*] So, high school ended. I went to college at a branch of Ohio U. My first year I felt like an outcast. I wasn’t good with girls and still didn’t have a girlfriend. Sophomore year rolled around and I met amanda during the 2nd half of the year. She became my first girlfriend and I lost my virginity to her. I didn’t love her, but I liked the sex and intimacy, although I later became attached. Our relationship was rocky either way and my stepfather and sometimes mother went out of their way to put their foot down. There were times when I wasn’t permitted to talk to her on the phone for more than 10 min. This strained our relationship. She also got to see how I was treated too and didn’t think it was right. During our relationship, my biological father died of cancer.s At any rate, she got an opportunity to move 2 hours away and live with family. Our relationship ended soon thereafter and I was heartbroken. It didn’t help that my mother and stepfather made sure that most of the time i could talk for a short period of time and had to get off the phone. I was treated like I was 5, and here I was, 20 years old. My stepfather went out of his way to threaten me on occasion, continue to put me down, slander me, and make me feel like ****. Maybe, just maybe, one can understand WHY THE HELL I HAD DEPRESSION DURING THIS TIME SPAN! I felt like I had no way out. I remember on one occasion him telling me something like “you know your retarded” or “slow” or something like that. He was dead serious too. Made me feel like ****. So, we ended and I began to spend alot of time with friends, started drinking alot more and drinking and driving. One day it culminated and I got kicked out of the house and moved across the ohio river and in at a party house with some friends. I partied alot, made new friends, and started getting involved with the wrong crew. My college grades suffered and I failed alot of classes, eventually dropping out during the second half of 2005. People that I thought were my friends turned out not to be. I suffered low self esteem to boot and continued to get picked on at times by these so called friends. I also went through job after job as I lost alot of them due to my irresponsibility. The sexual endeavors continued and I remember times when I would wear womens panties while pleasuring myself. I considered joining the military(as I had since high school), but would have had to lie to get in bc of my mental health record. At any rate, I lived there until age 21. Finally, me and my stepfathers conflicted boiled over on christmas night of 2005. I had a few drinks at my grandfathers and promised I wouldn’t leave home after we got back. When I tried to leave(yeah although 3 hours later, still dumb on my part), my stepfather punch me and finally after 6 years of his abuse, I swung back twice. Cops got called, he went to jail for a night and I should have but he told them not to take me. A restraining order was put up and we couldn’t have contact with each other. Anyways, I lived with a friend for a short period of time over the remainder of the holiday and then had an apartment for a month. I became very depressed, would stay up till 9am then sleep all day, only to get up to eat, in most cases masterbate, and then play video games and get online. This happened more than once. So, after the month was over, I moved back home bc my stepfather had gone to court and they dropped the case against him, which I was hoping it would be. I was depressed, only worked about 1 day a week and wasn’t in college(in fact, I pretty much quit going to class and quit that quarter of school completely). I had lost my maintenance job at mcdonalds due to not showing up on time and calling out sick. So, my stepfather would get on my case about it all. I was called lazy and all sorts of stuff when in reality, I was depressed and couldn’t help it. So, one night he kicked me out once and for all. I moved in with my old roomie nate and lived there until october of 2006(about 7 months) and applied and got accepted to college in Florida. I had talked about it for a while, but noone believed I would do it, nor did they think i could do it either. So, in october 2006 I moved back home and saved up money. I was working for lowes, bartending, and working for a sports store over xmas. I had been with lowes since march of 2006 and I enjoyed my job. In fact, I would transfer stores when I moved to florida just so I could stay with the company. At any rate, I moved to Florida and started college.
*]My first semester was rough. I got sick and was having terrible anxiety issues that led to depression and ultimately I ended up admitting myself to the hospital. I would have all kinds of crazy thoughts, leading me to think I was bipolar, schizophrenic, and you name it. Researching on the net didn’t help either. Heck, I got OCD. Anything I read I think I have. At any rate, I got somewhat better, but then I totalled my car drinking and driving. Thankfully, my grandpap helped me out and got me another vehicle so I could get to school and work. I owe him big time. I started working at another job besides lowes and worked over 50 hours a week sometimes. Summer got better, I moved out of my old roommates house due to an argument(although we get along great now) and moved somewhere else. I moved out of there this past january and now live with one of my best friends. I found some mental health docs down here that are great and I recently found out that I never had bipolar disorder. Now they seem to think I indeed do have ADHD instead, along with OCD of course.
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