Giving out Recipes

[BlueEyedLady]

I believe it is always the recipe holder’s right to share or not. But, you can’t blame a person for asking! I consider it a compliment!
I commend you for being able to say no. I’m convinced that many people give bad recipes purposely when they should just say, “I’m sorry, it’s a family recipe.”

Do people actually do that in real life? I thought that was something out of sitcoms. No, that’s a terrible thing to do to someone. Depending on the dish, it can be expensive to track down all of the ingredients, especially if you don’t have all of the seasonings. If someone is planning it as a special treat, you could really end up causing them embarrassment and lost money.

 

[Bonnie]

The thing that bugs me are the “copycat” recipes that are almost NEVER like the restaurant dishes they are supposed to replicate.

Fortunately for me, I usually have no idea how the original tastes, so the few copycat recipes I have I’m happy with.

 

[pianistclare]

Fortunately for me, I usually have no idea how the original tastes, so the few copycat recipes I have I’m happy with.

I work really late at the parish. We eat out frequently.

 

[Rau]

…Someone else mentioned ‘guarding them like heirlooms’. I really like that comparison, because that’s really what it is to me. No one cooks like the women in my family - and now that I’m so far removed from where I grew up and learned to cook, that’s even more true. I have my grandma’s Bible, an Afghan she made for me, and a lifetime of recipes and techniques that I learned over the years at her and my mom’s sides. Because we were so poor, we really didn’t have a lot of tangible heirlooms to start with, and what few we did have were stolen by someone who knew she was in the hospital a few weeks before she died, broke into her home, and emptied out her valuables. She never knew that though, which is a blessing.

I’m happy to cook whatever, whenever, and for whoever. But even if I could put in words how to make this stuff, I don’t think I could bring myself to do it.

The heirloom analogy does not really work, because once an heirloom is given to another, the original owner can no longer enjoy it. A recipe is information, not its representation in a cherished and irreplaceable notebook.

 

[Bonnie]

I work really late at the parish. We eat out frequently.

We eat out about once a week - but at the Eagle’s. Not exactly a first class restaurant, but cozy & friendly.

 

[bluerose]

Mama made fresh tortillas daily. My middle sister stood next to her once and measured everything before she dumped it on the bowl as mama never used a recipe. Her older brother made her rolling pin. Hardest past is making them perfectly round.

My dad was from New Mexico, my mom from Old Mexico (Chihuahua, to be exact). When they got married, my mom had never heard of flour tortillas. She had to learn to make them from my dad. It bothered her that they weren’t perfectly round. My dad always said, “They don’t have to be perfectly round. They don’t roll into your stomach. You have to chew them.”

 

[EasterJoy]

I absolutely share recipes, every chance I get and in the most detail I know to provide. For instance, I note the difference between the way I make things and the way my mother did it, if it is a family recipe.

Otherwise, if the person who has the recipe dies, loses the recipe, or forgets how to make the recipe, it is lost. This way, someone who has had the favorite family treat can ask around and possibly regain the knowledge from someone close to the family, if everyone in the family has lost the knowledge of how the thing was made.

I think I’d deal with the concern you have by telling the person to hand the recipe on with their name on it or even yours, since it is not your grandma’s [fill in the blank] unless it is made by someone who learned to make it first-hand, in-person, and over several learning sessions from someone who learned it from your grandma. That’s reasonable.

 

[Bonnie]

I think I’d deal with the concern you have by telling the person to hand the recipe on with their name on it or even yours, since it is not your grandma’s [fill in the blank] unless it is made by someone who learned to make it first-hand, in-person, and over several learning sessions from someone who learned it from your grandma. That’s reasonable.

I do that with certain recipes, tho I don’t insist the person I give the recipe to keep the name on it. But I suspect they do when I put a little history with the recipe. I have one recipe in particular that I got from an old neighbor who has since died. I keep his name on it, the name of the “just for fun” organization that he & some other neighbors put together, & a bit about the country he came from. And the recipe closes with “Nasdravy! (Czech for Cheers!).”

 

[EasterJoy]

I do that with certain recipes, tho I don’t insist the person I give the recipe to keep the name on it. But I suspect they do when I put a little history with the recipe. I have one recipe in particular that I got from an old neighbor who has since died. I keep his name on it, the name of the “just for fun” organization that he & some other neighbors put together, & a bit about the country he came from. And the recipe closes with “Nasdravy! (Czech for Cheers!).”

