J
Just_wondering
Guest
I thought I’d put this out there and see whether any of you experienced married people could help me out. As many of you know, I’m in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend, whom I’m planning to marry but not quite yet. We’ve been separated three months, and it’s hard for me. I’m going to see him this week 
and I want to figure out how to say this right.
It’s hard for me here in Korea. I don’t have much of a support network - many of my close friends have left, and I don’t have any family nearby. I used to be studying and working full-time simultaneously, but I just finished my degree and I have more spare time to dwell on things.
I’m lonely. I don’t have many people to talk to, and I just feel so alone all the time. My boyfriend and I talk when we can, but due to our work schedules, that’s three times a week if we’re lucky. He doesn’t have internet access at home, so telephone is all we’ve got.
When we decided that he should leave Korea and I should stay behind, I thought it would be hard, but I didn’t think I’d really feel tempted by other men. After all, I’m madly in love with him, he’s the man I want to marry, and I’m not interested in seeing whether there are other fish in the sea. However, I keep finding myself having friendships with other men that would have the potential to lead to temptation, if I let them. I’ll get to talking to a friend of a friend, and we’ll be getting along well, and I’ll stop and think to myself, “this guy could get the wrong impression if I continue being this friendly.”
I just feel all muddled up. I need friends I can talk to, but I don’t want to open the door to temptation. I know it would help if I limited myself to female friendships, but I don’t know that many women around here, and most of my colleagues and friends are male, and the friends they hang out with are male. I usually deliberately delay responding to single men, and talk at length about my wonderful boyfriend, just so they can tell I’m not in the dating pool, but I still feel like there’s a lot of potential for getting myself in trouble. On the other hand, I just can’t go through life living in a box and not talking to guys while my boyfriend is away.
The problem is that I can’t do this alone. I need support from my boyfriend - more contact, mostly. I need him to be there for me to talk to at the end of my day so I’m not tempted to turn to someone else to listen to me. I want to tell him this when I see him this week, but I don’t want to make him think I’m considering leaving him for another man (I’m not) or to make him think I’d fall into bed with someone while he’s away (I won’t). What I’m afraid of is training myself to communicate with others and not with him, and permanently damaging the relationship through it.
So how should I phrase this? I want it to sound like, “Baby, I need your help and support to get me through this - I’m not strong enough on my own” without any risk of being interpreted as “Baby, if you can’t fulfill my emotional needs, I’ve got a line-up around the block of guys who are waiting to try” or “Baby, I’ll do my best to stay faithful but I might stray if the right emotionally-supportive hunk o’ man-meat wanders in front of my weak-willed eyes.” (Also, we haven’t seen each other in three months, I don’t want to risk a big argument over a misunderstanding, and English isn’t his first language [although he’s pretty fluent] so the more clearly I can phrase it, the better.)
and I want to figure out how to say this right.It’s hard for me here in Korea. I don’t have much of a support network - many of my close friends have left, and I don’t have any family nearby. I used to be studying and working full-time simultaneously, but I just finished my degree and I have more spare time to dwell on things.
I’m lonely. I don’t have many people to talk to, and I just feel so alone all the time. My boyfriend and I talk when we can, but due to our work schedules, that’s three times a week if we’re lucky. He doesn’t have internet access at home, so telephone is all we’ve got.When we decided that he should leave Korea and I should stay behind, I thought it would be hard, but I didn’t think I’d really feel tempted by other men. After all, I’m madly in love with him, he’s the man I want to marry, and I’m not interested in seeing whether there are other fish in the sea. However, I keep finding myself having friendships with other men that would have the potential to lead to temptation, if I let them. I’ll get to talking to a friend of a friend, and we’ll be getting along well, and I’ll stop and think to myself, “this guy could get the wrong impression if I continue being this friendly.”
I just feel all muddled up. I need friends I can talk to, but I don’t want to open the door to temptation. I know it would help if I limited myself to female friendships, but I don’t know that many women around here, and most of my colleagues and friends are male, and the friends they hang out with are male. I usually deliberately delay responding to single men, and talk at length about my wonderful boyfriend, just so they can tell I’m not in the dating pool, but I still feel like there’s a lot of potential for getting myself in trouble. On the other hand, I just can’t go through life living in a box and not talking to guys while my boyfriend is away.
The problem is that I can’t do this alone. I need support from my boyfriend - more contact, mostly. I need him to be there for me to talk to at the end of my day so I’m not tempted to turn to someone else to listen to me. I want to tell him this when I see him this week, but I don’t want to make him think I’m considering leaving him for another man (I’m not) or to make him think I’d fall into bed with someone while he’s away (I won’t). What I’m afraid of is training myself to communicate with others and not with him, and permanently damaging the relationship through it.
So how should I phrase this? I want it to sound like, “Baby, I need your help and support to get me through this - I’m not strong enough on my own” without any risk of being interpreted as “Baby, if you can’t fulfill my emotional needs, I’ve got a line-up around the block of guys who are waiting to try” or “Baby, I’ll do my best to stay faithful but I might stray if the right emotionally-supportive hunk o’ man-meat wanders in front of my weak-willed eyes.” (Also, we haven’t seen each other in three months, I don’t want to risk a big argument over a misunderstanding, and English isn’t his first language [although he’s pretty fluent] so the more clearly I can phrase it, the better.)