Getting Back to the Sacraments

[berwickb]

My first marriage ended in divorce, and I quit participating in the Church liturgy. I remarried a non-catholic at a ceremony officiated by a non-denominational minister. Later the Church annulled my first marriage after my ex-wife initiated the process. What must I do to return to the Church, and be able to partake of the sacraments? What would happen to my status as a Catholic, if my second marriage ended in divorce?

Berwick

 

[LittleRose]

I think you can dive right in, by starting with the sacrament of confession, to be absolved of your time away from the church and anything else that went down while you were gone In any case, you should probably talk to your parish priest.

In genaral, the church assumes your marriage is valid, unless you are granted an anullment. Since your first marriage is anulled, your current marriage will be assumed valid, I believe. If the state gives you a divorce, the church still considers you married, and expects you to behave accordingly, if you wish to participate in communion.

 

[berwickb]

Hi Little Rose,

I appreciate your quick response. I waited till now to follow up as I was hoping to get a variety of responses, to help me understand my situation. I’m particularly concerned about the validity of my marriage. Is my marriage recognized by the church?

Trying not to sound lurid, but my wife plans to divorce me once the kids, my step-children, get through high school. We’ve been married over 4 years, but have not been intimate for about a year. Other than the shared spiritual and physical intimacy one would expect in marriage, we get along well. However, my wife prefers the close company of other women more so than with me. I have been faithful to our marriage vows, up to this point, but am sorely tempted.

For a number of reasons I quit attending Mass and receiving the sacraments about a year before I remarried. I started attending Mass, but not receiving the sacraments, on a regular basis 5 weeks ago. What bearing does this have on my situation?

Best regards,

Berwick

 

[Karin]

Hi Little Rose,

I appreciate your quick response. I waited till now to follow up as I was hoping to get a variety of responses, to help me understand my situation. I’m particularly concerned about the validity of my marriage. Is my marriage recognized by the church?

Trying not to sound lurid, but my wife plans to divorce me once the kids, my step-children, get through high school. We’ve been married over 4 years, but have not been intimate for about a year. Other than the shared spiritual and physical intimacy one would expect in marriage, we get along well. However, my wife prefers the close company of other women more so than with me. I have been faithful to our marriage vows, up to this point, but am sorely tempted.

For a number of reasons I quit attending Mass and receiving the sacraments about a year before I remarried. I started attending Mass, but not receiving the sacraments, on a regular basis 5 weeks ago. What bearing does this have on my situation?

Best regards,

Berwick

Each situation is different.
I suggest that you go to our priest and explain the situation…he is the best one to guide you or advice you.

 

[Jabronie]

Meet with a priest first. I think you’ll need to get your current marriage blessed by the Church before you can start receiving sacraments again.

 

[cecilia97]

Hi Little Rose,

I appreciate your quick response. I waited till now to follow up as I was hoping to get a variety of responses, to help me understand my situation. I’m particularly concerned about the validity of my marriage. Is my marriage recognized by the church?

Trying not to sound lurid, but my wife plans to divorce me once the kids, my step-children, get through high school. We’ve been married over 4 years, but have not been intimate for about a year. Other than the shared spiritual and physical intimacy one would expect in marriage, we get along well. However, my wife prefers the close company of other women more so than with me. I have been faithful to our marriage vows, up to this point, but am sorely tempted.

For a number of reasons I quit attending Mass and receiving the sacraments about a year before I remarried. I started attending Mass, but not receiving the sacraments, on a regular basis 5 weeks ago. What bearing does this have on my situation?

Best regards,

Berwick

Hi Berwick,

Going back to the Church will help you with the temptations you’re wrestling with. I’m newly divorced and without the Church and God’s help, I wouldn’t be able to stay celebate.

Divorce in itself is not a sin, and in any case, sin doesn’t mean you have to stay away from the Church. The Church is absolutely full of sinners. Just find a priest to speak with and jump in. He should explain the steps you need to take, first will probably be Confession. I bet you’ll be welcomed with open arms.

 

[stbruno]

All Catholics are bound to marry in the church. Since your first marriage was annulled, but your second marriage was not in the Catholic church, you are not living in a state of grace. You need your second marriage validated in the Catholic church. However, you have stated that this second marriage is struggling. Have you considered doing something about the state of this marriage? My suggestion would be Retrouvaille for troubled marriages, or good Christiancounseling.
familyministries.org/retrovaille.htm

Perhaps, if this counseling is effective, you can suggest to your second wife that you would like to have your marriage validated in the church so that you can resume receiving the sacraments. Whether you can receive Holy Communion or not, you should be always attending Mass. That’s a commandment and you will be surprised how much spiritual strength you will be receiving once you do that too. Even if you can receive sacraments, you are still obliged to keep the commandments. So come on back! I guarantee you the roof won’t cave in.

