Gift from friend

[angell1]

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

basically my best friend gave me a depiction of the last supper for Christmas. I broughtit home, put the whole gift bag under the Christmas tree but my family freaked out. There is a lot of superstition around here, and they didn’t like it because a picture of 13 people is unlucky, and judas is in it and he’s a bad person. They claimed that the last supper isn’t something anyone should give but we are only allowed to buy it ourselves, which I have obviously never heard of such a thing before.

the friend an I are very close, she knows that my family will take away items that they don’t like without asking and give them away without telling me, but I never dreamed that this would be an issue. I had never even heard their thoughts about the last supper in my entire life. Had I known, I would have told the friend not to give it to me.

anyways, it was put in the garage, I really wasn’t sure where, now it’s been given away to the cathedral. Even if I had found it and taken it back they would have known and would have been hell.

the problem I have now is what to do with my friend. She doesn’t like that behaviour of theirs and keeps saying that she will try to talk to them about it, which is the worst possible thing to do. if you argue with them, then everything is over. She doesn’t know about this situation yet and if I told her, she would be devastated. The item had been very close to her heart.

I am also worried she might ask me about it one day, then I would have to tell her, but then she would probably be upset that I didn’t tell her about it sooner or give the item back to her, which I really didn’t have the chance to do, or maybe she will think that I didn’t try hard enough to stop them. I’m honestly hoping that it just won’t ever come up again.

so should I risk mentioning it now? or just wait and see if it comes up and then deal with it? yes, I know how insane this all is but there’s not a whole lot I can do about it now

 

[1ke]

Angel,
I’m so sorry your parents did that. It’s up to you whether you tell your friend now or only when she asks you about it.

You have nothing to be ashamed or guilty about.

And your friend does need to respect your boundaries, if you don’t want her to talk to your parents she need to respect that.

 

[tawny]

Very well stated.

 

[CatholicSpirit]

It is good for Americans to learn about what is acceptable by the Vatican standards. In Rome, there are many things which some would consider forbidden which are not. It may be an opportunity to research this and share with relatives. A friend who is informed of a donation of an item to a church should know their initial proceeds may not be redeemed, but anything above $0.00 may help the poor.

 

[angell1]

I honestly don’t know which would be worse. I know she should respect my boundaries, but it seems like no one really cares how their actions affect me. I asked my parents to give it back, they refused. I then asked them what they expected me to say to my friend if she asked, they acted like it wasn’t their problem, then they told me I was selfish for caring only about what I wanted to keep and not giving considerations to how they feel about such an item in their house. They probably expect me to lie to my friend or something.

don’t worry if your brain can’t logically process any of this, mine can’t either.

anyways, I know my friend is going to react badly either way, I really just don’t know what to decide. I really don’t want to ruin the friendship

 

[angell1]

no, this is non-catholic superstitious belief we’re talking about and no amount of evidence is going to make any kind of difference

 

[Kei]

Well, if the cathedral has it then you should be able to look at it, perhaps even with your friend, together, and many others can see it as well

 

[1ke]

I’m just so sad that your parents are so crazy and weird.

A true friend will understand. I’m sure it gets old, but your friend has to understand how much this is out of your control.

God bless you, Angel. You are so strong in the face of your trials and challenges. A real inspiration to us all here at CAF.

 

[angell1]

do I have some kind of obligation to tell her? I would really prefer to spare her feelings about all this

 

[1ke]

No. You don’t.

A gift is given freely and should have no expectation of what the recipient does with it. I know you didn’t choose to give it away, but if you had it is still your prerogative. I’ve received gifts that I have given to Goodwill, returned, given to someone else as a gift, kept, and thrown away (in the case of food I didn’t really like).

 

[CatholicSpirit]

I am not surprised that cultural items and relations are hanging in the balance here. Sadly, Catholics have been taught by society to divide rather than unite and be questioned. Hopefully prayer will restore our cultural dignity during this stigmatizing time of discrimination.

 

[thomasjefferson]

I would pray for your parents to be delivered from their superstitious beliefs. I would also pray before speaking to your friend and then confront the issue with her ASAP. Tell her what your parents did, that it was out of your control and that you are sorry that the item has been lost to her.

 

[CatholicSpirit]

Devotions and Scrupulosity include “non-Catholic superstitions” but nobody can say if they are valid (in case you need a comparison)

 

[blanchardman]

I suggest showing your friend your post. I think her response might be to comfort you when she seed how much it has troubled you.

 

[TheLittleLady]

I gather from other posts that you are disabled and feel that you cannot live alone. In the US there is no reason that a person with disabilities cannot live life as an adult and make his/her own decisions. Praying that you can find a path to independence.

Until then, can you ask your priest to explain to them that we Catholics do not believe in these superstitions?

 

[1ke]

In the US there is no reason that a person with disabilities cannot live life as an adult and make his/her own decisions.

The OP lives in Canada.

She is working towards independence but is not there yet.

 

[1ke]

Until then, can you ask your priest to explain to them that we Catholics do not believe in these superstitions?

Sharing with the priest leads to a whole new set of problems for the OP who has been forbidden from sharing privat matter with the priest lest her parents look bad. They are completely nuts.

 

[adgloriam]

Hi Angel

I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

You aren’t.

and they didn’t like it because

No debating taste, the same way there should be no discord on colors.

the friend an I are very close

Ben Sira 25:1 In three things I was beautified, and stood up beautiful both before God and men: the unity of brethren, the love of neighbors, a man and a wife that agree together.

known and would have been hell.

Peace is a superior good! A fruit of the Holy Spirit. Peace proceeds from Love and results in Joy.

the problem I have now is what to do with my friend.

Tell her you love her.

which is the worst possible thing to do

Then, don’t do it!

if you argue with them, then everything is over.

Wise evaluation.

and if I told her, she would be devastated.

Time to practice detachment from material things. And rejoice in Love.

she would be devastated.

Who died?

The item had been very close to her heart.

Only love lasts for ever.

then I would have to tell her,

I am also worried she might ask me about it one day,

The truth will set you free.

but then she would probably be upset

Being with you is plenty of a reason to be happy.

or maybe she will think that I didn’t try hard enough

I think you did.

I’m honestly hoping that it just won’t ever come up again.

I sense it will be a good day

so should I risk mentioning it now?

Enjoy your Christmas, with peace of mind and heart.

yes, I know how insane this all is

Normal everyday things.

and keeps saying that she will try to talk to them about it

No reasoning here, be wise and keep the peace.

She doesn’t like that behaviour

Blessed be the patient peacemakers who keep quiet.

Have a merry Christmas Angel

 

[TheLittleLady]

So sad. my prayers go out