IMO violence is wrong. I don’t understand what the gender of the individual doing it has to do with the matter.
As an aside, I have been the victim of DV in that my wife in the past threatened to call the police on me for such things as: leaving a party after I choose to wear jeans to the party rather than slacks and she was verbally harassing me about my choice to wear jeans. I left the party and returned home. She was at her sisters house and could have gotten a ride home from any number of people there as they were all friends. She called me and called me and demanded I return to the party or she would call the police on me (implied, not stated, she would make up a story to have the police arrest me).
She did it on 2 other occasions. Prior to the 3rd occasion I anticipated it coming. She returned home, blasted the radio, starting ranting, making vague threats she will “call her brother” “do something” and as soon as she mentioned the police I hit speed dial as I had previously called them in anticipation of this happening. I reported she was out of control and I feared for my safety. They didn’t want to respond, looking for reports of specific violence done by her. I reiterated I was in fear of my safety.
She got quiet and turned down the radio and sat quietly waiting. Fortunately when they showed up she told the truth about the facts.
The worst part was that the police made ME go outside the house to speak with one officer while she stayed in the house alone waiting for the 2nd officer to respond (question about officer and victim safety- should a perp of DV be left unattended in the house, what if she ran out the back door, what if there was a weapon in the house and she started shooting through the window at me/us?). Not to mention I was humiliated by speaking to the officer in front of my house, feeling as though I was made to look like the perp/did something wrong.
The police, after speaking with both of us, told me “your wife would like for both of you to remain in the house” (couldn’t tell if I had the option of having her removed by them or not, I was treated disrespectufully and yelled at when the officer initially suggested he and I go outside and speak, and I told him I thought that she should be the one that has to go outside. He then barked orders at me like a dog, after I had suffered this abuse from my wife, IMO an action by the police on a traumatized individual (me) that could have had the reaction of me saying “no” which would have me been ‘refusing a police order’ which would have been me breaking the law, subjecting me to arrest. Fortunately I knew the law so complied with his order when suggesting she be the one to go outside when it was mearly a suggstion.
So I was re-traumatized by the police by being baited to possibly refused a police order in a traumatized state (can’t know if he would have arrested me for this, but based on his change in demeanor and yelling, in retrospect it seems like a distinct possibilty and would have been within their legal right), AND being interviewed in view of my neighbors, making me look like a criminal. As well as leaving the DV actor alone in the house unattended because she was a female (IMO if a female calls on a male DV actor they are not going to be ‘ordered’ and barked at like a dog to go outside to talk with the officer, they will be allowed to stay inside the safety of their home while the male DV actor is the one who goes outside).
The good news is that my wife no longer makes these threats and it’s on record since she fortunately told the truth that she was angry and misbehaved and made the threats.
So I don’t think it matters what the gender of the perp is, but in my experience police treat male victims of female DV actors poorly, disrespectufully, and potentially try and goat them into doing something through unprofessional behavior to give them an excuse to bully the male victim.
