Girlfriend's faith

[rjrjrj]

Hello bros and sis (especially) in Christ,

Need some advice. I have been with my girlfriend for about a year. She is Catholic, however, she did not practice it like that before me. She has had a past where her aunts would “force” her to say the rosary with them, and became rebellious for a bit because of that. She has shown me that she would join me at masses, has prayed with me and has intentions of having children who are practicing. This is where my confusion lies…

Every time I ask her ANY religion/spirituality question she gets really defensive. Example, I asked her if she would pray if I was not around, she got really angry and said I shouldn’t be asking her that. The relationship she has with God is between her and Him. I should let her grow without asking her questions. Sometimes I feel I can’t have a healthy religious conversation with her because she gets like this…

Should I feel guilty? Is this something I SHOULD ask or just “let it be”??

 

[Cruxis117]

Hello bros and sis (especially) in Christ,

Need some advice. I have been with my girlfriend for about a year. She is Catholic, however, she did not practice it like that before me. She has had a past where her aunts would “force” her to say the rosary with them, and became rebellious for a bit because of that. She has shown me that she would join me at masses, has prayed with me and has intentions of having children who are practicing. This is where my confusion lies…

Every time I ask her ANY religion/spirituality question she gets really defensive. Example, I asked her if she would pray if I was not around, she got really angry and said I shouldn’t be asking her that. The relationship she has with God is between her and Him. I should let her grow without asking her questions. Sometimes I feel I can’t have a healthy religious conversation with her because she gets like this…

Should I feel guilty? Is this something I SHOULD ask or just “let it be”??

This does seem a bit like a tricky issue. On one hand, those questions can seem to people kind of offensive or intrusive. But that depends on which person you ask them to. Ultimately, I would suggest encouraging her indirectly. Such continuing taking her to Mass, praying with her, reading Scripture with her, that sort of thing. The best way to be able to begin having those conversations is by letting her and showing her that you’re there to help edify her and encourage her in faith.

Some people react badly to head-on discussion, while others relish it. When she’s ready, she’ll come to you. The only time you should engage her is if you see her beginning to slip away from the faith, but you’d probably need more than one opinion to make sure that you know whether she actually is or not.

 

[Riddle_me_this]

This does seem a bit like a tricky issue. On one hand, those questions can seem to people kind of offensive or intrusive. But that depends on which person you ask them to. Ultimately, I would suggest encouraging her indirectly. Such continuing taking her to Mass, praying with her, reading Scripture with her, that sort of thing. The best way to be able to begin having those conversations is by letting her and showing her that you’re there to help edify her and encourage her in faith.

Some people react badly to head-on discussion, while others relish it. When she’s ready, she’ll come to you. The only time you should engage her is if you see her beginning to slip away from the faith, but you’d probably need more than one opinion to make sure that you know whether she actually is or not.

It has been my experience to heed warning that Paul gives us in this scripture:

(2 Corinthians 6:14-16) 14Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers. For what fellowship do righteousness and lawlessness have? Or what sharing does light have with darkness? 15Further, what harmony is there between Christ and Be′li·al? Or what portion does a faithful person have with an unbeliever? 16And what agreement does God’s temple have with idols? For we are a temple of a living God; just as God said: “I shall reside among them and walk among [them], and I shall be their God, and they will be my people..*.

There are enough problems in marriage and trying to make things work without adding additional complications. It is essential that you establish what kind of relationship that she has with God before you make a life long committment to her. Pray about it too.

 

[martinah]

I think that since she is in the process of coming back and you have never left, she may have the perception of a “knowledge” gap. If she fears getting it “wrong” when you ask her these questions, she may react as you described above. It may not be insecurity about returning to faith, but a fear she is doing it wrong. It could also be intimidation that she is not at the same “level” of understanding as you, that makes her want to avoid direct conversation at this time.

I agree with the previous poster who said that you should continue to encourage her indirectly and through example. Why be so confrontational (which is how she may see your questioning) at a time that may be a little confusing for her?

If she needs space, and you care about her, give her space.

God Bless,
Martina

 

[annaworm]

I cannot speak for your girlfriend, but I can tell my story. I was not raised in the Church, but my parents were both lapsed Catholics, and my fiance is Catholic. I don’t think you should feel guilty about this situation at all and for the most part I agree with Cruxis117.

There was a time period in my life that began shortly before I met my fiance, during which going to church or praying in itself was a struggle, and I won’t say that it’s completely over. I was 100% willing to pray with my fiance and to go to Mass with him, but I wasn’t ready for discussion. Rather than bringing me comfort, or being helpful for my relationships with my fiance and God, I got upset, I would either shut down and just become unresponsive, or I would get angry as you describe your girlfriend doing. It was scary and stressful and I just wasn’t ready. When we were dating (after he realized it was a struggle for me) my fiance let me deal with things on my own, he let me sort through for myself and was there when I needed him for discussion. It helped a lot, knowing that he would talk if I wanted him to, but that he wasn’t going to force me into a discussion. Gentle encouragement for the positive things without pushing her past her comfort level, is probably the best you can do right now.

However, if you’re discerning marriage with her and are close to a point where you would get engaged, I would say you can’t really leave it alone too much longer. How faithful you are to the Church and where you stand on the role of God in your relationship with each other, needs to be something you can get on the same page about or at least understand each other’s views on, which you can’t do if she won’t share. Marriage is a covenant between two people and God, not just between two people. The more serious you get, the more important talking about these things will be. It affects views on so many issues that will crop up even when you’re engaged (I can only imagine it will be more important in my marriage).

If you are nearing that point, I think maybe explaining why you think it’s important that you know about her prayer life etc. is important. Don’t be pushy, but make it clear why it’s an issue, that you’re not attacking her, but that it’s difficult for you.

I hope that this helps. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[fred_conty]

Hello bros and sis (especially) in Christ,

Need some advice. I have been with my girlfriend for about a year. She is Catholic, however, she did not practice it like that before me. She has had a past where her aunts would “force” her to say the rosary with them, and became rebellious for a bit because of that. She has shown me that she would join me at masses, has prayed with me and has intentions of having children who are practicing. This is where my confusion lies…

Every time I ask her ANY religion/spirituality question she gets really defensive. Example, I asked her if she would pray if I was not around, she got really angry and said I shouldn’t be asking her that. The relationship she has with God is between her and Him. I should let her grow without asking her questions. Sometimes I feel I can’t have a healthy religious conversation with her because she gets like this…

Should I feel guilty? Is this something I SHOULD ask or just “let it be”??

Maybe it would help if you both attended RCIA classes.

 

[Aggies08]

For the time being, I would “let it be,” continuing to pray with her/attend mass/attend religious “stuff.”

Allow her to choose when/how to open up about religious topics, ask questions, etc.

Be sure to pray for her!

I went through two years or so of this with my now DH- who ultimately decided to convert- and it is hard to keep your mouth shut sometimes. Let the HS work, and passively teacher her by attending groups, mass, and whatnot.

 

[cessnawag]

I would keep it low key for a while. Some people have had religion forced on them and then see it as a burden in a way. I have had this same issue and what worked for me was to not push and once in awhile bring it up gently.