Getting Married: Thoughts and *Vent*

[Norseman82]

In fact, I have a theory that late marriage contributes to an increased divorce rate. During those lingering years of unmarried adulthood, young people may not be getting married, but they’re still falling in love. They fall in love, and break up, and undergo terrible pain, but find that with time they get over it. This is true even if they remain chaste. By the time these young people marry, they may have had many opportunities to learn how to walk away from a promise. They’ve been training for divorce.

On a similar note, there are the cliches that we hear that are along the lines of “until you can accept being alone” or “living as ahappy single”, you are not ready to be married, or that if you feel you need someone else in your life you are doing something wrong because you are looking for happiness outside yourself and need to make your own happiness first. This, too, is implicit training for divorce, because it reinforces the notion of “I don’t need anyone else”, and I wonder how much of that attitude causes people to bolt relationships instead of trying to work things out. (Additionally, if a person truly could accept being alone for the rest of their lives, that probably means they can handle lifelong celibacy and I have to ask what is holding them back from entering/discerning one of the celibate vocations they may be eligible for).

Late marriage means fighting the design of our bodies, and that’s never a fight we can win. "

Well, whether it is due to uptightness or uncomfortability on the subject of sex, it seems nobody wants to publicly speak of “designs of our bodies” except to condemn people for bringing it up in the first place like it is something shameful to talk about. And if you want a humdinger of an example, go to this thread:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=160800

Yet St. Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 twice mentions about marriage as a way of avoiding sexual sin. Yet, we hear so many people condemn “marrying for lust” - granted, if lust is the only basis for your marriage that is not good, but neither is it good to go to the other extreme and sweep it under the rug entirely.

 

[homewardbound]

Interesting thread.

I am 22 and honestly have never been single. Not since I was 16. I have always jumped from relationship to relationship. I’ve had three long term relationships, and walking away gets easier and easier. It is great training for divorce. Of course, the man I was dating at 18 was not for me and I am glad to have left him.

I know now I am with the man I am going to marry. The only thing keeping us from marrying now is that he refuses to marry me until I am confirmed Catholic. That won’t be for another year, so we wait, By then he will be graduating college.

Marrying now would be nice, but waiting doesn’t always have to be a bad thing either. I believe, even though people marry older, they often rush into marriage as well. Most newlyweds I know only dated for a few months before walking down the aisle. Definitely need more time than that to know if someone is the one for you.

Also, I need this year to grow and learn as I get ready to enter the Church. I want to be strong in my faith before I marry so I am more prepared to be a Catholic wife and mother.

 

[graceandglory]

Nothing wrong with early marriage. Age 21 or 22 would be fine, but nothing wrong with 18 either.

I think that we have to promote that, rather than the alternative, premarital sexual temptation and premarital sex. I want my children to remain virgins until they marry. I want my boys to be able to provide for their family. I want them to go to college.

We parents need to put our money and our comfort and our expectations where our heart is. If my child is in a relationship leading to marriage, but I want him to finish college first, where does that put him?

I’m really against the huge house for every couple thing that we have promoted in the US for only 2 generations. If we want to promote a culture of life, and of life-giving love, and responsibility, it has to start in the home.

There is nothing wrong with having married children living with Mom and Dad. That is how it was done in previous generations for all of history.

 

[Charlotte12]

Not sure if I’m Generation X or Generation Y - my parents were on the early side of the Baby Boom, but they waited for a long time before they had me - but I definitely agree with the poster who said that our generations have their own mess of problems. We are absorbed in ourselves: thoroughly convinced of our own “specialness,” and reluctant to hold difficult careers that appear to put that “specialness” in jeopardy.

Just think of the popularity of Facebook, which is a feel-good celebration of the self.

In our defense, we are a very service-oriented group, but we tend to prefer service that makes a good photo-op, such as cuddling children and serving soup to homeless people. Then we go put the pictures on Facebook and feel good about ourselves.

Forgive me if I sound cynical. I think that all of the service projects we participate in are good and healthy! I just don’t think they prepare us all that well for the messiness of life in the real world, where we’re going to encounter challenges that we definitely don’t want pictures of.**

 

[whatevergirl]

Reminds me of a co-worker:
“I’ve never waited more than a week to sleep with a girlfriend”

Thats sickening.

That, and sickening that he feels the need to share that tidbit with you.

 

[whatevergirl]

Well, what an interesting thread.

