called fire when they get burnt.

Im sorry issues like this just disturbs me, you are in my prayers.
Ubenedictus