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sharmin
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I have to agree with Whatevergirl. Your most treasured memories will be because of the people you with, I think.
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whatevergirl
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*Money buys things. That is all it does. It’s a medium of exchange. It can provide a nicer, easier lifestyle. Believe me, I like nice things…but I used to be a shopaholic, and it SO does not buy happiness. It is deceiving that way. I think it can provide comfort…and comfort is a good thing, I can’t say it isn’t. lol
I wouldn’t ‘‘be happy’’ if I were working three jobs, and barely making ends meet. But, the abundance of money doesn’t make people happier…it just buys them more things.Back in Pittsburgh, there was a homily at our prior parish I listened to…about happiness. The priest said…happiness is fleeting, peace is lasting. Money cannot buy peace. Maybe that is a better way to look at it. *
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Litcrit
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I’m not saying this to disagree with you, as you’re probably right for the vast majority of human beings… I just feel a need to share my experience so I’ll feel… honest.No one here is right or wrong…but I will offer you this flyingfish…the best memories that you will have in your life (think back to some) will be with others you love or care for…they won’t be working or doing activities alone. I think that is so true. I enjoy my work, I make a good living, but it will never replace the days when I was a SAHM taking care of my kids when they were little…it won’t replace the times with my husband, or watching my kids’ ‘‘firsts’’ in life…it’s fine to want to have a career as a woman. I don’t think it’s right for anyone to tell a woman otherwise…but, trust me, I am a wife, mom and employee…and my favorite times in life have been as wife and mom.But, I will say that I thank God everyday for my job…because I do think this is where He wants me to be right now…
I barely remember anything from my daughter’s first year or so of life. It’s all a mute, wordless haze of being with a non-verbal cub. I had PPD, though, so I never experienced the positive side of mothering a baby.
However, I vividly remember breakthrough moments I’ve experienced while writing my M.Sc. thesis at roughly the same time. I remember the exhilaration I felt when the puzzle fell into place in my head and the essence of what I’d been looking for dawned on me. I started leaping for joy right there in the middle of the street. Alone. The only moments of joy that I had during the time PPD made my universe a dark abyss were related to my work - nothing could take the meaning out of that.
I also have wonderful memories of good times in the classroom - laughing, coming to interesting conclusions, fresh ideas from students, being thanked by them at the end of a course for encouraging and supporting them… these memories mean a lot to me. My work is most definitely one of my vocations, the only one I knew (from the day I realized I was actually able to read a book on my own) I would have to pursue.
While I truly appreciate art, literature, music and seeing the world (of which most require money to be enjoyed), these are but reflections of God’s glory. Getting to the source of that is free - just pray!
From my tenth to my twentieth year my country was involved in wars and suffered through a catastrophic economic crisis. I was very happy at that time. Apart from finding great meaning in protesting against the wars and the gov’t, I had free student memberships in many libraries. I never felt deprived. I read a book a day and then went to the theater for free with my friends (the theaters were half empty because of the crisis, do they let students in for free or for nominal fees
). Or I’d just sit in the park with friends and discuss Dostoyevsky and Goethe. For free. Good times.
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flyingfish
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Well, being a student, reading books, and going to free theater doesn’t sound like the life of someone who has to work from dawn to dusk at a menial job just to pay rent and buy food. Imagine if you lived in a place where you couldn’t go to university, and had to do something mundane for the rest of your life? Would you even want that kind of a life?While I truly appreciate art, literature, music and seeing the world (of which most require money to be enjoyed), these are but reflections of God’s glory. Getting to the source of that is free - just pray!
From my tenth to my twentieth year my country was involved in wars and suffered through a catastrophic economic crisis. I was very happy at that time. Apart from finding great meaning in protesting against the wars and the gov’t, I had free student memberships in many libraries. I never felt deprived. I read a book a day and then went to the theater for free with my friends (the theaters were half empty because of the crisis, do they let students in for free or for nominal fees
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Litcrit
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I imagine if I had been born in an environment where university wasn’t an option and lots of hard ‘mundane’ work was all that was available, I wouldn’t have a chance to even develop a feeling I was ‘missing out’ on anything
In fact, I think I’d be quite happy aspiring to one day become an old wise village woman sharing my experience and conclusions about the universe through stories… or something.
I don’t see a formal education and a paid job to ‘use’ it as a necessary mode of fulfilling a person’s human potential - it is *one *of the possible modes. There *is *something real about being human and created in God’s image that *can *be expressed through such a vocation - but it’s just one possibility. Accruing wisdom through different life experiences which include childbearing, child rearing, and menial work, and sharing this wisdom with others, is another possibility, and can be done in a tribe.
What is sad, though, is that these possibilities are reduced in most ‘civilized’ societies today. So many mothers face a ridiculous choice - either face isolation and lack of adult interaction except for ‘playdates’ and scheduled meetings with other SAHMs (IF they’re lucky to find them, which they need to, for this specific function), which would not happen in a tribal village, OR see their infants for about 2 hours a day and spend the rest of the time commuting, interacting with colleagues who are not really their favorite people in the world, and still performing relatively meaningless tasks for someone else (let’s not kid ourselves, lots of jobs consist mostly of different combinations of relatively meaningless tasks). Both options are cruel and fail to fulfill the human potential of the person.
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flyingfish
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I guess it doesn’t seem very cruel to me because I can’t imagine wanting to spend a lot of time with an infant. Wouldn’t it be awfully boring? But I don’t see why you think the choice is so drastic, my father worked long hours all his life and I remember seeing him and interacting with him a lot (perhaps a lot more than I would have liked haha).
