Girls "tempting" boys

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I have a question… what about bathing suits???

Are women not allowed to wear them, I mean technically they are just “bras” and “underwear?” you know tempting uncovered skin, just barely enough cloth to cover the MAIN parts???

Does this mean we are tempting our men into thinking lustful thought while we are “slowly” putting on sunscreen lotion or bronzer in a 2 piece bikini or bathingsuit as the hot sun is steaming down on our wet skin??

I think that skin is skin, I can look at a naked man and not get aroused by him… I think that it has to do with the fact that I am not promiscuous, nor believe in having sex with multiple or different partners. I believe that sex-love making- is something that should be shared between hubby and wife during their time of unity and love expression-procreation…For me the human body is a mysterious and marvelous work of art. I can admire a human body for hours, man or woman. It doesn’t turn me on nor causes me to lust over it, I mean it’s more of an admiration of GOD’s creation and work…

when intimacy comes into mind is usually with hubby and wife love making… Not from some random man showing his abs or his “sexy” chest… or my db for that matter. We have gone swimming together and he has shown his chest etc and even though he is a very attractive person I am not lusting or thinking anything other than what a good looking guy he is… that’s it…

Perhaps it should be more about what parent’s teach their kids… I mean I didn’t know what an O was until I was married… My mother told me sex was just to have children not to enjoy… So there was a lot of confusion after I was married and found out how enjoyable it was… 🤷

eh been living under a rock!! 😦

Also there have been many occassions when we have gone out that I wear some nice and attractive clothing, sometimes I might wear a low cut blouse, not often just sometimes, and my boyfriend doesn’t lust over me, he tells me I look beautiful and that’s it… He doesn’t grab me with lust, he admires me as well. I mean he tells me the same thing if I am wearing a turtleneck and covered from head to toe like I usually dress now during winter!! lol

So I guess it just comes down to the understanding about sex and marriage and love… perhaps… Like one of my brother’s friends, they have the tradition of always dressing their women from head to toe, just their eyes showing, but their men dress regularly… His friend told my brother that he is so used to seeing women covered up completely that when they arrived in the USA and saw all these women “naked” that he freaked out… And he said that he began having thoughts… And when he was betrothed he would try and picture his gf naked… He decided to have premarital sex with a friend of his, and regreted it…

Now that he’s an adult and married with children, he lets his daughters dress normally, he says that now he understands about lust and love and that he couldn’t believe how ignorant he was. How he now doesn’t get turned on by showing of skin but by the emotion and love he feels for his wife…

So maybe it’s just about how you are raised about sex…

Like my brother for eg…he used to lust over anything, big breasts, big behinds, etc… Now that he’s married and with kids he told me he can’t believe how he is only wanting of his wife and she doesn’t have to be naked at all, that he just loves her so much and enjoys her so much it isn’t all about sex any more it’s about love… Yeah I never thought I would hear my brother talk about things like that ever especially in a more loving matter when he would go from gf to gf to gf to gf all the time… It’s amazing how people change… Once they have a better understanding of things…

This is indeed an interesting subject…
 
I think men are much more visual. Let us remember that God put physical attraction between men and women. Men are natually “turned on” by naked or nearly-naked women. For me, I consciously try to avoid places and things that will instigate disordered lust. I think Christian women ought to dress more conservatively. All that being said, I am not infavor of legalism. What is a “turn on” to one man may not be for me. Also, cultural customs are different. I am convinced that Faith and other Christian values ought to inspire us to righteousness. That righteousness should be be practise, not merely something concept that we hold in our hearts. This, through Christian history, has meant that Christians did not simply follow the culture and adhere to the “When in Rome…” school of though.
 
Also there have been many occassions when we have gone out that I wear some nice and attractive clothing, sometimes I might wear a low cut blouse, not often just sometimes, and my boyfriend doesn’t lust over me, he tells me I look beautiful and that’s it…

Even he was lusting over you, do you think he would have spoken graphically of it??? Also, trust me, if we was (and you ask him) he will say no!

He doesn’t grab me with lust, he admires me as well.

If a man is lusting after a women and want to violate her, he usually wouldn’t because that we get him locked up. And for men you have disordered lust, they would not be admiring the woman for who she is, they would be imaging her big %^$%^ or her nice &^%$%##.

