Gay foster/adoptive parents, or abusive home?

[kedera]

My first degree was in Social Work, and I saw rather quickly that the field for the most part was just to liberal for me. I love service and helping others which were what motivated me to go into Social Work in the first place. I worked mostly with children and families who were involved with child protection. I had a couple of instances where the foster/potential adoptive parents were homosexual. The children were coming from dangerous homes, or from one of the “group homes”, also horrible, into these foster parents homes. In the area I live there is a sever lack of foster homes making it almost impossible to even find a temporary placement, and what good foster parents there are, are taken advantage of and end up getting out of it. These homosexual foster parents otherwise were very kind, loving people. I just don’t know how to feel about this. It’s just that I have seen what they are coming from, and how these kids have be treated by people that are supposed to love them. I mean these kids have to go somewhere, right? It’s not really up to a social worker, but we were not supposed to let personal views interfere with our work. That’s why I am going into a different career. What do ya’ll think?

 

[Exalt]

Hmm… Religious leaders tell you that gays would make bad parents, and yet, by your own testimony, “these homosexual foster parents otherwise were very kind, loving people.”

So, what’s it going to be? Will you believe the rhetoric of the religious elite… or your own conscience? Help these kids… or continue holding on to prejudice?

It’s not a hard decision for me.

 

[NewUlm1976_2000]

Believe what you see with your own eyes. They are giving everything of themselves for these kids, most than many parents. They are good and loving people and shows you out stereotypes others try to apply to different people. Since they treat their foster kids like gold, if they ever wanted to adopt I would say there is no problem.

 

[gardenswithkids]

My first degree was in Social Work, and I saw rather quickly that That’s why I am going into a different career. What do ya’ll think?

Yes, I think I would also consider a different career if I were you. So…have you considered *personally *becoming a foster parent? You wrote there is a severe lack of foster parents in your area. If you are considering a different career, might you consider becoming a foster parent for abused children? Your background in social services might be highly useful to a foster parent.

 

[kedera]

I guess the better question would be…How would God feel about my advocating for foster parents that are gay? From a Christian POV? I just don’t know…

 

[1ke]

I mean these kids have to go somewhere, right? It’s not really up to a social worker, but we were not supposed to let personal views interfere with our work. That’s why I am going into a different career. What do ya’ll think?

Your first assumption is that putting a child in a homosexual home is *not *equally harmful or more harmful than the home or group/foster situation from which they came. That is not a valid assumption. Being in a “loving” home (whatever that means, it’s quite subjective) that is also a home of disordered sexual identity and activity is a false idea of a “good” environment.

People in an active homosexual lifestyle are living a lifestyle disordered at its very root. You do not think that this permeates their entire world-view, the way in which they relate to the world, and the way in which they will influence (overtly or covertly) the children in their home?

I am not talking about the idea that living with “gay” parents makes one “gay” since that is clearly not founded in any scientific evidence-- however, living with gay parents gives one a *disordered *view of sexuality at the very time when vulnerable and abused children are forming their sexual identities and seeking to know right and wrong. It teaches children that something gravely wrong is a “loving” relationship.

By placing a child in the home, the party charged with protecting the child is in fact endorsing all they will see, hear, and be taught in that home-- and exposing the child to further harm.

Are some gay people nice people? Sure they are. That does not mean that children should be placed in their home.

Here are some links to studies and/or personal testimony that a same-sex household is not a place for children:

headlines.agapepress.org/archive/6/172005c.asp

narth.com/docs/RationaleBasisFinal0405.pdf

narth.com/docs/gendercomplementarity.html

 

[gardenswithkids]

I guess the better question would be…How would God feel about my advocating for foster parents that are gay? From a Christian POV? I just don’t know…

Homosexuals, by the nature of the sterile sexual acts they perform, can not become parents through natural means. God designed sex to be pro-creative in nature, and homosexual acts don’t create parents. Yet, if the natural heterosexual parents of these abused children acted according to how God wants them to act, there would be no need for you to place these children anywhere other than where God already placed them. Unfortunately, humans, regardless of our sexual preferences often fail to act as God desires.

The homosexual foster parents you encounter certainly may be better than the other options these children have experienced thus far, but that is only because these children have suffered abuse to the point where the state removed them from their natural parents. The state takes children away from someone who abused them and place them instead with persons who sodomize others who consents to be sodomized. That still sounds like an abusive environment to me.

From my point of view, any social worker job that asks you to disengage your Catholic views about homosexual acts from your work, violates YOUR religious freedom. In an ideal world, you shouldn’t have to choose between your job and your religion. In an ideal world, children wouldn’t be abused either. Obviously, this is not an ideal world, but we can take individual steps to make it better. I think of saints like St. John Bosco and others when you ask this question. They cared for such children personally. Great sin provides opportunity for great saints. You need to either become a saint or find some saints to step up and care for these children.

