Getting kids to sit still

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hoping4more

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what do you do to keep them still during service? Just wanting to hear ideas and tips
 
@Xanthippe_Voorhees

Though I have none, I would let them squirm to some degree. Seems like making them sit still would be asking too much.

(That was fast!! 🙂 )… must have been lurking.
 
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You don’t!

Let me start off by saying I have littles but my world is highly colored by dealing with my niece who’s on the spectrum.

Do you really sit still in Mass? Think really hard.

You don’t!

You stand and sing the entrance hymn. You sing/respond to the Kyre. You listen to a reading and then MORE SINGING! So on and so forth…

The 5yo’s should have kiddo missels to follow along. They should know the songs. Most churches switch their songbooks out once a year and hang on to a few. Ask if you can have one. Sing the songs at home that your parish uses so they are familiar…or heck, even ask the music minister to put you on the mailing list…many will let the choir know which songs they will be practicing for the upcoming week.

One of my girls was barely a year before she’d croak out “ahhh la-la-la” every time I told her it was time to sing. Yes, she was off-tune, yes, she was not singing any words but she was participating!

Read the readings at home! Familiarity breeds passion! If you take the time to read and talk about a reading before a meal or before bed you’ll be surprised what 5 and 3yo’s are capable of. Also, you get out of reading “Brown Bear, Brown bear” or discussing the merits of Sparkly Kiss to give glitter kisses over Shiny Chin.

Practice “standing up straight” and “kneel up straight” have them focus on how perfect they can get themselves. Teach them to compete with themselves. How good can they challenge themselves to be?

Let them ask questions. Keep a notepad to write down ones that are too long to answer right away. Then discuss them in the car or at your next meal.

In short, don’t make Mass a 1 time a week punishment. Let them sing off key, let them fiddle with their hands during the homily but most important make Mass part of your life.
 
There is one kid at daily mass who must be about 5. His mom let’s him come up and sit up in the front pew on his own while she is maybe 4 rows back or something…he attends to the mass very well on his own. He has a little mass book that he looks at some. 🙂
 
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Sit near the front so they can see what’s going on. Have them find the readings and songs in the Missal when it’s time to listen or sing. Let them bring a stuffed animal to cuddle with or hold. Bring a book for them to look at. Let them move around a bit too, especially the three year old.
 
To clarify; I bring a bag of books, maybe a couple of crackers, but try to limit those, and one bottle of water(unless someone is sick then it is separate) let them move in the chair or even in the one next to them. The books last a while and they do pay a little bit of attention, but then they start to climb under the pews and running down the aisles, once one does it the others pickup the behavior and then there are three of them doing it and someone is crying and mad that they can’t play, then they need to potty. I can hardly pay attention to the service or just seem civil.
 
hoping4more said:
To clarify; I bring a bag of books, maybe a couple of crackers, but try to limit those, and one bottle of water(unless someone is sick then it is separate) let them move in the chair or even in the one next to them. The books last a while and they do pay a little bit of attention, but then they start to climb under the pews and running down the aisles, once one does it the others pickup the behavior and then there are three of them doing it and someone is crying and mad that they can’t play, then they need to potty. I can hardly pay attention to the service or just seem civil.
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Yeah. Stop bringing food. You have 2 that are going to be in First Communion classes soon.

Are they normally this disobedient?

Are you embarrassed to simply let one or all of them sit in the pew and cry? At 5 they will likely discover that they get the dirty looks, not just Mom and Dad.

Books should be geared towarnds Mass and during the homily only.
 
Do they sit still at other times? Do you have family prayer or family quiet reading time where they are encouraged to sit still? Start with 5 minutes for the 5 year old and 3 minutes for the 3 year old. When they can sit still for that period of time, slowly increase the time.

Kids in our world are overstimulated and don’t often get to be bored for awhile. Unless the child has a complex developmental difficulty, you will be surprised what a good effect some organized boredom will have on their attention span!
 
I took my four to mass on my own,they were fairly quiet but each varied in wrigglyness. It really helped to sit next to another person on the other end of the pew ,other side of my children or just the wall with no gap.Somehow mine never wandered ,I knew if I let them then it would happen everytime.Trying to place the children apart who would encourage each other was important .Books or toys that were reserved just for Sunday’s .
My mother’s mysterious handbag when we did go to mass together 🙂 She would bring out holy cards, a sweet cut into minute pieces for emergencies.
All the best and God bless 🙂
 
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Since my wife isn’t Catholic and my kids rarely get to Mass with me I love seeing little kids at Mass, no matter how attentive or crazy they’re being. It gives me a lot of hope and joy to see them.
 
hoping4more said:
what do you do to keep them still during service? Just wanting to hear ideas and tips
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Get movies about Mass for them to watch! 🙂 If they watch these at home, you can reinforce them before you go to church, and the kids will have a category for “this is what Mass is, and why we are here.”
 
