Girlfriend staying overnight

  • Thread starter Thread starter zeek
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Thanks a lot and God bless all of you for the advice, it truly helped.
 
40.png
reoman:
WhiteDove, This is a major problem in society today…Live and let live philosophy. He should stand up and be “counted” !
Click to expand...
I Agreed. We should pass judgment on the act not the person
 
40.png
montanaman:
No, you shouldn’t say a thing. Trust me on this. There’s a chance you’ll plant a seed, but there’s a much better chance that you’ll just paint yourself as a religious freak.

I’m always confronted with these situations. The best you can do is remain silent, but not dour. If the conversation comes to a point where your opinion is asked, don’t preach. Just say something like “I don’t believe it’s right.” Again, trust me. In these situations less IS more.
Click to expand...
I disagree. Yes you should say something either to the girlfriend or the roomate. Now when you tell them your stand on this issue tell them that you think that this is a grave matter and a sin, but don’t go overboard. The way you say it will be the key. I and every other person on this forum don’t know these two people so we cannot say how to say it to the people. We can, however, tell you that you have a duty as a Catholic to at least let them know that this is a sin and that you don’t approve, but that you will accecpt their decision no matter what. (they have free will. If you tell them the Truth your job is done–it’s not your job to make their decisons for them, they have freewill.) I belive that the Holy Spirt will lead you what to say and how to say it to the people.
 
40.png
zeek:
Hopefully this is in the right forum, please forgive if not.I live with three roomates all of whom are men. One in particular has a girlfriend, she is Catholic although not practicing, he is Methodist. She practically lives at our house, staying a lot. Am I obligated to say something when I rarely speak to her at all in the first place?
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for the advice and God bless.
Click to expand...
Just as a roommate, it is okay to tell your roommate “Hey, I like Sue and everything, but I’m uncomfortable with the amount of time that she spends here and I’m really not okay with her staying overnight. Can we talk about that?” You might want to ask your other roommates, first, whether or not they are also bothered. It is your home, too, and in my experience, this is an area in which all the roommates have (name removed by moderator)ut. In fact, in an ideal world, the whole topic of both frequent and overnight guests (male, female, and relative) would be dealt with and a house policy put into place before you move in together.

I have known many secular adult households in which roommates resented paying 1/4 of the rent in what is in actuality a 5-6 person household, if for no other reason than that they are put in the position of playing “in-law” to the “guests.” And even in secular households, rent-paying adults should expect to have (name removed by moderator)ut into what standard of conduct is observed in their own home.
 
The solution is simple. Move out.
Click to expand...
Then look for roommates who will agree to allow you to tell them what moral code to follow
Click to expand...
Beggar’s can’t be choosers. It’s very rare to find someone who will agree to follow certain rules once they are independently established. I was lucky enough to have a religious roommate…but he came with one nutjob that thought the world was created by aliens as a science experiment…you can’t win them all.
 
Dear Friend,
If you have made it a habit of speaking openly about your faith and how seriously you take it then they will know quite well what your thoughts will be on this issue.
If on the other hand your faith has remained something personal and internal then be careful about the times you pick to open out on your religious beliefs.
As Christ said “I have always spoken openly for all the world to hear” Lets take that example and open our hearts, minds and mouths about all things Catholic and not just when we have :twocents: to add to a certain situation once in a blue moon.
You could then be accused of pulling religious righteousness only when it suits. trust me I have been there. Now I express my Catholic belief at all times thought, words and actions.
You are to be commended for feeling the concern for your roomie, distant and all as your relationship may be and there is always a starting point. If you choose this as your moment then follow it through by being Catholic in everything.

God Bless you,
Fergal
Naas,
Ireland
 
When you moved in, you were lead you were living with 3 other men. The situation has changed. I think if you feel the need to move. Maybe bring up a hypothetical, if all of you had girlfriends, and there would be 8 people living in the house. Also bring up that ther are just things that you don’t like doing in front of a women, like hanging out in your bathrobe. I know as a women, I felt weird in college seeing random guys just in a towel coming out of the bathroom. .
 
I told him I didn’t feel he should have his girlfriend over night all of the time and I didn’t think it was right, and also from a Catholic perspective, and pointed out a few factors why I felt this way. I also told him that it is up to him to make the right decision and that he should tell his girlfriend.

Hopefully he will they will do the right thing.

Thanks everyone for the advice, it helped, God Bless.
 
Since I got married last year, I haven’t had any complaints about my new roommate. 🙂 However, during my single years I had many roommates and encountered this situation.

Here is my opinion on a couple things:
  1. You should deal with your roommate (not his girlfriend!) on this. To approach the girlfriend directly seems heavy handed and your roommate will most likely be highly offended.
  2. If you roommate has not previously communicated to you a desire to follow a certain moral code, you cannot hold him to that code. For this reason, I found it easier to live with people who share my moral code - this needs to be discussed BEFORE moving in with someone.
3.You do have a right to be comfortable in your living environment. If you moved into the house with the expectation of sharing the space with men but find yourself increasing sharing it with girlfriends - this is a legitimate concerns (all morals aside). You should address your roommate about this. However, be careful to approach the issue as your comfort level living with women, rather then judging your roommate for his morals.
  1. I probably agree with you on the morals involved here, but bringing that up to your roommate will probably only pick a fight. If he is living with the girl, it sounds like his decision is made. I have found that people who want to discuss morals with you (especially the morals of their own personal actions) will bring the subject up themselves. If they don’t bring it up, take the hint! I am all for setting a good example - but as St. Francis said only use words when necessary. Someone with an open heart will approach you. Someone will a closed heart will not be affected by anything you have to say. Remember that any conversion of beliefs is caused by God. Sometimes he works though us, but it is never our responsibly to “turn” someone. We are only responsible to be open to what God might be trying to do through us.
  2. It sounds like you might be stuck in an unpleasant situation. You can certainly address your comfort level with women in the house to your roommate, but that is about it. I don’t think you should say you are uncomfortable living around sin, because - really - what would that accomplish other then a violent argument. You may need to suck it up for this lease and be wiser next time you have a chance to pick your living environment. I found it helpful to discuss these issues with people before moving in with them. Be very clear and develop “house rules” you can live with before you agree to live with someone. That way everyone knows that is expected and if anyone breaks a “house rule” you can hold them to their agreement.
 
40.png
montanaman:
No, you shouldn’t say a thing. Trust me on this. There’s a chance you’ll plant a seed, but there’s a much better chance that you’ll just paint yourself as a religious freak.

I’m always confronted with these situations. The best you can do is remain silent, but not dour. If the conversation comes to a point where your opinion is asked, don’t preach. Just say something like “I don’t believe it’s right.” Again, trust me. In these situations less IS more.
Click to expand...
I must say I agree. In my house I have a special policy, if you do not want my opinion, don’t ask. Basically I keep my opinions to myself unless I am asked, then I just give it to them in full. That way they can never accuse me of forcing my religion down their throats, unlike what they accuse my fundamentalist uncle of. This is key because my sister and her boyfriend do cohabitate but even though I disagree with it I keep it to myself unless they ask for it, which they won’t because they probably realize what it is going to be. But it is a very useful policy.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top