Getting rid of a habitual sin

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nicoleanne

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Hello all-

I am in a relationship with a wonderful man whom I love dearly, and am hoping to get suggestions to help him with a particular struggle of his. For many years he has been dealing with the sin of masturbation, and he had begun to really make progress with it recently. He has been going to confession weekly and is sleeping on the floor to discipline himself. The other day, however, he backslid. I am offering up everything I can for him (prayer, fasting, and I’m sleeping on the floor as well), but I am wondering if there is anything else he or I could do? He really hates the attachment he has to this sin, and wants it desperately out of his life, but is feeling discouraged and wondering if it is possible to quit.

Any ideas?
 
At the risk of being nosy. . . why are you sleeping on the floor? Is this a means of sharing personal discomfort. . .like a hair shirt? (I am assuming you are not married and are not sharing a bedroom)

As far as his habit goes, the habit is very difficult to break. I find regular confession (as he is doing) one of the best remedies.
 
No, we are neither married nor living together.

I’m sleeping on the floor for a couple of reasons. 1. Solidarity, and 2. So that I may offer up that discomfort for him.
 
I find that the thoughts tend to lead to the actions, so I think of some specific prayer to say during those occasions. The prayer around the rim of the miraculous medal works, (O holy mary concieved without sin pray for us who have recourse to thee). or the intro psalm of the LOTH (O god come to my assisstance, O lord make haste to help me)
 
I’m sleeping on the floor for a couple of reasons. 1. Solidarity, and 2. So that I may offer up that discomfort for him.
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Awesome!!!👍

I tell you, if he is intent on kicking the habit, has a true desire to stop, is praying and confessing (both to a priest and to you) I expect that he will -in the end- conquer this.

Like any habit, be prepared for occasional lapses. But if it’s 3 steps-forward-2 steps-back (or better), things will get fixed!
 
You both sound as if you are doing everything right. Just keep doing what you are already doing and most of all do not get discouraged…that is the devil’s way of breaking him. Satan knows that if he gets discouraged he will likely fall back into sin.
 
I’m new to this forum… . Just wanted to say thank you for all your posts. You have given me a huge amount of encourgement over some stuff (ok, Sin) that I have been dealing with. Sometimes it’s easy to think I am the only one dealing with an ongoing issues. Thanks!!!
 
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nicoleanne:
Hello all-

I am in a relationship with a wonderful man whom I love dearly, and am hoping to get suggestions to help him with a particular struggle of his. For many years he has been dealing with the sin of masturbation, and he had begun to really make progress with it recently. He has been going to confession weekly and is sleeping on the floor to discipline himself. The other day, however, he backslid. I am offering up everything I can for him (prayer, fasting, and I’m sleeping on the floor as well), but I am wondering if there is anything else he or I could do? He really hates the attachment he has to this sin, and wants it desperately out of his life, but is feeling discouraged and wondering if it is possible to quit.

Any ideas?
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Nicole,

May the love of Our Father permeate his heart!

Just a few suggestions, that I’ve found helpful myself.

Laugh, laugh and laugh.

Don’t let this get him down! The Lord is understanding, and knows his heart. Im confident the Lord would be well pleased with his efforts to overcome.

In regular confession, this dearly helps overcome the addiction, however, can I encourage, if he is not already doing so; to make sure he says the same priest, ie - a confessor or perhaps even a spiritual director who can help him work through these issues?

Also, if he is in the time of temptation, encourage him to let you hold him accountable, or perhaps a close male friend.

Lastly, he should journal and try and ascertain the root causes of these problems. Often they are loneliness, tiredness, anxiety and stress.

Doing all this will increase his ability to overcome this “thorn in the flesh”.

Peace,
Lionheart
 
demolitionman65 said:
Awesome!!!👍

I tell you, if he is intent on kicking the habit, has a true desire to stop, is praying and confessing (both to a priest and to you) I expect that he will -in the end- conquer this.

Like any habit, be prepared for occasional lapses. But if it’s 3 steps-forward-2 steps-back (or better), things will get fixed!
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Tell him to keep a crucifix nearby. He feels tempted, he should stare at it.

If he uses a computer for access to “visual aids”, hang a crucifix on the display.

Tell him to memorize

*Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host -
by the Divine Power of God -
cast into hell, satan and all the evil spirits,
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.

Amen. *

At the first thought that may lead to a failure, start saying the prayer. If he’s noticed his ahem, body “become ready”, say the St. Michael prayer until he completely returns to normal.

He should never “entertain” the thought.

If you’re responsible for getting him aroused any time at all, stop! It’s not helping.

I’m convinced this problem is impossible to address without help. With the church and saints, it actually becomes easy. God bless you both.
 
Check out the advice that I and others gave in the thread in this moral theology forum called, “Tempted by pornography.” I have a few very long posts there, and this is the advice I would give to him.
 
nicoleanne said:
He really hates the attachment he has to this sin, and wants it desperately out of his life, but is feeling discouraged and wondering if it is possible to quit.

Any ideas?
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Yes, I can tell you with 100% confidence that this sin can be permanently overcome, through God’s grace. Here are some suggestions.
  1. Stop the sleeping on the floor thing. It is obviously not working, and just causing you both unnecessary discomfort.
  2. If he currently sleeps naked, he should instead wear underwear.
  3. If you are ever dressing in a manner that would make him view you as an object rather than a person, you are more of the problem than a solution. Just to clarify, nowadays since some female outfits are so outrageous, women are under the false impression that certain less immodest outfits that still are immodest are acceptable. So to clarify. If he can see any skin below your neck, other than arms and hands(and maybe feet, depending on shoes), your outfit is inappropriate. Or, if it is so tight that he can clearly see every curve of your body, it is also inappropriate.
  4. Realize that you have a man who wants to give this up, which makes him a better man than most men, at least in this area. Also, you are a woman whose heart yearns to love him and help him overcome his struggle, rather than condemn him over it. Thus, I have a high opinion of both you and him. You both seem to have genuine love towards each other and God. Pray TOGETHER. Worship TOGETHER. Let his thoughts of you be thoughts that lead him to God.
  5. He needs to overcome this sin out of love for GOD, not for you. His relationship with God is the primary relationship that he needs to strengthen. When that one is strengthened, your boyfriend’s relationship with you will inevitable be strengthened, too.
 
Thank you to all who have participated. This thread is now closed.
 
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