giving the bride away

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deb1

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Hello,

I haven’t been a Catholic for long, so I was unaware of this practice.

On this forum is the first time that I heard that Catholics don’t “give the bride away.” Has this always been a Catholic practice? Why do Protestants ‘give the bride away’ and not Catholics? Did Catholics at one time ask ‘who gives this bride’ at weddings?
 
I’m a Catholic and so is my Dad and he walked me down the aisle to my Catholic groom at my very Catholic wedding. Our priest, asked “Who gives this bride in marriage” and he said “Her mother and I do.”

Now, in our marriage prep and wedding planning, our priest told us this part did not have to be included if we did not want to. Being a fairly traditional person, I wanted to include it.

This is one of those things that can vary from one wedding to another. I could have had both my parents walk me down the aisle if I’d wanted, but I wanted to take the traditional route, and find other ways to include my mother in the wedding.

Where did you hear that Catholics don’t “Give away” the bride?
 
LittleRose said:
Where did you hear that Catholics don’t “Give away” the bride?
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She heard it from me, as DH and I were instructed during our marriage prep that there was no giving away of the bride in a Catholic wedding as the bride gives herself to her husband, and vice versa. Having my father give me away was not even presented as an option to us as part of the wedding service.

Which is right? Now, I’m not sure. I can’t find anything online that is backed up by documentation. So I am probably (as usual) completely off base.
 
Yes, you give yourself to each other in your wedding vows, which are the most important part. Catholic wedding vows are very well worded, and express this beautifully. I loved being able to speak those words to my husband at our wedding.

Though it is not a crucial part of the ceremony, I think the giving away of the bride still works though, because when you marry you are leaving the family you grew up with and creating a new one with your spouse. In western society, women are traditionally under the care of their father, or another male relative until they marry, or in the case of some women in passed centuries, literally given in an arranged marriage. Some people in present times find the giving away of the bride to be outdated, so they prefer not to use it.
 
I gave myself, freely, to my husband. We choose to walk down the aisle together during the procession. Our priest said he preferred the term “escourt” the bride, because people aren’t property to give away. Actually, he used the term ‘heifer’ but he was kidding on that part.
 
The “giving away” of the bride is not a part of the Catholic Rite of Marriage. If a priest used this, then he inserted it on his own.

The reason it is not part of the Catholic rite rests with the theology of the Sacrament of Marriage. The bride and groom are the ministers of the Sacrament, and free and full consent are required for a valid, sacramental marriage. Therefore, no one “gives” the bride, she gives her consent herself before the witnesses and God.

From the Catholic Encyclopedia:

*"… the “gifta”, or formal surrender of the bride, who thus passed from the “mund” of her father or guardian to that of her husband, was regarded as the most essential feature of Anglo-Saxon nuptials. This left its mark in the Sarum rite, and something of it still survives both in the Anglican and the Catholic ceremonial. In the former the minister asks “Who giveth this woman to be married to this man”; in the latter no question is put, but the rubric still stands “Then let the woman be given away by her father or by her friends”. *
 
1ke said:
The “giving away” of the bride is not a part of the Catholic Rite of Marriage. If a priest used this, then he inserted it on his own.

The reason it is not part of the Catholic rite rests with the theology of the Sacrament of Marriage. The bride and groom are the ministers of the Sacrament, and free and full consent are required for a valid, sacramental marriage. Therefore, no one “gives” the bride, she gives her consent herself before the witnesses and God.
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Was there a time when Catholics included ‘giving the bride away’ as part of the marriage ceremony? If so, when did this change? If it wasn’t part of the ceremony at one point then why do Protestants include this ritual in their weddings? I’m interested in the history mainly.

I have to admit that I was always bothered by the act of ‘giving the bride away.’ So, I find this pretty refreshing.
 
deb1 said:
Was there a time when Catholics included ‘giving the bride away’ as part of the marriage ceremony? If so, when did this change? If it wasn’t part of the ceremony at one point then why do Protestants include this ritual in their weddings? I’m interested in the history mainly.

I have to admit that I was always bothered by the act of ‘giving the bride away.’ So, I find this pretty refreshing.
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I ammended my above post with what I found in the Catholic Encyclopedia.

The practice was Anglo-Saxon, so it was predating Christianity. It was incorporated into the marriage rite in Britain. Apparently, the marriage rite was very localized in the early church. That’s the reference to the “Sarum rite”. There was also a “York rite”. These fell into disuse during the Catholic persecutions during Elizabeth’s reign. It’s retained by the Anglican church-- which is why you see it in Protestantism in the US-- many of the other protestant churches split off from the Anglican.

The “Sarum rite” and other rites are no longer in use, to my knowledge we all now follow one marriage rite. That is why it’s no longer in use in our country, and apparently was never a part of the marriage rite in other countries.
 
1ke said:
I ammended my above post with what I found in the Catholic Encyclopedia.

The practice was Anglo-Saxon, so it was predating Christianity. It was incorporated into the marriage rite in Britain. Apparently, the marriage rite was very localized in the early church. That’s the reference to the “Sarum rite”. There was also a “York rite”. These fell into disuse during the Catholic persecutions during Elizabeth’s reign. It’s retained by the Anglican church-- which is why you see it in Protestantism in the US-- many of the other protestant churches split off from the Anglican.

The “Sarum rite” and other rites are no longer in use, to my knowledge we all now follow one marriage rite. That is why it’s no longer in use in our country, and apparently was never a part of the marriage rite in other countries.
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Thank you!👍
 
I said it as well,because that’s what I’ve been taught for 40-some-odd years. In fact, in the post-VII rite, there’s all kinds of choice as to a procession of family, parents, or just the bride and groom. I never saw the choice of “giving away the bride” and it is not part of the sacramental rite.

