Getting Rid of a 'Friend'

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ashley1985

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First I apologize if this doesn’t belong here I’m not really sure where to post this. I don’t particularly need prayers but I need advice.
For a few months I’ve known this girl and at first I considered her a friend. I even accepted that she was an atheist lesbian. She was nice at first but then it became tiring to be around her. She’d make religious jokes even after I’d ask her not to. She continually asked me to go to places I didn’t want to go to, even after politely declining. I would try to avoid her as much as I could. I’ve recently had some family issues going on so I don’t talk to her as much as I used to but I’d just like for her to find some other friends that she can get along better with. How can I get her to leave me alone?
Again, I apologize if this doesn’t belong here.
 
Delete her number, ignore her calls. Take her off of any social media. It’s not that difficult.
 
Just ask her. Charitably tell her you don’t believe your values are the same. Let her know you care about her but would rather not spend as much time with those who do not share your interests and values.
 
Just tell her you don’t enjoy the things she does and she should be asking other people. And then just back away.
 
Well if I’m online I log out of whatever social media site I’m on. I’ve had to delete some of my social media accounts because of this. Offline I try to get away as soon as I can meaning I’ll say a little white lie and tell her I have somewhere else to me, I’m busy, ect. I don’t know if she’s lonely or if this is a weird joke to her but she needs new friends that aren’t me. To me it seems like she doesn’t get the hint won’t leave me alone. Did you mean this or her body language?
I’m not really sure if I explained my answer well, I made my post last night out of haste because she sent me an e-mail and as stupid as this sounds I had had the last straw and just needed to vent. I’m sorry if this was stupid.
 
Are you in highschool?

“Karen, I really don’t like how you treat me and make fun of me. I’m not interested in hanging out anymore and it’s not up for debate. I hope you do well, bye”

Why all this pussy-footing around the issue? Because she’s an atheist? You don’t dislike her for what she believes but how she acts. You’re behaving just as childishly as she is.
 
Lou2U said:
Don’t hint. Just be upfront and tell her.
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And be nice. There is no reason to go all mean girl on her. Be yourself and take yourself out of her picture. It’s worth having a difficult conversation, even if you do it by email or text.
 
ashley1985 said:
Did you mean this or her body language?
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Yes, I just wondered how she was stalking you and how you were responding to the stalking.
ashley1985 said:
I’m not really sure if I explained my answer well, I made my post last night out of haste because she sent me an e-mail and as stupid as this sounds I had had the last straw and just needed to vent. I’m sorry if this was stupid.
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No, I don’t think so at all! It is a very difficult situation, and you want to give a Christian response, but you are feeling wary about the awkwardness that has been produced.
 
That’s pretty freaking mean. Why not just address the issue like an adult? Say, “I’ve asked you to stop making offensive jokes about my faith and you won’t, so I don’t really enjoy talking to you.”
 
I’m sorry I’m so immature. I already stated I made this post in haste when I got upset over something last night. I admitted it was stupid and I’M STUPID! Okay?
 
ashley1985 said:
How can I get her to leave me alone?
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You have two alternatives:
  1. The Direct Approach
    "Sue, I’ve been thinking about our friendship and I just don’t think we’re on the same page with what we enjoy doing, or with how we feel about religion. I think it would be better if we didn’t see each other anymore and each found other friends that were more in tune with what we believe and like to do. I hope you understand. " If Sue gets mad, end the conversation as fast as you can. If Sue keeps contacting you, then block her on social media, on your phone, etc. and have nothing more to do with her.
  2. The Indirect Approach
    Don’t respond to her e-mails, don’t answer the phone when she calls, and if she does manage to get hold of you and invite you to something, say you can’t because you’re busy.
    She’ll probably get the message.
 
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ashley1985 said:
I’m sorry I’m so immature. I already stated I made this post in haste when I got upset over something last night. I admitted it was stupid and I’M STUPID! Okay?
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You have nothing to apologize for here. You did nothing wrong and are handling this correctly. Unfortunately there will always be people on forums such as this with poor advice. You are doing fine.
 
Allegra said:
That’s pretty freaking mean. Why not just address the issue like an adult? Say, “I’ve asked you to stop making offensive jokes about my faith and you won’t, so I don’t really enjoy talking to you.”
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You’re reading tone into it that isn’t there. She said the woman was unusally attached and felt she was the reciepant of a “wierd joke”. She needs to be firm.
 
I actually think there is a difference between stupid and immature.

I don’t think you’re being stupid. To me that would indicate that you know the right thing to do but you’re doing the opposite anyway. I seen no indication that you are doing this on purpose but that perhaps you don’t know any better.

You paint a really ugly picture of a former friend who had been bullying you and is now harassing you. Rather than admit there is an issue you use white lies and misdirection hoping she will get the picture time after time. Your inaction is as much to blame as her actions in this issue. She is VERY immature to bully you.

“When a person tells you who they are, believe them”

You need to be firm the friendship is over because of her behavior.

I think you need to be very, very clear that the friendship is over. If she’s half as manipulative/needy as you make her sound, my guess would be you’d get a tearful apology asking you to be more of a Christian and be her friend again.

That likely outcome, prepared with your inexperience in handling difficult people is a true recipe for disaster.
 
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Please don’t call yourself stupid. It takes time to navigate friendships. A lot of the time, we’re afraid to be mean–and we shouldn’t want to be mean–but the fear of being perceived as mean makes us avoid conflict, even when being direct is really the kindest thing we could do. To us strangers on the internet, it seems like a pretty simple thing–just tell her you don’t want to hang out! But to you, of course, it is harder, because you’re in the middle of it! Best of luck.
 
ashley1985 said:
I’m sorry I’m so immature. I already stated I made this post in haste when I got upset over something last night. I admitted it was stupid and I’M STUPID! Okay?
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No, it is not ok to call yourself “stupid”. You are a precious child of God and we are all in growth (or should be). Asking for advice when you are confused or upset is how we get maturity - along with dealing with difficult situations in life.

If people insult you, you don’t have to take the insult to yourself.
 
I was actually responding to your first post. I think it’s really freaking mean to “ghost” people. If you don’t want to be friends anymore, at least tell the person. But yes, you were also unreasonably mean to the OP too.
 
Truth be told, you sound like a better friend to her than she’s been to you — at least you’re concerned about her feelings. If it were me, next time she contacted me, I’d just be honest: you don’t enjoy spending time with someone who mocks your faith, insists on going places where you’re not comfortable, etc. You might also mention you think you’d both benefit by finding people with whom you share more in common.

Also, none of this is stupid. Learning how to navigate situations with difficult people takes time.
 
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