Girlfriend conversion dilemma

[Francis_W28]

Hey everyone,

My prayers are truly being answered by God, the saints in heaven, and all of the prayers that the forum prayer warriors have sent forth!

Last night for the first time ever my girlfriend mentioned that she has been thinking about joining the Catholic faith. I was ecstatic! She told me she loved the history behind the Church and that she too wanted to be Catholic for the sake of our family since I am Catholic and we agreed to babtize our son Catholic.

I paused when she said this. My response to her was that “I would wait to join the Catholic Church until you fully appreciate and believe in the presence of Christ in the Eucharist.”

Have I been to blunt from the get-go with her? I am afraid I could have just put her conversion back to square one.

Thanks!

 

[Anglewannabe]

um… your son? I don’t want to judge, but before trying to convert your girlfriend, I think you need to repent (unless you have already done so)

As for your comment to your girlfriend…No one will truly appreciate the faith until they are in heaven so I don’t think that is a reason to wait

 

[Catholic1954]

Hey everyone,

My prayers are truly being answered by God, the saints in heaven, and all of the prayers that the forum prayer warriors have sent forth!

Last night for the first time ever my girlfriend mentioned that she has been thinking about joining the Catholic faith. I was ecstatic! She told me she loved the history behind the Church and that she too wanted to be Catholic for the sake of our family since I am Catholic and we agreed to babtize our son Catholic.

I paused when she said this. My response to her was that “I would wait to join the Catholic Church until you fully appreciate and believe in the presence of Christ in the Eucharist.”

Have I been to blunt from the get-go with her? I am afraid I could have just put her conversion back to square one.

Thanks!

And what was her response? It would be good if you could get her to enroll in an RCIA program ASAP, even though it’s a bit late. There she can ask questions about her cares and concerns and hopefully, keep the desire to convert burning. Tell her that you are there to support her 100% and leave it at that.

 

[Xantippe]

And what was her response? It would be good if you could get her to enroll in an RCIA program ASAP, even though it’s a bit late. There she can ask questions about her cares and concerns and hopefully, keep the desire to convert burning. Tell her that you are there to support her 100% and leave it at that.

Yes!

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

People start the process of conversion for all sorts of reasons. Maybe it’s to enhance family unity. There’s nothing wrong with that. What really matters is that the Holy Spirit has a place to work, to fan the flames of God’s love and to convert someone’s heart.

One good thing about a lengthy RCIA process is that people have room to grow; their relationships with God have room to grow; their knowledge has room to grow.

Let your girlfriend explore. Maybe she will ultimately become Catholic and maybe not. But don’t work against the Spirit. You’re not the one who decides whether or not she becomes Catholic or whether her reasons are good enough or not.

 

[twf]

um… your son? I don’t want to judge, but before trying to convert your girlfriend, I think you need to repent (unless you have already done so)

As for your comment to your girlfriend…No one will truly appreciate the faith until they are in heaven so I don’t think that is a reason to wait

I don’t think there was any reason to assume he is not living his Catholic faith. If any sin was involved, I’m sure he has dealt with it as he clearly is passionate about his faith.

 

[Sunbreak]

I don’t know - how did your girlfriend react when you said that? It could be that she was put off by it or it could be that it just went over her head as some denominations just have no understanding of the difference between what Catholics believe and other religions believe so to them one is as good as any other.

 

[Francis_W28]

um… your son? I don’t want to judge, but before trying to convert your girlfriend, I think you need to repent (unless you have already done so)

As for your comment to your girlfriend…No one will truly appreciate the faith until they are in heaven so I don’t think that is a reason to wait

Yes I have already taken the proper steps. I have been absolved from any sin regarding the whole matter, no worries.

 

[Francis_W28]

I don’t know - how did your girlfriend react when you said that? It could be that she was put off by it or it could be that it just went over her head as some denominations just have no understanding of the difference between what Catholics believe and other religions believe so to them one is as good as any other.

I am not entirely sure how she handled it. She didn’t seem to handle it in a negative way but the conversation just kind of stopped there.
Just today I talked to one of my local priests about it and then brought up RCIA to her after mass.

 

[Francis_W28]

I don’t think there was any reason to assume he is not living his Catholic faith. If any sin was involved, I’m sure he has dealt with it as he clearly is passionate about his faith.

Thank you, I did take the appropriate measures that the Church would advice.

 

[runningdude]

Hey everyone,

My prayers are truly being answered by God, the saints in heaven, and all of the prayers that the forum prayer warriors have sent forth!

Last night for the first time ever my girlfriend mentioned that she has been thinking about joining the Catholic faith. I was ecstatic! She told me she loved the history behind the Church and that she too wanted to be Catholic for the sake of our family since I am Catholic and we agreed to babtize our son Catholic.

I paused when she said this. My response to her was that “I would wait to join the Catholic Church until you fully appreciate and believe in the presence of Christ in the Eucharist.”

Have I been to blunt from the get-go with her? I am afraid I could have just put her conversion back to square one.

Thanks!

You simply stated that you do not wish her to convert simply for conversions sake. You would like her to be sincere.

You could encourage her to attend RCIA. It is open to non-Catholics who simply wish to learn more about Catholicism. It is structured such that their is no obligation convert, or to even complete the program.

Converting to the Catholic faith is almost as big a commitment as marriage. It should be done only with careful discernment and preparation.

 

[chevalier]

And what was her response? It would be good if you could get her to enroll in an RCIA program ASAP, even though it’s a bit late. There she can ask questions about her cares and concerns and hopefully, keep the desire to convert burning. Tell her that you are there to support her 100% and leave it at that.

Women support. Men are rocks to lean on.