Is the thrust of Lucy’s post that, since her generation has made the choice to get married later that they shouldn’t be held to the same standard of sexual sin that previous generations were?

My generation (I’m at the tail end of the Boomers) is not responsible for when YOUR generation gets married. We are NOT responsible for the life choices you make. You are.

Every generation thinks the previous generation had it easier/better and screwed it up for them. Well, that might be partly true. It seems, from my observation, that the Gen X/Y kids just whine a lot. I know that’s not true, but it sure seems that way.

*Agree here. *

 

[CountrySinger]

That, and sickening that he feels the need to share that tidbit with you.

I hear so many tidbits like that from my friends. I know WAY too much about their sex lives.

And WG: KITTY! (In reference to your avatar).

 

[RobnBobA1]

Hey Rob in Oregon (or anyone),

I know laying blame in one particular area will do no good, I’m wondering if this question might be one to dive into…

Who raised the baby boomer folks to be the way they are? Or did they just become this way on their own?

Is it the idea of wanting to provide financially for the family after the depression? Was this the motivation? Is this a chicken and egg question? At what point was there a change in priorities/morals? Is there a source?

I do not wuite think that it was the way that they were raised, but rather the cycles that happen in society. Think of it as a pendulum slowing moving from one direction to the other. My mother describes it in this fashion having grown up in the 60s and 70s. That the generation before had swung too far to the “right” or rather was very very conservative and it recieved a backlash. When this country reaches it peak on the “left” or liberal veiws, I expect another backlash to bring us back either to the center or far back to the “right”

 

[whatevergirl]

I hear so many tidbits like that from my friends. I know WAY too much about their sex lives.

And WG: KITTY! (In reference to your avatar).

*Like him? That’s Saber. Our older kitty.

Regarding people sharing way tmi…I had a few friends like that in college…I think it is a sign of insecurity, when someone feels the need to share that kind of information…and immaturity. Have to keep praying that we turn the corner in our culture. *

 

[CountrySinger]

*Like him? That’s Saber. Our older kitty.

Regarding people sharing way tmi…I had a few friends like that in college…I think it is a sign of insecurity, when someone feels the need to share that kind of information…and immaturity. Have to keep praying that we turn the corner in our culture. *

He’s a cutie! My album on here has my two kitties in it. They are cuter than me, lol. I never had the need to share tmi stuff to my friends. And I don’t need to know stuff about their husbands, and it is awkward when I see them in person.

 

[whatevergirl]

He’s a cutie! My album on here has my two kitties in it. They are cuter than me, lol. I never had the need to share tmi stuff to my friends. And I don’t need to know stuff about their husbands, and it is awkward when I see them in person.

Yeah, I don’t get it. lol

 

[CountrySinger]

Yeah, I don’t get it. lol

So when they start, I say something about my cats. Like “My cats poop is really stinky”. Or “WHOA! Look at that hairball!” My cats aren’t that disgusting, but it gets the point across.

 

[Nec5]

I don’t think it matters if you spend your most fertile years celibate, or those that you’re at your ‘sexual peak’…I mean, what do you suggest? Marry younger, or…do as the ‘world’ does?

My dh and I were almost 30 when we married 7 years ago and we were both virgins. I know it ‘shocked’ a lot of people, but honestly, having SOME self-control sets you in good stead for your WHOLE life (not just your sex-life). I don’t think I ever ‘missed’ sex when I was single (he was my first and only boyfriend, we met when I was 28), and he says the same. I think it’s all about what is more important to you: obeying God’s Laws, or the worlds’ …

This is probably the most intelligent and wise comment about this topic ever made. It really sums up God’s order and its relationship with our broken world.

For the record, I’m 30 and am still a virgin. It would be absurdly easy to change that fact. Women today are pathetically “open for business”. That does not excuse my fellow man from partaking, however. Another way I look at it is that I’m a man, not an animal. I had two great dogs growing up, but they humped everything that moved. I try to be better than that. If you can’t control your urges, you are little better than a beast.

It is no coincidence that virtually everyone I know sleeps around and is divorced and/or single with kids. Sadly, this message is not likely to sink in because it’s much easier to associate sex with other necessities like food and water. Then it’s no longer a sin, but should, in fact, be celebrated as “personal individual expression”. Pure nonsense. Control your appetites or they will control you. I’ve seen how that story ends; it isn’t pretty and often involves grandparents raising grandchildren, which is incredibly ironic.