Getting Impossible

[humblelurker]

I grew up a Catholic in Utah, and I felt like a 2nd class citizen with no hope when I was there (yes there are valid experiences to back it up). When in Utah I lost all faith and hope in everything. Later in my life, in another state, I wanted to become a priest, but I was rejected. I lost my Catholic faith at that time, and got involved in the New Age movement. I came back to the faith, but it wasn’t easy. My father (who marched for civil rights & pro-life) died 3 years ago, and my mother is having a hard time. I am with her to help her (I’m not married), but I have chronic illnesses. Now the barn roof blew off and insurance may not pay it, my brother is now unemployed, and my mother’s unfinished house’s siding is blowing off (that we are living in). We have heavy bills, and my mother is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. My family is on edge, depressed, distraught, etc… and it feels as if God doesn’t really care about me or my family, EVER!!! I am doing, and paying, the best I can, but it is not enough. I wonder, is it worth being a Catholic after going through a lifetime of hell? Emotionally we are drained! Is it worth being part of a faith who’s God does not listen or respond in kind? Other Catholics around us don’t go through a lifetime of hell. This is getting impossible! Does God not want me to be Catholic, or does God not really exist?

 

[beckycmarie]

Dear Humblelurker,

Being Catholic doesn’t mean you’ll live a life of ease, free of suffering. But our faith teaches us that our suffering has meaning.

God loves you very much, and God makes all things, including your trials past and present, work for the good of your soul in the long run.

**More Than Conquerors **

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:28-39)

If you have about 40 minutes, I highly recommend this talk from Michael Voris:

One True Faith Podcast: Pain and Suffering

 

[humblelurker]

What is a life of ease? I had a priest tell me once that there are wounds inside my soul that will not heal. And it gets soooo dark that I wonder if my very soul, or whats left of it, will survive intact. P.S. I am downloading it, and I will listen.

 

[MarieVeronica]

Other Catholics around us don’t go through a lifetime of hell. This is getting impossible! Does God not want me to be Catholic, or does God not really exist?

Dear “humblelurker”. My heart goes out to you. You are obviously in pain. I’m sorry. I will keep you in my prayers.

But with all due respect and sensitivity to your situation… I would have to disagree with the above statement. There are many, many Catholic (and non-Catholic) people… especially now, with the economy being so bad… in your situation. The fact that you are Catholic… is in no way “related” to your circumstances. Being Catholic is not an assurance of an easy life.

But your faith, at this most difficult time… could turn out to be your “life preserver”. It has been, just that for my mother and me. I won’t elaborate on our circumstances… because it’s not what you need to hear, when you are suffering so much.

But I will say this. I was a Cradle Catholic. But had fallen away, for about 10 years. When I had sunken as low as I possibly could… that was the exact moment that Our good Lord reached out to me. In my despair… He led me back Home to the Church and the Sacraments. That was about 4 years ago. And since that time, they have been my greatest solace and comfort.

I would like to suggest to you… that you take these worries, concerns and difficulties directly to Our Lord, in Eucharistic Adoration. Just go and sit with Him, for as long as possible. An hour is recommended… but do whatever amount of time you can. Bring all of your burdens to Him. I can’t tell you how much this helped me. You may not be given “solutions” to the problems… but you will definitely be given the grace to endure. I pray that Adoration will help you, as it has helped me. May God bless you and your family and give you peace, solace and hope.

In Christ,
MarieVeronica

 

[MarieVeronica]

I had a priest tell me once that there are wounds inside my soul that will not heal.

I will also pray for the priest, who said this to you. Put all your trust in Jesus…

“…for nothing will be impossible for God.” (Luke 1:37)

 

[humblelurker]

“Being Catholic is not an assurance of an easy life.”

I don’t know if I should laugh or cry in reading the above statement. I should not have posted anything. Who really cares if I am damned in misery and pain both personally and emotionally.
bye.

 

[MarieVeronica]

No, I’m the one… who should not have posted “HL”. I’m sorry if my opinion hurt you, further. Please forgive me. You are in my prayers.

