General unhappiness with wealth, life, etc

[DaveEucharist]

I hope this is the right place to put this. I’ve been thinking about life lately and have trouble talking with people in person about this. I have, but would like more opinions.

I tend to be very unhappy with my life, its accomplishments, etc. I am a 27 year old single/unmarried male in a medical profession. I am not a doctor but intend on entering a doctorate before I am 35. I don’t mean to boast at all in this message. I have an Ivy League education, make ~$172,000/year, live in a luxury apartment with gym/doorman/housekeeping,etc, have a nice car paid off, nice fitted and tailored/high end garments, subscribe to regular opera concerts in NYC (Metropolitan Opera).

I will have more than enough money saved up before starting medical school that I can continue to live comfortably as a student.

Things that bother me:

1.) What I enjoy now I couldn’t enjoy when I was younger? So what then.
2.) What I enjoy as a doctor with a speciality (300-400K+ salary) later…what will it matter…it’s so cliche and average to be an “old fart” (no offense) with that much luxury
3.) Basically, this bothers me about life: that we can’t have everything at once. Does it bother anyone else at all?!?! I’m not sure why it bothers me.

I never feel like I have enough. My opera seats with a girlfriend and other friends are in the $100-150 range. But, so what. I feel so inadequate and inferior because others around my age can afford so much more. Does anyone else feel like this?

I just feel like life is a constant chase after luxuries. Others have more around my age, or have had more when they were younger than me. It just negates everything I have an accomplished!

There is so much luxury that I do not have. I know of super luxurious condo in my city: superb housekeeping services, built in dinning areas, movie theatre, etc, etc…and I can’t have that now. If I have it later…so what…again…cliche “old fart” with luxuries that would be much funner to have NOW WHEN YOUNG OR YOUNGER!!!

I can’t get over feeling so “average”. I just don’t feel right not being part of very very very high society.

 

[the_phoenix]

Below please find a copy of one of the very last posts of my best friend here on CAF and in the world, before she died on January 9, 2012:

"I was called yesterday by the agency that provides me nurses aides daily. They told me I am no longer receiving Medicaid and star plus which pays for most everything I need. Such as medicines,nurses,doctors ambulance rides and on and on.I called Medicaid and gave them my medicaid number and I do not exist in the computers.
I am bedbound and need people to daily clean me and apt.,and shop.Everything one needs to do to exist.
I was on the phone for hours,everyone would end up telling me another phone number to call. I went in circles.
I do not have money for my 17+ medicines and I can not get food and I am sure you can imagine what it is like for me.

I called SSI and the lady told me that here in TX once you get ssi checks you automatically get medicaid…and star plus.
So far no one know how to fix this problem and it is scary.

I am suppose to go see a surgeon,which medicaid pays for transportation and part of doctor visit. I have 2 huge growths in my tummy. One 15"x3+" and the other 20". I have a dieing tooth and need to go to dentist. I also have Limpodema(sp?) and need a doctor for this, and I have COPD and Sleep apnea and need this to and I have Congestive heart failure and need the doctor for that and the list goes on and on plus I need medication for this too.

I am so exhausted from all my illnesses and lack of sleep(insomnia) and anemic.And my whole body get bad inflamation when worn out.Every since being in hospital & nursing home I have been lossing my hair too.
I have slipped discs and pinch nerves in back,hips,legs,neck and more and I am in excruciating pain without the medicine for that and twice in the past few years I went without the pain meds for a few days and had heart failure and it was a domino’s effect with all my other illnesses too. My neurologial desease causes around 50 symptoms and medicine helps me not experience all that.

Oh Dear Mother Mary and Jesus, have mercy on me a poor sinner.

So I hope my little explainations,on only some of my illnesses, give you some idea on how desperate I am that someone can figure out what is going on and more importantly what can be done immediately to put things back to ‘normal’ so I can get the medical attention I very much need.

God Bless you and thank you for taking time to hear my situation.
I will gladly pray for those who pray for me.

Spiritualunity

And, P.S. God protect me from my enemies. Seen and unseen.May your Holy will be done."

uch:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=631827

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I thank God that He gave me such a good best friend as Spiritualunity.
I continue to pray for her soul, hope she will pray for me, and hope
to see her again in Heaven.

