Getting Kids Interested in School Activities

[robertmidwest]

I need some suggestions. I have three girls. The oldest was much more self motivated than the other two to get involved in things. I never could get any of the kids much interested in sports. They all three did dance when they were young but the younger two did not stick with it into later years like the oldest, mostly I think because of sibling rivalry (they just wanted to separate themselves from big sister).

The two younger ones both like art. The middle one has a voice and did some choir when younger. The youngest is very high energy. It needs to be channelled into something productive. I think they would both do well at theater but just cannot get them to try. They are 12 and 15.

I was very timid as a a kid. Pretty anxious and had a hard time joining groups. As an adult I am a worrier. I try to keep this at bay as much as possible and not let the kids see it. My prayer life has been in over drive lately. For my family and to keep my anxiety under control. I don’t want it spilling over to the kids.

The kids attent Catholic schools that are academically challenging. They are A and B students and more A’s than B’s. They score well on standardized tests too. It’s not a matter of intelligence.

Any ideas? Am I worrying too much?

 

[Irishmom2]

What other activities does the school offer besides sports and theater?

Any possibility of art lessons for the artistic one? Or even a specialized one time class on watercolor, or drawing, whatever her interest is.

I think you need to see what your daughters are interested in and offer them ways to get more involved in it.

Also, maybe they might like some kind of ongoing volunteer project, not just a one time thing like baking and delivering cookies for Christmas.

Don’t be too concerned with your daughters being timid unless they tell you it is a problem or you witness it. I too was quiet and shy in my younger years, but none of my children inherited that. I credit their Catholic school with making them read out loud, then, many oral reports, and in later years, speech class or reading in front of a church full of people at mass.

 

[chaplainmom]

You are a good conscientious mother. Catholic schools are challenging in themselves. I have three children in Catholics schools - 15, 12, 10. My oldest is more willing to be involved in sports/activities. My middle child hates me signing her up for anything. My youngest resists going to any extra curricular activity but once he gets there - he participates and enjoys himself.

I make them all participate in one thing. I give them all a choice from many different options and I make them choose the one thing they will cooperate with willingly. They know they have to do something in order to keep them off from their electronics and interact with real people.This is just a part of life: homework, chores, self-care, some physical exercise which may or may not be their social activity.

According to Family Systems Theory, if you are anxious yourself, this will pass down like osmosis onto the kids - mostly the second child. You might enjoy reading Bradshaw’s “On the Family - a new way of creating self-esteem” to help you identify if you are contributing to their unwillingness to be involved in extracurricular activities. amazon.com/Bradshaw-Family-Creating-Solid-Self-Esteem/dp/1558744274/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1453226247&sr=1-1&keywords=bradshaw+on+the+family

Also, I do not try to keep up with other families who have kids in a bunch of extracurricular activities. Our culture today can go way over board with sports, scouts, church groups, etc. Don’t compare yourself to other families and their crazy schedules. Let them do what is right for their families and feel confident in what you are doing with yours.

My middle child has chosen to do exercise videos at home alone and participate once a week with the school bell choir as well as altar serve at mass. That’s all she does and that’s OK.

 

[1ke]

I need some suggestions. I have three girls. The oldest was much more self motivated than the other two to get involved in things.

Maybe they don’t want to get involved in school clubs or activities. I’m not sure why that is a problem.

I never could get any of the kids much interested in sports.

Everyone’s different.

They all three did dance when they were young but the younger two did not stick with it into later years like the oldest, mostly I think because of sibling rivalry (they just wanted to separate themselves from big sister).

Or they lost interest. Interests come and go.

The youngest is very high energy. It needs to be channelled into something productive.

Or you could give them more responsibility around the house related to cooking, cleaning, and home keeping and community and church volunteering (great time to do corporal works of mercy since it is the year of mercy).

I was very timid as a a kid. Pretty anxious and had a hard time joining groups. As an adult I am a worrier. I try to keep this at bay as much as possible and not let the kids see it. My prayer life has been in over drive lately. For my family and to keep my anxiety under control. I don’t want it spilling over to the kids.