Yes, once you give a recipe away (rather than publishing it in a copyrighted work), it is gone to the wind, in a way. You don’t have control over it anymore.

Having said that, well, control is overrated. You still have control over how you make it, when you make it, what ingredients you will and won’t make it from and so on, just as you always did. When you give a recipe out, you’re only giving some direction to someone who wants to make their own version, that’s all.

Of course, I’m not the most organized person in the world. I’ve actually had to get my own recipe back from someone I gave it to, LOL. That made me a believer in sharing!

 

[gardenswithkids]

The heirloom analogy does not really work, because once an heirloom is given to another, the original owner can no longer enjoy it. A recipe is information, not its representation in a cherished and irreplaceable notebook.

I like the heirloom analogy and found the op’s response to it quite touching.

A recipe is sometimes more than information. This was her grandmother’s chicken and noodles! It requires a special kind of love, if it’s going to be made right. Someone following the written recipe cannot duplicate it properly. That dish stirs up memories. If you don’t stir in love and those memories, it simply isn’t the same.

Blue Lady should keep that recipe close to her heart. It is something she can pass on when she is ready to pass it along, perhaps just keeping it within her family.

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Disclaimer: I typically share recipes freely. But I also rarely follow recipes exactly. If the op were to give me her grandmother’s recipe and if I were to treat it as I do most recipes, I’d probably just borrow some ideas but not follow it exactly. Given how special this recipe is, I certainly respect her right to hold onto her family’s recipes! As curious as I am for that recipe now, she shouldn’t give it to me. I wouldn’t make it right.

 

[Rau]

I like the heirloom analogy and found the op’s response to it quite touching.

A recipe is sometimes more than information. This was her grandmother’s chicken and noodles! It requires a special kind of love, if it’s going to be made right. Someone following the written recipe cannot duplicate it properly. That dish stirs up memories. If you don’t stir in love and those memories, it simply isn’t the same.

Blue Lady should keep that recipe close to her heart. It is something she can pass on when she is ready to pass it along, perhaps just keeping it within her family.

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Disclaimer: I typically share recipes freely. But I also rarely follow recipes exactly. If the op were to give me her grandmother’s recipe and if I were to treat it as I do most recipes, I’d probably just borrow some ideas but not follow it exactly. Given how special this recipe is, I certainly respect her right to hold onto her family’s recipes! As curious as I am for that recipe now, she shouldn’t give it to me. I wouldn’t make it right.

The sharing of a recipe deprives the one who shares of nothing other than the knowledge that they have some information that another does not. The motivation to deny it to another has not been explained in a manner I find persuasive. Of course, no one needs to adapt their actions according to whether I am persuaded or not.

 

[gardenswithkids]

What’s your philosophy on sharing family recipes?

Personally, I don’t. If I found something online or in a cookbook, that’s one thing. But giving out the recipes for the things passed down from at least my great grandma to me? Nope.** I learned how to make these things directly from my family, not by reading a recipe. I don’t think they could be accurately translated into writing, nor am I particularly inclined to teach others how to replicate my family’s food. I really look forward to passing food traditions onto my kids and grandkids the same way I learned.
**
But, in the age of Pinterest, people think I’m crazy when they ask for my chicken and noodles recipe and I say ‘no’. Your experiences?

Do you make your own noodles? :bowdown2:My dad told me the story about what happened when he asked one of his family members her recipe for how she made noodles. She could show him but she couldn’t really tell him. He wanted to know the measurements, but it was a “handful” of this and a “pinch” of that as she showed him how. He never really learned how–maybe his hands just weren’t the right size for her noodle recipe.

Certain food items, (such as homemade noodles or pie crust) requires knowing the right “feel”. Even when carefully measuring using the same brands, sometimes the product turns out different based on things not typically controlled by the cook or included in written recipes, (such as room temperature, wheat crop, etc.). The cook needs to know what it’s suppose to be like at certain stages and adjust accordingly to get it right. It’s a sensory thing. Touch, smell, sound, taste, look. Trying to translate into writing what someone instinctively “knows by experience” is difficult.

 

[Bonnie]

Certain food items, (such as homemade noodles or pie crust) requires knowing the right “feel”. Even when carefully measuring using the same brands, sometimes the product turns out different based on things not typically controlled by the cook or included in written recipes, (such as room temperature, wheat crop, etc.). The cook needs to know what it’s suppose to be like at certain stages and adjust accordingly to get it right. It’s a sensory thing. Touch, smell, sound, taste, look. Trying to translate into writing what someone instinctively “knows by experience” is difficult.