That said, the most important thing in life …
… is God.
St. Augustine said,
“Thou has made us for Thyself, O Lord,
and our hearts are restless
until they rest in Thee.”
Best way to deal with the general unhappiness brought about by
the insufficiency of this world
is to put God first.

…

 

[JNdoum]

Based on what you’ve said, I don’t think any amount of money would ever help you feel better. You have a wonderful life, or at least what society would see as wonderful, but you still are not satisfied. I won’t make any executive orders here, but I think that you might benefit from giving money away, to support the poor and needy in your area. Besides this, you should (I mean really should) turn to God in times of distress, and pray for guidance.

I guess you should turn your focus away from money, and onto God. Make Him your focus, and not how much you’re making. I’m not saying don’t go for that doctorate, you absolutely should. But don’t be concerned about the cash. Make your job about how you can serve your patients, not how much money you bring home. Give any surplus money you have to charities and the needy who are around you. Go to church more often, pray more.

I also have to say that being concerned that others are making more isn’t a good road to go down. There will always be someone who has more money, but more money isn’t more happiness; often, it’s less. I will pray for you, and hope you find happiness in the Lord. God bless.

 

[JaneBennet]

I can’t get over feeling so “average”. I just don’t feel right not being part of very very very high society.

There is a reason you feel like this.

Matthew 6:24
“No one can serve two masters. He will either hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.”

The ability to be financially secure in life can be both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because it allows us to focus on things other than our most basic survival needs. We have resources at our disposal to then help others in need. It is a curse because in this world people worship money and the things money provides and the space that this occupies in the heart takes away from the space we have to give to God.

I have news for you. It doesn’t matter how much you earn. Because the pursuit of money is a socially constructed distraction you will always feel like you want more and want to be in the company of higher society. Money and a focus on money create pride and detracts from humility. We worship the creation and ourselves instead of the Creator.

It is good you have recognized this about yourself. Most people go through life without realizing it. Now you can do something about it. I am a late twenties single female who thought my life was only going to be about earning enough money to have a gigantic house and everything I ever wanted. And then I woke up, sold most of what I owned, and gave my heart to God. If I do have a family eventually, my children will learn early on that materialism is one of the ultimate distractions in life.

Pray for help in understanding what you are feeling and guidance on how to find a full life. I agree that it would also help you to see things more clearly if you give some of your money away, or perhaps volunteer some time with people who do not have money. The more we make life about us, the less happy we are. It is a paradox but is nevertheless truth.

 

[DaveEucharist]

Based on what you’ve said, I don’t think any amount of money would ever help you feel better. You have a wonderful life, or at least what society would see as wonderful, but you still are not satisfied. I won’t make any executive orders here, but I think that you might benefit from giving money away, to support the poor and needy in your area. Besides this, you should (I mean really should) turn to God in times of distress, and pray for guidance.

I guess you should turn your focus away from money, and onto God. Make Him your focus, and not how much you’re making. I’m not saying don’t go for that doctorate, you absolutely should. But don’t be concerned about the cash. Make your job about how you can serve your patients, not how much money you bring home. Give any surplus money you have to charities and the needy who are around you. Go to church more often, pray more.

I also have to say that being concerned that others are making more isn’t a good road to go down. There will always be someone who has more money, but more money isn’t more happiness; often, it’s less. I will pray for you, and hope you find happiness in the Lord. God bless.

I’m quite sure I want to be a medical doctor (entering medical doctorate school before 35, hopefully) for more than money, but the money is definitely a perk. Marriage is probably not my vocation. I’ve been in one serious relationship and got tired of it. I don’t think I care enough about another person to do the whole relationship thing: calling all the time, assuming weekends spent with each other. I have close casual relations with good girl friends with their own strong careers and future goals and that is enough for now, and they are of the same mindset.

I’m interested in neurosurgery and that’s very competitive, and I may just devote the rest of my life to it.

Maybe my lack of desire to care for a significant other (romantically) has something to do with my unhappiness with wealth/accomplishments?

 

[DaveEucharist]

There is a reason you feel like this.

Matthew 6:24
“No one can serve two masters. He will either hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.”