Don’t project your past onto your kids. Social anxiety may not be the root of their lack of joining.

Any ideas?

My suggestion would be to leave them alone. Let the girls be responsible for themselves. They are plenty old enough to make such decisions on their own. If they want to be involved in something, they will tell you.

Am I worrying too much?

yes.

 

[Usige]

I tend to agree with 1ke. Kids don’t have to have a scheduled activity to account for every part of their day. This is especially true when they are teens. Sometimes zoning out/slacking off is what they need to recover from academic stresses. If they are not interested or only mildly interested, constant pushing can just turn them off. Not all personality types are going to do well in activities and that’s okay.

 

[Bonnie]

Maybe they don’t want to get involved in school clubs or activities. I’m not sure why that is a problem…

My suggestion would be to leave them alone. Let the girls be responsible for themselves. They are plenty old enough to make such decisions on their own. If they want to be involved in something, they will tell you.

Agreed. I tried to keep my son in martial arts long after he lost interest. It didn’t go well, to say the least. I finally got smart & let him pick his own activities. So he started making movies which got him interested in computer science which has become his major in college.

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.” Henry David Thoreau.

 

[midori]

I grew up with one extracurricular each year. If I wanted to take up something new, I’d have to drop something else so that we would keep balanced. It worked out pretty well-- I got to have some good experiences, but it didn’t overwhelm the schedule so that academics suffered. I did things like Girl Scouts, Dance, 4-H, Yearbook, Horseback Riding, Swimming Lessons, Band, School Newspaper. I was always the shy bookworm type who had zero athletic inclinations and didn’t like being in social situations, but I liked having “context” for interacting with people.

Let your kids pick one activity each year. It doesn’t necessarily have to be through the school-- you might find a stable nearby that offers riding lessons, or a piano teacher that you visit, or something else-- but phrase it as, “What would you like to learn how to do this next year?” or “What do you think would be fun to try out this next year?” Pick something, and stick with it for the year.

I’ve tried doing this as an adult, btw. It’s been fun. I’ve been able to dabble in drawing, watercolors, bonsai, Japanese, icon-writing, and beekeeping. Make time for yourself to have an interesting experience, too.

 

[3DOCTORS]

I tend to agree with 1ke. Kids don’t have to have a scheduled activity to account for every part of their day. This is especially true when they are teens. Sometimes zoning out/slacking off is what they need to recover from academic stresses. If they are not interested or only mildly interested, constant pushing can just turn them off. Not all personality types are going to do well in activities and that’s okay.

Strongly seconded. I don’t see the point in activities for the sake of activities. If a person does an optional activity, it should be because they have a genuine interest and desire to do so.

 

[Xantippe]

You might do better keeping a very light schedule during the school year when the kids are busy and loaded down with homework and than ramping it up during the summer, when they’re freer. That’s roughly what we do.

We also do a lot of one-week camps or two week classes (like swimming) during the summer. Our kids do a lot of variety with regard to activities, but don’t do the same thing all the time. I often make my kids try stuff they don’t want to try, but I don’t make them continue with it if they don’t like it.

Here’s some stuff our kids have done over the years:

–dance
–horse camp (one week)
–fencing (once a week/twice a month)
–indoor rock climbing (not a class)
–open gym at gymnastics place (not a class)
–canoe/kayak
–sailing camp
–Red Cross swim classes
–water park season pass
–YMCA babysitting course
–sewing camps
–quilting camps (it’s like a sweat shop, except you pay to have your kid do it!)
–cake decorating (a real pain though, because you need to bring a baked cake and huge amounts of supplies)
–guitar
–ukulele
–school board game club (run by us)
–junior classical league (school)
–public library board games for older tweens/teens
–public library Minecraft
–public library “vintage” games
–public library LEGO
–rollerskating (not a class)
–ice skating (not a class)
–various “gifted” camps, mostly academic, but including artsy stuff and cooking classes
–art camp at ceramic painting place (one week)

We don’t do all of that all of the time, but we’ve been doing summer camps for a long time, so we have tried a lot of stuff.

