Girls asking/proposing

[DaveBj]

I’ve not been “in the market” for over 46 years, but knowing my own lack of social sophistication, I would be afraid of mis-interpreting non-flirting friendliness as flirting and acting on it, only to be rebuffed. This fear would likely cause me to miss out on flirty cues altogether.

 

[EasterJoy]

Small talk in general and getting to know people are also very hard. For me, at least with people I don’t know, talking is about the exchange of information. Let’s say I’m at the park walking my dog and I see a woman there that I find attractive. Because I don’t know anything about her, it’s pretty much impossible for me to start any kind of conversation with her. After all, I don’t know her at all. I have no idea what her interests are let alone if we share common interests to talk about. I’ve been told to ask someone like that about their job. I remember the first time someone suggested that, the first thing I thought of was, ‘Why would I want to know that?’ Assuming I never see that person again, I’ve just spent precious time and energy asking for information that is completely useless and irrelevant. I know my brain is wired wrong, but that’s just the way it is.

Maybe you don’t realize the practical objective of small talk or don’t even realize that it does have a practical objective. There are people who hate exercise because they do not see a point in running when no one is chasing you, walking a loop where you just wind up where you started or in lifting weights that do not need to be moved. The point in exercise, of course, is that you are building something that is very real even though you cannot see it.

Small talk does that, too. It builds a social connection in a safe context. No one is “chasing” you and nothing needs to be “moved.” The whole point is to spend conversational time together “on safe, flat ground” (so to speak) until you build enough rapport to do something more strenuous or more goal-oriented. You keep the topics safe so that the level of social stress is kept very low.

You never know if you will never see someone again, but even if you don’t you will have had a human interaction with another person in this world. Someone will have been touched by you. The openness to have a “pointless” conversation is recognition that a person’s time and attention is a gift to you, and therefore it is not pointless. You have recognized their value as a person by being willing to talk to them when they had nothing “of value” to offer to you except their time. If you give your time and attention in order to have some of theirs, you have shown you believe they are worthwhile.

Some people can give their time and presence to someone they don’t even know without ever saying a word, but that is rather rare. That is not to say, however, that two people couldn’t establish after a very short interchange that time spent soaking up beauty together or time going through the same experience together was time spent together, even though they are complete strangers. The point is to establish that connection; after that, the mutual exchange of time and attention does not, strictly speaking, require talking. It is the openness to the other person that counts, not the words. An example might be two people sitting next to each other at a ball game who only exchange a few words or a nod of recognition at the beginning, watch the game without talking (because neither of them wants to yammer instead of watch, and afterwards say, “I enjoyed watching the game with you. Thanks. Have a good day.”

 

[EasterJoy]

I’ve not been “in the market” for over 46 years, but knowing my own lack of social sophistication, I would be afraid of mis-interpreting non-flirting friendliness as flirting and acting on it, only to be rebuffed. This fear would likely cause me to miss out on flirty cues altogether.

So you’re going to miss something or misinterpret something–what of it?

Do not get me wrong. I have no desire to look for a romantic partner if I am ever made a widow. I only mean that making a social mistake is not a plane crash. It is a rough landing, walked away from. Not something you want to repeat, but the wear and tear done is pretty minor unless someone chooses to make more of it than that.

 

[Polluted]

Its because it says allot about a man from the very start if he cant work up the courage to ask out his female.

How on earth will he provide for or protect his wife if he cant even do the heavy lifting and risk rejection.

Trust me on this. When a girl is super forward with me and making all the moves its a red flag in my head. I ask myself how many other men has she been flattering.

 

[Bataar]

Just curious. What do you regard as small talk? The weather, current events?

For me, small talk is any conversation where the actual subject, what the people are talking about is pretty much meaningless. Where the point is to “talk” just for the sake of talking not to exchange information or make a joke or something like that. And it’s different if you know the person as well. I mentioned asking about someone’s job in my previous post. If the person I’m interacting with is someone I know and/or care about, even though the subject itself might not interest me, I want to show that I care about that person so I ask questions like that. If the person is a complete stranger, why would I be interested in their job? Regardless of what they tell me, that information, in and of itself, will probably be completely useless and serve no real purpose. A question like that, when asking a stranger, you’re asking merely for the sake of conversation because you don’t have anything relevant or valid to discuss with that person.

 

[Sarcelle]

For me, small talk is any conversation where the actual subject, what the people are talking about is pretty much meaningless. Where the point is to “talk” just for the sake of talking not to exchange information or make a joke or something like that. And it’s different if you know the person as well. I mentioned asking about someone’s job in my previous post. If the person I’m interacting with is someone I know and/or care about, even though the subject itself might not interest me, I want to show that I care about that person so I ask questions like that. If the person is a complete stranger, why would I be interested in their job? Regardless of what they tell me, that information, in and of itself, will probably be completely useless and serve no real purpose. A question like that, when asking a stranger, you’re asking merely for the sake of conversation because you don’t have anything relevant or valid to discuss with that person.

Let’s face it, you have to start somewhere. With strangers you will almost have nothing of importance to discuss unless you are asking for directions or in need of help from them. This is very much unlikely to happen. This is all well and good if you are satisfied with the status quo.

I have Aspergers just like you but I was forced after several lay-offs to expand my social and networking circle because it’s mostly who you know rather than what you know when it comes to finding jobs. It maybe a chore or burdensome to you, but it is something you will have to do if you want to make new acquaintances. Offer it up.

Just thought up of one way to make this a little less painful to you. You may want to join amateur astronomy clubs or any club which shares your interest. You can start of with discussing Messier objects or neutron stars, stellar evolution, etc. if you are interested in astronomy. This way you can talk about a common interest.