Getting conflicting information on HOW to get married?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Preposterone
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
P

Preposterone

Guest
My boyfriend and I have recently (just days ago) decided to get married. We want to make sure we’re doing this in the most correct, reverent, and proper way possible. There are some snags.

We were both baptized Catholic but only formed in the faith until we were like 10 years old. (You know, the world creeps in, kids get “smart” and lose their faith, etc), and so neither of us were ever CONFIRMED. I finally started going to Mass again a couple years ago and doing reconciliation and reading exhaustively about Catholicism, and I feel as Catholic as Catholic can be, but I am not confirmed =-(. His story is similar.

The main parish I go to has all unconfirmed adults do RCIA, and only after that would we be able to do 6 months of marriage prep. Being that RCIA starts in September that puts the soonest possible marriage 18 months away. There are like 15 Catholic churches in my vicinity, though, and some of them don’t necessarily require RCIA for baptized Catholics (one parish said we didn’t even need to be confirmed?? although we both want to be confirmed), some of them want you to be a parishioner there for shorter or longer periods of time, etc.

Of course we want to do everything by the book, but… yeah… the sooner the better. Does anyone know if it’s wrong or illegitimate to be confirmed as an adult without doing RCIA? Is it probably going to have to be at least 18 months out for us?
 
Catholics who need confirmation don’t actually belong in RCIA; they belong in a confirmation preparation program. Some parishes have such a program for adults and others don’t. Some dioceses have such a program for adults and others don’t.

If you belong to a parish or diocese that offers an adult confirmation program, take advantage of it. When the program starts and how long it takes will vary.

Parishes that don’t offer adult confirmation usually do the best they can by steering people into the only adult formation program they do have – RCIA. While it’s not ideal, it gets the job done with the resources available.
 
Yes, RCIA is technically not for baptized Catholics. It certainly need not take over a year to be confirmed.

Canon law does recommend confirmation before marriage but that is not an absolute requirement.
Can. 1065 §1. Catholics who have not yet received the sacrament of confirmation are to receive it before they are admitted to marriage if it can be done without grave inconvenience.
Click to expand...
 
Preposterone said:
…Does anyone know if it’s wrong or illegitimate to be confirmed as an adult without doing RCIA?..
Click to expand...
**FAQ for Adult Initiation Committee, Archdiocese of Indianapolis, has:
**
1. Is the Easter Vigil the only time to complete the initiation of the already baptized?

No. The RCIA provides a combined rite “for pastoral reasons and in view of the Vigil’s being the principal annual celebration of the Church.” (RCIA U.S. Statutes 34) But it also states that “it is preferable that reception into full communion not take place at the Easter Vigil lest there be any confusion of such baptized Christians with the candidates for baptism, possible misunderstanding of or even reflection upon the sacrament of baptism celebrated in another Church or ecclesial community, or any perceived triumphalism in the liturgical welcome into the Catholic Eucharistic community.” (RCIA U.S. Statute 33)

A key point to remember is that all validly baptized people are already members of the “order of the faithful” even if various circumstances prevent some of them from being in full communion with the Catholic Church. As soon as a baptized person is prepared and ready to enter into this communion, that person has a right to profess (or renew) faith in the Catholic Church, be confirmed, and be admitted to the Eucharist without delay.

Those baptized as Catholics but who then received little or no catechesis and no other sacraments. It may also be appropriate for these people to “attach” themselves to the catechumenate and complete their initiation at the Easter Vigil. However, since they are already baptized Catholics, they renew their baptismal promises with the whole assembly instead of specifically professing their faith in the Catholic Church. Also the permission of the bishop is needed for the priest to confirm them. (See C. CONFIRMATION below.)

Note: As a general rule, active Catholics who have already been fully participating in the Eucharist should not be confirmed at the Easter Vigil (See C. CONFIRMATION below.)

4. Is the Easter Vigil an appropriate time to request permission to confirm active Catholics who have already been fully participating in the Eucharist?

No. Active Catholics should be confirmed by the archbishop either at the specially designated annual celebration at the cathedral or on another occasion.

