Girlfriend question?

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thememphisman

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I know that we are only 18 yrs old and that some people think that we couldnt possibly understand what love is, but my girlfriend and I have a true sense of love - giving of ourselves to the other. When we do not do this by our actions and our words and thoughts, we both feel that something is just off. We are in a perfectly chaste relationship. We hold hands, hug, and kiss goodbye - thats all.

My question however is about afterwards: Sometimes I get the great idea that i am just going to walk up to my girlfriend, bring her close to me and give her a big kiss. I think about it alot and quite frankly i dont have the guts to do it. However, i find that when i think about this and then dont do it, sexual temptations arise in other areas, especially the temptation to view pornography and masturbate.

We have been dating over a year now and I know that she is someone i could see myself marrying, i want to be able to give all i can to this woman, please, any help would be great.
 
Marry her, and then you will be able to give her all of yourself.

But make sure it’s the right thing to do at the right time and don’t let anybody pressure you into doing so.
 
thememphisman:

First of all you know these are temptations that are opportunistic, and you will need to do nothing that will add fuel to the fire which is it’s intent. While on fire like this you will need a clear mind to study the worthiness of this person has a wife. So it is best to find a non-sexual outlet for release such has an activity of sorts.

You and your partner will need to refrain from the occasions of sin while you take a serious look at each other as potential mates, which means a study of marital state of parents, points of view on divorce and child raising, religious devoutness and indifference to religious affiliation,etc,etc the list goes on and you both have some serious getting to know you work ahead
in areas that matters to marriage life.

You need also to be able to provide for a family and that is a whole new set of issues on it’s own. Perhaps either one of you is finalizing years at college. So it would perhaps be best to finish remaining semesters.

You are the only one who can assess your ability for restraint, however scripture is clear on direction.

1 Cor 7,8-9 …If they(unmarried) cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. It is better to marry than to be on fire.

In conclusion I would say before you have a raging forest fire, settle the important questions, that way if you cannot restrain
any longer, you will have made a good choice and preparation for marriage.

AndyF
 
Another thing to take in to consideration is that Jesus said to look another woman with lust is the same as having already done it.Using pornograghy is more than just lusting after a woman,your cheating on your girl with a whore.
 
Marriage is also not the only way to go with this. I know you can know love at your age (I was 18 and in love not all that long ago), but realize that you and your girlfriend both have a lot of growing still to do before “settling down.”

Even when you are married, there is absolutely no justification for lust. If you get married because you have lust and no outlet other than porn and masturbation, your wife will become the object of that lust. You MUST overcome lustful addictions before you can even consider getting married. Lusting after one’s spouse is not okay. Lust is always wrong, even in the context of marriage, and if the thought of a kiss is enough to get your brain thinking about pornography, what’s to stop your brain from thinking about pornography and masturbation when you are married?
 
thememphisman said:
I know that we are only 18 yrs old and that some people think that we couldnt possibly understand what love is, but my girlfriend and I have a true sense of love - giving of ourselves to the other. When we do not do this by our actions and our words and thoughts, we both feel that something is just off. We are in a perfectly chaste relationship. We hold hands, hug, and kiss goodbye - thats all.

My question however is about afterwards: Sometimes I get the great idea that i am just going to walk up to my girlfriend, bring her close to me and give her a big kiss. I think about it alot and quite frankly i dont have the guts to do it. However, i find that when i think about this and then dont do it, sexual temptations arise in other areas, especially the temptation to view pornography and masturbate.

We have been dating over a year now and I know that she is someone i could see myself marrying, i want to be able to give all i can to this woman, please, any help would be great.
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Well if you really love her try the following steps

1)Start working full time
2)If the pay is not descent work harder which may include going to a vocational school and or university.
3)Start paying all of your own bills. Have a credit card, checking account, savings? Time to get one of each of those as well.
4)Encourage her to develop the life skills she would need as a wife (cooking, cleaning, sowing etc) and or receiving the training she needs to go to work as well.
5)Make a list on paper of all the things you will have to give up at an earlier age
6) Have her do one too!
7) Like children? Ever had to do babysitting? Now would be a good time to start
8) Can you forsake all others (including your parents) to marry this women? Can she do the same for you?

First you need to be able to take care of yourself before being able to take care of another person. Other people might encourage you to live on your own for a while as well.

If you really want to give it your complete all give that list a shot. If you are already doing all of that you are pretty responsible for an 18 year old. Good Luck!
 
