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Xantippe
Guest
Here’s another possible translation of “I want a submissive wife”:
“I want to get my way even when it’s going to hurt my family.”
“I want to get my way even when it’s going to hurt my family.”
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ToeInTheWater
Guest
I doubt most traditionalist men want a free pass to actually HURT their families.
However, another translation is: “I don’t want to actually have to spend time and effort building a partnership with my wife. I want a submissive wife who’ll take me as I am, take care of me and give me sex on demand, so I don’t have to actually sacrifice anything.”
Also, considering some comments made by MRA types about how stacked the divorce courts are against men: “If I marry a submissive woman, I don’t have to worry that she’ll divorce me over something petty and put me through hell. I can do whatever I want and know she’ll take it.”
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tee_eff_em
Guest
:twocents:
Don’t forget that immediately before the exhortation for wives to be subordinate to their husbands, Ephesians 5:22, comes verse 21, exhorting
for her.
:twocents:
tee
Whose mother-in-law is still beautiful. :kiss4you:
Don’t forget that immediately before the exhortation for wives to be subordinate to their husbands, Ephesians 5:22, comes verse 21, exhorting
Likewise, recall that immediately following the exhortation for wives to be subordinate to their husbands comes verse 25, exhorting
So, you know: Don’t forget to love your wife enough that you will
Code:
die:twocents:
tee
Whose mother-in-law is still beautiful. :kiss4you:
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Gertabelle
Guest
Wow. Just wow.
I started a thread to hear from men, and here we are…
“I want a submissive wife” may mean exactly what all y’all are saying. Or it may mean something completely different. After all, this is all speculation, based on how YOU receive the words being said. And this speculation is based not within a relationship with an actual human being, but with an imaginary man whom you can create in your own minds to be anything you want, or in this case, anything you don’t want.
Let’s turn the tables for a moment.
Suppose a woman said, “I want a man who will love me as Christ loved the Church and laid down His life for her” (Ephesians 5). Would that mean I’m a self-absorbed woman who wants her husband to do and be everything I want, forgiving my constant indiscretions with a simple “I’m sorry” regardless of their severity? Would that mean I expect my husband to give up his own will and glory (not the Beatific Vision as it was with Christ, but the glory of his gifts, his strengths, his masculinity)?
Bashing imaginary men with self-congratulatory remarks is really not the topic of this thread. If you wish to continue with this discussion of whether wives should be submissive to their husbands, could you please start your own thread?
Back on topic if anyone cares to add more. But otherwise, please take YOUR topic someplace else.
God bless you.
Gertie
I started a thread to hear from men, and here we are…
“I want a submissive wife” may mean exactly what all y’all are saying. Or it may mean something completely different. After all, this is all speculation, based on how YOU receive the words being said. And this speculation is based not within a relationship with an actual human being, but with an imaginary man whom you can create in your own minds to be anything you want, or in this case, anything you don’t want.
Let’s turn the tables for a moment.
Suppose a woman said, “I want a man who will love me as Christ loved the Church and laid down His life for her” (Ephesians 5). Would that mean I’m a self-absorbed woman who wants her husband to do and be everything I want, forgiving my constant indiscretions with a simple “I’m sorry” regardless of their severity? Would that mean I expect my husband to give up his own will and glory (not the Beatific Vision as it was with Christ, but the glory of his gifts, his strengths, his masculinity)?
Bashing imaginary men with self-congratulatory remarks is really not the topic of this thread. If you wish to continue with this discussion of whether wives should be submissive to their husbands, could you please start your own thread?
Back on topic if anyone cares to add more. But otherwise, please take YOUR topic someplace else.
God bless you.
Gertie
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Gertabelle
Guest
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ToeInTheWater
Guest
I’m sure many men would claim they do or would. But apparently, many men don’t think its reasonable to love one’s wife enough to put oneself at risk of divorce. Therefore, better to have a submissive wife who will take whatever you dish at her, as opposed to actually gasp working on your marriage to minimize the risks of divorce. Because most women are selfish and evil, and divorce out of a mere whim or because they are evil adulteresses.
ETA: Gertabelle, sorry for contributing to pulling the thread off-topic. I will however state that I didn’t mean ALL men who want a submissive wife don’t trust women. I will say that men who essentially see that as Priority Number One, and are obsessed with this idea, and seem to think God gave women this instruction mostly to keep them from ****wing men over, give me that impression.
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PolarGuy
Guest
As usual, a lot of insightful thoughts from Xantippe IMHO. Thanks!
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Sarcelle
Guest
There are no guarantees. A laid back mellow woman who does not mind being in the passenger seat may be pushed by an overly dominant and aggressive husband to being on the defensive mode. Sure the likelihood of not being in the divorce court may not be high, for now. Buth then again, people do change.