Baptism is at the center of the Easter Vigil. The celebration should focus primarily on those who are being baptized and may also include those who have journeyed with the catechumens in a period of formation and are now completing their initiation through Confirmation and Eucharist. (See B1 above)

Canon Law:
CHAPTER III : THE PERSONS TO BE CONFIRMED CIC Can. 889:2.
Apart from the danger of death, to receive confirmation lawfully a person who has the use of reason must be suitably instructed, properly disposed, and able to renew the baptismal promises.
Also:**Can. 841 **
Since the sacraments are the same throughout the universal Church, and belong to the divine deposit of faith, only the supreme authority in the Church can approve or define what is needed for their validity. It belongs to the same authority, or to another competent authority in accordance with can. 838 §3 and 4, to determine what is required for their lawful celebration, administration and reception and for the order to be observed in their celebration.
Can. 843
§1 Sacred ministers may not deny the sacraments to those who opportunely ask for them, are properly disposed and are not prohibited by law from receiving them.
§2 According to their respective offices in the Church, both pastors of souls and all other members of Christ’s faithful have a duty to ensure that those who ask for the sacraments are prepared for their reception. This should be done through proper evangelization and catechetical instruction, in accordance with the norms laid down by the competent authority.
 
Why the rush? If you’ve faithfully and diligently discerned why the rush? And one DEFINITELY needs to discern not only their reasons for marriage, but also whether or not they are in fact called to be married to each other. Is there a specific need to get married ASAP? I don’t mean to judge, but I am skeptical. Nowadays a “shotgun” wedding is usually done to get the marriage taken care of before the bride starts to show. In other words a quickie wedding to try and conceal the scenario of premarital relations. I don’t mean to judge you and I’m probably overgeneralizing, but across the board it seems to be the prevalent reason for quickie weddings especially among younger couples.
 
BornAgain2010 said:
Why the rush? If you’ve faithfully and diligently discerned why the rush? And one DEFINITELY needs to discern not only their reasons for marriage, but also whether or not they are in fact called to be married to each other. Is there a specific need to get married ASAP? I don’t mean to judge, but I am skeptical. Nowadays a “shotgun” wedding is usually done to get the marriage taken care of before the bride starts to show. In other words a quickie wedding to try and conceal the scenario of premarital relations. I don’t mean to judge you and I’m probably overgeneralizing, but across the board it seems to be the prevalent reason for quickie weddings especially among younger couples.
Click to expand...
Off topic for a moment, but I think you’re way off base here. Wanting to shorten an 18-month engagement is hardly a shotgun wedding! Asking couples to endure such a long engagement increases temptation unnecessarily.

I’m not sure why you are so certain this couple hasn’t already discerned their call to the married life, but usually this is done before the engagement, during the courtship.

God bless y’all.

Gertie
 
Hubby and I did marriage prep and RCIA at the same time.

Granted, the parish we joined does not do a full length RCIA that lasts nearly a year. It’s RCIA is only 4 months. Basically a condensed version of the entire process.

No one had a problem that we were doing RCIA and marriage prep at the same time. It shortened our engagement considerably (ours was only 8 months or so).

We let our priests know what was going on and they were both fine with it. It was funny because my husband was getting baptized, communion and confirmed at the Vigil and I was getting my Confirmation in May.

We got married in May.

So Easter Vigil happened, then we got married in the Church (with my husband rushing his newly printed baptismal record to the Parish we got married on the rehearsal day) and then I got confirmed about two days later.

There were other major events that happened in our life at that time too (we had a baby in March about a week before the Easter Vigil and closed on a house somewhere in that time frame too).

It was nuts but we did it. I can’t imagine why it would be a problem not to do the entire process all at once it you really didn’t want to wait. It’s crazy and really busy but doable.
 
Just to add. You don’t have to be confirmed to be married in the Church. I think all you need is to be baptized and you can be validly married in the Church.

You can also have a full Mass since you both can receive Communion…as long as you head to confession before hand (if needed).

No need to be confirmed. I wasn’t Confirmed just yet but the Parish we got married at only required that I had my baptism and communion records…which we were able to provide.

We almost needed to get a dispensation but it wasn’t necessary because my husband went through RCIA and took care of that.
 
Gertabelle said:
Off topic for a moment, but I think you’re way off base here. Wanting to shorten an 18-month engagement is hardly a shotgun wedding! Asking couples to endure such a long engagement increases temptation unnecessarily.

I’m not sure why you are so certain this couple hasn’t already discerned their call to the married life, but usually this is done before the engagement, during the courtship.

God bless y’all.

Gertie
Click to expand...
I didn’t mean to offend or call anyone out or anything like that. If I came off as such, I do apologize.
 
Thanks everyone for the good info. With so many parishes in my area I hope we can find one that can accommodate this. Just to clarify, the… ticking of the biological clock is the issue. A couple extra years wouldn’t matter so much if I was in my early twenties. We would love to have a big family. Thanks again.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top