 

[Kal2012]

I paused when she said this. My response to her was that “I would wait to join the Catholic Church until you fully appreciate and believe in the presence of Christ in the Eucharist.”

Have I been to blunt from the get-go with her? I am afraid I could have just put her conversion back to square one.

Thanks!

I think you need to take a step back and be thrilled that she’s interested in joining the church.

She’s telling you this as a girlfriend, not as someone looking for a spiritual adviser. You can support her and love her and be honest with her about what the church teaches, but don’t discourage her because she isn’t where you are in your faith.

RCIA is a discernment period and you learn a lot about the faith (especially if you have a good teacher) - regardless of whether you end up choosing to convert or not.

Also, keep in mind that a lot of cradle Catholics don’t believe in the Real Presence either (or other tenets of the faith.)

To be clear, she should believe in what the church teaches, but sometimes it takes a while for people to understand why the church teaches what she teaches.

Some of this stuff you just don’t “get” right away. It takes time and prayer and research.

Encourage her to do those things.

Don’t play judge and jury about how spiritually ready she is to join the church. That’s really something that only she can discern.

 

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

I am confused, what would she be waiting for exactly? Do you expect her to come to an appreciation of the Eucharist on her own? Generally these issues are discussed in RCIA, in fact many people when they join RCIA are not 100% convinced they want to be Catholic, it’s a process.

Your girlfriend should join RCIA now, not wait for her appreciation for the Eucharist to grow first. This is a blessing, be as encouraging as you can! God bless.

I agree. Not everyone who goes through RCIA becomes Catholic. Some decide it is not for them. Some do it to better understand a spouse’s faith.

Regardless, it is exactly where belongs; the question really is what is the best way to encourage her enrollment…

 

[dedo]

Hey everyone,

My prayers are truly being answered by God, the saints in heaven, and all of the prayers that the forum prayer warriors have sent forth!

Last night for the first time ever my girlfriend mentioned that she has been thinking about joining the Catholic faith. I was ecstatic! She told me she loved the history behind the Church and that she too wanted to be Catholic for the sake of our family since I am Catholic and we agreed to babtize our son Catholic.

I paused when she said this. My response to her was that “I would wait to join the Catholic Church until you fully appreciate and believe in the presence of Christ in the Eucharist.”

Have I been to blunt from the get-go with her? I am afraid I could have just put her conversion back to square one.

Thanks!

Everyone makes mistakes. I would encourage her to follow her heart. RCIA would be a good choice.

I would avoid appearing to be any kind of “proctor” for your girl friend. Rather, just look at this as an opportunity to go on a learning journey together, so you can learn from each other.

Don’t be surprised if you end up learning from her.

If fact it is a good idea to expect it.

The most effective learning organizations in the world learn from experts, and from the periphery / front line in feedback loops. People who don’t understand this and want to just instruct, have basically shut down their own advancement.

Good luck.

 

[Polluted]

Ya…I don’t think it’s a requirement. I still have my dobuts about the real presence. So did many of the head people at RCIA when I converted. So did the deacon, and even my sponsor. Doesn’t mean I don’t have faith and act as such towards the Eucharist, but if I said I simply KNEW that was Jesus at every mass I would be lying

I realize every person on Catholic answers is worthy of having their photo emblazed in a heroic pose on a prayer candle who are in 100% agreement on any doctrine or issue and in alignment with such beliefs in their personal life’s not faltering in the SLIGHTEST . …but sometimes actual “humans” convert to the Church. Humans with divorces, children out of wedlock, struggling with issues on chastity, drinking 1 to many beers, etc. Etc.

If I were you just get your girlfriend into RCIA and don’t worry on if she’s CAF material. If she wants or needs to back out she has a whole year. I would worry about her simply doing it so she can call herself Catholic because that’s what you and your son are.

 

[Francis_W28]

You all are true blessings to me and I greatlty appreciate the responses to this thread.
It seems that I need to take a step back and let the Lord do His thing vs. being in control of the whole situation as much.

I pray that she does decide to join the Faith of course but I think that the general consensus of suggesting that she (Karen) go to RCIA is the best choice!

God bless all of you!

 

[Myst]

Hey brother. I think I know where you’re coming from. It’s like you want her to convert on her own and not just because it’s a nice thing to do for you, right? You want her to love Jesus the same way you do. Imo, that’s something that’s gotta grow. Becoming Catholic is a process for a reason, and if she doesn’t mean it the devil will have a field day driving her away, so what’s the harm in seeing where it goes? Worst case scenario, she’s a little better educated. Best case, she falls in love and you get slightly annoyed at being upstaged in holiness by your girlfriend.

Also, on behalf of all of us, sorry for all the weirdly judgmental responses. Those are the #1 reason I don’t ask for life advice on here.

 

[Francis_W28]

Hey brother. I think I know where you’re coming from. It’s like you want her to convert on her own and not just because it’s a nice thing to do for you, right? You want her to love Jesus the same way you do. Imo, that’s something that’s gotta grow. Becoming Catholic is a process for a reason, and if she doesn’t mean it the devil will have a field day driving her away, so what’s the harm in seeing where it goes? Worst case scenario, she’s a little better educated. Best case, she falls in love and you get slightly annoyed at being upstaged in holiness by your girlfriend.

Also, on behalf of all of us, sorry for all the weirdly judgmental responses. Those are the #1 reason I don’t ask for life advice on here.

Thank you very much! That is probably the most well put description of what I am going through. Of course it would be convenient for me if she converted but I want it to mean something to her and not just be for me.
I appreciate your resonse and may decide to follow your example and post fewer personal things on the forums. Usually I take most of the comments with a grain of salt though… The one’s that don’t pertain to doctine or scripture anyway.