Giving Up a Ministry

[benedicter]

I have been the organist at our Catholic Church in a country area for 18 months. My husband and I are new back into the Church. There is no one else to do the music from 250 attendees at Mass. I am losing heart and don’t want to continue but feel obliged to use my ‘talents’. Organising practice, the reluctant occasional choir, the liberal grumpy priest (I don’t find any spiritual nourishment here). There is nothing to become a part of in the parish - no one really talks to us. We find other parishes more supportive though they are a distance. I would rather play only twice a month and go to another parish on the other two - though this would mean some travel. In a bind. The biggest problem is the priest and the feeling I am doing it all on my own. I play for two Masses each weekend - Saturday and Sunday and the Holy Week ceremonies and Christmas Eve and Christmas Day also any other special Masses - i.e. Brigidine Nuns centenary etc. Help - the priest doesn’t like me either as I requested he put back in the penitential prayers at the beginning as he was purposely leaving them out for months on weekday Masses.

 

[PhilotheaZ]

Could you cut back to one Mass per weekend so that you are free to attend Mass elsewhere the other day? (I don’t know whether this is a paid or volunteer position, and if paid, whether the income is critical to you and your family.) My gut feeling is that you need to take care of yourself spiritually. You don’t want to let resentment build up to the point that you dread going to Mass.

This may give the pastor the nudge he needs to find an alternative solution, at least for one Mass per weekend.

Sometimes we continue in ministries which aren’t really working out for us because we get the feeling that we are “indispensable,” but that is rarely the case.

Don’t forget to bring it to prayer — spend a little time in silent prayer just listening for what God wants you to do. One way to do this (while at prayer) is to make a tentative decision (“I am going to resign after this weekend”), and see whether it brings you deep peace or anxiety and turbulence.

 

[benedicter]

Thanks for the support. It is a volunteer ministry, one I was nervous to take up but did it as they had no one else.

I have been doing the Ignatius Exercises all year which has been great. I have a great Spiritual Director and I will discuss it with him. I guess I’m not sure if this is a ‘trial’ or just a genuine case of doing to much. My husband thinks I should keep going, though he doesn’t appreciate the priest either, nor the obligations - he jjust sees the end result. I am studying Theology as a fulltime extra mural student have all the other usual ‘stuff’ including a 2 acre garden. I am going to Mass today in another Church in our nearest city and I just love it. At times the things I hear at our local Mass rather just awful. I went to one last Friday and he said that unanswered prayers made us wonder if God really cares at all and further that maybe Jesus had to die as he didn’t have enough faith!!!

 

[jmcrae]

If it seems as though you are the only person in the whole place who is interested in having music, then perhaps it is time to just let it go.

(For years, I tried to run a teen ministry in a place that didn’t want it. I nearly gave myself a nervous breakdown. After I left, they never got anyone to replace me, and they haven’t had any teen ministry since then. And they don’t seem any the worse for wear - apparently they really didn’t need it. I was the only one who thought they did, and it turns out that I was wrong. So, you live and learn.)

 

[benedicter]

I know what you mean re struggling. I am someone who can tend to take on too much. There were two other people doing music when I started, one lot retrenched back to their own parish after a few years work (they are a bit different, the priest at their parish is pretty much in schism, I couldn’t go there) and the other person felt insulted by the priests tone with her and gave up. Another lady who used to do an earlier morning Mass gave up to as the priest was critical of her only wanting to play traditional Catholic hymns (which I love). I feel responsible as music is an integral part of the Mass and I worry that the place will fall down, which is stupid. Perhaps if I did just two Masses a month. Is that unreasonable?

 

[Joe_Kelley]

Don’t let your ministry work get in the way of your spiritual life.

My wife worked for a time as [paid] Music Director at an Episcopal Church. The rector asked her how it was to work at one church and worship at another. She noted that it had the great advantage of separating her work problems from her spiritual life. He said he often wished he could do the same.

