Girls who Like Boys who Like Boys

[ZDHayden]

Thank you so much! This is the best information I’ve recieved all day. Please tell us about the books and prayers you mentioned. I (the daughter) am very grateful to you for your help.
Thanks!
thanks again - mom

I would advise first - get into the habit of doing an examination of conscience each evening. It will help you see, over time, what truly promotes the desires you wish to rid yourself of. This can be as simple as writing a journal entry, involving God, about your day. My spiritual director advises to keep a journal of them, so you can see over time, how you have grown and what needs be done.

For particularly difficult situations, pray the St. Michael Prayer. It has fallen out of disuse recently, but it is extraordinarily powerful. Pray it each morning, for each day is a battle for us sinners.

I think Pope Clement XI’s “Universal Prayer” would be excellent in this situation. There are many translations, but my favorite is the one that appears in the Manual of Prayers, produced by the North American Pontifical College in Rome. I can include that later, if you’d like. Psalm 138(?) is a good one. It starts like this (in the Douay-Rheims, it’ll be similar in some other translation): “Lord, thou hast proved me, and known me”. I just looked, in my NAB it is 139. I have found much of our faults come with not recognizing that God is everywhere and even can hear our thoughts. It certainly forces us to be more mindful!

I must go for now, but I shall check back. If you would like more, simply ask. For an excellent prayer book (for anyone or almost any reason), try the Manual of Prayers, providing you are willing to pay 25-40 dollars, depending on the deal you can get from the store. It has become, with my rosary (that is another good one for you, one or two mysteries a day until they become easy, and then work up. Good to do before you go to bed, I think), a near constant companion.

I think I have know of a few prayers to Mary that would be good, but I need to help with my brother for now. Pax tecum.

 

[halx]

I’m sure everyone is well aware that I have no clue that it would be wrong for my daughter to use my name, especially as a way for me to keep track of her. I don’t know what a troll is; she stated upfront her information. Thank you for all who have tried to help and God bless.

 

[halx]

Also, (this is the daughter speaking) I thank you all for your suggestions. I’ll try saying the rosary and doing an examination of conscience every night. I have had a difficult time with my straight friends because all they seem to care about is who’s dating who. I think I need to find different friends.
Once again, thank you.

 

[tlimon]

I suggest Eve Tushnet and DREADNOUGHT. Eve is a lesbian you chooses to live a chaste and celibate life. Dreadnought is a blog that is catalouged but can still be viewed although the comments are disabled and there are no new posts. BUT MOST OF ALL, you need to read about “Man and Woman He Created Them” formally known as “Theology of the Body” by Pope John Paul II. Actually, you should find a version that it meant for teens.

Keep in mind that to sin is to miss the mark. God is a fire and light that burns hot and bright. The further we remove ourselves from God, the colder the weather and the dimmer the light. We as Catholics love the light and we love being close to God. When we use others for our pleasure, we make those people into objects. A robot in an object, you no more love robots than you do real people you turn into objects. This is why homosexuality, because of its fixation on sex, extramarital affairs, masturbation, beastiality or whatever else is out of line with God.

This is not so say that two gay men cannot love one another. This is not to say that in some way their physical attraction brings them closer to one another. This is not to say that they still canot be friends in profound ways. This is not to say that you cannot be friends with them, too. This is simply to say that the act of sex is off the table. You can tell that many active homosexuals make sex the biggest part of their identity is by seeing that they dismiss everything Catholicism allows (that I have just mentioned) and focus only the one prohibition that Catholicism imoses - which is having gay sex, impure thoughts, etc. Take care and God bless. My prayers are with you. Sorry for any hurt that I caused you earlier.

Best Regards,

Thomas

 

[EasterJoy]

Also, (this is the daughter speaking) I thank you all for your suggestions. I’ll try saying the rosary and doing an examination of conscience every night. I have had a difficult time with my straight friends because all they seem to care about is who’s dating who. I think I need to find different friends.
Once again, thank you.

I’m glad this misunderstanding is cleared up. Forgive us. You and your mom had no way of knowing how often people come here to see if they can pull our chains and get things stirred up.

