Gay to Straight?

[edward_leblanc]

How categorical of you Edward to declare it’s impossible. That you didn’t succeed doesn’t mean another person wouldn’t as well. I have seen people who were able to make that switch. Which is not to say i do not admire your resolve to live a chaste life, that is what it should be gay or straight, sex is only within marriage and only with one’s spouse. Only i do not agree with you that someone with homosexual tendencies cannot become straight. It will require a lot of effort (more than the effort straight people have to put to be faithful to their state in life) but it’s possible

 

[edward_leblanc]

trust me my dear Pauline we are born gay. and that is that .oh yes i have lived a happy marriage for eight yrs. ,and have to wonderful adult sons. If you are straight. would you become gay and sleep with women NO. so why do you have the gale to insult my message ,how cruel you sound ,not nice . and please dont judge me any more .i was just explaining to the gentleman.my thoughts .I did not jugde him.ibelieve gays who thinktheycanchance.NOT GOING TO HAPPEN…and they will not be happy in their hearts.to live a straight life. it is a lie ,like i said .and a lie to their spouse . dont you get it my dear . God Bless you.

 

[edward_leblanc]

No disrespect Edward - but I think you are wrong to tell Jack he was born gay. He wasn’t and neither were you. I admire your vow of chastity, and you are very right to live that way while unmarried. But there is EVERY hope that Jack’s SSA can diminish and finally disappear altogether. Natural heterosexual feelings may develop in time, but not as a replacement to the SSA. They are two different things - one is not the flipside of the other as people assume. True the SSA has become sexualized to some degree, but it is NOT where the problem lies.

Jack I beg you to listen - I have three ex-gay friends and counting - These folks were knee-deep in the lifestyle and through prayer, study, and counseling came to understand their own personal circumstances and factors that caused their SSA, and to recognize what triggers their attraction, as well as what needs those feelings are trying to fulfill. They now meet those needs legitimately, have full lives with non-sexual relationships with same-sex heterosexual friends, and loving Christian relationships with the opposite sex.

Besides COURAGE
EXODUS International and NEW HOPE MINISTRIES are excellent sources for finding ways to overcome your SSA.

Pray. of course, but God will probably not remove it in one fell swoop - HE LOVES YOU, but He wants you whole and happy. He wants you to unravel your past and find the root causes so that He can heal those hidden hurts and fulfill those needs the right way.

You need to read, read, read. I know you are only 17 so having books sent to your house might be difficult, but perhaps you should consider asking your mom or dad now with help for this. If they know you are trying to live in the faith and are trying to find ways to understand and overcome your SSA, I would guess they would be supportive.
When a child tells his parents he is gay - it is devastating but you are not telling then that - you are telling them you have a problem, a disorder called SSA.
I am praying for you Jack.

Please all pray the Saint Michael Prayer daily for Jack and others who suffer SSA.
Send an email titled “Yes, I Will Pray” to sorrowfulheart4ssa@yahoo.com to join with parents, friends and others praying for SSA sufferers.

God bless you Jack.

 

[edward_leblanc]

no disrespect my dear friend .but if your not gay ,you have no idea .just no idea.

 

[eichenb2]

trust me my dear Pauline we are born gay. and that is that .oh yes i have lived a happy marriage for eight yrs. ,and have to wonderful adult sons. If you are straight. would you become gay and sleep with women NO. so why do you have the gale to insult my message ,how cruel you sound ,not nice . and please dont judge me any more .i was just explaining to the gentleman.my thoughts .I did not jugde him.ibelieve gays who thinktheycanchance.NOT GOING TO HAPPEN…and they will not be happy in their hearts.to live a straight life. it is a lie ,like i said .and a lie to their spouse . dont you get it my dear . God Bless you.

And I am polygamous, by birth. Of course, it must be between consenting adults.

 

[eichenb2]

No disrespect Edward - but I think you are wrong to tell Jack he was born gay. He wasn’t and neither were you. I admire your vow of chastity, and you are very right to live that way while unmarried. But there is EVERY hope that Jack’s SSA can diminish and finally disappear altogether. Natural heterosexual feelings may develop in time, but not as a replacement to the SSA. They are two different things - one is not the flipside of the other as people assume. True the SSA has become sexualized to some degree, but it is NOT where the problem lies.