 

[puzzleannie]

one thing to remember, everyone in ministry is expendable, none of us is indispensible
next thing to remember, each of us has a particular gift, but there are many ways to use this gift in service of God and His Church, beyond the obvious.
third thing, tying one and two together requires discernment, and openness to the promptings of the Holy Spirit

 

[benedicter]

thanks for the support. I went to a Church I love, yesterday in the city. I went to Reconciliation to confess the angst about the priest etc. The priest there was lovely and said such wonderful words re Our Lord, that I never hear where I am. I was quite moved really. Surprisingly, it has just been announced that the Church is to close its doors from 21 Jan to 31 May for renovations. I thought great I shall pull back in that time to reflect on things. As they will be only in ‘temporary accommodation’ a hall etc. I just received and email from the Priest telling me about a Wedding I was playing for in Jan. I jjust said no I am not available on that day. It felt good. I hhave also sussed out another parish with a holy elderly priest within a half hour drive and a good Catholic community nearby called The Magnificat community. I think I will spend sometime there and then let it all come together in May. Also surprisingly, my husband is happy to make further explorations beyond our current parish. I shall keep praying.

 

[water]

I just received and email from the Priest telling me about a Wedding I was playing for in Jan. I jjust said no I am not available on that day. It felt good.

I don’t know if I should ask this question but I was wondering what reasons made you feel good when you said you couldn’t play for the wedding?

Thanks!

 

[benedicter]

I don’t know if I should ask this question but I was wondering what reasons made you feel good when you said you couldn’t play for the wedding?

I hadn’t really thought about that rather, it was an instant reaction. I had made a decision to retrench from organ stuff after the Christmas season. I just thought if I start saying yes to everything it will just keep happening. The couple are not parishioners, not that is important I suppose but had they been I would have reconsidered. This is the bind you get in - is this just selfishness, am I that indispensible or do I have to keep doing so much in a place that is so devoid of love for the Church. Two issues here, (1) too much rests on me, I would rather it was a shared task, no one does anything and the priest has chased away the other musicians. (2) the priest is difficult, harsh on people and harsh on the Church. It is hard to go to Mass there now.

 

[benedicter]

Does that explain things? I felt good because I was not feeling like a doormat expected to be there again as requested. I just don’t want to do it that much. I have to say weddings are the most nerve racking part of the whole thing - I would rather play for the Pope.

 

[bpbasilphx]

I understand how you feel. I’m speaking as an organist here.

If you are volunteering, no wonder they don’t appreciate you.

People only value what they must pay for. If this is hurting you spiritually, stop doing it.

Trust me, if they have 250 people, they can afford to pay for an organist.

 

[benedicter]

I understand how you feel. I’m speaking as an organist here.

Thanks for all the wonderful support, you are all great. I have been doing music today - and I feel God is changing things for the better. I have been helping the number two music teacher with the Catholic school choir for end of year singing. (Not a very ‘Catholic’ school). We get on well - she isn’t a Catholic but goes to a Fundamentalist group. When the choir had gone I said shall I teach you about Catholic music. I played and sang the Latin Ords which she loved. She asked can you do it in English? No, Latin I said. Then I taught her Bernadette Farrell’s music which she loved… Next - can you take me, she asked, to a beautiful Church where they sing Latin. Yes I said. Also she had thought about dropping her music - I said I’ll help you - we could do Taize etc with the kids. What’s Taize she said… and so on. So I will have to pull back from the parish music if other things are to - this is important, for the kids and her. Number one music teacher is a non Catholic jazz guitarist!

 

[PhilotheaZ]

I have been helping the number two music teacher with the Catholic school choir for end of year singing. (Not a very ‘Catholic’ school). We get on well - she isn’t a Catholic but goes to a Fundamentalist group. When the choir had gone I said shall I teach you about Catholic music. I played and sang the Latin Ords which she loved. She asked can you do it in English? No, Latin I said. Then I taught her Bernadette Farrell’s music which she loved… Next - can you take me, she asked, to a beautiful Church where they sing Latin. Yes I said. Also she had thought about dropping her music - I said I’ll help you - we could do Taize etc with the kids. What’s Taize she said… and so on. So I will have to pull back from the parish music if other things are to - this is important, for the kids and her. Number one music teacher is a non Catholic jazz guitarist!

What a wonderful opportunity! May the Holy Spirit guide you.

 

[Saint_Gemma]

At times the things I hear at our local Mass rather just awful. I went to one last Friday and he said that unanswered prayers made us wonder if God really cares at all and further that maybe Jesus had to die as he didn’t have enough faith!!!

I will pray for your priest.