Getting past what other people think about you

[DarkLight]

This one has been a very big struggle for me. Growing up I was always taught that we needed to “be a good testimony for Jesus.” That meant always wearing nice clothes to church (lest people think you weren’t serious), making sure you were smiling (lest people think Christians are miserable), never being seen in places like bars (lest people think you’re a drunk)…things like that. Basically the first thing on your mind had to be, what will others think of me.

And I can’t get past that. I know it’s not supposed to be so important, but I can’t stop thinking - say I need to show up to church in my dirty work clothes instead of dressed nicely, I can’t stop thinking the whole service about people seeing me like that and thinking I don’t even care enough to dress nicely so church must not be all that important after all.

How do you get past this?

 

[7_Sorrows]

I would think if you showed up in your work clothes they would determine you had just got off work and how nice that even though you might be tired after working all night or all day you still made it to Mass.
Could you take a clean set off clothes to work and change before you left work? -if that would make you feel better.

 

[mommy_k]

We are to live with Catholic dignity. This is different then approval of others. We are called to be examples to others, but the example should come from within. Superficial appearances are just that if there is no depth to a person.

I understand what you are saying about putting your best self forward to be a testimony to bring others to the church.But it should not hinder your relationshship with Christ. I met a very nice person at church, years ago. When I met her, she dressed nice, had her makeup and hair nice, and was very warm and friendly. As the years progressed, I noticed that she gradullay stopped wearing makeup, and her hair did not have as many highlights.

For those who did not converse with her- perhaps they thought she was letting herself go–but the conversations I have with her tell me different. This woman has elevated herself not to focus on things for people’s approval. Her focus is on Jesus. The gentleness of her soul had increased, and she is becoming a very holy person. She has progressed from a very nice person, to a person that completely lives for Christ and others. She has a peace that surrounds her, and many many people enjoy her comforting presense. Hopefully one day, I will have the grace, freedom, and peace that she has acheived in this regard. Now she is a true testimony.

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

You seem very self Conscious about the image you portray to the world ,
Perhaps to the point of Obsession ,
What you need to learn is to be Comfortable with yourself ,
,breath deep and be confident in yourself , being told your whole life that you must live
To a high expectation can become stressful to you,
Just be yourself, pray , live , enjoy ,

 

[Dorothy]

It helps me to get into the habit of focusing on the Lord on the Cross when I begin to feel concerned about what others think of me.

The feelings I have about others come and go…I need to not focus on their bad habits. God created them and loves them as well as me.

Others sometimes say things in jest that can hurt…I am still learning to let it go and think of the Lord and how misunderstood He was. At other times I am able to peacefully explain to them that they had hurt my feelings.

Oh…the struggles of our fallen nature! The Lord appreciates our best efforts…

Praise be to the Lord!

 

[puzzledtoo]

It seems you’ve gotten quite a bit of good advice. The only thing I would like to add is a quote that I read almost daily from St. Francis of Assisi.
"Blessed is the servant who esteems himself no better when he is praised and exalted by people than when he is considered worthless, simple, and despicable; for what a man is before God, that he is nothing more."

 

[LoveMercyGrace]

We are to live with Catholic dignity. This is different then approval of others. We are called to be examples to others, but the example should come from within. Superficial appearances are just that if there is no depth to a person.

I understand what you are saying about putting your best self forward to be a testimony to bring others to the church.But it should not hinder your relationshship with Christ. I met a very nice person at church, years ago. When I met her, she dressed nice, had her makeup and hair nice, and was very warm and friendly. As the years progressed, I noticed that she gradullay stopped wearing makeup, and her hair did not have as many highlights.

For those who did not converse with her- perhaps they thought she was letting herself go–but the conversations I have with her tell me different. This woman has elevated herself not to focus on things for people’s approval. Her focus is on Jesus. The gentleness of her soul had increased, and she is becoming a very holy person. She has progressed from a very nice person, to a person that completely lives for Christ and others. She has a peace that surrounds her, and many many people enjoy her comforting presense. Hopefully one day, I will have the grace, freedom, and peace that she has acheived in this regard. Now she is a true testimony.

 

[fhansen]

This one has been a very big struggle for me. Growing up I was always taught that we needed to “be a good testimony for Jesus.” That meant always wearing nice clothes to church (lest people think you weren’t serious), making sure you were smiling (lest people think Christians are miserable), never being seen in places like bars (lest people think you’re a drunk)…things like that. Basically the first thing on your mind had to be, what will others think of me.

And I can’t get past that. I know it’s not supposed to be so important, but I can’t stop thinking - say I need to show up to church in my dirty work clothes instead of dressed nicely, I can’t stop thinking the whole service about people seeing me like that and thinking I don’t even care enough to dress nicely so church must not be all that important after all.

How do you get past this?

It’s difficult-fear of other’s opinions is actually related to pride. To be beyond that fear, that shame, is not easy-and being a misanthrope isn’t the answer either! But this fear leads us around by the nose, causing us to compromise the truth of who we are-all humans are under its sway to one degree or another. Some use it to manipulate others. The answer is in only wanting to please God, as I see it, truly worshiping Him before all else, and continuously growing in that attitude by continuing to grow in our knowledge of and love for Him. It’s all part of the process, actually, of being justified, as we cooperate with His grace.

 

[Sarcelle]

This one has been a very big struggle for me. Growing up I was always taught that we needed to “be a good testimony for Jesus.” That meant always wearing nice clothes to church (lest people think you weren’t serious), making sure you were smiling (lest people think Christians are miserable), never being seen in places like bars (lest people think you’re a drunk)…things like that. Basically the first thing on your mind had to be, what will others think of me.

And I can’t get past that. I know it’s not supposed to be so important, but I can’t stop thinking - say I need to show up to church in my dirty work clothes instead of dressed nicely, I can’t stop thinking the whole service about people seeing me like that and thinking I don’t even care enough to dress nicely so church must not be all that important after all.

How do you get past this?

I will go ahead and speculate that I am probably older than you. When you get to be my age you realize that others do not actually spend a lot of time focusing on you. They are in all likelihood worrying about how others view them. Just like you.

Just tell yourself that what others think of you is none of your business. It works for me.