I double-checked, and found the current rite at these sites for avaious parts of the world in English, to verify:
csme.catholic.org.au/riteparts.html#greeting
archdiocesesantafe.org/Offices/Worship/SacramentalPolicies/MarriageCultural.html
weddingguide.co.uk/articles/ceremonies/catholic.asp
diogh.org/youngacm/marriage_prep.htm
policy.archchicago.org/policies/bk4num400.pdf
However, I got most of my informaiton from what has become a vernerable tome of the Rite of Marriage, Together for Life, by Father Joseph Champlin.
 
I’m a wedding photographer, and have been to about 600 weddings in the last 31 years. One Protestant minister, as the bride was about to be “given away,” said the following (paraphrased):

“In the old days, women were considered somewhat as belongings, to be given to husbands in marriages arranged by parents. In the new covenant of Christ we have a fuller, more complete understanding.”

“The most important thing in a woman’s life are the people she loves. Her family, without giving up any love for her, acknowleges that a new family is forming today, that her primary love and affection will now go to her husband and any children with which God may bless them. Who gives this woman to be married today?”

Sounds appropriate to me, and I don’t see any contradiction with our Catholic theology. - Rob in Oregon
 
Wow! This is the first time I’ve heard it, and I had incredibly thorough marriage prep, although not with the parish priest who officiated the marriage.

I had my father escort me down the aisle, and it was very meaningful to me, but I didn’t see him as “owning” me and then “giving” me to my husband. I saw it more as a symbol of me entering into marriage from the single life and leaving my parents to be with my husband and begin our own family. My husband also asked my father’s permission to marry me, and now that I’m thinking about this it does seem more like a “property” thing than really sweet and endearing like I first thought. However, to me it was special, because my dad didn’t like any of my previous boyfriends, so to have his approval made me feel even more that that this man I married is a good man :).
 
lotusblossom said:
. My husband also asked my father’s permission to marry me, and now that I’m thinking about this it does seem more like a “property” thing than really sweet and endearing like I first thought. However, to me it was special, because my dad didn’t like any of my previous boyfriends, so to have his approval made me feel even more that that this man I married is a good man :).
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Is your hubby a southern boy? I know a lot of people in the south who consider it good manners and respectful to ask the father, ‘permission’ to marry the daughter.

I never let my husband ask my stepfather this, although my stepfather wanted him to. I found it a bit degrading and hypocritical. Afterall, I was going to marry my hubby regardless of what my stepfather said. As I have gotten older, I have reluctantly accepted this as a southern tradition that is meant to show respect for one’s elders not a property exchange. :rolleyes:
 
😉 Part of me is wondering why the bride in some parishes with tight funds is not raffled off instead of given away.
 
deb1 said:
Is your hubby a southern boy? I know a lot of people in the south who consider it good manners and respectful to ask the father, ‘permission’ to marry the daughter.

I never let my husband ask my stepfather this, although my stepfather wanted him to. I found it a bit degrading and hypocritical. Afterall, I was going to marry my hubby regardless of what my stepfather said. As I have gotten older, I have reluctantly accepted this as a southern tradition that is meant to show respect for one’s elders not a property exchange. :rolleyes:
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We are from the South and not only is it fitting and proper to ask the father, if not father, then her step father/grandfatheror even brother or male cousin for her hand, you even ask permission to “steady” date her. It is falling out of favor but some still do. It’s not like property but good manners and respect. 🙂
 
kim3260 said:
We are from the South and not only is it fitting and proper to ask the father, if not father, then her step father/grandfatheror even brother or male cousin for her hand, you even ask permission to “steady” date her. It is falling out of favor but some still do. It’s not like property but good manners and respect. 🙂
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I am southern too.

I have to admit that I ***hate ***the practice of asking the father of a young woman who is over 18 and maybe living on her own and handling her own finances, permission to marry his daughter.

Respect is involving your parents in your decisions. Let them know who you are dating and what your concerns are about this person. Listen to their opinions on the matter and take their opinions into consideration. But if you are an adult living on your own, in the end you make the decisions yourself. Let the parents meet people you are serious about long before you decide that marriage is an option.

I have known of southern families who only met the prospective groom the day he showed up to formally ask for the girl’s hand. that certainly isn’t respectful.

Asking permission implies that if you don’t get permission then you won’t further see the girl. Very few people would do this. So the ritual is empty.

This ritual is meant to imply respect and as such, I reluctantly, understand. I, personally, think that more respect should be paid to elders in our culture. But I have not observed that young men who ask prior permisision to marry are any more respectful of their in laws then young men who don’t.

Also, I have never heard of anyone asking permission from someone outside of the father, or stepfather.

On a lighter note, Kim, isn’t it sorta funny that you and I are debating over a custom that some people on this forum are only just hearing about.
 
That’s true deb:D they never even heard if this.
I think many will still marry but I think most want the “Blessing” may that’s a better word of their Marriage.
But when our DSIL asked for our daughters hand 6 years ago, it showed he not only loved our DD but repected us too.
 
kim3260 said:
That’s true deb:D they never even heard if this.
I think many will still marry but I think most want the “Blessing” may that’s a better word of their Marriage.
But when our DSIL asked for our daughters hand 6 years ago, it showed he not only loved our DD but repected us too.
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I would be much more happy if my daughters’ future hubbies asked for my husband’s ‘blessing’ then permission.🙂

Asking for a father’s blessing sounds very respectful toward both the parents and the daughters.

I like that better.🙂
 
The walking down the aisle part is simply the bride being escorted. The giving away happens only if someone asks “who gives this woman…?” which is a turn off to me. Perhaps it is traditional but it’s something that has been allowed to sneak into Catholic weddings, kind of like the Unity candle. If people understood where the different traditions originate I don’t think they would be as interested in them.
 
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