The ability to be financially secure in life can be both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because it allows us to focus on things other than our most basic survival needs. We have resources at our disposal to then help others in need. It is a curse because in this world people worship money and the things money provides and the space that this occupies in the heart takes away from the space we have to give to God.

I have news for you. It doesn’t matter how much you earn. Because the pursuit of money is a socially constructed distraction you will always feel like you want more and want to be in the company of higher society. Money and a focus on money create pride and detracts from humility. We worship the creation and ourselves instead of the Creator.

It is good you have recognized this about yourself. Most people go through life without realizing it. Now you can do something about it.** I am a late twenties single female who thought my life was only going to be about earning enough money to have a gigantic house and everything I ever wanted.** And then I woke up, sold most of what I owned, and gave my heart to God. If I do have a family eventually, my children will learn early on that materialism is one of the ultimate distractions in life.

Pray for help in understanding what you are feeling and guidance on how to find a full life. I agree that it would also help you to see things more clearly if you give some of your money away, or perhaps volunteer some time with people who do not have money. The more we make life about us, the less happy we are. It is a paradox but is nevertheless truth.

Horray! Someone around my age!

So, if you got all of that at a later age…say 40ish…would you be bothered by that.
I mean…wouldn’t it be better to have all you wanted younger rather than later?

 

[DaveEucharist]

I am sorry for your loss. This really made me think.

Below please find a copy of one of the very last posts of my best friend here on CAF and in the world, before she died on January 9, 2012:

"I was called yesterday by the agency that provides me nurses aides daily. They told me I am no longer receiving Medicaid and star plus which pays for most everything I need. Such as medicines,nurses,doctors ambulance rides and on and on.I called Medicaid and gave them my medicaid number and I do not exist in the computers.
I am bedbound and need people to daily clean me and apt.,and shop.Everything one needs to do to exist.
I was on the phone for hours,everyone would end up telling me another phone number to call. I went in circles.
I do not have money for my 17+ medicines and I can not get food and I am sure you can imagine what it is like for me.

I called SSI and the lady told me that here in TX once you get ssi checks you automatically get medicaid…and star plus.
So far no one know how to fix this problem and it is scary.

I am suppose to go see a surgeon,which medicaid pays for transportation and part of doctor visit. I have 2 huge growths in my tummy. One 15"x3+" and the other 20". I have a dieing tooth and need to go to dentist. I also have Limpodema(sp?) and need a doctor for this, and I have COPD and Sleep apnea and need this to and I have Congestive heart failure and need the doctor for that and the list goes on and on plus I need medication for this too.

I am so exhausted from all my illnesses and lack of sleep(insomnia) and anemic.And my whole body get bad inflamation when worn out.Every since being in hospital & nursing home I have been lossing my hair too.
I have slipped discs and pinch nerves in back,hips,legs,neck and more and I am in excruciating pain without the medicine for that and twice in the past few years I went without the pain meds for a few days and had heart failure and it was a domino’s effect with all my other illnesses too. My neurologial desease causes around 50 symptoms and medicine helps me not experience all that.

Oh Dear Mother Mary and Jesus, have mercy on me a poor sinner.

So I hope my little explainations,on only some of my illnesses, give you some idea on how desperate I am that someone can figure out what is going on and more importantly what can be done immediately to put things back to ‘normal’ so I can get the medical attention I very much need.

God Bless you and thank you for taking time to hear my situation.
I will gladly pray for those who pray for me.

Spiritualunity

And, P.S. God protect me from my enemies. Seen and unseen.May your Holy will be done."

uch:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=631827

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I thank God that He gave me such a good best friend as Spiritualunity.
I continue to pray for her soul, hope she will pray for me, and hope
to see her again in Heaven.

That said, the most important thing in life …
… is God.
St. Augustine said,
“Thou has made us for Thyself, O Lord,
and our hearts are restless
until they rest in Thee.”
Best way to deal with the general unhappiness brought about by
the insufficiency of this world
is to put God first.

…

 

[DaveEucharist]

How much “luxury” is OK to God? I don’t get it.

Should I only purchase the least expensive opera tickets at The Met in NYC? If so, no one else will sit were my social circle and I do? Should I buy the least expensive shoes at PayLess shoes? They don’t last. I’ve had $500+ shoes (Allen Edmonds, Gucci, Prada) that are amazingly strong and can potentially last a lifetime with proper care (and they are classic and don’t go out of style). Should I give up my current apartment? Should I never fly first class every again?