We haven’t done a lot there yet, but I’ve been very impressed by the class list at Joann’s. There’s an impressive variety of class offerings.

During the summer, we find that just one activity a week (even if it covers a relatively short period of time) is more than enough. Our oldest carries a heavy summer schedule because she has so many interests, but our 10-year-old does just fine with activities only about every other week.

I sometimes hustle mother’s helper gigs for my two big kids.

At home, the kids can do some of the following:

–Wii sports
–DDR
–exercise equipment
–music practice
–help with baby sister
–put away laundry
–cook simple dinner (big sister)
–unload dishwasher
–clean room
–tidy living room or playroom
–do extra math
–work on handwriting practice (middle kid)
–yard work

 

[Xantippe]

We’ve gotten a lot of mileage out of having kids learn things at camps that would be work if they happened at home–for example, sewing and cooking.

When a child gets interested in something, a single class or camp can translate into weeks of activity at home. For instance, my oldest learned to do French toast at a camp and she’s now made it for us several times. Ditto cake decorating–she did one class this summer and acquired enough skills that she decorated her baby sister’s cake for her third birthday.

 

[EasterJoy]

You can look into things they might like and ask, “There is this class/workshop/activity/club that is offering __________. Do you think you might like that?”

If not, just let them know that you want to make sure that they look around and consider things they might like and that they know you’d support them in these things–that is, that you don’t want them to be afraid to inconvenience you. After that, leave it alone.

Now, if for instance the “energetic one” is constantly choosing to do things with her free time that are, ahem, counter-productive, let us say, then you might be in a position to tell her to find something appropriate to busy herself with, lest you find something for her. If not, though, then you may be better off buying art supplies or isolated art lessons–say, a Saturday workshop on photography–for an artist than pushing her into an organized art class, for instance. Free time is not a bad thing, per se.

 

[Xantippe]

We also used to show the kids a list of courses and tell them they had to choose one.

 

[CradleJourney]

Any ideas? Am I worrying too much?

You didn’t mention their social situation. Do they regularly interact with other kids around their own age and do they seem happy?

For some people, interacting with others once a month outside of work/school is more than sufficient to meet their social needs and they are otherwise content to be alone.

Some people interact very well and often with others - but in informal rather than organized activities and they are perfectly content with that.

So you could very well be worrying too much.

On the other hand, there are three reasons I’d suggest (and that I have used) to push a kid into an activity:

1. They need to learn something new.
   (I made my kids each play basketball for example, whether or not they had talent or interest because around here it’s a common activity for most kids and a large number of adults. After 2 years (around age 10) I made it optional - one continued the others dropped it - but now as teens they can all “hang out” and pass the ball around with friends at the park. It was a skill I felt they would need both as a teen and an adult. shrug)
2. They need to interact with people.
   (I have had a couple of mine be completely uninterested in socializing on any level and thus required them to join something. Even my most intense introvert discovered that he could still be part of a team, share inside jokes, and work together to achieve goals with a group. “Forcing” that interaction had positive benefits. We understood he’d never call/visit/hang out with these kids outside the activity - it wasn’t him. But it did help give him a way to anchor himself in the chaos of the high school social scene - he was a member of the school soccer team. And it gave him an easy conversation connection - people could ask him how the game went, he could comment on how the weather might effect practice, etc.)
3. Busy teens are too tired to get into trouble.
   (On my fifth teen now. Soooooo grateful for the exhaustion that comes from an intense band/show choir/soccer/robotic/football/etc. practice or competition. Also grateful that having something they are invested in that gives them an easy out when confronted by peer pressure. As my dd said one time when a kid popped up and asked her to a party where there was going to be alcohol “WHAT?!? Do you KNOW how much WORK it takes to get this!!! (pointing to her show choir polo) Are you kidding me? NO WAY am I going to waste all the time and sweat and money I’ve put into this to get kicked off because I went to a dumb party!”)