So I guess it just comes down to the understanding about sex and marriage and love… perhaps… Like one of my brother’s friends, they have the tradition of always dressing their women from head to toe, just their eyes showing, but their men dress regularly… His friend told my brother that he is so used to seeing women covered up completely that when they arrived in the USA and saw all these women “naked” that he freaked out…

Are you implying that Christian ought to allow anything to go? Should we condone watching pornography for art appreciation??? I think good reason and catechisis requires that we recognize there are limits (for man & woman) and that Christians is not full of angels. One example that comes to mind is an interview i say with a mother, whose 10 year old daughter was molested. She said something to the effect that she had no idea that anyone would be so twisted as too molest a 10 year old. Thankfully for Christians, the Bible (along with the catechism and magisterium) teach that original sin is present in the world. Doesn’t it make sense to not be a stumbling to our brothers and sisters?

Now that he’s an adult and married with children, he lets his daughters dress normally,

What does it mean to “dress normally”? Who determines what is normal? Is your a G-string sticking out of your low-riding TIGHT jeans normal? Where is the limit? Who determines it? Heck, is there a limit?
 
I don’t have a problem with bathing suits, just so long as they aren’t specifically designed to be “sexy”. Especially the sporty stuff is far from titillating IMHO. The same thing goes for shorts - if they are merited by the weather. In fact, if it’s rational to wear and the design isn’t “sexy”, then I generally fail to see anything wrong with it.

On the other hand, I simply don’t understand cleavage. I just don’t get the purpose it may serve other than showing the area to the eye. Perhaps I’m an arrogant stuck-up and I have a problem with people being so un-private as to show those rather private parts to the general public. I fully well realise that it has been around for centuries and that even decent women have worn such tops - consider all the many queens and others from portraits. But I still don’t get it. It’s easier for me to understand just a swimsuit being worn (reduction of layers for comfort or out of perceived necessity due to heat) than a cleavage-showing top, even if the latter objectively reveals less skin. I just don’t get what good might be in it. No offence intended to anyone.
 
Also there have been many occassions when we have gone out that I wear some nice and attractive clothing, sometimes I might wear a low cut blouse, not often just sometimes, and my boyfriend doesn’t lust over me, he tells me I look beautiful and that’s it…

Even he was lusting over you, do you think he would have spoken graphically of it??? Also, trust me, if we was (and you ask him) he will say no!

He doesn’t grab me with lust, he admires me as well.
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I do not understand. In post #112 of this thread you mentioned that you sometimes struggle with lust for women, but point out that this is, at least, a natural attraction, since **it is not a same-sex **inclination. Certainly other posts that you have made in this thread imply as much, and that also you are a male.

But now, you are speaking of wearing low-cut blouses, and your boyfriend’s reaction to these. This clearly implies that you are female. WHAT GIVES? :confused:
 
eichenb2 said:
Also there have been many occassions when we have gone out that I wear some nice and attractive clothing, sometimes I might wear a low cut blouse, not often just sometimes, and my boyfriend doesn’t lust over me, he tells me I look beautiful and that’s it…

Even he was lusting over you, do you think he would have spoken graphically of it??? Also, trust me, if we was (and you ask him) he will say no!

He doesn’t grab me with lust, he admires me as well.

If a man is lusting after a women and want to violate her, he usually wouldn’t because that we get him locked up. And for men you have disordered lust, they would not be admiring the woman for who she is, they would be imaging her big %^$%^ or her nice &^%$%##.

So I guess it just comes down to the understanding about sex and marriage and love… perhaps… Like one of my brother’s friends, they have the tradition of always dressing their women from head to toe, just their eyes showing, but their men dress regularly… His friend told my brother that he is so used to seeing women covered up completely that when they arrived in the USA and saw all these women “naked” that he freaked out…

Are you implying that Christian ought to allow anything to go? Should we condone watching pornography for art appreciation??? I think good reason and catechisis requires that we recognize there are limits (for man & woman) and that Christians is not full of angels. One example that comes to mind is an interview i say with a mother, whose 10 year old daughter was molested. She said something to the effect that she had no idea that anyone would be so twisted as too molest a 10 year old. Thankfully for Christians, the Bible (along with the catechism and magisterium) teach that original sin is present in the world. Doesn’t it make sense to not be a stumbling to our brothers and sisters?