 

[Nigel7]

DaveEucharist:

I never feel like I have enough. My opera seats with a girlfriend and other friends are in the $100-150 range. But, so what. I feel so inadequate and inferior because others around my age can afford so much more.

Someone’s always gonna have more than you - and that evidently bothers you. So as long as you’re chasing riches then you’ll never be happy, and you will always feel inferior.

Doesn’t matter how much money you have, Dave. Someone’s always gonna have more. You’re chasing the wind.

 

[JaneBennet]

Horray! Someone around my age!

So, if you got all of that at a later age…say 40ish…would you be bothered by that.
I mean…wouldn’t it be better to have all you wanted younger rather than later?

So if I understand you correctly you are concerned about forgoing earnings so that you can go to medical school and then when you are done you will have a large income. At a later time you will have “luxuries” but will not have them (exactly what you want) at present or while in school?

I originally was bothered by this. I am finishing up graduate school myself. I gave up the chance to earn a large income straight out of undergrad to hopefully earn a larger one with a graduate degree (doctorate). I was very concerned about this for many years. So much so that it took away from my motivation to finish my schooling during very difficult times. The extrinsic rewards provided by money earned through a job only go skin deep if that makes sense. I now see that I am where I am in life because I am called to serve other people through my chosen profession, not use it as a way to get things. I feel a lot happier after changing my mindset. Changing your perspective to accept having money later and not now, if that is what you are getting at, will not ultimately solve your problems with being unhappy. When you get to your 40’s I think you would be even more unhappy if you maintain your current focus.

 

[IrishRush]

I’m curious what your living situation was as you were growing up. Were your parents wealthy? Were they very poor and you saw others living a life you envied? I don’t know how someone in their mid / late 20’s can think that earning a 6 figure income in today’s economy is “average.”
If I’m going to be totally truthful, I have to say you sound very shallow, ungrateful and superficial. I don’t mean this to be name calling but reading about how you are so unhappy after you list all of the things you have makes no sense. Perhaps what you really seek, instead of more riches or more possessions, is a closer relationship with God. There’s a song I’ve heard many times on a contemporary Christian radio station I listen to and the line in it that comes to mind in direct relation to your post is:
“I don’t want to gain the whole world and lose my soul.”
Wish I could remember the artist and title of the song, but I think that statement alone should give you plenty to think about.
God bless you and guide you.

 

[JaneBennet]

How much “luxury” is OK to God? I don’t get it.

Should I only purchase the least expensive opera tickets at The Met in NYC? If so, no one else will sit were my social circle and I do? Should I buy the least expensive shoes at PayLess shoes? They don’t last. I’ve had $500+ shoes (Allen Edmonds, Gucci, Prada) that are amazingly strong and can potentially last a lifetime with proper care (and they are classic and don’t go out of style). Should I give up my current apartment? Should I never fly first class every again?

I think what you ask here goes back to what you also said above, about having everything you wanted in life. Ask yourself, what do you want, and why do you want it. I cannot answer the above questions except to say that if I want these things at the expense of Him it would not be good. If I pledge to give 10% of my earnings, and then give in to a temptation to use some of that toward something else for myself, that would not be good. Likewise, God asks us to love Him with all our heart, mind, and strength. If my concern for having nicer things detracts away from my concern for God, then this is not good.

I think society has almost set us up to focus a lot on ourselves. It is almost like we have been hypnotized to do this. Perhaps if you reject this you will find you want different things. Last year I spent about a month fasting (intermittently), abstaining from the “luxuries” or extras, and reading Scripture. It was very beneficial to me.

 

[DaveEucharist]

[QU**OTE=IrishRush;9237399]I’m curious what your living situation was as you were growing up. Were your parents wealthy? Were they very poor and you saw others living a life you envied? I don’t know how someone in their mid / late 20’s can think that earning a 6 figure income in today’s economy is “average.”
If I’m going to be totally truthful, I have to say you sound very shallow, ungrateful and superficial. I don’t mean this to be name calling but reading about how you are so unhappy after you list all of the things you have makes no sense. Perhaps what you really seek, instead of more riches or more possessions, is a closer relationship with God. There’s a song I’ve heard many times on a contemporary Christian radio station I listen to and the line in it that comes to mind in direct relation to your post is:
“I don’t want to gain the whole world and lose my soul.”
Wish I could remember the artist and title of the song, but I think that statement alone should give you plenty to think about.
God bless you and guide you.

