Girlfriend and chastity

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Alright, I feel like I’m blind to it but I’m confused on what to do/feel…

I recently started dating my current girlfriend and I’ve vocalized to her my stance on sex and waiting for marriage etc… (She’s Catholic too) and shes okay with it, she started going to mass, confession, etc… We previously been involved in other relationships where we’ve been sinful. She recently told me that she is waiting for marriage for me because she sees a future with me, she trusts me, etc… I mentioned that it should be for her, God said so, and because it’s right. Is it right that at least shes viewing it like this and not sinning sexually, or is it otherwise because she’s doing it not exactly the way I see it?

I’m torn with this internal philosophical debate…

Thanks in advanced bros and sisters
 
It (the waiting, the chaste life) should be for the best good, the temporal and eternal good of EACH other. You for her, her for you. Self-donation for the good of the other. If I understand your description, I think she’s right. In a way you’re both right. But her focus on you and your good is commendable…and likely a good sign.

Well done. Be heroic and joyful, with Jesus.
 
rjrjrj said:
Alright, I feel like I’m blind to it but I’m confused on what to do/feel…

I recently started dating my current girlfriend and I’ve vocalized to her my stance on sex and waiting for marriage etc… (She’s Catholic too) and shes okay with it, she started going to mass, confession, etc… We previously been involved in other relationships where we’ve been sinful. She recently told me that she is waiting for marriage for me because she sees a future with me, she trusts me, etc… I mentioned that it should be for her, God said so, and because it’s right. Is it right that at least shes viewing it like this and not sinning sexually, or is it otherwise because she’s doing it not exactly the way I see it?

I’m torn with this internal philosophical debate…

Thanks in advanced bros and sisters
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Good. Genesis 3:16 (NAB): To the woman he said: “I will intensify the pangs of your childbearing; in pain shall you bring forth children. Yet your urge shall be for your husband, and he shall be your master.”
 
I don’t think you need to be torn because it is not any of your business. It’s her’s. This woman has chosen to do (or not do) certain behaviors because of a combination of beliefs and feelings unique to her. Whether those decisions are “right” or not are between her, God and her confessor.

If I were you I’d be more worried about her obvious expectation of a marriage engagement. That is the real message here: she’s “saving herself” for you! And the ball is in your court to deliver (the ring that is).

Clearly you are quite young, and clearly the other replies here are male, that was obvious. Well, now you have the “wise old woman’s” point of view.

Pursue the relationship and don’t over-analyze it. This girl wants to get married. Being Catholic, I assume you do, but your term “current” girlfriend makes you sound more like a serial monogamist. If your eventual goal is marriage, fine, if you really don’t have that intention, you need to tell her. She is expecting it.
 
Lady_Marchmain said:
I don’t think you need to be torn because it is not any of your business. It’s her’s. This woman has chosen to do (or not do) certain behaviors because of a combination of beliefs and feelings unique to her. Whether those decisions are “right” or not are between her, God and her confessor.

If I were you I’d be more worried about her obvious expectation of a marriage engagement. That is the real message here: she’s “saving herself” for you! And the ball is in your court to deliver (the ring that is).

Clearly you are quite young, and clearly the other replies here are male, that was obvious. Well, now you have the “wise old woman’s” point of view.

Pursue the relationship and don’t over-analyze it. This girl wants to get married. Being Catholic, I assume you do, but your term “current” girlfriend makes you sound more like a serial monogamist. If your eventual goal is marriage, fine, if you really don’t have that intention, you need to tell her. She is expecting it.
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It is dangerous to say “mind your business” if something came up and I ignored it. “Uniqueness of beliefs” can be tricky when some things shouldn’t be relative, especially when God is involved. I believe as a potential husband, it is best for me to advise when I think something may or may not be right and in this case I was confused, hence me posting here. I am pursuing marriage but I just cannot marry any girl without getting to know her properly because she wants to marry me.
Thanks for your two cents though, I know what you mean overall…

And thanks to the other posters as well, very enlightening. I like the alternate points of view, made me change my perspective actually, lol. I can see it as good, as love is sacrificial.
Any more perspectives are welcomed.
 
rjrjrj said:
… I am pursuing marriage but I just cannot marry any girl without getting to know her properly…
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It can take a few years to see the person in enough various circumstances, to know if their ideals are the same.
 
Learn about chastity from Jason Evert.

He lives in the USA and practice chastity, and is married to Crystallina, but prior to that he didn’t cohabitate.

His videos are available on youtube
chastityislove.blogspot.com/

His site:
chastity.com/

You can browse the Q and A
 
I wouldn’t worry too much about the specific reason why she has agreed to keep chaste in your relationship. Evaluating why she does the right thing is not only not your job (although whether she does so IS your concern, as is the reverse), it fails to take into account that God often brings us closer to Him even though we choose a new path or direction reasons which could have been more pure, more perfect, or just plain better in some other way. Regardless, He won’t reject our effort to do right just because we could have had a better reason than the one which motivates us.

I’ve not only lived this out in my own life but looking back now I can see my motives for having chosen a better path to holiness than I had been traveling might not have been the most pure or the most perfect but were sufficient to open the door to more of God’s grace in ways I never would have anticipated. It’s amazing how He has worked with me to refine my improvement in such areas by leading me from my original motive for taking such decisions to a clearer understanding of His will for me. He’ll do the same for you, too, if you trust in Him in this way.

It can be tough enough to actually change or embrace new behavior for Him so you don’t need to unnecessarily sabotage this relationship by setting the bar higher than that set by Our Lord Himself. He doesn’t ask you to always do the right thing for the most perfect reasons - not that doing so would be bad if you can do so. It’s just that His grace is sufficient to make up for our shortcomings in accepting His will for us. Remember how small is the mustard seed before it blossoms into a huge bush.

Be grateful every day to the Lord that He has sent a woman in your life willing to receive what you’ve learned and accept your leadership in embracing it.
 
Once again I thank you all for your responses,

However, something else recently…
TORN AGAIN…We were having a conversation and she said she believes masturbation is not a bad thing. I told her it is a sin and that it is not good to be doing that. She got really upset and said I try to “correct” her… I understand she is trying to better herself since she has changed A LOT for this relationship, I cannot help but think maybe I am being too “demanding” by telling her many things are wrong, or is it my duty to help her open her eyes??? I try to do so in a subtle way.

Thanks in advance for the relationship advice lol
 
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