 

[gardenswithkids]

From my point of view, any social worker job that asks you to disengage your Catholic views about homosexual acts from your work, violates YOUR religious freedom. .

In the United States, lawyers and courts decide many matters. If your job is placing you in a position where you must violate your religious views, you may want to contact a lawyer. Perhaps try contacting Thomas Moore Law Center for help. thomasmore.org/

Good Catholics who believe Church teachings should not have to leave the field of social work just because those with conflicting worldviews have mostly taken it over. Social work not a field that I would want to work, but if you feel up it, you might have a court case if they force you to advocate against your religious views.

 

[rpp]

Pope John Paul II said that placing children in homosexual homes via adoption “does violence” to the children. So one type of abuse is replaced by another, probably worse type. Why is it worse? Because it destroys the soul of the child.

Besides, it is a false choice, homosexuals or keep them in an abusive situation. There are always alternatives.

 

[kedera]

Pope John Paul II said that placing children in homosexual homes via adoption “does violence” to the children. So one type of abuse is replaced by another, probably worse type. Why is it worse? Because it destroys the soul of the child.

Besides, it is a false choice, homosexuals or keep them in an abusive situation. There are always alternatives.

Well that says it, I did not know that he said that…I never had any real influence on placement, I could basically only say if I thought it was a poor placement, however my reasons are not “valid” in the eyes of the court unfortunatly. I just didn’t like the position I was in at agency, and came to realize it would be that way anywhere in social services. Even many faith-based non-profits, are too lax with their actions! After all it’s our behavior that shows or doesn’t show Christ’s truth to the world. The only thing is, that I loved my clients, and seeing their progress, especially the kids, and I really miss that.

 

[emily47017]

isn’t this a case where one form of sin is being elevated above others? i imagine you saw prospective foster parents who might have been atheists, or adulterers, or usurers, or doctors who performed abortions… but maybe gay parents stuck out because they were obviously of the same sex. there are children who grow up in households with all kinds of things going on that could be considered disordered. that doesn’t mean they weren’t raised well, and with love.

 

[rpp]

isn’t this a case where one form of sin is being elevated above others? i imagine you saw prospective foster parents who might have been atheists, or adulterers, or usurers, or doctors who performed abortions… but maybe gay parents stuck out because they were obviously of the same sex. there are children who grow up in households with all kinds of things going on that could be considered disordered. that doesn’t mean they weren’t raised well, and with love.

The Church desires all children to be protected, even from their parents if necessary.

But it is also forbidden by the Church to participate in adoptions to same-sex couples. Some locales, notably Massachusetts and San Francisco (all of California?), enacted so-called “anti-discrimination” laws that forced adoption agencies to place children with people who choose to live this lifestyle. This resulted in the Church ceasing adoption services.

All people sin. However, some sin is so public and disordered as to be improper to place a child there. There are lots of reasons children should not be placed with a particular couple. Perhaps one or both are alcoholics or drug addicts. This would also disqualify them. Good adoption agencies check out potential homes for exactly this and other disqualifying problems.

Finally, it is certainly necessary to raise the seriousness of one sin above another. Clearly some sins are worse than others. A man who lies to his wife when asked “Does this dress make me look fat?” is committing a sin. So is the doctor who performs abortion. Clearly the later is much worse than the former. Hence the Church’s distinction between venial and mortal sin.

 

[NewUlm1976_2000]

I guess the better question would be…How would God feel about my advocating for foster parents that are gay? From a Christian POV? I just don’t know…

You are loving one another as God loves you. This decision should come from your gut and not a list of rules from someone.

 

[gardenswithkids]

isn’t this a case where one form of sin is being elevated above others? … there are children who grow up in households with all kinds of things going on that could be considered disordered. that doesn’t mean they weren’t raised well, and with love.

No, I don’t think that is the case. The problem isn’t the sin per se, as what it means in terms of male-female role modeling for the children placed in such homes. Mothers and fathers help girls and boys know what it means to be women and men.

Homosexual couples exclude either men or women in the sexual relationships, (so much for diversity.) The nature of homosexuality prevents them from becoming loving parentS–plural. Parents are just any two people–they are male and female by God’s very design. It is sometimes said the best thing a father can do for his child is love the child’s mother; those committed to the homosexual lifestyle won’t do that.

When social workers and courts place vulnerable children in homes with foster parents who practice homosexuality, they deprive those children of loving male-female parent role models. While only one sex remains, the role modeling of that is distorted, as men are not normally attracted to men, and women are not normally attracked to women. That same-sexual attraction changes both the way they relate to persons of the same sex and to persons of the opposite sex.

This is really much less about homosexuals than it is about the vulnerable children. Children need proper role modeling. While children may come through all kinds of dysfunctional family settings and survive okay, by the time a child has reached the foster care system, the child has already experienced many other obsticles to overcome; the state shouldn’t add more obsticles by denying the child of proper male-female role models.