I see parents will very NOISY kids pacing int he Narthex and listening to Mass. Parent with squiggly kids pay attention Mass and don’t worry about it.
Running amok? No way.
I’m not a sit still advocate. Being respectful of others and reasonably quiet is all I ever expected. And my kids did fine. Older daughter even led the rosary at age 5 before Mass.
The key is to not get furious with children acting like children. Talk to them about why everyone else is not talking, and so forth. If you feel like they are going over the top, walk them out.
Most kids want to stay inside.
 
Cecilia_Dympna said:
Good luck with that. When you work out how to get a child to sit still, please tell me. In fact please tell everyone.
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:roll_eyes:

I didn’t say my children sit still. In fact, I said in my first post encouraging children to move about is a key to success. And in my reply, I even said let them cry if they are upset they were told no. I do not expect a child will be quiet or still during the average wailing and gnashing of teeth that a 3 or 5yo can put on.

However, there’s a difference between wiggling and staying put and elementary aged children running down the aisle diving under pews. There is a line between normal childish behavior (talking, wiggling, sitting or standing) and behavior–like running off and diving under things-- that would not be accepted in other places–the grocery store, school or even daycare. At 5.5 I was in first grade. Most children today are at least in kindergarten by 5.5. No Kindergarten teacher is going to accept children running around during lessons.

The OP didn’t say her children were wiggly. She said they were diving under pews and running down the aisles. HUGE Difference.
 
hoping4more said:
To clarify; I bring a bag of books, maybe a couple of crackers, but try to limit those, and one bottle of water(unless someone is sick then it is separate) let them move in the chair or even in the one next to them. The books last a while and they do pay a little bit of attention, but then they start to climb under the pews and running down the aisles, once one does it the others pickup the behavior and then there are three of them doing it and someone is crying and mad that they can’t play, then they need to potty. I can hardly pay attention to the service or just seem civil.
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Do you do anything “special” after Mass that the kids enjoy (go out to breakfast, the playground, to see grandparents, watch a movie, whatever)? If not, maybe try to implement something and make it conditional upon good behavior at Mass. It is hard for kids to sit still, but if they have no developmental issues they should not be climbing under pews or running up and down aisles.

Our three year old is generally pretty good (meaning he might squirm around and fidget or whine a bit sometimes), but if he was consistently running around the church he would be in trouble. How do you handle it when they do this?

Also, I do think it’s good to limit the food if there is no medical necessity for it. It makes a mess, stuff gets ground into the carpets and on the pews, and I don’t think it’s respectful.
 
I have 7 kids, three of whom are on the autism spectrum. My youngest is 4, oldest 13. We attend the EF High / Sung Mass every Sunday. Just to let you know I have some experience with getting kiddos to behave in Mass. 😉 I’M AN EXPERT, Y’ALL!! 😆

The most important thing is for Mom and Dad to stay calm.

Sit up front where they can see what’s going on.

Ignore their squirming and whispering as much as you can.

Tell them there’s 2 rules for Church: be still, and be quiet. They’ll get it eventually.

If things get out of hand, make the consequences unpleasant for them so they’ll actually want to be good in church.

Pray for them and ask their guardian angels to make them behave! LOL

Good luck 😇😇😇
 
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The attention span for young children is 2x their age + 2 minutes. The good thing during Catholic mass is that there is something happening at a regular interval and in the same order as last time which makes it familiar to everyone. Standing, sitting, kneeling, listening, responding, praying, walking etc. Teach them the responses and Our Father. Kyrie, Gloria, Sanctus and Agnus Dei as well. Sometimes it is hard if you are singing different tunes or every once in a while in Latin. Pre school age children have a fantastic memory when it comes to learning songs - use that and they will remember them when they are adults and affected by demencia or strokes. Make it a game with your children that they continue singing after you stop when teaching them a song or prayer. One way of getting kids to focus and pay attention is to let them sing in the kid’s choir or altar server. One church I went to when I was on a holiday had several children with Down’s syndrome be altar servers. I read in the church info bulletin that there was a school in the neighbourhood that specialised in teaching children with Down’s syndrome.

When you notice that one of the kids needs to move around a bit send him/her off by him/herself to look at the Stations of the cross or the statue of the virgin Mary or what you have in your church. Tell that child to come back when X starts (a few minutes later). The other child you give a book to look at and then you change when that child needs to move around. Sometimes sitting in the isle or on the floor up front will help as well. When sitting in the pews put a child between adults and not two children who will “entertain one another with not wanted behaviour” beside one another.

We only eat Christ in church so give your kids something to eat before mass starts. Fruit is good - sweets is bad. Toilet visit before mass as well.

There is a huge difference when kids come back to school after the summer holidays the year they turn 7. Several times I have wondered if they are the same kids that I taught 2 months earlier. Children mature at different times. A 7-year-old could be more like a 10-year-old while another is more like a 3-year-old. The same with reading, math, writing, taking on responsibility, being friends etc.

Several adults don’t have a longer attention span than 10 minutes either before their thoughts go on a hike.
 
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If they can’t sit still at that age I would let them stay home and play. You will know they are old enough to sit still when they start demonstrating similar self-control in other areas. Some kids are able to do it much younger than your kids, and others aren’t.
 
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