Girls asking/proposing

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angell1

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I know, it’s traditional for guys to ask girls on a date or propose marriage.

is there anything wrong with the girl asking though? I’ve heard many catholics say that they shouldn’t and I’m wondering if that’s just their personal opinion?

or is it another preference thing?
 
When I met my wife, she called me first, and asked me out first.

It makes no sense to me why women insist on being asked out. If you’re a woman and you meet someone you like, why NOT ask him out? Not doing so is just a recipe for staying single.
 
This is a tricky one, because of course there’s nothing wrong with it. But, when I was single, I always just assumed that if he didn’t ask, he wasn’t interested. I’d flirt, smile, make eye contact, even playfully look for an excuse to touch his arm (only once unless he responded), etc. But I never made any moves or did any asking.

🤷 Probably more personal preference than anything.
 
Actually, I don’t really like either person “proposing”. The decision to marry is a very serious one and the couple should work through it together over time. They discern marriage together. Naturally one of them will have to be the first to raise the issue, but the issue certainly should have been raised well before any “proposal” happens.

As for asking someone on a date - go for it. No reason for women to sit back and wait for a man to ask. There are many shy men - I am one - who find asking women out intimidating. I much preferred when a woman asked me on a date.
 
I have Aspergers, so it is kind of tricky for me to get to that point. Personally, because I am socially awkward, I’d rather the woman ask me. As for dating and being engaged, well, been there, done that. I was usually the one that asked. THAT being said, I remember I used to get girl’s numbers with out asking for them. Still not sure how that happened. I just think it depends on the person.
 
I’d still be waiting for my husband to ask me out if I hadn’t done so first.

I did tell him that I would not propose though. I felt he should do that. That also took him a long time…I think it took him about a year to work up his nerve. It’s hard for some people or so I’ve heard 😃
 
BlueEyedLady said:
This is a tricky one, because of course there’s nothing wrong with it. But, when I was single, I always just assumed that if he didn’t ask, he wasn’t interested. I’d flirt, smile, make eye contact, even playfully look for an excuse to touch his arm (only once unless he responded), etc. But I never made any moves or did any asking.

🤷 Probably more personal preference than anything.
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yeah, that’s usually the argument used.

but it just seems weird to me. why is it assumed thatg a guy isn’t interested?

and like other posters have said, if the woman is interested, then what’s the point of waiting?
 
Asking out is a mutual right nowadays. Some men are shy and need a direct prod rather than the ritual normally used by women.
However, a proposal for marriage is definitely a man’s territory. However, a smart man will know the answer before he asks due to the clever work of a good woman. A real couple will know each other so well that it is almost an unspoken given into a real relationship. The man’s leadership in the marriage is signaled in his request, however, they will both already know.
Real marriage issues like finances, religion, children, common core values will all have been the subject of intense discussion prior to any proposal. Once these are on the table people know where it is all going. Unless you are thirteen…
 
angell1 said:
I know, it’s traditional for guys to ask girls on a date or propose marriage.

is there anything wrong with the girl asking though? I’ve heard many catholics say that they shouldn’t and I’m wondering if that’s just their personal opinion?

or is it another preference thing?
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You missed out. Valentine’s Day in a leap year is for ladies to propose. Anyway it will come up in 4 years.
 
McCartney said:
You missed out. Valentine’s Day in a leap year is for ladies to propose. Anyway it will come up in 4 years.
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There is also annually Sadie Hawkins Day :love: , which I falls every November (though I see a variety of dates put forward*: The 15th; the Saturday nearest the 9th; the Monday following Election Day; among others).

(* I blame the International Women’s Cabal, keeping us gentlemen off our guard 😛 )

tee
 
angell1 said:
yeah, that’s usually the argument used.

but it just seems weird to me. why is it assumed thatg a guy isn’t interested?

and like other posters have said, if the woman is interested, then what’s the point of waiting?
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No one is saying that you have to wait. Speaking as a man, what generally causes a guy to hesitate is the fear of looking like a fool in front of a girl that he finds attractive. Things like eye contact, smiling (not just polite smiles mind you), flirting and “accidental” touches will send a pretty clear signal that you will not think he is some kind of fool if he asks you out. If you do all the things that BlueEyedLady listed and he still doesn’t make a move it means one of three things: A) He’s extremely thick and it might not be worth your time to try and get his attention. B) He has extremely low confidence – would you want to date a guy like that anyway. C) He’s just not interested.

