Girlfriend and I broke up I'm still crazy for her

  • Thread starter Thread starter simpleusername
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

simpleusername

Guest
Alright here’s the situation I’m in. I started dating a girl in my junior year of high school both of us coming out of a physical relationship within months before hand. Both of us are Catholic and knew what it meant to be chaste but still we both had trouble putting our faith things into practice like most our age. But as we grew together we both grew in virtue and faith we have undoubtedly have become best friends. We started to respect each other very much. We know each other through and through.
After High School we had both decided to go to the same college not because the other one was going but we both truly wanted this particular school. We both were accepted into the honors program and all the honors students lived in the same dorm, guys and girls separated by floor so she is only a 30 second walk from me.
On Nov 1 she came back from a Catholic retreat. Now i knew that after retreats things in our relationship changed for the better and we normally both really grew from the experiences in Christ. This time around though she had wanted for us to not date anymore because she couldn’t see her self ever marrying me. Knowing her, this wasn’t a decision she took lightly and she explained herself the best she could. I trust she had to do the thing that she felt Christ had led her to do.
Still this was hard for me because I loved her with all my heart and still almost three months later I would be honored to eventually take her hand in holy matrimony. So I, even with disliking the idea of it supported the decision to break it off. which is better then her toying with my heart.
Of course we wanted to maintain our friendship because as I said we are best friends. This of course put me between a rock and a hard place, how could I with emotions a crazed still be just friends with her. since the break up we didn’t talk all that much we still did but it was hard and awkward. As time went on and things settled about a month and a half later things were a littler easier as I started to try to get my self to realize it was over after a year and 7 months. With some advice i was given I told her that I wanted to break communications with her for a while. Since I was taking a three week winter class at school it seemed to be the thing to do.
These last three weeks have been crazy for me though. I’ve, I think, come to the point that I understand that she may not be in love with me anymore and I can handle that. but this last week is coming to a finish I have realized recently all the reasons why i love her and the things I appreciate about her. Her and God are the first and last thing that I am not thinking about every day. and that is not an exaggeration. I now realize that she is an amazing woman and every time i even think about dating someone else I realize that none of them are even close to having the traits that she has that i so deeply admire. She is coming back to school next Wednesday after march for life in DC. I trust in the Lord no matter what happens. I guess im just looking for some practical advice on how to deal with this situation. I love this girl and I really feel that I’m still very deeply in love with my best friend.
 
I suggest you contemplate the fact that you may not be able to “be friends” and that you may have to cease communication. She does not have the same feelings for you that you do for her. She will move on. You are standing still. You are also being unfair to other women who truly may have more to offer by creating this perfect image of the other girl in your mind to which no one can compare.

Yes, it is hard to break up. Yes, it seems like no one will ever match her. Yes, it hurts. But, you get over it. Someone better does come along. And it stops hurting.
 
1ke said:
Yes, it is hard to break up. Yes, it seems like no one will ever match her. Yes, it hurts. But, you get over it. Someone better does come along. And it stops hurting.
Click to expand...
Great advice.

Break ups are a you-know-what. I’ve had my heart broken, kicked to the floor, and stomped on. At times, I would have sworn to you that I’ll never love again, I’ll never be the same, and I’ll be a lonely old man.

Then, reality hits in. You get tougher, you move on, and you open your heart again.

Prayers you way.
 
Having read what you wrote I suggest that you continue to be her friend.

Continue to see her, to hang out with her, to go out with her, doing all the things that friends would do.

Don’t talk to her about love, matrimony, etc. Just be there for her.

Don’t talk about love, demonstrate it by being her friend.

Pray for her and for your relationship with her, not for the way you want it to be, but that you may both do what God wants you to do.

Then, see what He will do.

In the end, you may end up just being friends. But a good friend is well worth the pain.

I’ll pray for you both.
 
adv1sor said:
Having read what you wrote I suggest that you continue to be her friend.

Continue to see her, to hang out with her, to go out with her, doing all the things that friends would do.

Don’t talk to her about love, matrimony, etc. Just be there for her.

Don’t talk about love, demonstrate it by being her friend.

Pray for her and for your relationship with her, not for the way you want it to be, but that you may both do what God wants you to do.

Then, see what He will do.

In the end, you may end up just being friends. But a good friend is well worth the pain.