---

Father was/is a CEO. Mother was/is hospital pharmacist.
By “average” I just mean it bothers me that I can’t have the luxuries I will have later right now. I think things like “so what…i’ll have it then but not now…i’ll just be an average older person with more…it would be better to be above average and have it now”.

 

[PennyinCanada]

The reason you and I are put on this planet is to know, love and serve God. Have you challenged yourself to be a blessing to people? Can you make a determination to do an anonymous blessing once a week? If you have money, giving a $20 to someone isn’t enough of a challenge for you. Can you find a way to be kind, loving, to people who are struggling? Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. Being a son/daughter of God. Can you imagine, God as *Father? * Doesn’t the thought of that blow you away? There is a great adventure in that, beyond what you can think or imagine. Get plugged in. Life won’t be boring. You’ll find yourself asking a very different set of questions!

Christ is Risen! Indeed He is risen!

 

[DaveEucharist]

I think you have to examine WHY external “things” mean so much to you?
Is that how you were brought up?
To measure people’s worth by what they have?

The fact that you feel you cannot or will not or don’t want a meaningful intimate relationship maybe suggests…that you have always put more emphasis on the external rather than the internal, perhaps?
Or, maybe, you have such high standards for yourself, you do the same for other potential loved ones? And they don’t measure up.

Believe me, if you are actually crazy about someone, you don’t worry about the calling all the time stuff. You actually want to call them all the time.

I’m confused by what you mean as “internal” of a person.

 

[the_phoenix]

There’s a song I’ve heard many times on a contemporary Christian radio station I listen to and the line in it that comes to mind in direct relation to your post is:
“I don’t want to gain the whole world and lose my soul.”
Wish I could remember the artist and title of the song, but I think that statement alone should give you plenty to think about.
God bless you and guide you.

TobyMac
Lose My Soul

 

[DaveEucharist]

The reason you and I are put on this planet is to know, love and serve God. Have you challenged yourself to be a blessing to people? Can you make a determination to do an anonymous blessing once a week? If you have money, giving a $20 to someone isn’t enough of a challenge for you. Can you find a way to be kind, loving, to people who are struggling? Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. Being a son/daughter of God. Can you imagine, God as *Father? * Doesn’t the thought of that blow you away? There is a great adventure in that, beyond what you can think or imagine. Get plugged in. Life won’t be boring. You’ll find yourself asking a very different set of questions!

Christ is Risen! Indeed He is risen!

I am an anonymous Patron donor of the Metropolitan Opera in NYC. An amateur musician myself, I just want to support the arts. My name is not listed in any of their publications. Since age 24 I have donated $2000+a year to a fund to provide reduced tickets for students under age 29.

Patrons get benefits like dress rehearsal passes, ticket priority, special luxurious lounge before performances, during intermission, etc, etc.

 

[the_phoenix]

I am an anonymous Patron donor of the Metropolitan Opera in NYC. An amateur musician myself, I just want to support the arts. My name is not listed in any of their publications. Since age 24 I have donated $2000+a year to a fund to provide reduced tickets for students under age 29.

Patrons get benefits like dress rehearsal passes, ticket priority, special luxurious lounge before performances, during intermission, etc, etc.

Thank you for your condolences. Here’s even more to think about. And yes, related to music and art, as a matter of fact.

Spiritualunity’s real first name was Heidi. I kept in touch with her by phone, since she lived in Texas (after being taken there from Oklahoma by her daughter) while I’m in Ohio. She didn’t tell me her maiden name for an entire year, probably because she was a direct descendant of a classical German composer who is still a household name today … yep, one of the biggies … and she perhaps thought I might be starstruck or treat her differently or something. You’ll understand that I would rather not post her maiden name in a public forum.

Also, Heidi was an artist who came from a wealthy family background. At the time she was graduating school and just about to embark on her dream job of working in in art gallery or museum (I forget which, exactly) in Germany, she was struck down by the catastrophic illness that her post describes, and which illness lasted 17 years.