 

[dwc]

I worked as a lawyer in the child protection court for 12 years and I understand exactly where you’re coming from. Over the years I saw gay foster parents who really seemed to do it because they sincerely cared about and wanted to help children, gay fps who seemed to get into it to make a social statement and the kids were just a means to that end, and gay fps who seemed to do it for the money – in other words, they spanned the spectrum, just like heterosexual fps.

My main problem with placing kids in homosexual homes is that I don’t believe having two mommies or two daddies is in the best interest of the child. I believe kids need a mom and a dad – this is the same problem I had with allowing single people to become fps or adopt.

As the OP noted, though, there is a severe shortage of foster homes and kids in the system sometimes have to be placed in far less than ideal situations where at least they’ll be physically safe. The posters who insist there is always a choice are naive and haven’t experienced the reality of the fostercare system.

My 2 cents? Heavily screen foster parents. Accept only stable, loving, married adults who are committed to the children. Place only very young children in foster care. Re-establish an orphanage system for older children. I could go on and on, but that’s way off topic.

 

[kedera]

I worked as a lawyer in the child protection court for 12 years and I understand exactly where you’re coming from. Over the years I saw gay foster parents who really seemed to do it because they sincerely cared about and wanted to help children, gay fps who seemed to get into it to make a social statement and the kids were just a means to that end, and gay fps who seemed to do it for the money – in other words, they spanned the spectrum, just like heterosexual fps.

My main problem with placing kids in homosexual homes is that I don’t believe having two mommies or two daddies is in the best interest of the child. I believe kids need a mom and a dad – this is the same problem I had with allowing single people to become fps or adopt.

As the OP noted, though, there is a severe shortage of foster homes and kids in the system sometimes have to be placed in far less than ideal situations where at least they’ll be physically safe. The posters who insist there is always a choice are naive and haven’t experienced the reality of the fostercare system.

My 2 cents? Heavily screen foster parents. Accept only stable, loving, married adults who are committed to the children. Place only very young children in foster care. Re-establish an orphanage system for older children. I could go on and on, but that’s way off topic.

Yes, so you know that the worker is often between a rock and a hard place. It’s sad to say but good foster parents are few and far between. Sometimes, you don’t have options, no, most of the time you don’t. I have actually seen innocent children sent to juvenile detention centers until further notice until a more suitable placement could be located. Back to the subject, I just don’t want to be part of, anything that would offend God. This is just one issue where a I needed a consultation. Too bad I’m not Catholic (well at least not yet), I could have seen a priest

 

[Imagine23]

Hmm… Religious leaders tell you that gays would make bad parents, and yet, by your own testimony, “these homosexual foster parents otherwise were very kind, loving people.”

So, what’s it going to be? Will you believe the rhetoric of the religious elite… or your own conscience? Help these kids… or continue holding on to prejudice?

It’s not a hard decision for me.

Great post. I know gay parents and they are some of the best loving parents around.

Let’s end all this irrational prejudice already. Prejudice against gays today is very similar to the prejudice against blacks in the past. Same arguments, different target.

 

[NewUlm1976_2000]

Great post. I know gay parents and they are some of the best loving parents around.

Let’s end all this irrational prejudice already. Prejudice against gays today is very similar to the prejudice against blacks in the past. Same arguments, different target.

I agree, much of what I read seem to be based on stereotypes.

 

[dwc]

Let’s end all this irrational prejudice already. Prejudice against gays today is very similar to the prejudice against blacks in the past. Same arguments, different target.

I agree with you that gays should not be discriminated against – but discrimination implies a right. This is not about gay rights, as they have no right to be foster parents or adoptive parents. This IS about what’s best for children. Gay couples will never give a child a parent of each sex. Despite the many efforts to convince society otherwise, the truth is that children need both a female mom and a male dad. That’s the issue, and cries of discrimination and attempts to align this to racial prejudice don’t address this.

 

[DAWNCUROLE]

As a foster/adoptive parents (me and my husband) of 2 children who sent many years in foster care. This is a real difficult choice. I can understand that a position is that you a placing a child in continued or more chaos by placing them with a gay couple. But I don’t know if you are placing them in a worse place. Children who are going to be adopted through foster care are not in foster care because their parents committed venial sins. I know the trauma my kids have suffered. For example, I know they would have been better off with homosexual foster parents than the non-deniminational minister’s family whose son raped my daughter but it was ok because the son “was a Prophet.” I know that it would have been better than the mom who would send her children to barter with different guys a trade of sex for drugs. I know it would have been better than the parent who starved her diabetic 4 yr oldson because if his blood sugar was high he wasn’t sick he was just bad. It has to be better to have one continious enviroment than 14 placements in 6 yrs or 12 placements in 5 yrs. But I know a traditional 2 parent family would be the best there are simply not enough families. if everyone who read this would adopt or foster one child than we might be closer to that reality.