Jack I beg you to listen - I have three ex-gay friends and counting - These folks were knee-deep in the lifestyle and through prayer, study, and counseling came to understand their own personal circumstances and factors that caused their SSA, and to recognize what triggers their attraction, as well as what needs those feelings are trying to fulfill. They now meet those needs legitimately, have full lives with non-sexual relationships with same-sex heterosexual friends, and loving Christian relationships with the opposite sex.

Besides COURAGE
EXODUS International and NEW HOPE MINISTRIES are excellent sources for finding ways to overcome your SSA.

Pray. of course, but God will probably not remove it in one fell swoop - HE LOVES YOU, but He wants you whole and happy. He wants you to unravel your past and find the root causes so that He can heal those hidden hurts and fulfill those needs the right way.

You need to read, read, read. I know you are only 17 so having books sent to your house might be difficult, but perhaps you should consider asking your mom or dad now with help for this. If they know you are trying to live in the faith and are trying to find ways to understand and overcome your SSA, I would guess they would be supportive.
When a child tells his parents he is gay - it is devastating but you are not telling then that - you are telling them you have a problem, a disorder called SSA.
I am praying for you Jack.

Please all pray the Saint Michael Prayer daily for Jack and others who suffer SSA.
Send an email titled “Yes, I Will Pray” to sorrowfulheart4ssa@yahoo.com to join with parents, friends and others praying for SSA sufferers.

God bless you Jack.

 

[Agatina]

Hi Jack,
You’ve been in my prayers.
I remembered that many years ago my friends bro-in-law “was gay” & was partnered with a nice man & they owned a house, etc. At some point after many years the partner stepped out & they ended up broken up as a couple. He was very disappointed & suicidal.
He came and stayed with my friends. His sis-in-law convinced him to go and talk to this psychiatrist that she knew (she was a nurse).
It ended up that he wasn’t actually a homosexual after all.
He had had some “experiences”, done some “fooling around” and in those days that made you an “etched in stone gay person”.
But he also had feelings just like you have; doubts, desires for home & children, etc.
As a previous poster said there are degrees. Some may fall in the middle of the spectrum as far as sexual identity goes.
So once again I tell you I don’t know a lot about this subject but I’m praying for you and I strongly beg you to contact the Courage group. When I saw them on TV I was struck with their gentleness.
Lord Jesus please bless Jack and guide him in the way You want him to go.
Agatina

 

[m134e5]

I heard of courage, but I don’t want to be celibate. Just straight, or at least some attraction to women. I don’t think a priest could necessarily help, except telling me gay stuff is a sin.

Thanks,

Please…give a priest a chance, and give Courage a chance. Running away from this struggle may end up making things a whole lot worse. This struggle probably isn’t the sort of thing that you’ll just wake up one day and find that it is no longer a part of your life. Courage is not necessarily about being celibate- in fact, there are several married members (it COULD be about being celibate- if for you, specifically, to be chaste, you must be celibate). Courage is about being chaste- and that probably doesn’t mean celibate for those who are married.

 

[EmperorNapoleon]

Does anyone know about converting from gay to straight, or is just impossible?

There isn’t any scientific evidence that so-called “conversion therapy” actually works but there is plenty of evidence that such “therapy” can be very psychologically detrimental. What the studies show is that a very small minority of participants succeeded in changing their behavior but there’s no study which demonstrates that any of those people successfully changed their sexuality. I would advise against such “therapy”. Instead, as others have suggested, seek a closer relationship with God. You don’t have to rid yourself of your sexuality; only control it.

 

[phoenix3212]

There isn’t any scientific evidence that so-called “conversion therapy” actually works but there is plenty of evidence that such “therapy” can be very psychologically detrimental. What the studies show is that a very small minority of participants succeeded in changing their behavior but there’s no study which demonstrates that any of those people successfully changed their sexuality. I would advise against such “therapy”. Instead, as others have suggested, seek a closer relationship with God. You don’t have to rid yourself of your sexuality; only control it.

I agree. Consider your sexuality a calling to a holier life.

 

[bpbasilphx]

Some therapists work with people to help them go from same sex attraction to opposite sex attraction. There’s a fair amount of political and social pressures on the psychiatric community to stop doing that type of therapy because many activists in the gay/lesbian/transgender community don’t like that type of therapy being available to people who want it.