MV

 

[beckycmarie]

Fr. Vincent Serpa on this forum has some advice that he gives regularly to people with similar problems. It’s similar to what MariaVeronica suggested:

I am telling you what I tell all persons who find themselves up against the limits of their humanity: Spend an hour before the Blessed Sacrament every day for the rest of your life and you will find the strength you never had. I know this sounds daunting at first. But read further. Begin each hour by reflecting on His passion. (I never tire of sharing this.)

He suffered both physically AND mentally. He was rejected: Judas betrayed Him, Peter denied Him three times and the rest of the Apostles abandoned Him. Those who tortured Him not only wanted Him dead, they wanted Him to suffer. They not only looked on Him as a zero, but as MINUS zero. Now that is rejection! Every physical torture He endured only echoed such rejection.

The horrendous scourging robbed Him of His youth. The intensity of the pain was only matched by its duration–until He died. His body was full of swollen, bleeding wounds. The loss of so much blood gave Him a splitting headache which was only intensified with the crowning with thorns. At the praetorium He was publicly derided and sentenced to death by crucifixion. As a further humiliation, he was forced to carry the intrument of His execution.
He was so weak, He could hardly walk and yet He dragged the heavy cross on His shoulder and managed to fall on the dung-strewn stone streets with the cross on top of Him. He got up each time.

After reaching the crest of Calvary, he received the nails into His hands and feet. When they raised the cross up, the nails in His hands held His body up. But His up-stretched arms began to squeeze His lungs and He couldn’t breathe. So He had to push down on His crucified feet to raise His body to fill His lungs with air. He managed to do this for three hours. Finally, He had no strength left and He suffocated, and died, giving us His life…

Thank Him. If you are like me, you will find yourself reluctant to begin this exercise each day, but by the time you get to His death, you will no longer be thinking about yourself–only Him. This brings peace at the moment. As the days pass. it brings peace to your day and week and month. We are all about Him. The more we realize this, the things we thought were important reduce to their real size and we know who we are because we know Who He is! You are in my prayers. You WILL be fine!

 

[xAlisonx]

h u m b l e l u r k e r.
oh, humblelurker, i am so sorry beyond words for all that you’ve endured, and are going through right now. my heart truly goes out to you, and aches for your pain. please know that you are far from alone in this—that even in your darkest hours, God is with you with His Love sustaining you and carrying you through—and that when you feel the most overwhelmed, the most weak, the most hopeless, this is when it is time to call upon God and realize His strength in your weakness and pain.

i am so sorry that your past has been so broken—i don’t know if any words i could give you could truly be enough. i am so sorry that you have experienced rejection and so much turmoil in your life—but i honestly believe that nothing happens to us that is against God’s perfect Will of Love, and that even behind the face of evil, darkness and pain lies His Love waiting to strengthen us and bring us closer to Himself in Love. i’m so glad that you came back to the faith after involvement in the New Age movement, and the fact that it wasn’t easy, but you persevered despite this, shows how much strength you truly have within you, that i know will carry you through this time of pain completely.

i know that you feel overwhelmed and broken—i have experienced these same feelings so many times in my life, even recently. i am only sixteen, but i have a past of much darkness, with extremely deep depression and anxiety, self-harm, self-destruction and suicidal ideation, which culminated in a nearly fatal suicide attempt on march 28, 2007. the only reason that i am still alive to tell you this about my past, and that i also know what pain is, is because God intervened with a miracle when i tried to die, for reasons that i still don’t fully comprehend. if you’d like to hear the rest of my story, which i hope and pray will encourage and inspire you in at least some small way, please feel free to contact me on here, and i will be more than happy to share it with you. my point in telling you this about myself is that i have endured much in my life, but i know that even my darkness was in God’s Will for me, because He has brought so much beauty, hope and healing from my past agony, brought me close to Himself in Love and made me a stronger person. i would not be who i am today if i had not known suffering, and i have no doubt that God is using this difficulty in your life to purify you, strengthen you and bring you closer to Himself. God’s ways can be difficult to understand some—if not most—of the time, but please remember that He forever loves you infinitely more than you could ever imagine or understand, and that all that happens in your life has His Love behind it to sustain you.

