Getting totally thrashed by temptations and doubts

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OK, so I’ve been dealing with severe depression the past few months — but I got medication for it and it lifted. Problem is, what DIDN’T go away are these horrible intrusive thoughts. I know that, medically speaking, they come with the territory of my particular diagnoses… but these don’t seem so normal. They’re blasphemous and doubtful, like a Devil’s Advocate in the back of my mind suggesting things to me like “God’s only nice to you so He can enslave you in the afterlife”, and I think I just made a major mistake by rebuking the Devil too many times because for the last half hour they suddenly escalated into an all out assault on my faith and only subsided (and not completely at that) when I threw on a Benedict medal and a green scapular. But for that half hour I was freaking out about the Roman Catholic tradition and considering Orthodoxy. My head was filled with confusion and blasphemy about pretty much everything the Orthodox criticize about the Roman Church: the saints and their writings, penances, and dispositions, the papacy, suffering, spirituality, mysticism, theology — I feel like I just got mind raped. Please pray for me, because to tell the truth this is playing off many of the real problems I struggle with when it comes to the Roman tradition. I struggle so much with issues about the state of the Church and understanding some of the spirituality and stuff that I just want to be Byzantine Catholic.

I mean, right now I have thoughts playing over and over in my head about how the blessings on my sacramentals are just “demonic” and some kind of diabolical “parlor trick”. And now these thoughts (NOT VOICES) are telling me that there’s no real apostolic succession in the Catholic Church and that the sacraments are tantamount to magic.
 
I don’t pray, so can’t help that way, and I am only able to suggest that you continue to get professional support; talking therapy is often effective in combination with drugs, and drugs may need adjusting for type, or dose, or both. Hope things improve further for you.
 
I was in a pretty similar place not too long ago. If at all possible, I would receive the sacraments and pray that the Holy Spirit would give you the light to see the truth. I had great temptations against Catholicism, too. I thought about becoming Protestant. Saying a rosary or chaplet of divine mercy really helped me. If you can’t do that, you could meditate on the Passion. For some reason, that helped me a lot. Staying silent when the devil is attacking you can be really hard, but remember, Jesus fell 3 times and the Passion still gave glory to God! So even if you fall sometimes and give in, so long as you get back up and try again you’ll give glory to God. God normally gives trials like these to souls that He trusts and holds dear because He knows that they’ll be able to take them. If it gets too difficult, just remember that God is there. Whispering Jesus’ name helps sometimes, too. I know I wrote a lot… I hope that at least some of it is helpful! I’ll be praying for you!
 
Hokomai said:
I don’t pray, so can’t help that way, and I am only able to suggest that you continue to get professional support; talking therapy is often effective in combination with drugs, and drugs may need adjusting for type, or dose, or both. Hope things improve further for you.
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Hokomai,

It is kind of you to try and help, but you are giving a medical response to a spiritual problem.

Human beings are made of spirit and matter, both must be helped and neither ignored.
 
WoundedIcon said:
OK, so I’ve been dealing with severe depression the past few months — but I got medication for it and it lifted. Problem is, what DIDN’T go away are these horrible intrusive thoughts. I know that, medically speaking, they come with the territory of my particular diagnoses… but these don’t seem so normal. They’re blasphemous and doubtful, like a Devil’s Advocate in the back of my mind suggesting things to me like “God’s only nice to you so He can enslave you in the afterlife”, and I think I just made a major mistake by rebuking the Devil too many times because for the last half hour they suddenly escalated into an all out assault on my faith and only subsided (and not completely at that) when I threw on a Benedict medal and a green scapular. But for that half hour I was freaking out about the Roman Catholic tradition and considering Orthodoxy. My head was filled with confusion and blasphemy about pretty much everything the Orthodox criticize about the Roman Church: the saints and their writings, penances, and dispositions, the papacy, suffering, spirituality, mysticism, theology — I feel like I just got mind raped. Please pray for me, because to tell the truth this is playing off many of the real problems I struggle with when it comes to the Roman tradition. I struggle so much with issues about the state of the Church and understanding some of the spirituality and stuff that I just want to be Byzantine Catholic.