Now that he’s an adult and married with children, he lets his daughters dress normally,

What does it mean to “dress normally”? Who determines what is normal? Is your a G-string sticking out of your low-riding TIGHT jeans normal? Where is the limit? Who determines it? Heck, is there a limit?
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My low cut blouses are not extreme, they are enough to show some chest, not breast really… most of my shirts are pretty high up regular neck line shirts, but some of my “sexy” shirts show a little more chest, not breast…AND my db has been pretty honest with me since the beginning, and respects me for how I dress and look without taking anything off… What I meant by he doesn’t grab me with lust is that we are in no way intimate with each other, nor you know throw ourselves on each other with lust in our eyes, but cuddle and hold each other as such without getting physical and I believe he doesn’t lust over me… I mean low cut doesn’t necessarily mean showing major cleavage or major breast…

To me also like I said skin is just skin…I think for me the thoughts of love making and getting turned on happens with the emotional and spiritual connection between husband and wife…

I don’t like gstrings, so I don’t wear them… I think I might for our honey moon but not sure??? Normal is I believe in everyone’s own eyes if for someone “granny panties” are normal then they are, if bikini underwear are normal then that’s what it is for them…
 
thomfra said:
One poster a while ago even had a problem with women who showed a bit of bra strap (from behind) because it was causing him to become sexually aroused/distracted in church…!!!

Honestly boys, this is not Afghanistan pre-invasion. You are not the Taliban. Women are not to blame for your inability to adhere to the lofty standards you have voluntarily chosen to set yourselves.
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I’m not sure I’ve seen in this thread anyone pointing out that I don’t hear boys saying women are “entirely” responsible, as some women have said on this thread. I think the boys are saying that some clothing by attractive young women is distracting and not helping them in their efforts to be of pure mind. And women should not be showing bra straps in mass or anywhere else. 🤷
 
C’mon, if you don’t realize or don’t admit that men are visual by nature and easily tempted by sight, you are either misinformed or a hypocrite. And if you are a woman and don’t take that into account when dressing up and going to church - again, you either don’t realize that you are making a mistake (which is somewhat understandable if you are young, perhaps a teenager or in your early twenties), or you simply don’t care about unnecessarily tempting others and that doesn’t reflect well on you.

King David fell into temptation and sin by seeing Batsheba taking a bath. Job said he made a covenant with his eyes, not to look at other women, effectively acknowledging that he was also in danger of being tempted simply by looking at other women. Since most men are not greater than King David or Job, they will risk being tempted when looking at women who are not dressed appropriately. Being in street traffic, I can always turn away my head, but the problem is more serious if someone walks into the church and sits right in front of me and she is dressed in a sexually tempting way. In fact, I have been in such situation and I walked out of my pew and found another place where to sit. The same stands for a workplace, and people are expected to observe certain dress code in order to avoid unnecessary distractions.

Showing bra straps in the church, wearing tank tops with spaghetti straps, dresses that expose the whole back, and for men, wearing shorts or tight t-shirts that accentuate the body, are of course inappropriate when they go to meet the King of the Universe, and to celebrate the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. Not only the sexual aspect and tempting others, it’s also disrespectful towards the heavenly hosts who participate in the Mass. We are to believe that we put ourselves in the presence of heavenly Saints, Angels, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and Jesus Christ himself, so why would we dress inappropriately when we go to church?

I used to teach college students for several years, and I know they often commit innocent mistakes and are not aware that they are not dressed appropriately. Especially since they get their clues from the sexually saturated popular culture, I am not really surprised at their mistakes. And yet, they will have to grow up at certain point, e.g. when going to job interviews, or taking jobs in hospitals or other situations where they will be expected to dress in a certain way.

Going back to the case of the church, I am a single man and sometimes I take notice of one or another attractive woman. In my case, they are the ones wearing conservative, unrevealing clothing. Seeing in church someone with a dress that exposes her full back, or makes you wonder whether she will have a nipple slip within the next five minutes, is not only sexually offensive, but unattractive in the sense that this person is not dressed in a manner that’s appropriate for the occasion.
 