I’ll pray for you both.
Click to expand...
I don’t agree with this at all. You will only be causing your self more heart ache and pain. Listen to the other post in this Thread.

If it was meant for you 2 to be together than God will make it happen. But it is not necessary for you to continue communication with her.
 
Don’t do it. The title of this thread says it all…you are “still crazy” for her. I’m not saying you shouldn’t ever or can’t be friends. Now is not the time, however. Allow yourself to move on without her and see where you are in six months. If she doesn’t know already, you might reach out via email or regular letter to explain that you aren’t avoiding her and do want to be friends, etc but that you need time to heal and move forward. Do not call her or ask to see her. That will just open up fresh wounds. She will understand.
 
simpleusername, from where I’m sitting your ex-girlfriend did you a huge favor by being straight up with you when she broke things off. Far better to make a quick, definitive break than suffer months or even years of an on-again/off-again ordeal.

Yes, it hurts. Yes, at times it hurts so badly that you can feel your heart breaking in your chest. It’s crazy-making. But it will get better. Promise.

As far as still being friends. Not a good idea. It will delay the healing process both of you need, it will be awkward, and you’ll never have the same level of intimacy you had before the break up.

Luna
 
Break-ups are tough. Things don’t necessarily get better after a week or five or any set amount of time (although, as a rule, they do get better with time). It’s not always a straight road. Sometimes there are bumps. You’ve got to survive that. It’s survivable. You seem to be taking it well. Don’t give up. Trust God, keep loving Him.
 
@1ke I have comptimplated not being friends i feel that would hurt me ever more then not dating her I feel she is too good of a friend. but if i did one of the hardest things about us not being firends is the fact we see each everyday. the other hardest part over the time we’ve spent we have many of the same christian friends and we are all a close group. how do go about this? and It’s not that I’ve created a perfect image of her I know she has many faults we all do but I know who she is and I’ve seen her grow from these faults. i wouldn’t say no one would ever match her but i think it would be hard, I have yet to meet a woman of her caliber. I moved past the hurt these last three month of course not all of it but i’d say the most. thanks for the advice
@rescalking and yes she broke my heart it something that comes with a break up.but she did it the best way she could the love and respect. thanks for the advice
@joshhvanrad where I always try to keep my heart open to that I never seem to be called to that life. In time God will tell! 🙂 thanks for helping me keep an open heart and for a smile
@adv1sor Your advice seems the best to me but i fear my sight might be clouded. thank you!
@srferdave what if God wants us to be friends still though? i know i don’t have to be in communication with her but I want to be her friend. I made her a promise when we first started dating that we would love each even if ever fell out of love because we had a friendship that was to precious. i really want to uphold that promise. thanks for the advice.
@Irish Girl 68 I’ve talk to about the not talking to her. she eventually agreed to it. It is going to be hard not to be around her when we live in the same dorm which is a very small dorm. and the different christian groups were in. thanks for the advice
@luna lovecraft I agree I’ve had a relationship dragged out before. not fun I respect her soooo much for the way she did it I cant think it could’ve been done with more love or respect. But your right that I shouldn’t expect the same level of intimacy. it may happen but it might not. thanks
@chevalier thank you!
@oneofmany thanks for the link ill run this by some of my friends to see what they think.

Thankyou guys for the support it is only this forum that has such a strong community that is here to help one another.
 
Well, I’m going to offer some different advice.

Reading between the lines leads me to think the relationship has seemed too platonic. So my suggestion is that when you next see her, lay it all out for her to see; how you really feel; how crazy you are about her; how you can’t live without her, etc, etc, etc. Maybe take her out to dinner. It is quite possible that she has been feeling exactly the same as you, but you, being all chivalrous, have sent out the “yes, let’s be friends” signal. So, see her and change the signal.

However, if the answer is “thanks, but no thanks” then you really know she is not in the same emotional place you are. You never know, she may even reconsider.

Just remember, faint heart never won fair maiden.
 