With all things, you need to discuss this option with your priest and begin all things with prayer. Pray with and for your spouse as well. The power of prayer is miraculous. It’s sounds like God is tugging at your chain. Listen to Him! God bless you and your family.

 

[rwoehmke]

The advice of seeking the counsel of a priest and going to confession are good advice. If you are already living as “brother and sister” I would go real slow on getting that second attempt at marriage validated. Doing that and then getting a second divorce is only going to make the “stew” worse.

 

[berwickb]

Just thought I’d provide a little follow up. I continue to attend Mass every Sunday and I read a chapter a day from the Bible as well as pray periodically.

My wife and I have attended individual and joint counseling at the Archdiocese counseling service. The counselor was very insightful and supportive. Unfortunately, my wife is irrevocably committed to never having an intimate relationship with me, and continues to spend the nights away from home.

My parish priest says I have two options: make the marriage work and have it sanctified by the Church, or get divorced and apply for an annulment. Each option requires confession, and until the marriage is either sanctified or annulled, I cannot receive Holy Communion.

Looks like option two is the road I must travel. Does anyone know if annulment proceedings can begin before civil divorce is completed?

Berwick

 

[Karin]

Does anyone know if annulment proceedings can begin before civil divorce is completed?

Berwick

Nope…the CHurch will not even start the annulment process without the Civil divorcee decree first

 

[Joe_Kelley]

Nope…the CHurch will not even start the annulment process without the Civil divorcee decree first

I have been given two reasons for this.

1. If the Tribunal acts before the divorce is final they could be held civilly liable for encouraging the divorce - alienation of affection.
2. The Tribunal waits until the divorce is final to be sure that there is no hope of reconcilliation.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

My first marriage ended in divorce, and I quit participating in the Church liturgy. I remarried a non-catholic at a ceremony officiated by a non-denominational minister. Later the Church annulled my first marriage after my ex-wife initiated the process. What must I do to return to the Church, and be able to partake of the sacraments? What would happen to my status as a Catholic, if my second marriage ended in divorce?

Berwick

Right now if your second Marriage ended in divorce you would be considered single. Because the second Marriage is not at this point most likely seen as being valid by the Catholic Church. You must stop living as husband and wife or validate the current Marriage situation, and go to Confession, to return to the Sacraments.

 

[berwickb]

You must stop living as husband and wife or validate the current Marriage situation, and go to Confession, to return to the Sacraments.

Thank you for your response and to all.

My wife spends time in the house to tend to her children and rarely spends the night. We have not had intimacy for over a year. What does the church mean by “living as husband and wife?”

My wife and I agree to an uncontested divorce and we are proof reading the property settlement document now. I expect she’ll file by the end of this week or early next depending on the status of her 9 year old boy. She has given me permission to adopt him. I am looking into that process. I must at least start it before we divorce.

Thanks again for reading and answering my posts.

Berwick

 

[Karin]

What does the church mean by “living as husband and wife?”

having sexual relations…

. She has given me permission to adopt him. I am looking into that process. I must at least start it before we divorce.

please be careful here…she may give her consent to this but the boys biological father will have to do the same.

 

[berwickb]

Thank you for your response. I’m doing some rearch into the adoption process. In my situation, my wife does not know who the boy’s father is or could have been.

 

[Saoirse]

I don’t have any answers for you, but you have my prayers.

love
Saoirse

 

[BlestOne]

Not to sound rude or anything, but I know a guy who adopted his wifes child and she promptly filed for divorce…turns out she only wanted child support from him. Of course he did get mandatory visitation with the child, but I would be wary of an adoption during or before a divorce.

 

[cecilia97]

My parish priest says I have two options: make the marriage work and have it sanctified by the Church, or get divorced and apply for an annulment. Each option requires confession, and until the marriage is either sanctified or annulled, I cannot receive Holy Communion.

Berwick

Berwick,

Maybe I don’t understand your situation correctly but, if the divorce happens and you go to confession…why can’t you recieve Communion? If you are divorced and living single and chastely, you should be able to fully participate in the sacraments.

You’re in my prayers.

cecilia