Thank you, Morwenna. I used to have quite the “wanderlust”: since I was a teen, I was off travelling, even around the world! (Your homeland is beautiful!)…
Hullo! A lot of what you say resonates with me, a 26 year old, married for now two years.
As a kid and young adult, I’ve always enjoyed travelling and loved the freedom of being away from home during college, AND the option of visiting and “going back” (which I did practically every weekend!) My mom and I are very, very close.
A few months after my marriage, my husband and I moved to S. Korea. Well, I’ve been here almost two and a half years now. And guess what? We’ve an 8 month old son! I honestly did NOT think this would happen. I mean, I knew we’d have kids, but our original plan was to wait until we got back to the States, where all our family and friends are, so we’d have that support. Well, lol, it didn’t happen that way! (What original plan ever does?)
Allow me to admit that the homesickness has been terrible. No friends, no family, and if I want to talk to them I have to schedule it because of the time difference (my morning is their evening for example), can’t understand the language, culture shock, all that. I cried A LOT, and my husband tried his best to be supportive. BUT once I started to make friends, it got easier. Once I understood how the culture worked (more or less, still working on it, still can’t understand the language), it got a little easier.
Allow me to also admit that once I got pregnant, I started getting homesick badly all over again, and I had TERRIBLE all-day morning sickness. I lost a lot of weight, and had to get an IV. The pregnancy was the first in my family and in my husband’s. Yet here I was, half a world away. One thing that helped, was visiting my family for a month when I was three months pregnant. They gave me a baby shower, and provided a bunch of things to take back with me. My parents luckily came to visit and the day after they arrived, our son was born! Lol. What timing huh? My dad could only stay a week because of his work, but my mom stayed a month, and that helped a LOT. It was very hard when she left. And it hasn’t been easy to continue on without that support. BUT it hasn’t been impossible. (Though, lol, try telling myself that up until he was 7 months!)
I’ve missed birthdays, even deaths, Easters, Christmases, including baby’s first (with the family I mean), etc. But as my husband pointed out, he won’t remember those anyway. And as for me, well, there’s ways of communicating such as kakao talk (free texting), skype, etc.
So I guess what I’m trying to say is, I understand, and I hope you’ll see that there are those who have walked this path before, not just me of course, and hopefully they will be a sort of inspiration in realizing that, you’re not alone, if others have done it, so can you. Take it one step at a time. Know that your family is still there for you, even if not physically. Keep strong in your faith, that will help tremendously.
And also, being ONE with your husband will be of immense value. All these challenges, my husband and I faced
together. I cannot stress to you how much that’s important. If you don’t, it makes everything so much worse. It may be difficult, but for love of him if nothing else, be
excited about your future with him! And when you get there, do things together, go places, visit the sites and hear the sounds. It’s okay to make him your comfort zone at first, until you grow in confidence about your surroundings. It’s okay to lean on him, he’s your husband! And I’m sure he wants whats best for you, and will try hard to make you happy despite your discomforts. Allow him to try! And definitely keep yourself busy. I’ve been taking some “for fun” classes that are free on
Coursera.org (currently I’m taking a class in archaeology, it’s great!) and (since I’ve a baby) getting together with other expat moms. I’ve been very lonely, and I’ve made use of CAF to help with it, as well as the just mentioned things. But granted, it doesn’t truly go away, at least it hasn’t for me, but it’s made it easier to bear.
I understand your wanting to settle down. And now, two years and half later, and with a baby, I’m feeling it even stronger. I’ve told my husband, if he wanted to stay longer, then we can, because I love him. But that I want to go back now, it’s been a good long time, I’ve learned to enjoy it, but now I think it’s time to go back so my child and any future ones aren’t raised so far from family. Lol, surprisingly, I’ve found it easier to live here, certainly cheaper in many ways, a little expensive in others (health care is freakin amazing, and clothes ridiculous lol). If I didn’t have family, I could actually now see myself staying here! Who would’ve thought?? And now I’m happy to say we’ll be going back in late April. But I’m surprised to say that I’m actually nervous about going back. Will he be able to find a job? Will we have as good of health care (the States are in a ridiculous health care mode right now)? Will my child(ren) be safe, as I know they’ve actually have a better chance of being safer here? Lol, they say the grass is greener on the other side, but I think sometimes it seems greener under your feet where you are currently standing!
So good luck to you! Try to see it as non-permanent situation. After all, in the end, you really can decide to go back. Give it a run, to at least say you’ve tried. Sure the job may be great (my husband has a great one right now), the connections he’s made are great, but it’s still a choice whether to continue or go back. And there’s no shame in going back, if you decide to.
Trust in God. And as a friend used to say, “Grow where you are planted.” :hug3:
P.S. I’m sorry for writing a freakin book! PM me anytime if you want! =)