Joseph_L_Varga said:
C’mon, if you don’t realize or don’t admit that men are visual by nature and easily tempted by sight, you are either misinformed or a hypocrite. And if you are a woman and don’t take that into account when dressing up and going to church - again, you either don’t realize that you are making a mistake (which is somewhat understandable if you are young, perhaps a teenager or in your early twenties), or you simply don’t care about unnecessarily tempting others and that doesn’t reflect well on you.

King David fell into temptation and sin by seeing Batsheba taking a bath. Job said he made a covenant with his eyes, not to look at other women, effectively acknowledging that he was also in danger of being tempted simply by looking at other women. Since most men are not greater than King David or Job, they will risk being tempted when looking at women who are not dressed appropriately. Being in street traffic, I can always turn away my head, but the problem is more serious if someone walks into the church and sits right in front of me and she is dressed in a sexually tempting way. In fact, I have been in such situation and I walked out of my pew and found another place where to sit. The same stands for a workplace, and people are expected to observe certain dress code in order to avoid unnecessary distractions.

Showing bra straps in the church, wearing tank tops with spaghetti straps, dresses that expose the whole back, and for men, wearing shorts or tight t-shirts that accentuate the body, are of course inappropriate when they go to meet the King of the Universe, and to celebrate the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. Not only the sexual aspect and tempting others, it’s also disrespectful towards the heavenly hosts who participate in the Mass. We are to believe that we put ourselves in the presence of heavenly Saints, Angels, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and Jesus Christ himself, so why would we dress inappropriately when we go to church?

I used to teach college students for several years, and I know they often commit innocent mistakes and are not aware that they are not dressed appropriately. Especially since they get their clues from the sexually saturated popular culture, I am not really surprised at their mistakes. And yet, they will have to grow up at certain point, e.g. when going to job interviews, or taking jobs in hospitals or other situations where they will be expected to dress in a certain way.

Going back to the case of the church, I am a single man and sometimes I take notice of one or another attractive woman. In my case, they are the ones wearing conservative, unrevealing clothing. Seeing in church someone with a dress that exposes her full back, or makes you wonder whether she will have a nipple slip within the next five minutes, is not only sexually offensive, but unattractive in the sense that this person is not dressed in a manner that’s appropriate for the occasion.
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:amen: very well said.
 
…and here are my observations from Miami. After I moved here and started attending the church on the university campus beginning with the spring of 2007, tank tops for ladies and shorts with or without slippers for guys seemed to be the norm throughout the (almost) endless summer. For me, it was a great opportunity to exercise concentration. I fixed my gaze on the crucifix above the altar during the whole Liturgy, and sometimes I even missed the ushers who came collecting donations… Still, I do not mean to say that things were out of control. Never, not even once, have I seen a young lady attending the services in bikinis, or a young man wearing sea-diving wetsuit complete with frogman’s fins inside the church. The priests, I can relate to their challenges managing a student parish. When I used to teach chemistry laboratory practice, the more adventurous guys were soon mixing and reacting everything from the shelves with chemicals, and all lab practices were considered successful as long as we didn’t have an explosion large enough to blow out the windows of the laboratory. That’s the challenge of dealing with students, and it is still more fun when they are enthusiastic and want to get involved, as compared to others who fall asleep or simply don’t show up. Seeing all the ladies in tank tops, I also came up with a theory that I held throughout the summer that ended midway through Advent, a couple of weeks before Christmas, namely that perhaps young women are more sensitive to the tropical heat :coolinoff: and thus they need to be dressed more lightly everywhere :coolinoff: including in the church. :coolinoff: Still I have to admit this theory had a weak point from the onset, namely that the AC system in the church blew real cold air and one would almost feel a chill when walking in from the outside in the middle of July. Finally my theory was disproven right before last Christmas, when the temperature dropped into the thirties, with an unpleasant cold wind blowing from the sea. As I sat in the church, almost shivering in a thick long-sleeved shirt :winter: I saw a girl sitting in front of me - in tank top. :tanning: Since then, I found the logical explanation and now I really understand why young ladies have to wear tank tops in the church: with the global warming and stuff, we all need to make sacrifices and cool down our planet a little bit, to save the polar bears. This girl, as well as others wearing tank tops in the cold church, are simply preparing and getting used to the cooler climate that we hope to accomplish soon. Just imagine, how cool it will be, when the polar bears will be tanning on top of the icebergs floating off the coasts of the South Florida Keys, reindeers will be grazing in the thick snow of the Everglades, and we will be riding through South Beach, on our one horse open sleigh! :winter: :winter: :snowing:
 