John21652 said:
Reading between the lines leads me to think the relationship has seemed too platonic. So my suggestion is that when you next see her, lay it all out for her to see; how you really feel; how crazy you are about her; how you can’t live without her, etc, etc, etc. Maybe take her out to dinner. It is quite possible that she has been feeling exactly the same as you, but you, being all chivalrous, have sent out the “yes, let’s be friends” signal. So, see her and change the signal.
Click to expand...
I believe that may be the case with men behaving in a chivalrous way or simply being restrained. This has come up in my own life too. However, even an overt verbal declaration may be seen as less than convincing due to missing physical demonstration of desire. However, since physical demonstrations of desire would take the form of sexual advances, they would generally be a no-no, there isn’t much of a way to convey desire nonverbally and in a moral way (commitment, interest, desire for company, but not that kind of desire). However, the lady the OP is talking about seems to be rather wise and mature, so chances are she could perhaps rely on words alone (as far as the presence of desire goes, which would be the “crazy”, “can’t live without” etc. that you mentioned).
 
Hey I figured I’d update everyone who was willing to give their thoughts. I still didn’t really talk to her after posting this we eventually sat down and talked. Along with other things she mentioned that she was seeing some one else which made my heart drop a little but. I figured if she was seeing was who I thought it was there is no way I could disprove he is a great guy. still this just helped make everything more real to me. I’m not sure if being on a break from her really helped all that much. it allowed my self to be separated from the reality which was actually at hand. We are friends again. of course no where near where we used to be. but still we know we can go to each other for anything. and the person who at the time I guess she was seeing she is seeing. I don’t remember if I was talking to her or a mutual friend but they had mentioned that she wasn’t growing from being in a relationship anymore. looking back I could see that. I have always thought of her as to good for me anyway :). She wasn’t growing from the relationship any more and i was that is what made it so hard for me. I messed with the idea of dating others and even had someone who was interested in dating me, but I just kinda want to be single for awhile. I haven’t really had much time as a single Catholic man. Thanks everyone for your advice!!
 
Few things in this life are as hard as rejection by someone we are totally crazy about. I know you think that you don’t have a perfect image of her in your mind, but, in fact, my friend- you do. You don’t see that now, but with God’s grace, you will in time. It’s just the way we are when we are in love 🤷. Psychologists will tell you this- but the thing is, it’s so subconscious, that’s why you see it as reality. But if you say that no other girls matches up to her, there’s your proof right there. There are probably way better girls, you are just not in the position to really see that right now.

Having gone through such an experience once before in my life, I really do not know how to tell you to get over it- it really is the most diffcult thing I ever had to do because it felt like I had to fight my entire being to walk away from this feeling and I just did not have that will power. But God does what none else can do. 👍 All I can say is, if you trust in our Lady, consecrate yourself to her- I honestly believe that if I had not done this, I would have never lifted myself from the pit I found myself in (I had even abandoned my faith in anger at God at the turn of affairs). Pray your Rosary, renew your committment to Christ, adore the Eucharist,intensify your interior life- read the saints, and try to give up your will to Christ through the Blessed Virgin. If you respond this way, I can guarantee that not only will you get over this break-up and this girl, my friend, but it’ll turn out to be a blessing to you. One day you’ll wake up to discover that you are not the same person any more- that you grew up in ways you never imagined and that some of your most stubborn vices and attachments that you struggled with for years and could never get rid of have miraculously vanished from you and that your interior life has taken a leap forward.

This life is filled with suffering and difficulties- for every one! but for those who turn over their lives to Christ, even the sufferings and difficulties are turned into gems, with Christ- nothing is wasted. Not a tear, a disappointment, a loss, a heart-break- Nothing at all is wasted. All of it gains precious value in the hands of Our Lord.

I wish you peace of mind, serenity, love and true joy.
 
You’re young . . . who knows what is supposed to happen. If she doesn’t want a relationship, you have to respect that. If you believe you are to be together, you have to trust God to work on her heart. Meanwhile, you need to live your life. Grow and become the person God wants you to be. Go out w/ friends, serve your parish, go on a mission trip. Do all the wonderful things single people can do!

In college, we knew a couple who dated for along time then said, “We felt God was calling us to break up.”

They’ve been married 25 years now…
 
sorry I should of made the update a little more concise on my status. Im in a better mind set now. thank you for more advice but please spend your energy on others where it will bear more fruit.
 
Just pray it out & give it time. I thought I’d never get over “the one that got away”, but by becoming closer to God, I’ve gotten farther from the idea of liking her. It worked quite well for me at least. Give it a try! 👍
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top