Gender Identity Issues

[RCatholic13]

Cat,
Thanks for your reply. I can’t say that I didn’t bring some of the pain I experienced on by myself, but noone deserves to be ridiculed and made to feel like (excuse me for my language) ****. I do see a doctor for OCD, depression, and ADHD. I haven’t brought this up in large detail to them, but I plan on it. The OCD only makes thigns worse is the problem. It causes even more worry. As for sex, I think I might have an issue with controlling my desires and giving into sin. I know what is right and wrong. Sexual immorality is wrong. My heart tells me this. I have utmost admiration for people who resist the temptations to engage in these acts and try to lead a proper lifestyle mimicking that of Christ. It is hard, but these people truly deserve a pat on the back. However, I see people that give into the temptation to get a sex change, live a homosexual lifestyle, or engage in premarital/extramarital sexual endeavors as giving into temptation. It is so much easier to conform than to say “hey, you know what, what would Jesus do?” I think we can all agree that Jesus would take the hard road instead of the easy way out. Just my 3 cents…lol…send me a PM if you would like sometime, I would love to chat more.

Derek

 

[Mirdath]

It seems that it only comes up in a sexual/arousal sense. Maybe that seems weird, but that is basically all it centers around: Wondering how it would feel to play the female role in intercourse or be a promiscious female. Yeah, I know its weird, trust me. Its like I get the urge to transition just to feel what its like to masterbate and engage in sex in the female sense. But at the same time, I see my thoughts as impure and I fight them off.

It may seem a little strange, but like I said, it’s really not all that rare. There are all kinds of things, both bizarre and mundane, that just flip some people’s switches. I know one guy who has a thing for women getting their stiletto heels stuck in gratings.

That kind of curiosity has been around for ages. Ever hear the myth of Tiresias, the Greek seer? Through a few odd courses of events, he became a woman for seven years and then a man again. Later Zeus and Hera had a bet going over who got more enjoyment out of sex and consulted him as the authority on such matters. He sided with Zeus, saying sex was more fun for women, and consequently got struck blind by Hera, who was never noted for being a gracious loser. ‘What would it be like if I woke up the opposite sex?’ is a question a lot of humans have been asking for a long, long time. But curiosity isn’t indicative of some kind of disorder – it’s simply natural.

I am sensitive though, so pretty much anything someone says to me I take to heart, especially if its hurtful, even if its indirectly. Yeah, yeah, maybe im not 100% straight, but then again who really is lol. But the thing that I don’t understands is bc I have OCD, I obsess about it all and I start to ask myself if I really want to be a woman. So, I get really worried and anxiety builds up and I get depressed. It is odd.

That’s really why I think you may have a case of first-year-med-student’s disease, not anything more serious. If it’s only a paraphilia (that is, it’s entirely sexual for you) and you start obsessing over it, that’s something else – GID is when you feel like your body is completely different from how it should be. ‘Gender dysphoria’ may be a slightly more precise term.

Now, when you say " even living as one’s gender without transitioning is generally looked down on as 'unnatural"

are you talking about a man who lives his life as a woman is looked down on…lol…bc a man that lives his life as a man I can’t see as being looked down upon bc…frankly…isn’t a man supposed to live as a man…lmao.

I’m talking about women who were born with male apparatus, and vice versa, living as members of the gender they identify with. It’s not an easy thing to do in the first place.

As for intersexed people, I am kinda split. Usually aren’t they male with additional parts or female with additional parts. There is no true half man/half woman…makes no sense. Usually to my knowledge one side is predominant.

Representations of Ardhanareshvara aside, there’s no ‘down-the-middle split’ I’m aware of. I do think there are some cases of people being truly between male and female, though.

Now I ask, are you religious or not? Just out of curiousity? What do you really think of gender dysphoria. Do you think it is something that can be overcome or are you for getting a sex change to solve the problem?

I am not religious; I think gender dysphoria is very real, very much a problem for quite a few people, and so far both under- and mishandled by the Church. Many of those afflicted can get by just fine without transitioning; for others it is so crippling that there isn’t a better answer. We can change the body to reflect a mental image; we cannot as yet change the brain to match up like that. And I am not so sure screwing around with the wiring up there is particularly ethical, even if we become capable of doing it.

 

[blessedtoo]

RCatholic13,
I am going to make a suggestion that I pray you will receive in the spirit of love with which it is offered.

Please remember that all your posts here, including you signature, are public property. While a screen name can retain some anonymity, the fact is you have revealed very, VERY, personal and intimate details that are now floating around in cyberspace. While some background information may be useful for giving suggestions and advice, the members here do not need to know such details to give some Catholic direction. The responses you received in the first 2 or three posts still apply and are not influenced by more information. Anyone who is experiencing sexual identity confusion, regardless of it’s manifestation, WILL benefit by contacting the group Courage. If they feel you are a unique case (which is very doubtful), they can certainly direct you to the appropriate sources for help.

You are astute in your observation about some of the non-Catholic, non-religious responses you have received. Since you were VERY clear in your initial post about your desire to hear the Catholic or Christian perspective on your issues, I would advise opportunistic members who want to assert a secular/agnostic/humanist view to refrain from doing so. And you should take such responses for what they are - not applicable for someone who seeks to live a Christian life.

God bless you and protect you.

 

[Mirdath]

You are astute in your observation about some of the non-Catholic, non-religious responses you have received. Since you were VERY clear in your initial post about your desire to hear the Catholic or Christian perspective on your issues, I would advise opportunistic members who want to assert a secular/agnostic/humanist view to refrain from doing so. And you should take such responses for what they are - not applicable for someone who seeks to live a Christian life.