Some people are less sensitive to cold or heat than others and yeah, older people are typically more sensitive to cold than younger people, but I still wonder how people can survive in such relatively skimpy clothing for a given weather. You can notice tights and mini skirts when the snow’s falling or belly lines when many people are starting to put on jackets. That’s weird.
 
chevalier said:
Some people are less sensitive to cold or heat than others and yeah, older people are typically more sensitive to cold than younger people, but I still wonder how people can survive in such relatively skimpy clothing for a given weather. You can notice tights and mini skirts when the snow’s falling or belly lines when many people are starting to put on jackets. That’s weird.
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And then, in old romantic movies, the lady was usually feeling cold and the gentleman offered his coat…Now it turned the other way around, with women wearing skimpy clothes all the time, even in freezing weather…Sometimes I really worry that they will catch a cold.
 
Joseph_L_Varga said:
And then, in old romantic movies, the lady was usually feeling cold and the gentleman offered his coat…
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Well, I have considered that factor in my coat-related decisions, but I don’t think that’s what motivates current fashion trends. 😃
 
chevalier said:
Well, I have considered that factor in my coat-related decisions
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That’s amazing foresight! 😉 :tiphat:

But… wait a minute, does that mean you have been tempting the girls with your nice and warm coat? :hmmm: :hmmm: :hmmm:
 
thomfra said:
What’s the deal with men (especially young men) essentially blaming women for their problems staying on the straight and narrow with respect to masturbation/”impure thoughts”.

All too often I read posts by young men who seem to somehow think it’s the woman’s responsibility to “dress in a way which will not tempt me”.

This is an almost impossible task for these poor girls. One poster a while ago even had a problem with women who showed a bit of bra strap (from behind) because it was causing him to become sexually aroused/distracted in church…!!!

Honestly boys, this is not Afghanistan pre-invasion. You are not the Taliban. Women are not to blame for your inability to adhere to the lofty standards you have voluntarily chosen to set yourselves.

(For clarity, I must say that I personally have no problem with masturbation as I believe it is normal and healthy. But that is for another thread – so please do not post on that).
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O Lord, humble thombfra, that she may be exalted. Amen.
 
As far as dressing at Mass goes, I think that everyone should dress in a way that is not distracting to what is going on at the altar. I saw so much thigh and boob at the Christmas Eve Vigil that I thought I could have been in the middle of a prom night for teen whores!

Since this problem will probably never go away completely…Men should just sit as far up in the front of the church as possible and ignore the communion line passing in front of their eyes. DUH.

A piece of advice in dressing for women I heard on EWTN (given by a woman) was, “Don’t wear anything that will pull a man’s attention away from your eyes.” What a beautiful idea. I try to think of this every time I get dressed when I know I will be in the presence of mixed company. With the style of clothing these days, it is admittedly difficult.

I live in Florida, I am pregnant, I am relatively young, I wear a long sleeved open blouse over whatever I have on while at Mass. The air conditioning IS ON… NO, YOU WON’T DIE. Men wear suits many times in very warm conditions…Think of men at Noon Mass at Easter in Florida. Muy caliente! Can’t you keep a thin little coverup over yourselves girls???
Keep the Mass as holy as possible. Help your brothers in Christ out a little bit…Show off that “personal style” of yours at other times if you must… but you may find that you become more of a modest person in general and that you really don’t enjoy becoming some sorry guy’s “object” of the moment.
Men have enough temptations as it is just going to Target or watching TV. When you invade the place they go where they are trying to get closer to God… in a sense you are hijacking their best efforts.
 
OK, gotta say, I object to the “teen whores” comment. But that’s because I find that term horribly degrading and would never use it to describe any woman, I don’t care how she dresses or acts. I don’t find it Christlike. Sorry, pet peeve of mine.