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chevalier
Guest
Hmm… you’ve got a point there, though it’s not like women won’t express their wish for a relationship dynamic balanced in their favour, sometimes in quite open words.
I’m sorry if this will sound sexist, which is not my intention here, but my impression is more or less that in a woman the stereotypical wanting of one’s way is dismissed as a minor character flaw that’s mostly cute. (And at worst comparable to a negligible degree of immaturity, like in a child, or something.) On the other hand, in a man, it means he’s one controlling son of a gun.
Actually, I myself view that particular trait as somewhat endearing in some circumstances, but I have my limits. Just being headstrong, stubborn, slow to compromise — heh, that’s okay, I even like to, a degree. But it’s time to draw a line when things are turning petty. When it really is about shaping a relationship in which the man will be doing the woman’s will. Which is not an unpopular desire among modern women (though not an absolute one, only a relative one, I’ll certainly grant you that).
Call me a chauvinist, but the first mental association I had after reading the latter was: ‘Isn’t that what modern women tend to think?’ However, yes, they normally won’t spell it out just like that. The conclusion is more or less that each sex deserves the other, so to say. Neither sex is an innocent victim here, at all. The Fall made us both egoists and control freaks.
I’ll help you: I never equated: ‘I want an equal say in our family’s decision making,’ with: ‘I want to get my way every single time I really want it.’ I only equated tendencies between the two sexes. Each sex is as good or bad as the other.
On a different note, in a certain sense, spelling it out could be seen as more honest: Sure it’s awful, but it allows the other party the freedom to make an informed decision. That’s an advantage over the kind of information asymmetry you face when marrying someone whose true expectations and hopes you don’t yet fully know or understand.
But it’s easy to tell a woman to be ‘honest’ in a man’s sense when she has 1 foot and 50 lbs less.
The last thing I would want in a family is explicit policies.
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SWolf
Guest
Back on topic.
- From a good family
- Lived independently for a few years
- Solid prayer life
- Anti-feminist
- Emotionally stable
- Not materialistic
- Healthy, Attractive and in-shape
- Solid circle of friends who can vouch for her
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Gertabelle
Guest
I find that last one very interesting. I think it’s important when getting to know someone that you see them in a variety of settings with a variety of people. The sort of people someone calls their friends can speak volumes about that person’s character.
Back on topic.
- From a good family
- Lived independently for a few years
- Solid prayer life
- Anti-feminist
- Emotionally stable
- Not materialistic
- Healthy, Attractive and in-shape
- Solid circle of friends who can vouch for her
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Xantippe
Guest
I actually would be very concerned about a woman like that. I would not be delighted, for instance, to have her as a prospective daughter-in-law.
I would compare it to a job interview. Technically, an employee is entitled to all sorts of perks with regard to sick days, vacation days, workers comp, etc., but one does worry about any interviewee that seems primarily interested in the perks of the job, rather than in what their job responsibilities are going to be.
Also, I’ve said before (maybe even in this thread) that a woman that would say, “Honey, you’re supposed to lay down your life for me. Go get some overtime so we can get a new sofa!” would be a terrible person. Heck, even, “Honey, you’re supposed to lay down your life for me! Go mow the lawn–it’s high enough we could practically bale it!” squicks me out.
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Xantippe
Guest
Well, I think any group of people living together for longer than 24 hours needs policies.
Here are some examples of policies from our house:
–kids can only eat in the living room with explicit permission
–spouses will spend according to the monthly budget
–everybody over about 2 ought to clean up after himself or herself
–kids will pack their school lunches
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Walking_Home
Guest
chevalier:
Well, I think any group of people living together for longer than 24 hours needs policies.
Here are some examples of policies from our house:
–kids can only eat in the living room with explicit permission
–spouses will spend according to the monthly budget
–everybody over about 2 ought to clean up after himself or herself
–kids will pack their school lunches
Yes.
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tweedlealice
Guest
you have to date a while to find that out.
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tweedlealice
Guest
We fell in love at first sight. We both told our friends going home we were going to marry that person. Of course, we sat at a table at a USO dance and I told him if I ever married he would have to be Catholic, we would have 4 children and their names would be–and I told him. My family took care of our older people and didn’t believe in nursing homes. I was in nursing school. I was going to graduate in 1968. He was from Ireland. His brogue got me for sure. He was so skinny. He was always 10#‘s less than me. I wasn’t fat. Poor skinny guy. First meal I served him was spaghetti, which he doesn’t like but ate a second plate. We had the 4 kids. God gives you the desires of your heart even before you ask for it.
