Getting our marriage blessed

[Abrigham]

My husband and I are planning to join the Church (yes! My husband has come around and decided to go through RCIA and join the Church! I could NOT be happier!!!) and we will be getting our marriage blessed. Neither of us has been married before, so that’s not an issue. Can anyone explain this process? And are we not supposed to make love until it’s blessed? I’m currently pregnant and we have an 18 month old son, who we will be getting baptized soon. Does that matter? Is there a wedding-like ceremony?

 

[Phemie]

My husband and I are planning to join the Church (yes! My husband has come around and decided to go through RCIA and join the Church! I could NOT be happier!!!) and we will be getting our marriage blessed. Neither of us has been married before, so that’s not an issue. Can anyone explain this process? And are we not supposed to make love until it’s blessed? I’m currently pregnant and we have an 18 month old son, who we will be getting baptized soon. Does that matter? Is there a wedding-like ceremony?

You are both non-Catholic, as in neither one of you was baptized Catholic as a child? You are married already?
Then you are validly married and there is no need to do anything else.

On the other hand, if you want to do something special you can ask for the Nuptial Blessing once you are both Catholic or you can renew your vows.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

All I can tell you is that I was Catholic but married outside the Church. Like you…it was our only marriage. It was a very small renewal of vows type ceremony. Most priests actually like them better because the couple really knows what they are getting into…they have been through the for better/for worse.

Same ceremony…but no need for it to be elaborate. We had a few friends…and it was after Mass…and we invited people over to our house afterwards for cake.

 

[1ke]

My husband and I are planning to join the Church (yes! My husband has come around and decided to go through RCIA and join the Church! I could NOT be happier!!!) and we will be getting our marriage blessed. Neither of us has been married before, so that’s not an issue. Can anyone explain this process? And are we not supposed to make love until it’s blessed? I’m currently pregnant and we have an 18 month old son, who we will be getting baptized soon. Does that matter? Is there a wedding-like ceremony?

Based on what you have presented here, you are validly married.

You do not get your marriage “blessed”. The actual term is convalidation. Convalidation makes an invalid marriage valid. Yours is already valid.

As Phemie suggested, the priest can give you the Nuptial Blessing, which is not a convalidation but rather a special prayer.

 

[Abrigham]

You are both non-Catholic, as in neither one of you was baptized Catholic as a child? You are married already?
Then you are validly married and there is no need to do anything else.

On the other hand, if you want to do something special you can ask for the Nuptial Blessing once you are both Catholic or you can renew your vows.

I was baptized a Catholic, but never had my first communion. He was baptized Methodist. We are already married.

 

[Abrigham]

Based on what you have presented here, you are validly married.

You do not get your marriage “blessed”. The actual term is convalidation. Convalidation makes an invalid marriage valid. Yours is already valid.

As Phemie suggested, the priest can give you the Nuptial Blessing, which is not a convalidation but rather a special prayer.

Awesome!

Thanks for all of your responses!

 

[1ke]

I was baptized a Catholic, but never had my first communion. He was baptized Methodist. We are already married.

Ok, well, this is new information.

You said you and your husband planned to join the Church. But you are already a Catholic, which means you are likely married outside the Catholic Church and then indeed you are in need of a convalidation.

Your priest can explain the process and give you spiritual guidance on how you should conduct yourselves between now and the convalidation.

There is some premarital paperwork, and what sort of counseling or class might be needed varies from diocese to diocese. The ceremony itself is the exchange of consent and vows before a priest and two witnesses. It can be very simple or more elaborate if you would like.

 

[JGMendes4049]

I was baptized a Catholic, but never had my first communion. He was baptized Methodist. We are already married.

Since you never made your first Holy Communion, that means you probably received little to no religious education. So your priest may have you take RCIA classes so you can be confirmed and receive Holy Communion.

Thereafter, your marriage will need to be convalidated.

Welcome home and good luck! I will be praying for you.

Edit: Also, when you talk to your priest, ask if you can arrange for the baptism of the child in your womb to take place in the first few weeks after birth.

 

[Abrigham]

Thank you! Sorry I accidentally left out my baptism in my main post. I’m really excited to begin our next chapter as practicing Catholics. I know it’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it. We will definitely be getting our newest little one baptized as soon as we can.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

Thank you! Sorry I accidentally left out my baptism in my main post. I’m really excited to begin our next chapter as practicing Catholics. I know it’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it. We will definitely be getting our newest little one baptized as soon as we can.

Welcome Home!

 

[Vico]

My husband and I are planning to join the Church (yes! My husband has come around and decided to go through RCIA and join the Church! I could NOT be happier!!!) and we will be getting our marriage blessed. Neither of us has been married before, so that’s not an issue. Can anyone explain this process? And are we not supposed to make love until it’s blessed? I’m currently pregnant and we have an 18 month old son, who we will be getting baptized soon. Does that matter? Is there a wedding-like ceremony?