i’m so sorry, humblelurker, for the loss of your father, the pain of your mother and for your own deep suffering. i don’t know if any words i could give you could truly be enough, but know that i will definitely be keeping you in my constant thoughts and deepest prayers, for the hope and healing that you truly deserve. i will pray not only for your healing, but for your father’s soul, that your insurance will pay for the damage done to your barn, that your brother finds work and that your mother’s house is finished and repaired. i will also pray that you are able to pay off your bills, and that your mother experiences the hope and healing experienced forever and completely in God alone as well. please know, humblelurker, that God truly does care so much about you and your family, and that the fact that you are suffering doesn’t mean that He has lost His deep Love for you and for those you care about so much. God uses suffering in many different ways, and of course i don’t know the exact reason why He may be giving you these circumstances right now, but i do know that i have been strengthened and purified by His Will in my life, especially when it has included deep suffering, and i will definitely pray that it will be the same for you as well.

 

[xAlisonx]

being a Catholic is not always easy, but it is definitely worth it. Jesus never promised that we would not go through suffering—in fact, He pretty much promised that we would suffer for belonging to Him! but He did promise that it would be worth it in the end, for the sores and scars that we receive while traveling the narrow path. it is definitely worth being part of this faith, and i promise you that God is listening, and that He truly does care so much about you, so much more than you could ever know. the fact that God has chosen you to suffer shows that He wants to bring you close to Himself, which shows just how much and how deeply He truly does love you. God does exist—i promise you with all my heart—and God truly does care about you, and He wants you to remain inside the truth of the Catholic faith. i promise you that He will carry you and sustain you through this, and i also promise you that i will be keeping you in my constant thoughts and deepest prayers.

in fact, let me pray for you now:

Loving Heavenly Father, i just lift up humblelurker to You now, in the deep hope and prayer that You would grant him complete hope, healing, faith, trust and restoration from all of his suffering. i pray that You would heal him and completely restore him from the pain of his past, and cause him to realize how deeply and passionately he is forever loved by You. i praise and thank You, Father, that even when he strayed from the narrow path, You brought him back to Yourself despite the difficulties it required, and that he is now a part of the one true Catholic Faith. i pray that You would heal him from the death of his father, whose soul i pray You would welcome completely and forever into the warmth of Your Loving embrace in Heaven. i pray for the hope, healing and restoration of his mother as well, that she would realize how much Your Love will sustain this family and carry them through completely, especially the moments when they feel the most overwhelmed, hopeless and broken. in these moments, please teach them, Father, to rely on Your great mercy and Love, and to realize Your strength in their weakness. if it is Your Will, Father, i pray that humblelurker would be completely healed and restored from all of his chronic illnesses—but if it is Your perfect Will of Love that he continue to endure them, i pray that You would grant him complete faith and trust in Your Love, and that You would strengthen and sustain him through all that he suffers. i pray that their insurance would pay for the damage done to their barn—i pray that his brother would find work, hope, strength and healing—i pray that his mother’s unfinished house would be both finished and repaired, and become a beautiful haven of safety and hope for his mother. i pray also, Lord, that they would be able to pay off all of those bills, as i pray that You would pour out Your bountiful Love and blessings upon him, and everyone else in his family. grant healing and hope to this precious family, Lord, and assure them of Your great Love for them that will never fade, even in deep suffering and times of great trial. i pray that You would strengthen humblelurker and his family, and keep them all forever in the truth and hope of the Catholic Faith. reassure them of Your Presence and Love, Lord, and strengthen and heal them in every way, according to Your perfect Will of Love. i pray all this in the precious, mighty Name of Jesus, Who i ask to touch their hearts and souls now with Your grace and glorious Holy Spirit, Amen.

God bless you, humblelurker. please stay strong, please stay safe, and please take care of yourself—and know that you are never alone, even in your darkest hour, and that i will definitely be keeping you in my constant thoughts and deepest prayers. stay strong.

love,
in the peace and love of Christ,
alison