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There are several ways in which this presents a problem:
1.) Violation of Equal Protection
Equal protection under the law requires that whenever the government provides a benefit for one person and not another that the state present a Rational Basis explaining how the personal receiving the benefit is holding up their end of a
quid pro quo arrangement with the Public Interest. The Rational Basis for state endorsement of the union of one man and one woman in a marriage has ever been to encourage the procreation of future generations in households with their (ideally biological) mother and father. While determining fertility between men and women conclusively requires illegal invasion of medical privacy, comparing sexes does not. Likewise comparing ancestry is a matter of public record, so incestuous unions are denied. And, no, “love” (or infatuation, really) does not enter into this equation at all.
Bestowing benefits on same-sex “marriages” and treating them as identical to true marriages while excluding all non-sexual partnerships violates Equal Protection.
2.) State Indoctrination
It has already been exhibited in California and Massachusetts. Having established real marriage and same-sex “marriage” as fungible for all intents and purposes, the Public School Curricula have been altered to teach this “fact” to children
in loco parentis. Furthermore, contrary opinions are labeled “hate speech” and banned from schools. Factual and demonstrable differences and principles of natural law are now banned and children are taught ontological falsehoods by the state. That is a grievous harm.
3.) Suppression of Free Speech
Building on the idea of “hate speech,” the assertion that homosexuality is a protected class and that same-sex unions are completely fungible with marriages becomes the only tolerated opinion in public spaces. Failure to ascribe to that doctrine and assert the state’s opinions becomes grounds for dismissal among civil service positions. Failure to comply can also result in the termination of public contracts with vendors or even the outright sanction of private businesses large enough to be deemed vulnerable under the Commerce Clause. Even the “chilling effect” such opportunities provide is sufficient to classify as material harm to the public.
So, in conclusion, material harm is not done the public by the private conduct of homosexuals, but rather material harm is done to the public by the public conduct of the government as it pertains to establishing a state doctrine of defining “marriage” as something other the union of one man and one woman.
I don’t get where you’re going with the first point, which is not to say you don’t have a good point with it. I sense it’s leading somewhere, but I’m not following. If government has a legitimate natural law right to make marriage contingent on reproductive fitness and the provision of two opposite sex parents, then there are a lot of hetero folks who should not be getting marriage rights, and a lot of single parent adoptions and in-vitro fertilization which should also be illegal. I see no interest among the save marriage folks for what surely should be a priority if they care about natural law.
As to the second point, it ultimately falls to parents to convey their beliefs even if they are in contradiction with public school teachings. Creationists are convinced the teaching of evolution is a grievous harm. Parents with deeply held white supremacy convictions and even just those who don’t want the schools getting involved in the values business have the same issue. There are concerns there, but I’m not sure that’s a good reason to deny a class of people civil rights.
The third point boils down to the fact that exercising one’s free speech rights does not convey a right to be popular. If there’s a public opprobrium on anti-gay marriage opinion out there, and perhaps there is, that in itself does not constitute a violation of free speech. It’s where the culture has gone, and it’s unfortunate for people who hold that opinion, but it’s how the marketplace of ideas runs.
If we’re talking about government punishing people for holding those opinions, that’s quite another matter. No private citizen should (or would) be jailed for expressing anti-gay marriage views, but government does have some right to choose where to spend its money, and to mandate certain public accomodations by business. A judge or county clerk of some type was recently sacked or retired because he refused to marry an interracial couple. I expect sooner or later the same will happen to someone who refuses to marry a gay couple in jurisdictions where it is the law. I won’t see it as any more, or less regrettable. If people’s conscience won’t allow them to do the government’s bidding, don’t take the job.
Likewise if business owners are denied the right to discriminate against gays, it will be an infringement of their rights, but no greater than the laws presently barring them from putting up “No Japs” or white’s only in their storefronts.