---

**In my first post, I referred to Dr. Charles Socarides (who died in 2005; you know, the heterosexual who was married 4 times and divorced 3).

He claimed to have made 35% of his patients go from homosexual to heterosexual. In other words, 65% of his patients were left as gay as before–which is not much different from the “around 30%” statistic I quoted.

Furthermore (related to something someone else said), sexual orientation is NOT the same thing as gender identity. Every gay man I am acquainted with KNOWS he’s a man and is quite happy to be one.

Transgenderism/transsexualism is something entirely different. Don’t confuse this with homosexuality; it’s not the same at all.**

 

[Exalt]

And living with a guy doesn’t sound as fulfilling as living with a woman, it’s beginning to sound to me a bit weird and well feminine and gay. Stereotypes aside, it’s degrading almost.

Negative feelings such as the ones you’ve described, when expressed towards an entire class or group of people is generally called prejudice. When applied towards a certain race, it’s racism. A certain gender, it’s sexism. Homosexuality, it’s generally called homophobia.

What you feel is what people on these boards, your parents, and your religion have led you to feel. It’s no different from growing up in a white supremacist home, or a mysigonist home. It’s not based on rationality or personal experience, but upon what your family has told you, and what you were taught to believe. Your rational mind is merely justifying your irrational feelings.

Well… I did some heavy thinking about being gay, and it’s not at all what I want to be. An abomination. I know a few weeks ago I was okay, but that’s because I was only thinking about personal happiness. I was just thinking in a bubble…

From a position of reason, what actually changed? What about the Catholic arguments about homosexuals and homosexuality convinced you?

I heard that people can switch, and that they are normal. I don’t want to disappoint my family either. If I am gay everything about my life means nothing, such as having no kids, living none ‘normal’, and all. I don’t want to go to hell or live a life without ‘someone’.

So your motivation for becoming straight is (1) a fear of a supposedly loving God sending someone to hell for following their conscience to a romantic relationship with another man or woman, (2) a fear of loneliness, and (3) because you have some prejudiced views about gay people.

I think you’ll agree that those are not exactly conductive towards a change of sexual orientation.

 

[Et_Cetera]

First of all I am going to state that the views I will express in my post are not those of the Catholic Church, but rather they are my own. Jack, your post made me very sad; it seems as though you are starting to find your own ways wrong and disturbing. There is nothing wrong with the way you are. You are NOT an abomination. We are all different. You say that you don’t want to disappoint your family. Well, if they do not accept you for who you are, then you should be disappointed in them. In my honest opinion, organized religions are causing you strife right now by telling you that you should change and by stating that you should deny yourself love. Love is love. Find the people who accept you for who you are; many of them exist, particularly in cities. I am not gay, but two of my best friends are, and I know that they went through some very troubling times before they accepted themselves. Now, they are content with their ways, and life is so much better for them. Send me a PM if you want to talk via AIM.

 

[GW]

Jack, it comes down to this. We all have powerful inclinations that appear to be innate. However, we are all called upon to use our wills to subject some of our powerful inclinations for a better good.

I don’t like some foods, but for the sake of my health I can use my will to eat them, even though I my tastes may never fully change. But my health is a far greater good that I love, and so I eat those foods I don’t necessarily want to, and over time my mind seems to change.

What’s the greater good for some one with same sex attraction? Partnering with a person of the opposite sex to raise your own biological kids, who will love you and want to be your friends and loved ones for as long as you live, along with your spouse. That’s not a bad deal, if you think about it. And there’s lots of forgiveness we all require along the way to our holiness in God.

So, if you can begin to visualize family for yourself, and the greater good of the call to family living, you will probably find you will have a newfound strength to sublimate some of your innate attractions for the far greater happiness.

And, truth be told, most marriages are about family life and daily duties anyway. While I’m not saying sex isn’t important, I am saying that the minutes spouses spend each year in the bedroom are very few compared to the days and months they spend caring for each other in simple daily routines like meals, soccer practices, art classes, homework, music lessons, community volunteering, etc. etc. There’s a perspective here to keep in mind.

May Christ and all the saints stand with you as you seek a higher joy based in family, not mere isolated sexual identity. Family love is greater and more fulfilling than mere temporal orgasmic pleasures.