May I reassure you that when one finds a good friend in high school, one who is not a near occasion of sin, then the fact that the friend struggles with this or that should not lead you to reject him or her. We all need friends who just see us as people, who are not freaked out by what tempts us. Choose friends with whom you can mutually seek to become your best selves–I mean in the way that God would define that, not some do-what-feels-blissful self-help guru.

As for sexual activity, you’re in high school! None of you should have a “sex life”! It is far better to hang with gays who are trying to be chaste than straights who don’t want to be or who don’t care. It is no sin to be tempted. It is at least a spiritual fault to be careless about your friends and their honest pursuit of a virtuous life, let alone to impede them. The main thing is to try to hang with people who will at least respect your choice to behave in ways that will guard your own chastity. That will unfortunately cut down the field more than you would hope. Hang in there; it is a difficult time of life, and the brains they are a changin’. Don’t write people off for life, and hope that they return the favor.

 

[cecilia97]

I cannot express completely how sad and disappointed I am that so few people took my daughters terrible pain and ask for help seriously. I suggested this site because I thought it would provide safe and Catholic help. My daughter is tormented by sexual urges about thinking of 2 men being phsical together. It’s not funny. I am trying to teach her that sitting around talking about cute guys, with guys who like guys also, it supportig the sin. I continue to pray someone will help, I’ve run out of ideas. I know there’s COURAGE but she isn’t lesbian in orientation. She wants to watch 2 guys kiss, etc. I pray somone will understand and thow us a lifeline, right now I just regret suggesting this site.

You might pick up Fr. Benedict Groschel’s book “The Courage to be Chaste”. It is used in some Courage settings, but it is written with everyone in mind. As a single woman, I found it very helpful. I would suggest reading it first for yourself so you and your daughter can discuss it together.

The problem here may be a “simple” one of chastity and custody of the eyes and thoughts. It doesn’t matter the sexual orientation or type of people involved…impure thoughts are impure thoughts. We all struggle with them, but it is particularly important not to embrace them when they occur.

God bless you.

 

[mlldrl]

@ Halx

I sent you a PM regarding this thread.

 

[Syri]

Mayhaps I can be some of the best help here?

I’m 21, and most of my highschool life i was haaardcore into yaoi, BL, any sort of gay porn I could get. I liked slash, emo boys, you name it. and it was freaking HARD to reconcile that my desires were sinful. So i did two things.

First, I identified why this excited me. for me, my favorites were stories about older men and younger boys, involving hurt/comfort, abuse, rape, surrogant fathers, incest, etc. Yeah. I know. but the reson I liked them so much, I realied later, was because of my father, who neglected and emotionally abused me, and my desire to have ANY sort of relationship with him. I knew he wanted sons and had me instead, and I felt if I’d been born a boy, he’d have loved me. As I hit puberty, this obsession turned sexual. Realiing this helped me stop.

Second and most important, I took my fettish and twisted it into something better. With me, I was more for fictional men, in anime, manga, tv shows. I knew this lust was sinful, but I still wanted the emotional happinesss it gave me.

it started with a pairing I quite loved, with a 26 year old man who was horrifically abused and the 35 year old man who saved him. once i realized the base of my desires was emotional and not sexual, I realied how easy I could remove the sexual and homosexual aspects of my fantasies and stories and turn their relationship into one of a father and child. I turned the sexual rape fantasies I had into things that were bad, events that hurt the charactors, to turn them into things that were non sexual and non arousing, and found comfort instead with the platonic comforting and salvation that came later.

This is just my two bits. It’s worked for me.instead of fantasiing about men tying each other up and rapng one another, i get the same emotional, non arousing and non sexual outcome from writing a story about the aforementioned man caring for the other in a fatherly way. Wierd, but it worked.

 

[halx]

[Daughter] Thank you so much, Syri. What you said actually made a lot of sense. I don’t know if my emotional problems that are tied in are the same as yours, but I think your idea of twiting things around to be good is just brilliant. I’ve looked at a lot of the same stuff (slash, etc.) that you did and I think turning things into parent-child relationships or friendships could really help. That’s a remarkably great suggestion. Thank you very much for trying to help me. I may just try going cold turkey on anything that’s reminicent of my problems, but I still really appreciate and like your suggestion.