And what exactly am I supposed to be opportunistic about? I am not trying to make converts, I am not trying to convince him that the Church is the wrong place for him to be, I am not telling him he needs to consider any of this mess okay or moral. I am offering advice – from a generally irreligious point of view, yes, but that doesn’t make it any less applicable. Support groups are all well and good, but if you’re going to try to ‘cure’ an orientation, a kink, or a body dysmorphia through the power of prayer you might as well give up on Catholicism right now and join the Christian Scientists. RC needs to see a therapist if he wants to get started doing anything; how is that not applicable to his life?

 

[iamrefreshed]

Hello RCatholic13.

If I could offer any advice it would be this…Try to forget, for now, your gender ID issues. It would seem you have much to work on prior to tackling that concern. Can you concentrate for awhile on stopping the self abuse that seems to push these issues? Perhaps starting afresh without the guilt over your sexual idenity? Find out who you are first. Are you a college student with goals? What do you enjoy? Can you make friends?

It would seem to me that you need to take a really deep breath, let it out and focus on one small thing at a time instead of trying to solve everything at once. I’m assuming you are catholic. The absolute best place to start is the confessional.

Then pick something, anything simple. Maybe a book. Finish that to the best of your ability. Realize your accomplishment. Revel in it. Then choose the next simple thing and give it your best.

I’ve been through some difficult times and have learned a valuable lesson from a corny saying…

Inch by inch, it’s a cinch.

Yard by yard, it’s too hard.

My prayers are with you.

 

[cat123]

hi derek
you mentioned admiring those who don’t give into temptation, and i think that’s great. so do i! i think we are all sinners, and we all give into temptation sometimes. it would be prideful to think not. we all need healing, forgiveness, and confession is a great sacrament that provides that in my opinion. homosexual, heterosexual, all have sexual desires that can take a lifetime to control. i think maybe you feel a lot more out of control b/c you struggle with ocd and have constant worry. sometimes it’s a matter of doing your best and using the sacraments such as confession and eucharist to try to manage. i don’t know if you are up for that or not. but with the ocd and constant worry i’d bet that is not easy. you have already taken a huge step to ask for advice and you do really care about what is pleasing to God! in my opinion, your best bet would be a good therapist who you feel comfortable talking to, the right meds to help your ocd, and a good priest who is both caring and compassionate but will also tell you the truth of catholic teaching. later,
c

 

[blessedtoo]

Support groups are all well and good, but if you’re going to try to ‘cure’ an orientation, a kink, or a body dysmorphia through the power of prayer you might as well give up on Catholicism right now and join the Christian Scientists. RC needs to see a therapist if he wants to get started doing anything; how is that not applicable to his life?

I am not interested in a debate about the power of prayer or the Catholic belief that with God, all things are possible. I was simply affirming RC’s observation that your posts contain suggestions that are not derived from Christian beliefs. This is not what he requested.

 

[RCatholic13]

I don’t know if I speak for all or most catholics here, but our faith does not hold the belief that through prayer we can be “cured”. However, the important belief we do hold is that through prayer we can CONTROL the kinks, thoughts, addictions, whatever you may refer to them as. It is not about “curing” it, but about learning to except that we are human and that we are all different and we all have flaws. However we are all made in God’s image and likeness and given free choice. However, we must also learn to control those flaws or kinks or whatever that are seen as sinful. Prayer can make us stronger individuals in the light of Christ and help us to become better human beings so that we are able to resist these temptations. It is hard, but through prayer, scripture, and faith, all things are possible. God is perfect and makes no mistakes, so to engage in acts that are against his will are saying basically that he made a mistake, which is heretical. I may struggle with homosexual tendencies, questions about gender, kinks, whatever you call them…but in my heart I know what is right and wrong.

 

[blessedtoo]

I don’t know if I speak for all or most catholics here, but our faith does not hold the belief that through prayer we can be “cured”. However, the important belief we do hold is that through prayer we can CONTROL the kinks, thoughts, addictions, whatever you may refer to them as. It is not about “curing” it, but about learning to except that we are human and that we are all different and we all have flaws. However we are all made in God’s image and likeness and given free choice. However, we must also learn to control those flaws or kinks or whatever that are seen as sinful. Prayer can make us stronger individuals in the light of Christ and help us to become better human beings so that we are able to resist these temptations. It is hard, but through prayer, scripture, and faith, all things are possible. God is perfect and makes no mistakes, so to engage in acts that are against his will are saying basically that he made a mistake, which is heretical. I may struggle with homosexual tendencies, questions about gender, kinks, whatever you call them…but in my heart I know what is right and wrong.

May God continue you to bless you with this clarity and grace.

Our Church does not “teach” that homosexuality can be “cured”. You are correct. It does, however, allow that spiritual healing can happen through proper guidance, counsel and prayer. It also does not close to the door to the possibility that there are those who have SSA who MIGHT find, through therapy, that they can be attracted to the opposite sex and may be able to pursue a normal heterosexual relationship.

I think we can all agree that there is much more to learn about the dynamics of ssa and other sexual identity issues. I believe that anyone who seeks to pursue all options should be encouraged. You stated in your first post that you want to have a family and children. If you feel called to marriage and family, you should allow for the POSSIBILITY that God may guide you toward this goal in whatever way He sees fit.