First thing (and I think this is a very cradle Catholic thing of me to say, but thats the way I am) is that God would much prefer that you went to Mass and took it for granted, than that you didn’t go at all. Regardless of how emotionless you pray the rosary, a prayer is not a bad thing - it is still good to pray. Same for adoration. Same for reading Scripture - even if you think you’re getting nothing out of it, you never know in what small way it muight touch you. Same for every bloomin thing!
God wants you to stay Catholic! God doesn’t mind if you go to Confession every week - if God wanted to make a being that never sinned first and foremost then He wouldn’t have given us free will. At least you are going to confession so that you can get your sins forgiven instead of them being on your conscience all the time. After all, you think if you leave the Church you are going to sin less? I don’t think so - all it will mean is you won’t be able to go to confession to get those sins forgiven. All leaving the Church would do is hide your problems, nto solve them - in fact, it would only add to your problems.
Why did God make a creature with free will, even though that meant that it could sin? Because God wanted it to be able to have good qualities which it couldn’t have without free will. Most importantly, love. Sherlock compared your situation to a marriage. He is right. You shouldn’t threaten divorce every time you’re blue. What keeps a marriage together when things are going bad? Love. You take your will and you choose to stick together despite all the problems because love is what makes the world go round. Your one good reason why you shouldn’t leave the Church - because God loves you and because you love/loved God and this love is something worth preserving.
Here’s a quote from St. Vincent De Paul. “Human nature grows tired of always doing the same thing, and it is God’s will that this should be so because of the opportunity of practicing two great virtues. The first is perseverance, which will bring us to our goal. The other is steadfastness, whcih overcomes the difficulties on the way.”
This quote seems to relate to you (in fact, it seems to relate to me too). We grow tired of always doing the same thing. Both of us need to pray to the Holy Spirit to help us practice the virtues of perseverance and steadfastness. We shouldn’t just give up at the first sign of trouble. What kind of commitment does that show to God - especially for you, when you’ve been a Catholic for less than 2 months?
You know us cradle Catholics? There used to be more of us. But - each and every single one of us once came across a time when we just didn’t experience the same joy and wonder and emotion as we used to. (What do you expect, after so long?) So the cradle Catholics you know now are the ones who didn’t let that stop them being Catholic. They’re the ones who converted you, that taught you, that answered your questions. I would have thought, your heroes - like my mum and dad are heroes for me. Don’t you want to be like them?
The devil is trying to confuse you and take you away from the Church because he knows that the Church is the best place you could be. But you should know that kindness works better than cruelty. Don’t run to the devil who will be cruel to you - run to God who is kind.
Get a hold of yourself. Don’t let the devil win. Don’t give up.
And if/when you do get out of this state, make sure you try to strengthen your resolve so that you don’t run into this same situation again. Pray for fortitude. Read the Catechism. Learn why what you believe is good and true. But then again, one problem at a time.
