Getting married- what to expect?

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AKDee

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So I’m a Catholic that was baptized/confirmed Easter 2015 so relatively new. I’ve never been to a Catholic wedding.

My fiance and I have met the Church requirements for us to get married (marriage prep, annulment for him, etc) and we have set the date for Nov. 23. My fiance is not Catholic. I have asked for a non-Mass ceremony and our deacon will be officiating.

Can people here tell me what to expect? What to plan for? This is going to be a very small wedding, with about 8 total guests. Half will be Catholic and half will not be. Is my fiance supposed to have a best man, or not? Am I supposed to have a bridesmaid? I have absolutely no idea how Catholic weddings work. The only thing I’ve been told is that we’re supposed to pick the readings we want.

And I looked and found only one thread that discusses a stipend for the deacon- can someone let me know what is customary? I would like to offer whatever is customary and not risk offending our deacon by offering too little or too much. The only thread I found on this seemed to indicate it could be anywhere from $0 to $1000 and with the Catholic Church being so methodical about so many other things I would be surprised if there isn’t something standard?

I would so appreciate any advice. I’ve never been married, never helped anyone plan a marriage, and I’ve only attended two marriages in my life and both were non-religious outdoor weddings so I’m truly clueless.
 
AKDee said:
Can people here tell me what to expect? What to plan for? This is going to be a very small wedding, with about 8 total guests. Half will be Catholic and half will not be. Is my fiance supposed to have a best man, or not? Am I supposed to have a bridesmaid? I have absolutely no idea how Catholic weddings work. The only thing I’ve been told is that we’re supposed to pick the readings we want.
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Congratulations

You can have whatever you want. Bridesmaids, groomsman, best man, maid of honor-- those are typical things at a Catholic wedding, which is pretty much like any other wedding in that regard.

You can have one, ten, or none.

You need the officiant and two witnesses. Typically those two witnesses stand up with you-- i.e. “best man” and “maid/matron of honor”

What you wear, what they wear, etc, is totally up to you.
AKDee said:
And I looked and found only one thread that discusses a stipend for the deacon- can someone let me know what is customary?
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Ask at your parish office. It varies greatly from place to place. Ultimately, whatever you want to give is fine.
AKDee said:
if there isn’t something standard?
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In our diocese, the bishop has set a standard, but people are free to give more.
 
AKDee said:
So I’m a Catholic that was baptized/confirmed Easter 2015 so relatively new. I’ve never been to a Catholic wedding.

My fiance and I have met the Church requirements for us to get married (marriage prep, annulment for him, etc) and we have set the date for Nov. 23. My fiance is not Catholic. I have asked for a non-Mass ceremony and our deacon will be officiating.

Can people here tell me what to expect? What to plan for? This is going to be a very small wedding, with about 8 total guests. Half will be Catholic and half will not be. Is my fiance supposed to have a best man, or not? Am I supposed to have a bridesmaid? I have absolutely no idea how Catholic weddings work. The only thing I’ve been told is that we’re supposed to pick the readings we want.

And I looked and found only one thread that discusses a stipend for the deacon- can someone let me know what is customary? I would like to offer whatever is customary and not risk offending our deacon by offering too little or too much. The only thread I found on this seemed to indicate it could be anywhere from $0 to $1000 and with the Catholic Church being so methodical about so many other things I would be surprised if there isn’t something standard?

I would so appreciate any advice. I’ve never been married, never helped anyone plan a marriage, and I’ve only attended two marriages in my life and both were non-religious outdoor weddings so I’m truly clueless.
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Speak to the Parish Secretary or Wedding Coordinator at your church.
The fees may be to cover utilities, paying someone to come and open the church and lock up, clean up behind you, etc. It differs from place to place.
What you give as a stipend to priest or deacon is up to you. I can tell you that no one expects a thousand dollars. Typically those amounts are thrown around for big Cathedrals and Churches that are tourist attractions, if you will, for non-parishioners. For example, our parish in Ireland is the place where Pierce Brosnan got married, The entire place shut down, no through traffic, and he gave a chunk, but then, he CAN. Regular parishioners have no demand for such. Don’t fret. All will be well. 👍
It needn’t be a source of worry for you. Just ask.
Congratulations. 😉
 
In our parish the standard wedding donation is $150. How many people you have in your wedding is up to you. When I got married, it was just us two and the priest.
 
Aside from the ceremony, may I politely add that both of you ask each other what you expect from marriage? I’ve seen some people act a bit surprised to find out the person they married had certain issues or plans or other things in mind that weren’t discussed before the ceremony.

Best,
Ed
 
edwest2 said:
Aside from the ceremony, may I politely add that both of you ask each other what you expect from marriage? I’ve seen some people act a bit surprised to find out the person they married had certain issues or plans or other things in mind that weren’t discussed before the ceremony.
Best,
Ed
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A lot of that was gone over in our marriage prep, but it’s always worth another discussion. Thank you!

Thanks to everyone who has answered so far - I did contact the parish secretary and she said that a $200 donation to cover the Church and $150 for the deacon is good.

I’m still pretty clueless as to what to expect so any advise and (name removed by moderator)ut is always appreciated.
 
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