I don’t think girls are to blame completely. We’re taught to dress like that, in magazines, in the media, in ads, and yes, even by our own families. We’re told that it’s the worst thing in the world to be alone, that if we don’t dress like that, we’re not pretty and we’ll never attract anyone. And sometimes, that’s what’s available in the stores. I had the hardest time finding modest clothing for a long time, didn’t matter what it was.

And you know something? I used to be one of those teens. I dressed in short skirts to church but I was a new Catholic and was really unsure of what modesty meant. I’m glad people came to me gently as opposed to talking behind my back and calling me a teen whore! Let’s educate people! In a country where kids are experiencing poor catechesis, it’s no wonder we don’t know how to dress with respect!

Yes, women should be modest. But seriously, in a world where 1/3 of women will experience sexual assault, most of it by men (though sadly, other women are not above doing the same thing), and we have to worry about protecting the men from their own eyes??
 
sanctamaria17 said:
OK, gotta say, I object to the “teen whores” comment. But that’s because I find that term horribly degrading and would never use it to describe any woman, I don’t care how she dresses or acts. I don’t find it Christlike. Sorry, pet peeve of mine.

I don’t think girls are to blame completely. We’re taught to dress like that, in magazines, in the media, in ads, and yes, even by our own families. We’re told that it’s the worst thing in the world to be alone, that if we don’t dress like that, we’re not pretty and we’ll never attract anyone. And sometimes, that’s what’s available in the stores. I had the hardest time finding modest clothing for a long time, didn’t matter what it was.

And you know something? I used to be one of those teens. I dressed in short skirts to church but I was a new Catholic and was really unsure of what modesty meant. I’m glad people came to me gently as opposed to talking behind my back and calling me a teen whore! Let’s educate people! In a country where kids are experiencing poor catechesis, it’s no wonder we don’t know how to dress with respect!

Yes, women should be modest. But seriously, in a world where 1/3 of women will experience sexual assault, most of it by men (though sadly, other women are not above doing the same thing), and we have to worry about protecting the men from their own eyes??
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Where are you getting that statistic about 1/3rd of the women of the world being sexually assaulted?
 
sanctamaria17 said:
OK, gotta say, I object to the “teen whores” comment. But that’s because I find that term horribly degrading and would never use it to describe any woman, I don’t care how she dresses or acts. I don’t find it Christlike. Sorry, pet peeve of mine.

I don’t think girls are to blame completely. We’re taught to dress like that, in magazines, in the media, in ads, and yes, even by our own families. We’re told that it’s the worst thing in the world to be alone, that if we don’t dress like that, we’re not pretty and we’ll never attract anyone. And sometimes, that’s what’s available in the stores. I had the hardest time finding modest clothing for a long time, didn’t matter what it was.

And you know something? I used to be one of those teens. I dressed in short skirts to church but I was a new Catholic and was really unsure of what modesty meant. I’m glad people came to me gently as opposed to talking behind my back and calling me a teen whore! Let’s educate people! In a country where kids are experiencing poor catechesis, it’s no wonder we don’t know how to dress with respect!

Yes, women should be modest. But seriously, in a world where 1/3 of women will experience sexual assault, most of it by men (though sadly, other women are not above doing the same thing), and we have to worry about protecting the men from their own eyes??
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I sincerely apologize for my “teen whores” comment. I should have used “indecent.”
I was shocked that this is what “dressing up for Christmas” meant to these people. It was a “way more indecent” experience for me than normal Masses in my parish. Please forgive me for reacting the way I did.

Since I’m a girl, maybe I don’t have enough compassion for these situations because it seems obvious what a scantily clad young woman can cause for a man at church. It seems so unnecessary. It shouldn’t be that difficult to understand that the focus of the Mass should be God, not about looking hot and attracting a date. Any other occasion would be more appropriate for this than church.

I understand what you are saying about the media and our culture teaching girls how to dress “properly.” I think learning to respect how we dress at Mass is a start in the right direction. If the pastor takes issue with how people are dressed at Mass, I believe that people can be educated and improve. I’ve seen it happen in my own parish. Churches have many “visitors” during holidays who aren’t normally there during Ordinary Time. I think this was a part of why this instance was “over the top” for me… and it has to do with what you say - poor catechesis or lack thereof.
 
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