Girlfriend/Ex-Boyfriend Question?

[BLB_Oregon]

peteri:

We talked again yesterday and I communicated to her some of the concepts that you all mentioned in this forum. The conversation went well at first, but then she became very defensive and I just could not say anything right from that point on. The end result was that she admitted that she knows that my standing is correct on this issue, but for whatever reason she is having a hard time accepting it. We agreed to table the issue for now and return to it after we have both had time to thinkg, pray, read, and seek feedback from others.

When you are at an impasse, sometimes it helps to look for a third way. Revist your rules so that they apply to both of you. That might mean
a) You both agree only to socialize with former flames at events when you both are there.
b) You both agree to keep each other up on whatever not-strictly-professional contacts you have with any other member of the opposite sex who isn’t a relative, and not to initiate contact without a heads up.
c) You both agree to at least temporarily cut off contact with any member of the opposite sex who remotely tries to initiate anything romantic when they know you’re already in a relationship.
d) You both agree to curtail or cut off contact with anyone outside your relationship, including your relatives, who know the boundaries you have set up and won’t abide by them.
e) You agree that you will not gossip about your relationship to others, or at least you agree about which others are allowed to be privy to your private problems.
e) You agree that if the boundaries turn out to be a bit strong, they will stand until the two of you re-negotiate them.

and so on. It’s your negotiation, in any event. You might want each of you to make a list that you think should apply to both, and then compare notes. You might get some surprises.