Good! A simple convalidation will make your civil marriage a true Catholic marriage. Yes, you should abstain from marital relations meantime, because a baptized Catholic is bound to get approval of the Church to be validly married.

americancatholic.org/messenger/feb2004/feature2.asp

idotaketwo.com/marriage-convalidation.html

 

[DSJJ]

No one brought up the no relations part! Going by what you have said on this thread, the church does not reconize your current situation so you can not have relations…

 

[1ke]

No one brought up the no relations part! Going by what you have said on this thread, the church does not reconize your current situation so you can not have relations…

See my post number 7: *Your priest can explain the process and give you spiritual guidance on how you should conduct yourselves between now and the convalidation. *

This is the realm of her priest to discuss with her in confession and spiritual counseling.

 

[thomasf]

No one brought up the no relations part! Going by what you have said on this thread, the church does not reconize your current situation so you can not have relations…

This is not always true. My priest told me that was unreasonable to expect a civilly married couple to not have relations before our marriage was convalidated.

 

[Vico]

Blessed Pope John Paul II wrote in 1981, in the Apostolic Exhortation Familiaris Consortio, that those Catholics living together in civil marriages cannot be admitted to the sacraments.

c) Catholics in Civil Marriages

1. There are increasing cases of Catholics who for ideological or practical reasons, prefer to contract a merely civil marriage, and who reject or at least defer religious marriage. Their situation cannot of course be likened to that of people simply living together without any bond at all, because in the present case there is at least a certain commitment to a properly-defined and probably stable state of life, even though the possibility of a future divorce is often present in the minds of those entering a civil marriage. By seeking public recognition of their bond on the part of the State, such couples show that they are ready to accept not only its advantages but also its obligations. Nevertheless, not even this situation is acceptable to the Church.

The aim of pastoral action will be to make these people understand the need for consistency between their choice of life and the faith that they profess, and to try to do everything possible to induce them to regularize their situation in the light of Christian principle. While treating them with great charity and bringing them into the life of the respective communities, the pastors of the Church will regrettably not be able to admit them to the sacraments.

vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_19811122_familiaris-consortio_en.html

 

[DSJJ]

This is not always true. My priest told me that was unreasonable to expect a civilly married couple to not have relations before our marriage was convalidated.

My priest told me contraception is ok to use…Sometimes priest tell you wrong things…

 

[YoungTradCath]

My priest told me contraception is ok to use…Sometimes priest tell you wrong things…

 

[Phemie]

Don’t be so shocked. It was common advice back in the 70s and 80s. One former Pastor even did his thesis on why contraception was OK and he was totally in favour of it. After a conversation with him do you think I had any qualms about signing the consent for my husband’s vasectomy? Whole groups of us were advised back in university that if we had a good reason we could use the pill. Just what constituted a ‘good reason’ was left up to us. Do you think many of us looked further into the matter? Heck, no, a priest had told us it was OK.

 

[Vico]

Don’t be so shocked. It was common advice back in the 70s and 80s. One former Pastor even did his thesis on why contraception was OK and he was totally in favour of it. After a conversation with him do you think I had any qualms about signing the consent for my husband’s vasectomy? Whole groups of us were advised back in university that if we had a good reason we could use the pill. Just what constituted a ‘good reason’ was left up to us. Do you think many of us looked further into the matter? Heck, no, a priest had told us it was OK.

I know that the encyclical is not an infallible dogmatic definition, but Pope Paul VI in Humanae Vitae taught against sterilization and contraception (other than NFP), in July 25, 1968, and Popes since the time of the Anglican Lambeth Conferance (1930) that condoned use of condoms. So the teaching is at least to be held as an ordinary teaching of the Magisterium.

vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html

Since that time the laws in the USA changed dramatically:

1969 Byrne v Karelexis - private posession of obsenity is protected by 1st and 14th amendments
1972 Eisenstadt v Baird - right to distribute condoms to the married
1973 Roe v Wade - all the individual state bans on abortion during the first trimester become unconstitutional
1977 Carey v Population Services International - cannot prohibit sale of contraceptives to those under 16, …
1992 Planned Parenthood v. Casey - upheld the constitutional right to have an abortion
1996 DOMA marriage was explicitly defined in federal law as a union of one man and one woman
2003 US 558 Lawrence v Texas - same-sex sexual activity legalized

 

[Phemie]

But you have to remember that Canadian Bishops as a group rejected “Humanae Vitae”. The reply to that encyclical was the Winnipeg Statement, a document which has never been rescinded and which some priests believe the Vatican approved (what they did was acknowledge receipt, not give approval). That document has never been rescinded although four years ago the Canadian Bishops issued a pastoral letter titled “Liberating Potential” that was unquestioned as being in full conformity with Humanae Vitae, and invited all to “to discover or rediscover” its message.

How many priests have read it or will have 40 years of belief that ABC is OK reversed is unknown. I know that the priest who is our administrator and who was our pastor for 4 years wouldn’t dream of telling a couple they are doing something wrong by using ABC. He has made that very clear and he’s the one who told me that the Pope had approved of the Winnipeg Statement.

I know for a fact that in my town there is no one who teaches NFP. It’s not mentioned as part of Marriage Preparation, particularly since the priest does that preparation himself and thinks ABC is just hunky-dory.