I just wanted to make this absolutely clear: After my old friend told me of his imminent entrance into the seminary I would have NEVER in a million years attempted to make any further contact with him whatsoever; in fact, if I had blundered into a church where he was offering Mass, I would have feigned sudden illness and left! It was his very gracious gesture of sending me an invitation to his ordination Mass that sparked the thought of putting the friendship in context. At that time I had no further romantic interest in him (in fact, I had no romantic interest in anyone whatsoever, as my career was really taking off at the time and I had a genuine shot at being a principal dancer, that is as close to as time consuming a vocation as anything secular that I know of!) And I was very ambivalent about accepting the invitation. My aunt talked me into it, telling me I would want to see him launch his new path in life. And, chickenhearted that I can be, I dragged my aunt along with me (since it was her idea I should go in the first place!) I still felt peculiar about it, and after the Mass, at the reception, he sought me out and started asking me about my current life.
There has never been any mention through the years of our former fledgling relationship on either of our parts. If he were to bring it up, I would say something like, “Let’s just chalk that up to a full moon,” or something like that, and let it go. We are both now late in our middle years, and far too intelligent to let something like old feelings cloud our judgment and reason. I don’t consider him an old flame, and I sincerely hope he doesn’t think in that way about me! Nor would I ever, in a million years, utilize him as a spiritual advisor, although he would be a good resource if I were ever to ask his advice about finding someone else to fill that role. I would simply not feel comfortable with him in that sort of role in my life, although I felt perfectly comfortable when he officiated at my wedding and a few years ago, at Dad’s funeral Mass. We are simply good old friends, that is all. We exchange occasional phone calls and chatty letters, and I look him up when I’m in New York and visiting other old friends.
Also, please realize that this experience has been distilled through a few decades. At the time it felt bizarre, totally inappropriate, and preposterous. For a few hours I was convinced I was going to go to hell for dating someone who was discerning, as innocent as the dating was. And I avoided him like the plague until he did enter seminary and was out of my circle of friends. I truly expected to never hear from or about him again.