Unfortunately,He had been on a UN mission to the congo when he was in the Irish Army and had PTSD. He was in sick bay when his unit went on a mission and they were cannibalized. All that was left was a boot w a foot and the tibia in it. I just found this out after 48 yrs of marriage. So, there was some alcohol. Definite good times. Some infidelity. Definite good times. Viet Nam. More PTSD. I got PTSD. Contagious. I went to the battlefield w the other women and gave them as much trouble as they gave me. NO WOMAN was taking my family away. We may have our wounds and scars but they are our wounds and scars. my kids didn’t get them being shifted from 2 homes w some Bimbo in residence. It was rough but a military wife is to be respected. Especially with multiple deployments. So many soldiers have lost their families. We have to love them out of the PTSD. PHEW It isn’'t easy. Now, how do you find out the past traumas in a persons life?? Faith in God and miracles happen. He thanks me for staying w him when he was having troubles. He tells me he loves me every day. He’s 73 and I’m 67. Our kids love us. 3 are local. One lives in the Republic of Georgia. Happy Ending.
We didn’t marry for 9 months. I wasn’t pregnant.I was in school in Philly and he was at Ft Benning but hitch hiked up weekly.All the qualities looked good. I don’t regret it x for one thing I had wanted to be a Franciscan nun. I wish I had gotten to try it before I met him. But no wonderful 4 kids. One is an atheist after her husband was killed in Iraq at 24. I would rather the convent and no kids than worry about the salvation of 4 + grandkids. Thank God for the Chaplet of Mercy and the prayer for conversion.
Looking for 10 good traits=cute,Army=travel and better salary later, Catholic, polite,
family oriented, kisses curled by toes,Irish, I thought honest, didn’t drink then .Didn’t show hostility
I think you try and it’s just the deck of cards your dealt.
Above is what not to do. Or ask about combat and drinking. But they can overcome that.
in Christ’s love tweedlealice
Unfortunately,He had been on a UN mission to the congo when he was in the Irish Army and had PTSD. He was in sick bay when his unit went on a mission and they were cannibalized. All that was left was a boot w a foot and the tibia in it. I just found this out after 48 yrs of marriage. So, there was some alcohol. Definite good times. Some infidelity. Definite good times. Viet Nam. More PTSD. I got PTSD. Contagious. I went to the battlefield w the other women and gave them as much trouble as they gave me. NO WOMAN was taking my family away. We may have our wounds and scars but they are our wounds and scars. my kids didn’t get them being shifted from 2 homes w some Bimbo in residence. It was rough but a military wife is to be respected. Especially with multiple deployments. So many soldiers have lost their families. We have to love them out of the PTSD. PHEW It isn’'t easy. Now, how do you find out the past traumas in a persons life?? Faith in God and miracles happen. He thanks me for staying w him when he was having troubles. He tells me he loves me every day. He’s 73 and I’m 67. Our kids love us. 3 are local. One lives in the Republic of Georgia. Happy Ending.
We didn’t marry for 9 months. I wasn’t pregnant.I was in school in Philly and he was at Ft Benning but hitch hiked up weekly.All the qualities looked good. I don’t regret it x for one thing I had wanted to be a Franciscan nun. I wish I had gotten to try it before I met him. But no wonderful 4 kids. One is an atheist after her husband was killed in Iraq at 24. I would rather the convent and no kids than worry about the salvation of 4 + grandkids. Thank God for the Chaplet of Mercy and the prayer for conversion.
Looking for 10 good traits=cute,Army=travel and better salary later, Catholic, polite,
family oriented, kisses curled by toes,Irish, I thought honest, didn’t drink then .Didn’t show hostility
I think you try and it’s just the deck of cards your dealt.
Above is what not to do. Or ask about combat and drinking. But they can overcome that.
in Christ’s love tweedlealice
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hesso12
Guest
here are the main 3 when chosing a Noble wife.
As wives, we are given these roles, among others:
As wives, we are given these roles, among others:
- **Mentors **- Titus 2:4-5 says, “Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”
- **Witnesses **- 1 Peter 3:1 says, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives."
- **Examples **- 1 Timothy 3:11 says, “In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything.”
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hesso12
Guest
I copied and pasted from the site allaboutgod.com/role-of-the-wife-in-the-bible.htm
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Gertabelle
Guest
I’m not married, but I find those to be inspirational.
Regardless of the title, it seems all three of those are about being examples – in obedience to Christ and His Church – so as to draw souls to God. That is one lofty way of living life!
Thanks for sharing this!
God bless you!
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chevalier
Guest
Agreements and arrangements are okay, as are informal parental instructions, but a ‘policy’ sounds too much like legislation, and I personally don’t think legislating, lawmaking etc. is the way to go in a family; rather, it’s too harsh. This is just to register my thoughts and feelings about the matter, not to bash anyone who manages his family in a different way than I would, if I had one to manage.
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