Getting marriage convalidated - no confession?

[jmcrae]

That’s what my main issue is. I’m more than willing to spend a couple months on the couch if it means I can receive the sacraments.

Plus, if we’re in a “sinful state” regardless of whether we abstain, what is the motivation to abstain? We’re 27, it’s not an easy task.

If I’m still sinning even if we’re not having sex, why am I not having sex with my husband???

The sin isn’t the sex (although sex would compound the problem) - the sin is that you are living together as man and wife (even without sex) without actually having been validly married, yet. He is not your husband - not yet.

If one of you were to move to a separate domicile until after the wedding has taken place, and live like an engaged couple, there would be no problem, I don’t think.

 

[vilmapobre]

yes we did with my husband in St Matthew Church with Fr Marce Singson a Filipino priest. it was very solemn Christ centered celebrated with Liturgical blessing and lunch at a hotel restaurant and went home and enjoyed my wedding cake i baked myself. it was simple and very special witnessed by 2 friends. april 18th our anniversay. i am so blessed and at peace. all glory to God! :harp::harp:

 

[quiet52]

My understanding is that someone invalidly married MUST go to confession before the marriage is convalidated. Just as a young, first-time-married Catholic must be in a state of grace before the wedding.
My suggestion is that you call the diocesan Tribunal Office to ask.
If the answer is different from what your pastor has told you, there is nothing to prevent you from going to a different priest for Reconciliation.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

My understanding is that someone invalidly married MUST go to confession before the marriage is convalidated. Just as a young, first-time-married Catholic must be in a state of grace before the wedding.
My suggestion is that you call the diocesan Tribunal Office to ask.
If the answer is different from what your pastor has told you, there is nothing to prevent you from going to a different priest for Reconciliation.

There’s a difference in going to confession a day before you convalidate your marriage, and going to confession while continuing to live as husband and wife for weeks or months before convalidating your marriage. I don’t think the OP has said how long it will be until the marriage is convalidated, but it doesn’t sound like it’s imminent.

The couple really needs to discuss all of this with their priest.

 

[quiet52]

There’s a difference in going to confession a day before you convalidate your marriage, and going to confession while continuing to live as husband and wife for weeks or months before convalidating your marriage. I don’t think the OP has said how long it will be until the marriage is convalidated, but it doesn’t sound like it’s imminent.

The couple really needs to discuss all of this with their priest.

The OP stated they have agreed to remain abstinent until the marriage is convalidated. That means they would live together as brother and sister. If this wasn’t made clear to the pastor, then yes, they need to stress that to him.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

The OP stated they have agreed to remain abstinent until the marriage is convalidated. That means they would live together as brother and sister. If this wasn’t made clear to the pastor, then yes, they need to stress that to him.

But living together is still potentially a source of scandal and living as brother and sister is not what the Church teaches us to do.

Here are a couple of answers from the experts at EWTN who may explain it better.

From: Rev. Mark J. Gantley, JCL

People who are married outside of the Church should do all possible to try to rectify their situation (e.g., petition for a declaration of nullity for a prior marriage, convalidate the current marriage in the Church). If this is not possible, then they are obligated to separate, not live as brother and sister.

Living as brother and sister is only tolerated for some grave reason – e.g., having dependent children at home. It is not an alternative to separating in other circumstances. And once children are grown and out, then the obligation to separate applies.

I have given lengthier answers on the brother-sister question recently, so for more information, please read some earlier posts. But keep in mind that the Church is not in the business of arranging for men and women to live as siblings. The Church calls us to the ideal – valid marriage, or separation. Source]

Another one:

From Rev. Mark J. Gantley, JCL:

From my reading of Pope John Paul the Great’s letter on the Family Familiaris Consortio and recent statements from the Vatican, if people are not willing to separate from a common household while waiting for a declaration of nullity and the convalidation of their marriage, then they are to refrain from the reception of Holy Communion.

It is not just a matter of avoiding sexual intimacy. It is also leaving oneself in a situation of a near occasion of sin and also scandal to family and friends, who would ordinarily think that the people are living together in an invalid marriage. Somehow, our society has lost all sense of being concerned about scandal. (Scandal is not being all upset about some terrible situation, but it is acts or omissions of acts that lead others to sin, including bad example.)

The possibility of living as brother and sister is limited to certain circumstances, such as the problem separation would cause if there are children involved. In this situation, it would be worse to create an unstable home life for children. Source]

 

[rayne89]

Follow your priest’s advice - he knows your situation better than we can.

I am betting that once the convalidation is done, he will be happy to hear your Confessions, and happy to give you Holy Communion at the very next Mass.

Actually I would think the confession should be done before the convalidation. One would not want to enter a sacrament while in mortal sin. When we had ours convalidated we went to confession three days before hand. Our priest advised us that after confession we needed to abstain from the marital act until after we were convalidated.

 

[rayne89]

But living together is still potentially a source of scandal and living as brother and sister is not what the Church teaches us to do.

Well we already had an almost nine year old daughter by the time we started the convalidation process so my husband moving out was not an option. It was never even brought up by our priest.

 

[Scar]

I’ve attended confession every week since I returned to my faith. I didn’t realize I shouldn’t be. If we abstain, I don’t see where the sin is.

And the point is he won’t ALLOW us to go to confession. Even IF we abstain.

…i don’t think you will solve your issue until you live apart. Hard to say we are not shacking, when we are still shacking… of course you might visit another priest and get his (name removed by moderator)ut… good luck:thumbsup: