Gift of Money

[purplesunshine]

So, I just moved to a WONDERFUL place on a big lake…practically coastal.

I told my parents that I was saving for a sunfish (or sunfish type boat) or perhaps making one.

Well, my Mom came out and said that they’d help me get one. I was jaw dropping excited.

So long story short my parents talked it over and Mom said that they’d give me the money but I wouldn’t get any other gifts for Christmas or my birthday. I love christmas morning so I said, well, no I don’t want to forgo Christmas…especally since both my parents are GREAT at finding little things that I want and need. I didn’t feel like it was to Christmas-y either.

So my mom…HER idea…said that she’d give me x amount of money for my birthday when we go on vacation this summer. (we won’t see eachother until then). So I could buy the itty bitty sailboat.

Anyway, I went on craigs list and found used one for just less than my parents had offered to give me. I dug into my savings and bought it.

It was under $100…even used most are 400+ and many are in the 2,000 range or higher.

My dad, ever a bargin hunter was THRILLED. But it upset my mom because she feels now it’s not really her gift becuase I got it before she gave me the money. I’m on a tight budget…I NEVER do anything foolish with my money. But she thinks I should of waited. And to let you know she was NOT planning on getting me one anyway.

If I don’t get the money it won’t kill me. I wanted the sunfish and I was saving anyway.

But…do I owe my mom an apology? If I don’t then what should I tell her?

 

[SMHW]

This is my opinion, mind you…

I don’t think you owe your mother an apology for *buying *the sunfish yourself. Good deals (and hopefully this IS a good deal and there’s nothing wrong with it) come along at unpredictable times so you have to get them while you can. Your father knows this and he had a very practical response.

However your mother is disappointed because she recognizes that gift-giving is a complex matter. Your mother missed out on the joy of giving you something she knew you really wanted. Remember that gift giving is as much (if not more) about pleasing the giver as it is about pleasing the recipient. And it wasn’t just that your mother didn’t get to give you something; you bartered for the gift you were supposed to get because you didn’t want to give up Christmas. Your Mom feels like you backed out of a “gift contract”.

I think it would be wise to apologize for *disappointing *your mother. And I think you owe her some time (days? weeks? I don’t know your mother) to get over being disappointed before you expect her to be happy about how you saved money. Chances are she will eventually be pleased about that.

 

[momor]

All of this gift giving negotiation and strategizing takes the meaning out of gift for me. I think gifts are things that are given without any strings attached.

Only you know whether it is necessary to apologize to your mother to keep peace. I don’t think it involves being right or wrong.

 

[PatriceA]

I think I would probably apologize for any miscommunication that took place that resulted in your mom’s feelings being hurt. Sounds like there is a bit of miscommunication on both sides of the situation and I can see how feelings got a little bit tangled in it all.

 

[ElizabethPH]

You could forego Christmas by asking your Mom to donate to a favorite charity. This should make up for offending your Mom; especially if she ends up paying for the boat. Or does getting presents at Christmas more important.