And what did she say when she was suddenly struck with illness?

“I believe in God. Get me to a hospital.”

God took away her wealth, took away her dream job …
took away her health …
and gave her Himself.

…

 

[PennyinCanada]

I am an anonymous Patron donor of the Metropolitan Opera in NYC. An amateur musician myself, I just want to support the arts. My name is not listed in any of their publications. Since age 24 I have donated $2000+a year to a fund to provide reduced tickets for students under age 29.

Patrons get benefits like dress rehearsal passes, ticket priority, special luxurious lounge before performances, during intermission, etc, etc.

I think you’re missing my point. How do you love and serve God?
Unbelievers can support the arts because they are musicians and enjoy music. How are you different than someone who doesn’t believe in God?
Do you do a morning offering to God? Do you offer Him the work you have coming up in the day and ask Him to use you to be a blessing to others?
Are you plugged in to God? Do you pray every day? How is God using you? Are you asking Him to use you in your day?
When I asked if you could bless someone anonymously and take up that challenge, it’s other centered. It’s a training method to look around you to see if someone needs a kind word, a warm smile, a sincere thank you. Those are things that make God smile. You have so much opportunity as a doctor to bless people! Ask God to use you and check in with God often during the day.

 

[Bartolome_Casas]

I think what would or could help you is to read some of the great works of world literature that deal with characters facing your exact predicament. I am sure you realize that your situation and your feelings about are nothing new. Many, many people have lived through what you are living through, some coming out better, some coming out worse. Literature (fiction) seems to sometimes work well at helping one gain some perspective and guidance on all this. Somehow fiction is sometimes more “real” than biography, memoirs, and essays.

So, for you, most people would recommend works of literature such as:

-Brothers Karamazov, by Dostoyevsky
-Death and the Dervish, by Mesa Selimovic
-Crime and Punishment, by Dostoyevsky (then see the Woody Allen film “Crime and Misdemeanors,” which is retort to Dostoyevsky’s thesis)
-The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald
-Don Quixote, by Cervantes
-The Divine Comedy, by Dante (strictly speaking, not a novel, but it can be read as a novel. I recommend the prose translation by A.S. Kline)
-Faust, by Goethe (actually, a play, but can be read like a novel)
-David Copperfield, and Oliver Twist, by Dickens
-Les Miserables, by Hugo
-These plays by Shakespeare: Hamlet, King Lear, As You Like It, The Merchant of Venice, Romeo and Juliet, Henry IV Parts 1 and 2, Macbeth, and The Tempest.

For a comprehensive work of literally criticism addressing all of the above, I would recommend Dr. Harold C. Goddard’s two volume work The Meaning of Shakespeare (which would have been better named The Meaning of Everything as Discovered Through Literature).

You are very well educated, so perhaps you are very familiar with all these works of literature. In that case, I guess your case is hopeless, and you will not be finding any relief from your soul sickness. Just kidding there. You could read them again.

You mentioned going to the opera at the Met. What, if any, conclusions about do you draw from the stories of such operas as Wagner’s Ring Cycle, Wagner’s Parsifal, Wagner’s Tannhauser, Mascagni’s Cavalleria Rusticana, and Puccini’s La Bohème? Did these stories move you at all? Or did you just consider them to be “sound and fury, signifying nothing”?

How about the text Beethoven used in the fourth movement of his Ninth Symphony? Those words seem to be part of how Beethoven dealt with his own soul sickness, which he felt despite his enormous fame and success as a composer and conductor.

Beyond all that, you need to know that there are people in the world who have a surprisingly high degree of fulfillment, and that those people can be found at all levels of the Class System, though they are rare at all levels. And, if possible, you should try to make some personal contact with one or more of these rare individuals. Yes, many are poseurs. But real persons with truly advanced souls are out there, and there are even a few of them in your medical field.

I am particularly not recommending any overtly religious or spiritual essays, since I get the impression that you don’t take such things seriously, being so well educated in science and secular matters, and having seen so well how the material world really works, how the world is generally run by people who are, inwardly, cynics, skeptics, pessimists and misanthropes.

I hope that was of some use to you. Best wishes.