So I’d say think about it - do any of the above apply to your situation? If so, then I’d suggest asking other parents what may be available in your area (I’m assuming there’s nothing directly at school that they are interested enough in to join). Then I’d lay out the options and let them know your reason for wanting them to pick one of the activities to join. Just be sure you can follow up with whatever choices you offer - because if they pick one and love it, many things can get very demanding in time and money very quickly!
(Learned that the hard way!)

Also you could ask them what they want to do - and if it’s not offered by their school, maybe it should be and they could start it. Part of how our middle school ended up with a robotics club

 

[Xantippe]

You didn’t mention their social situation. Do they regularly interact with other kids around their own age and do they seem happy?

For some people, interacting with others once a month outside of work/school is more than sufficient to meet their social needs and they are otherwise content to be alone.

Some people interact very well and often with others - but in informal rather than organized activities and they are perfectly content with that.

So you could very well be worrying too much.

On the other hand, there are three reasons I’d suggest (and that I have used) to push a kid into an activity:

1. They need to learn something new.
   (I made my kids each play basketball for example, whether or not they had talent or interest because around here it’s a common activity for most kids and a large number of adults. After 2 years (around age 10) I made it optional - one continued the others dropped it - but now as teens they can all “hang out” and pass the ball around with friends at the park. It was a skill I felt they would need both as a teen and an adult. shrug)
2. They need to interact with people.
   (I have had a couple of mine be completely uninterested in socializing on any level and thus required them to join something. Even my most intense introvert discovered that he could still be part of a team, share inside jokes, and work together to achieve goals with a group. “Forcing” that interaction had positive benefits. We understood he’d never call/visit/hang out with these kids outside the activity - it wasn’t him. But it did help give him a way to anchor himself in the chaos of the high school social scene - he was a member of the school soccer team. And it gave him an easy conversation connection - people could ask him how the game went, he could comment on how the weather might effect practice, etc.)
3. Busy teens are too tired to get into trouble.
   (On my fifth teen now. Soooooo grateful for the exhaustion that comes from an intense band/show choir/soccer/robotic/football/etc. practice or competition. Also grateful that having something they are invested in that gives them an easy out when confronted by peer pressure. As my dd said one time when a kid popped up and asked her to a party where there was going to be alcohol “WHAT?!? Do you KNOW how much WORK it takes to get this!!! (pointing to her show choir polo) Are you kidding me? NO WAY am I going to waste all the time and sweat and money I’ve put into this to get kicked off because I went to a dumb party!”)

So I’d say think about it - do any of the above apply to your situation? If so, then I’d suggest asking other parents what may be available in your area (I’m assuming there’s nothing directly at school that they are interested enough in to join). Then I’d lay out the options and let them know your reason for wanting them to pick one of the activities to join. Just be sure you can follow up with whatever choices you offer - because if they pick one and love it, many things can get very demanding in time and money very quickly!
(Learned that the hard way!)

Also you could ask them what they want to do - and if it’s not offered by their school, maybe it should be and they could start it. Part of how our middle school ended up with a robotics club

Very good!

I feel about swimming the way you felt about basketball–our kids have been required to take one Red Cross swim course every summer, as I felt it was important that they be strong swimmers.

 

[pensmama87]

My kids are still young, but I know that, depending on the physical education curriculum, I might be a tad pushyabout sports. Looking back what I had in gym was actually great - we played a variety of sports, including drills for specific skills. I learned that I really liked badminton, volleyball, cross country skiing, and ballroom dancing, and that I could manage my own in a bunch of others even if they weren’t my first choice of activity. But my experience was different than my younger siblings, where it seemed more “get these kids to move 20 minutes one day per week.” (They went to a different high school.)

So, depending on what it’s like, I may want more than the curriculum offerings just so my kids are moving regularly and have an opportunity to find exercise they enjoy.

 

[pensmama87]

I’ll note too that I went to public school, although it was definitely in an affluent area. But gym and a lot of other “enrichment” activities seem to be getting these in a lot of cases, which is too bad IMO.

 

[Kelfa28]

I don’t understand this need for kids to do extra activities.

If they don’t have an interest…then don’t push them.