 

[EmperorNapoleon]

Some therapists work with people to help them go from same sex attraction to opposite sex attraction. There’s a fair amount of political and social pressures on the psychiatric community to stop doing that type of therapy because many activists in the gay/lesbian/transgender community don’t like that type of therapy being available to people who want it.

Nonsense. The APA generally opposes “conversion therapy” because it has proven to result in high rates of depression and even suicide among participants; a fact which even one of the founders of Exodus International admits. In addition, these organizations do not change sexuality; they change physical behavior. In other words, the small minority which are actually able to change their behavior are still psychologically the same i.e. they are still attracted to and desire the same sex. They’re just brainwashed into believing that having sex with a woman makes them heterosexuals.

 

[CarlaOLS]

There isn’t any scientific evidence that so-called “conversion therapy” actually works but there is plenty of evidence that such “therapy” can be very psychologically detrimental. What the studies show is that a very small minority of participants succeeded in changing their behavior but there’s no study which demonstrates that any of those people successfully changed their sexuality. I would advise against such “therapy”. Instead, as others have suggested, seek a closer relationship with God. You don’t have to rid yourself of your sexuality; only control it.

TBull Puppies!

That’s just the kind of propaganda that stops so many poor souls from even investigating their past and trying to heal so many problems like relationships, image fears, compulsions etc.

Listen to testimonies, talk to Father Paul Check at Courage, or a Christian counselor. Therapy is not voodoo for Pete’s sake - it’s no different than the type of help one gets from a good psychologist. - delving into the past and unraveling hurts, perceptions and baggage. THERE IS NOTHING HARMFUL ABOUT PRAYER AND TALK.

Counselors don’t sit there plying you with heterosexual porn or shock you with electric prongs or whatever riduiculous thing anti-ex-gays claim. The difference is you must search for one that will not condemn you with, “If you’re gay, you’re gay. There’s nothing but to accept it.” nonsense.

The desires that Jack has are not for sex but for male companionship (even if now sexualized) - they are relational, not sexua,l and they CAN BE HELPED.

Again, the attraction he feels is nothing like and in no way the counterpart to normal heterosexual attraction, which right now is a development that has been stunted and blocked by the psychological deficits.

It doesn’t have to be chaste or nothing - Yes be chaste either way - even in my marriage even during relations I aim to be chaste, cherishing and loving my partner not possessing or using him.

But Jack, you are so young there is every hope - normal sexual development will occur once the root causes of your SSA are found and addresssed. Read "Your Don’t Have to Be Gay" by Jeff Konrad for starters. PM me, I’ll mail you a copy for free.

Keep questioning- keep searching- you keep praying and so will we.

I truly love you, Jack and so many others here do too. You are NOT Alone - we will help you find help.

St. Michael defend us a in battle. Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray, and do thou O Prince of teh Heavenly Host, thrust into Hell, Satan and all other evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

 

[EmperorNapoleon]

That’s just the kind of propaganda that stops so many poor souls from even investigating their past and trying to heal so many problems like relationships, image fears, compulsions etc.

Malarky. Every scientific study into “conversion therapy” points to high rates of severe depression and even suicide with microscopic rates of changed behavior and no evidence of a change in sexuality.

Listen to testimonies, talk to Father Paul Check at Courage, or a Christian counselor.

Courage does not now nor has it ever claimed to be able to change a person’s sexuality. It only encourages chastity.

Counselors don’t sit there plying you with heterosexual porn or shock you with electric prongs or whatever riduiculous thing anti-ex-gays claim.

Those are the old methods. Nowadays, they simply encourage you to associate homosexual feelings, desires, and emotions with physical pain by inflicting pain whenever you have such thoughts and encourage sexual relations with the opposite sex.

 

[phoenix3212]

I agree. I’m really sorry, but I think you’ll have to consider your sexuality a calling to a holier life.

 

[Timbothefiveth]

Does anyone know about converting from gay to straight, or is just impossible?

It can happen, it’s happened before. It is also good to note that some according to some psychiatrists, teenagers will turn straighter as they grow up.

And living with a guy doesn’t sound as fulfilling as living with a woman, it’s beginning to sound to me a bit weird and well feminine and gay. Stereotypes aside, it’s degrading almost. I don’t want that for myself at all.

Good luck with your decision.

It is not possible to turn straight.you may think you can but ,this is who your are God made us this way for his purpose.