My opinion on the subject is that if you make yourself available and don’t send conflicting signals than you shouldn’t have trouble getting guys to ask you out. That said, there’s nothing wrong with it, so if you want to ask a certain guy on a date go ahead.
 
As a single female I would prefer the guy to ask me out first and the guy to propose. While I don’t think it’s wrong for the girl to ask the guy I also don’t think it is quite right.

A girl can drop subtle (and I do mean subtle) hints that she is interested in a guy but a guy should be brave enough and “man” enough to ask a girl he likes out. It is a growing experience in my opinion.
 
angell1 said:
yeah, that’s usually the argument used.

but it just seems weird to me. why is it assumed thatg a guy isn’t interested?

and like other posters have said, if the woman is interested, then what’s the point of waiting?
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My male friends tell me that if a guy doesn’t ask a girl out, he isn’t attracted to her. That is what I assume. If someone does not ask me out, he does not find me attractive. No use taking initiative.

I too have Aspergers, so as for the use of subtle hints and feminine wiles, I got none of that. I am more speeding freight train than femme fatale.
 
angell1 said:
I know, it’s traditional for guys to ask girls on a date or propose marriage.

is there anything wrong with the girl asking though? I’ve heard many catholics say that they shouldn’t and I’m wondering if that’s just their personal opinion?

or is it another preference thing?
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It’s opinion. There’s nothing immoral or wrong about the woman asking. In this day when many live couples together before marriage, I believe many women would be wise to propose marriage to their long-term boyfriends, rather than settling for less. And if he says “yes” to marriage, then set a date for the wedding.

In the scope of all the traditional values and morality associated with dating and marriage, the tradition of “who asks whom” is not of great importance.
 
Sarcelle said:
My male friends tell me that if a guy doesn’t ask a girl out, he isn’t attracted to her. That is what I assume. If someone does not ask me out, he does not find me attractive. No use taking initiative.

I too have Aspergers, so as for the use of subtle hints and feminine wiles, I got none of that. I am more speeding freight train than femme fatale.
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There are a ton of cases where that is not true. He could be shy. He could be busy or distracted and didn’t notice her. He could have misinterpreted her signals to mean she’s taken or not interested. He could be planning to ask her out but mentally stumbling over the words.
 
angell1 said:
I know, it’s traditional for guys to ask girls on a date or propose marriage.

is there anything wrong with the girl asking though? I’ve heard many catholics say that they shouldn’t and I’m wondering if that’s just their personal opinion?

or is it another preference thing?
Click to expand...
Not wrong at all. My husband and I talked about the possibility of marriage and then agreed it was the right thing to do, so we gave the priest a call. We then made an appointment with the priest, completed the Church pre-marital classes and went from there. 👍
 
Having Aspergers makes it very tough. A woman could be giving me all the signals in the world and wouldn’t recognize them at all. I’d probably see her and think, “Damn, she’s pretty. I wish I could think of something to talk to her about.” Eye contact is also something that’s very hard. Not because I’m shy, but because it feels . . . . violent I guess, like some kind of personal violation.
 
Bataar said:
Having Aspergers makes it very tough. A woman could be giving me all the signals in the world and wouldn’t recognize them at all. I’d probably see her and think, “Damn, she’s pretty. I wish I could think of something to talk to her about.” Eye contact is also something that’s very hard. Not because I’m shy, but because it feels . . . . violent I guess, like some kind of personal violation.
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I’m so sorry for your struggles! :console: I struggled with this too, only mine was trying to get the hint accross to a guy I was interested in. 😉 I finally found someone who understands me and accepts me. I hope you do too, and soon! 🙂
 
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