I mean, right now I have thoughts playing over and over in my head about how the blessings on my sacramentals are just “demonic” and some kind of diabolical “parlor trick”. And now these thoughts (NOT VOICES) are telling me that there’s no real apostolic succession in the Catholic Church and that the sacraments are tantamount to magic.
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I will remember you in my prayers, This sounds like a terrible temptation to me.

The Catholic Church under the pope is the Church that Jesus established. Please be assured that the sacramentals that you have are blessed and that means they have the prayer of the Church with them. The evil one does not like blessed sacramentals such as medals, holy water, etc. And, the sacramentals helps us keep focused on the Lord, and they lead us to the Sacraments.

You mentioned about being Byzantine Catholic. There are some Catholic churches under the pope that are not Roman Catholic, but are Byzantine Catholic, and several other rites of which I do not have a list in front of me right now.

The “Orthodox” Churches have valid sacraments, but they broke away and have decided to not be under the jurisdiction of the pope. (Greek Orthodox, Russian Orthodox, etc.). We hope and pray that someday we will be united again!

Peace and Prayers for you,

Dorothy
 
I deal with attacks just like this. It gets so overwhelming I get nauseated most of the time.

For me, Blessing yourself with holy water, going to masses, prayer, and fasting has helped tremendously. Also, avoid sin at ALL costs, it has quite a hardening effect on your heart. This is at least been my experiences so far when it comes to these Faith attacks.
 
This problem has elements of both spirit and mind. Sometimes a medication can cause this type of thing as a side effect, so definitely keep seeing your mental health professional and discuss this with them. I have seen a crippling phobia result from one drug that is used for such conditions, and the possibilities go beyond that.

I have never suffered such severe and enduring feelings of satanic presence. However, when I feel that Satan is near I have found that repeating the name of Jesus over and over helps for the immediate problem. Of course, in the long term strengthening the spirit with prayer and the sacraments is a good idea too.
 
Hello WoundedIcon,

I wasn’t going to answer any more threads for a while but yours is rather special. A younger brother of mine suffers from depression also and had it tough these past few weeks. You write very intelligently about your condition, and you seem to know at least that they are just intrusive thoughts you are dealing with. We all have these of course to some extent. Even some of the greatest saints suffered from severe doubts at times, and yes, depression too. I don’t know if I’m just lucky or what but I seem to have a very tranquil mind even whilst under attack from various quarters. I meditate regularly of course and have been doing so for many years now (very early mornings) followed by Mass/Communion. Confession I think is extremely important too, but I think you know that already. You also know and believe in the power of prayer otherwise you wouldn’t have mentioned it in your thread.

I had a look at your profile before posting and was surprised to see how young you are. You remind me of another young person (Holly) with similar problems. I promised some time ago to pray for her and I still do. I will think of you also in my daily Meditation/Prayer, and Masses. And I will send you the same poem I sent to Holly about two weeks ago.

2 Cor 13:13
Eddy Barry
 
Also, having a priest pray over you for deliverance and getting some exorcised oil/water can be immensely helpful.
 
Hello WoundedIcon,

I wasn’t going to answer any more threads for a while but yours is rather special. A younger brother of mine suffers from depression also and had it tough these past few weeks. You write very intelligently about your condition, and you seem to know at least that they are just intrusive thoughts you are dealing with. We all have these of course to some extent. Even some of the greatest saints suffered from severe doubts at times, and yes, depression too. I don’t know if I’m just lucky or what but I seem to have a very tranquil mind even whilst under attack from various quarters. I meditate regularly of course and have been doing so for many years now (very early mornings) followed by Mass/Communion. Confession I think is extremely important too, but I think you know that already. You also know and believe in the power of prayer otherwise you wouldn’t have mentioned it in your thread.

I had a look at your profile before posting and was surprised to see how young you are. You remind me of another young person (Holly) with similar problems. I promised some time ago to pray for her and I still do. I will think of you also in my daily Meditation/Prayer, and Masses. And I will send you the same poem I sent to Holly about two weeks ago.

2 Cor 13:13
Eddy Barry
 
Praying for you. You must be a really strong person, for God would not give you this if you couldn’t handle it with His help.
 
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