My sister was rarely ever involved in anything besides her schoolwork or her vocation (she went to a voc tech school and was in cosmetology…but showed little interest in that too).

It didn’t harm her development or well-roundedness. She still got into college and earned a degree.
She was still good and didn’t get into drugs, alcohol or boys…no more then I did, at least.
She’s just as married, just as much of a mom and just as well adjusted and employed as I am.
She didn’t convert to Catholicism like I did but I don’t hold that against her too much.

I was into every activity. I danced, did gymnastics, got into cheerleading and drama club and I was elected several times to both the class student body and national honor society.
I was very, very busy…but my life has been just and normal and regular as my sisters…with or without the activities.

 

[pensmama87]

I don’t understand this need for kids to do extra activities.

If they don’t have an interest…then don’t push them.

My sister was rarely ever involved in anything besides her schoolwork or her vocation (she went to a voc tech school and was in cosmetology…but showed little interest in that too).

It didn’t harm her development or well-roundedness. She still got into college and earned a degree.
She was still good and didn’t get into drugs, alcohol or boys…no more then I did, at least.
She’s just as married, just as much of a mom and just as well adjusted and employed as I am.
She didn’t convert to Catholicism like I did but I don’t hold that against her too much.

I was into every activity. I danced, did gymnastics, got into cheerleading and drama club and I was elected several times to both the class student body and national honor society.
I was very, very busy…but my life has been just and normal and regular as my sisters…with or without the activities.

I think for me it comes as a result of growing up in a family of introverts that moved a lot. We had very few community ties and our hobbies consisted of junk food and bad television. It’s not a nice way to live.

(The mere fact that I don’t want that for my kids will probably go a long way by itself. I mostly want them to be active and comfortable trying new things and meeting new people. At my kids’ age, that’s satisfied by a trip to the park, but there might be more to it when they’re older.)

 

[Xantippe]

I think for me it comes as a result of growing up in a family of introverts that moved a lot. We had very few community ties and our hobbies consisted of junk food and bad television. It’s not a nice way to live.

(The mere fact that I don’t want that for my kids will probably go a long way by itself. I mostly want them to be active and comfortable trying new things and meeting new people. At my kids’ age, that’s satisfied by a trip to the park, but there might be more to it when they’re older.)

Yes to all of that. Some more thoughts:

1. There is a question what the kid will be doing instead of organized activities. At my house, it would probably be building yet another house on Minecraft or watching Phineas and Ferb marathons. There’s nothing wrong with those things in moderate quantities, but there is more to life.
2. It’s hard to keep older children active and intellectually engaged. There are virtually unlimited electronic temptations for older children in many homes, and left to their own devices, they’ll just glue themselves to a screen.
3. It’s hard to figure out what a child is interested in without actually trying the activity. I’ve had the occasional stinker (zoo camp in our town was hated by both my older kids), but a lot of the activities I’ve insisted on have eventually become beloved activities.
4. During the summer, older kids get crabby when they’re home and idle for too many hours at a time.
5. A lot of activities have a strong social component.
6. There’s unfortunately a transition between the early years, when the playground, zoo, or children’s museum are satisfying and exciting to the older years, when school-aged children gripe about being taken to those places. I know this may sound ridiculous, but the day will probably come when your older children view themselves as doing you a big favor by allowing you to drag them to such locations. Older children often need a little more razzle dazzle to coax them out of their lairs.

 

[bitterhope]

If your kids aren’t interested in joining school activities, try creating a space for them to enjoy their hobbies at home. My oldest daughter has started making jewelry and she has a small shop to sell it. She doesn’t have a steady income but makes enough for a young teen (14). She and her older brothers are artistic and musical and have joined choir (play instruments) at church. They all volunteer as altar servers, in choir, as ushers, etc. and volunteer with other local organizations. This might be more what your kids would enjoy. Other options are JROTC or Civil Air Patrol if you are looking for physical activity and structure but they are uninterested in sports. Some communities also have first responder training for kids as young as 15. School activities aren’t all that important in a child’s life. There are many ways to get them involved in the community, have interaction with people outside their immediate family, and mature in their talents.