KephasAugustine said:
Marriage is also not the only way to go with this. I know you can know love at your age (I was 18 and in love not all that long ago), but realize that you and your girlfriend both have a lot of growing still to do before “settling down.”

Even when you are married, there is absolutely no justification for lust. If you get married because you have lust and no outlet other than porn and masturbation, your wife will become the object of that lust. You MUST overcome lustful addictions before you can even consider getting married. Lusting after one’s spouse is not okay. Lust is always wrong, even in the context of marriage, and if the thought of a kiss is enough to get your brain thinking about pornography, what’s to stop your brain from thinking about pornography and masturbation when you are married?
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Growing is not determined by age but by the nutrients, soil and light a person gets in their life. But there would be nothing wrong with this man preparing himself to marry this girl.
 
That_one_guy said:
Another thing to take in to consideration is that Jesus said to look another woman with lust is the same as having already done it.Using pornograghy is more than just lusting after a woman,your cheating on your girl with a whore.
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(Mat 21:31-32) {31} “Which of the two did what his father wanted?” “The first,” they answered. Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God ahead of you. {32} For John came to you to show you the way of righteousness, and you did not believe him, but the tax collectors and the prostitutes did. And even after you saw this, you did not repent and believe him.

This is not being used as a justification about sin just an observation that we are not above our brothers and sisters who are also sinners.
 
That_one_guy said:
Another thing to take in to consideration is that Jesus said to look another woman with lust is the same as having already done it.Using pornograghy is more than just lusting after a woman,your cheating on your girl with a whore.
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This is what I was referring to

Matthew 5:28:
but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
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Just in case,…🤷
 
Lujack said:
But his point was in reference to your use of the word “whore”, not your argument about pornography.
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In Scripture, every time Israel disobeys God and goes their own way, it is said that they committed adultery with a “harlot” or that they “played the harlot” themselves. Could this same imagery be applied? I think so.
 
nmoerbeek said:
Growing is not determined by age but by the nutrients, soil and light a person gets in their life. But there would be nothing wrong with this man preparing himself to marry this girl.
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I didn’t mean to imply that there was anything wrong with that. What I said was that if he thought of a passionate kiss that can’t be “gotten” at that very moment turns his thoughts to lust, what’s to stop that lust from popping up when he is married? His wife will not be there 24/7, and sometimes she will just plain not want to be kissed. The thought of pornography and masturbation must be overcome before any of us is worthy to take a woman into our home.

That isn’t to say the struggle will end–but it should be easier than a spiritual battle every time you can’t kiss her.
 
Lujack said:
But his point was in reference to your use of the word “whore”, not your argument about pornography.
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Is that not the proper term for a playboy model?They are exchanging sex for money.And if dude is waxing his pole over it,…isn’t he,by proxy, committing a sin with a whore?and at the same time professing a love for a girl, is he not committing a sort of adultery ?
🤷
 
Years ago, 18 was not such a young age to get married. But now it is considered very young. Some couples are waiting until their late 20s and even into their 30s to wed. BUT the sad thing is that the divorce rate is not much better or even worse than it was back in the 60’ or 70’s.

It’s not just age that determines a good or lasting marriage. It’s commitment, maturity, attitude and a bunch of other factors. A good sense of humor, good communications and honesty with each other, a willingness to compromise and to stay together through think and thin, sharing responsibilities, sound financial planning, steady jobs, support from both of your families, (and I would include a bit of luck and blessings from the Almighty. Believe me a lot of prayers really helps) all of these things mix in to make a marriage last.

And of course you both need a lot of love, not just the initial few months or few years of mutual infatuation. Sex drives do fade with time. Young folks think it lasts forever and some do seem to carry on well into their 80’s but when you can’t or are just not interested what are you left with ?? Something has to sustain your relationship and it is not always sex. Love and sex are not identical. One can and often exists without the other.

One thing I say to young folks, are you “in love” or are you really “in lust” ??? Love doesn’t need sex, the other is all about sex. Don’t confuse the two. When you get to the point were you don’t need the sex but you still want to always be with each other then you really are in love.

It’s amazing that you can control your desires to not go too far with your girlfriend. It’s not easy. In this day and age, for most, it’s almost impossible. Talk to each other about your feelings and plans. Make sure you are both on the same page. Make sure your hesitance to be intimate is not taken as a sign of disinterest. I wish you both well.
 
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