That is very true. Even following the recipe “exactly” (which may be impossible), no 2 people will make it exactly the same.

 

[Bonnie]

Yes, once you give a recipe away (rather than publishing it in a copyrighted work), it is gone to the wind, in a way. You don’t have control over it anymore.

Even with a copyright, it’s sill “gone with the wind.” As a food writer, I found out that entire recipes cannot be copyrighted, only the instructions. The name & list of ingredients cannot be copyrighted. So when I used another cook’s published recipe, I would first give credit, but would change the instructions to my own style.

James Beard once shared a recipe with another cook. The man said he would feel funny using one of Beard’s famous recipes as his own. Beard said (as nearly as I can remember), Don’t worry about it - I stole if from so and so.

 

[bluerose]

The only time I see any problem with sharing recipes is when the original recipe holder owns a restaurant and then a rival establishment suddenly starts making the same exact dish. This happened when my in-laws had a restaurant and the cook “retired”… only to have her (the cook’s) daughter’s mother-in-law open her own restaurant using recipes that were suspiciously JUST LIKE my in-laws’.

My current boss has a chef in his tap room who brought with him a recipe for lobster-stuffed shrimp… a recipe he had created himself and one he did not “leave behind”. He had used it at his previous employment, but he only allowed it on the menu with the understanding that if he left the establishment, the recipe went with him and it was not allowed to remain with his employers.

 

[Tablefor9]

I share most recipes, but it’s common in our extended family to have secret family ones as well. My son has a family one from his Godmother that even a couple of her children haven’t gotten yet.

Sometimes, it isn’t about the food. It’s about feeling and a special kind of kinship.

 

[Allegra]

I would just respond with, I don’t really follow an exact recipe. Which would probably be true, as it sounds like you learned through tradition rather than written recipes.

 

[stinkcat_14]

I wonder if in today’s internet age, passed down family recipes have as much value. Of course, the problem with a myriad of recipes on the internet, the problem is distinguishing the great ones from the good ones. I do believe that there are family traditions passed down. If you asked my mother’s children in law, she made the best fried chicken ever. Us children were just simply used to it, we didn’t think of it as that spectacular, but just a good meal.

 

[Eliza10]

I always share my recipes and when I’ve asked for recipes and its always yes - except once, long ago. It was Chocolate Silk Pie (recipes abound for that on the internet now, but this was before internet took off) and it was a popular favorite at this girl’s family camp (her family owned and ran) and she said, no, we don’t give it out. It surprised me at the time, my first “no”, but I could see it was their family tradition not to share this recipe, and that she had been asked before.

The second “no” was not to me, but to a sis-in-law friend, who called me, to tell me that this other sis-in-law would not share a recipe when she asked. (The one who called me and I were the “in–laws” to this one with the recipe - we had both married the brothers of recipe-girl, and there was a lot about this family we puzzled over). Since the caller was from another country, she really was wondering if I ever heard of this before. It seemed strangely selfish to her. But I understand the recipe-holder had experienced a really burdened childhood in that family, with deprivations and difficulties, and I could see how that recipe must have meant something to her, that somehow would have sort of diminished if she shared it. I did not fully understand, but I accepted it.

So I like Blue-eyed Lady’s thoughtful explanations of why some recipes are sacred. Its nice to understand what can be behind it.

Hope you can understand, Blue-eyed Lady, a sort of stunned and wondering response you might get occasionally when you say no to some, who have not been told no before about a recipe… I would think you would not be always be obliged to explain your feelings to everyone, but you can kindly say,“Aw, sorry! Its a family tradition not to share it”… or something of the sort. You probably already have some such stock answer…

 

[Eliza10]

My next door neighbors, some time ago, back about the time of the phone call I just mentioned , make those fig Cucidati Cookies - I never knew the name before - every year. Its a tradition I miss now, getting that nice plate of pretty and unusually delicious cookies at Christmas time from their hard work in the kitchen. She had made them in her family for a long time, and I know they were a bit of work to make. They looked just like this recipe I looked up under that name: browneyedbaker.com/cucidati-italian-fig-cookies/

Love this video of grandma teaching how to make them! Blue-eyed lady, you will appreciate this!
youtube.com/watch?v=c5tXODF4of0&feature=channel