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sanctamaria17
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I have spent hours with an infant. Let me tell you, it’s actually almost magical. Especially when they start learning about themselves. And when they start smiling. You can make them laugh at just about anything.
The only thing is though, I’ve had experience with a lot of early crawlers. So I was constantly pulling them away from TV cords, all that fun stuff. Can’t let 'em out of your sight for one second!
It’s never dull, but can be exhausting. I don’t know how you moms do it. I’ve babysat them, obviously didn’t nurse them, and I’d come home and nap for five hours.
I’ve found that, with babies, you’re constantly doing something. Nursing, changing, burping, playing with them, bathing…
Also, I think if it’s your child, it wouldn’t be as boring, even if you couldn’t stand babysitting others…
The only thing is though, I’ve had experience with a lot of early crawlers. So I was constantly pulling them away from TV cords, all that fun stuff. Can’t let 'em out of your sight for one second!
It’s never dull, but can be exhausting. I don’t know how you moms do it. I’ve babysat them, obviously didn’t nurse them, and I’d come home and nap for five hours.
I’ve found that, with babies, you’re constantly doing something. Nursing, changing, burping, playing with them, bathing…
Also, I think if it’s your child, it wouldn’t be as boring, even if you couldn’t stand babysitting others…
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Randi
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Sharmin -For many people, it’s not a choice. I needed to limit my family because we were hurting financially. When I sah, we almost didn’t make it. Then I went back to work and things were better. Now that my dh has lost his job, he is sah and we are again on the brink of losing everything… Many people aren’t afforded the luxury of sah.
Sometimes you have to limit your family, if you can’t afford to properly feed, clothe and shelter them. That was our case, and many others’. The church finds this perfectly acceptable.
It is also wonderful for children to have roofs over their heads.
My post that you responded to was directed specifically at a question of why shouldn’t moms work outside the home and dads stay home. Nothing I said was meant to denigrate your arrangement in any way, especially since I never even had knowledge of your arrangement. A father cannot offer breastmilk, unless pumped and warmed in the bottle. A father cannot give birth to the children to begin with. Everything you quoted me as saying, you then go on to restate, as if I said the opposite. What you must remember is that I was not speaking to anything you had said, but was responding to a rather tongue-in-cheek comment about men being the ones to stay home.
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Randi
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Amen, amen, amen, amen!
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sharmin
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Oh I didn’t take it as you were criticizing me. I was just explaining to you that children can still have breastmilk when their moms work, and there is no reason a woman can’t work full time if her family needs the income. That’s all. Sorry if I sounded rude…I didn’t mean it that way.
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Randi
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No, you didn’t sound rude…you sounded injured, as if I had slighted you with my tart reply to the person who made the comment about SAHDs. As I am currently pregnant and raising two young children, there is absolutely no way that I could work outside the home at this time.Oh I didn’t take it as you were criticizing me. I was just explaining to you that children can still have breastmilk when their moms work, and there is no reason a woman can’t work full time if her family needs the income. That’s all. Sorry if I sounded rude…I didn’t mean it that way.
When my kids (who knows how many I will have?) are all in school, I would like to go back to teaching again. I taught for four years prior to the birth of my first child, and I loved it. I love being a SAHM too. I am thankful that I realized early on that there are seasons of life that we all pass through, especially for women. Now is my sabbatical, I rest from professional life as I strive in other areas - matters of faith (I do a lot of theological study), but most importantly raising my children.
I know whenever I reenter the workforce when my children no longer need me at home full-time, I will have much to show for my years at home. My greatest achievements in my life will be those that contribute to a true legacy - my marriage, my children (and hopefully, one day, great-grandchildren, too), my faith. Everything else is secondary, and falls into the work to live category, as you described. You and your husband are working to live (not living to work), when you make decisions that enable you to provide for your family while recognizing that children are your firstfruits, not worldy achievements. You may be going through a tough time right now, and I have said a prayer for you and your family, and God sees your struggle. May God strengthen your marriage, watch over your children, and provide you with the means to provide for your family, and keep your family from harm.
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sharmin
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Thank you. You sound like a wonderful mother.
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Sailor_Kenshin
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I would take what you believe to be ‘history’ with a large shaker of salt. And while I am not making any personal comments about your particular situation, the world simply works better when moms stay home and Dads earn the living. Socialist Europe, with its declining population, stands as a warning. Stray too far from God’s plan, and
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Litcrit
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Well, I’ll be brutally honest and admit that yes, being *only *with an infant for long stretches of time was not only boring for me, it was maddening. I thought I’d go insane. I started talking to myself at some point… and then became addicted to CAF and similar fora
.Here’s the thing - I instinctively felt that, if I could help it, I wouldn’t want to leave my baby, because she needed *me *specifically for food and comfort. BUT she was so portable and easy and slept so much - I could have easily taken her to many workplaces and done something else as well - which can be proven by the fact that I managed to pass all my M.Sc. courses on time when she was tiny AND spend hours on the Internet.
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whatevergirl
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You know, I have thought about the times when I was a SAHM, and my kids were wee babies. I remember the silence, when my dh was at work…and I was home alone. I remember feeling isolated, etc. But, I also remember that my prayer time increased, and just a sense of peace that sometimes we miss when we’re so busy. This goes for men and women…sometimes, life is just so full of noise…we’re ‘‘told’’ to keep active and busy or we’re not doing what we should be doing. But, really, it’s when we settle down, and listen to the silence, that we can hear God’s voice best. I think that is another way to view the silence and ‘‘aloneness’’ when our babies are young, and we are staying at home with them. It can seem boring, but really, I can’t help but wonder if God just wants us to sit more with Him during those times, because as our kids grow…forget peace and quiet! 
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