While it might not be possible for some people, I think it is possible for others.

Negative feelings such as the ones you’ve described, when expressed towards an entire class or group of people is generally called prejudice. When applied towards a certain race, it’s racism. . Homosexuality, it’s generally called homophobia.

He said he doesn’t want to live a certain lifestyle. How is that prejudice?

What you feel is what people on these boards, your parents, and your religion have led you to feel. It’s no different from growing up in a white supremacist home, or a mysigonist home. It’s not based on rationality or personal experience, but upon what your family has told you, and what you were taught to believe. Your rational mind is merely justifying your irrational feelings.

No it’s not. He is not hating anyone, he wants a better life for himself. I guess that makes me a bigot for not wanting to live on welfare, right?

From a position of reason, what actually changed?

He said it himself, he wants a better life.

So your motivation for becoming straight is (1) a fear of a supposedly loving God sending someone to hell for following their conscience to a romantic relationship with another man or woman,

It’s an abandoment of his designs. It applies to straight people too, you have to be married.

(2) a fear of loneliness,

He said he doesn’t want to lead a certain lifestyle because it’s unfulfilling. It’s no different than not wanting to live on welfare.

and (3) because you have some prejudiced views about gay people.

He said he doesn’t want to live a certain unfulfilling lifestyle. When I was a teenager I was abstinent. Does that mean I’m prejudiced against straight people, and therefore myself?

Why exactly are you trying to discourage him? He said he doesn’t want to live a certain unfulfilling lifestyle and it’s somewhat motivated by religion. If that’s what he wants to do he deserves our support,.

First of all I am going to state that the views I will express in my post are not those of the Catholic Church, but rather they are my own.

Jack, your post made me very sad; it seems as though you are starting to find your own ways wrong and disturbing. There is nothing wrong with the way you are. You are NOT an abomination. We are all different. You say that you don’t want to disappoint your family. Well, if they do not accept you for who you are, then you should be disappointed in them. In my honest opinion, organized religions are causing you strife right now by telling you that you should change and by stating that you should deny yourself love. Love is love.

Well, I’d say certain premarital relations are not love. God is true love, and marriage is love, don’t settle for less.

I know that they went through some very troubling times before they accepted themselves. Now, they are content with their ways, and life is so much better for them.

I know 2 gay people who did the same. I certainly wouldn’t say their life is better. Accepting who you are is not the as giving in to sin. When I vowed to abstain until marriage was that denying who I was? I’ll tell you what, I’m glad I didn’t listen to everyone who told me abstinence was bad. The people who didn’t listen can’t say the same.

 

[Jack17]

Jack, it comes down to this. We all have powerful inclinations that appear to be innate. However, we are all called upon to use our wills to subject some of our powerful inclinations for a better good.

I don’t like some foods, but for the sake of my health I can use my will to eat them, even though I my tastes may never fully change. But my health is a far greater good that I love, and so I eat those foods I don’t necessarily want to, and over time my mind seems to change.

What’s the greater good for some one with same sex attraction? Partnering with a person of the opposite sex to raise your own biological kids, who will love you and want to be your friends and loved ones for as long as you live, along with your spouse. That’s not a bad deal, if you think about it. And there’s lots of forgiveness we all require along the way to our holiness in God.

So, if you can begin to visualize family for yourself, and the greater good of the call to family living, you will probably find you will have a newfound strength to sublimate some of your innate attractions for the far greater happiness.

And, truth be told, most marriages are about family life and daily duties anyway. While I’m not saying sex isn’t important, I am saying that the minutes spouses spend each year in the bedroom are very few compared to the days and months they spend caring for each other in simple daily routines like meals, soccer practices, art classes, homework, music lessons, community volunteering, etc. etc. There’s a perspective here to keep in mind.

May Christ and all the saints stand with you as you seek a higher joy based in family, not mere isolated sexual identity. Family love is greater and more fulfilling than mere temporal orgasmic pleasures.

I would never do that to any woman, that’s selfish, unless I have some attraction to her. I recognize a beautiful woman, but I don’t feel the attraction. To marry a woman when I am gay would be horrible, since she would love me the right way, and I wouldn’t return it. I couldn’t lie to her, since marriage isn’t based on lies, but honesty.

That’s why I would have to turn straight or bi, before I would even think of asking her for marriage.