Giving up (going my own way)

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I hope you are on the road to feeling better soon. Maybe focus on friendship and being kind and helpful to the people you have in your life.
 
Rosebud77 said:
What concerns me is the OPs expressed scorn for women?
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I’m sorry if what I wrote conveyed such scorn. To be clear, the only scorn I have is for ‘love’ (romantic relationships). I still love my mother, female relatives and remain cordial with several young women (I’m no weirdie displaying bad social behaviour). I simply decided that love is wrong for me. I will not weaken myself to those animalistic reproductive urges for anyone. I don’t care who she is at this point. When you cannot trust anyone, you should not open yourself up, simple as that.
 
And I thank all the good wishes and kind words from the other posters.
 
Klemens_Hadwig said:
For all those who have had the misfortune of reading my previous threads about my pathetic romantic situation, I offer this final update.

I’m tired of the whole idea of marriage/male-female relationship whatever you want to call it, let’s just call it love. I have seen and met seemingly perfect young women (Polish) who always turned out to have pretty significant flaws. These flaws go beyond merely having a past or being less than perfect physically (I too am flawed in these ways), or having some trivial differences in personality. I won’t elaborate more for privacy’s sake. Simply put, young women (even the dewotki) are not what they seem. I’m always very friendly and admittedly a charmant who always learns much simply through talking. After talking with countless such young women, finding someone worth my time is truly impossible. I don’t care if someone ‘special’ (whatever that means) shows up in the next five minutes, I have cast my heart into iron and refuse to ever accept a young woman into my life. Love is tiresome and pointless.

I am going my own way. I refuse to ever marry, date, court, flirt, whatever. That nonsense tires me and leaves me weary. This does not mean that I am now turning to immoral substitutes (pornography, prostitution, fornication, etc.). Nor am I going to blame women/harbour ill feelings toward the female sex. Basically, I have no anger toward anyone, except me (obvious) and my situation (not people). I have simply given up on meeting that young woman for whom I would weaken myself and let my guard down.

I apologise for any discomfort brought by this rant (thank you czysta Wyborowa), and wish you a good night.
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Hi Klemens,

I’m sorry that you seem to be hurting.

I also wish you peace, and I hope and pray that everything works out well for you, too. 🙂

God bless you!
 
Klemens_Hadwig said:
I will not weaken myself to those animalistic reproductive urges for anyone.
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I’ve never been a big fan of my own “animalistic reproductive urges” either as they cause trouble for me.
But that’s not what love between a man and a woman in a romantic relationship really is all about. It’s a part of it, not the whole enchilada.
Anyway, I hope you find peace.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
That’s not how vocations are dicerned. In fact trouble with relationships would be a red flag…
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Many priests and brothers I’ve known were shy around women and that’s probably why they joined religious orders.

It’s easier for a girl to remain pure in this world, than for a man who is more exposed to and more likely to yield to temptation!
 
truetofaith said:
The OP should join the priesthood or brotherhood.
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Actually a priest actually told me that if one applies to the priesthood because they have had enough of women he will be rejected outright.

This is not the right reason for the priesthood. The priesthood and consecrated life is a positive call and not because one gave up on marriage.
 
truetofaith said:
Many priests and brothers I’ve known were shy around women and that’s probably why they joined religious orders.

It’s easier for a girl to remain pure in this world, than for a man who is more exposed to and more likely to yield to temptation!
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I’m not so convinced. There are some men who never get any real attention from women. But, almost any woman who knows how to flirt even a little will get attention from guys.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I’m not so convinced. There are some men who never get any real attention from women. But, almost any woman who knows how to flirt even a little will get attention from guys.
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And about 80 to 90 percent of the time it won’t be the kind of attention she wants, as well as being a threat to chastity.
“Getting attention” does not ease loneliness if all the guy is looking for is a drunk quickie or somebody who he can sneak around on his wife or “official girlfriend” with.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
I’m not so convinced. There are some men who never get any real attention from women. But, almost any woman who knows how to flirt even a little will get attention from guys.
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That’s why I said it’s easier for a woman to stay pure if she wants to.
 
Sarcelle said:
Actually a priest actually told me that if one applies to the priesthood because they have had enough of women he will be rejected outright.

This is not the right reason for the priesthood. The priesthood and consecrated life is a positive call and not because one gave up on marriage.
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Plus, a parish priest is going to wind up dealing with women ALL day.

It would be better to follow a vocation to an oil-drilling rig if one wished to avoid women.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
And about 80 to 90 percent of the time it won’t be the kind of attention she wants, as well as being a threat to chastity.
“Getting attention” does not ease loneliness if all the guy is looking for is a drunk quickie or somebody who he can sneak around on his wife or “official girlfriend” with.
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True. 90%+ of sexual or romantic attention is unwanted. But I have a hard time believing it’s “easier” for men when they receive fewer offers than women. A man who wants to avoid sex can by and large stop offering. Most women have to say ‘no’ at some point.

I have very little patience for men who complain that avoiding sex is so hard for them. They strike me as the type to confuse any manners, politeness, or attention from women as a proposition.
 
Xantippe said:
Plus, a parish priest is going to wind up dealing with women ALL day.

It would be better to follow a vocation to an oil-drilling rig if one wished to avoid women.
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The original motive for a young man may be shyness around women and a desire not to sin but then in the seminary they realize what is involved in the vocation & become good priests or drop out.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
True. 90%+ of sexual or romantic attention is unwanted. But I have a hard time believing it’s “easier” for men when they receive fewer offers than women. A man who wants to avoid sex can by and large stop offering. Most women have to say ‘no’ at some point.

I have very little patience for men who complain that avoiding sex is so hard for them. They strike me as the type to confuse any manners, politeness, or attention from women as a proposition.
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God made the male to be the aggressor & he is more aware of a girl’s charms (mostly sexual ) than a woman, when she sees a man. It’s our nature…which requires more control! 🤷
 
truetofaith said:
God made the male to be the aggressor & he is more aware of a girl’s charms (mostly sexual ) than a woman, when she sees a man. It’s our nature…which requires more control! 🤷
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No, I think women know better than you do if they want you.:rolleyes:
 
BlueEyedLady said:
True. 90%+ of sexual or romantic attention is unwanted. But I have a hard time believing it’s “easier” for men when they receive fewer offers than women. A man who wants to avoid sex can by and large stop offering. Most women have to say ‘no’ at some point.
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This.

Most ordinary men don’t get offers, they have to solicit the attention of women. I am just one of many in this cohort; whatever attention I get, I have to work for it. I have to ask that girl for a dance; she is not going to approach me for it. Further, I have to risk that my attention is unwanted which has been the case sometimes.

In my experience, women who show up and are feminine get attention much more easily than I do. Granted, most of that is unwanted, but there is some that is wanted and that is what they are looking for.

Neither of these are complaints, just observations on human nature. It is what it is and I go with that. It’s not an excuse to go into hiding, one still needs to get out of the house.
truetofaith said:
God made the male to be the aggressor & he is more aware of a girl’s charms (mostly sexual ) than a woman, when she sees a man. It’s our nature…which requires more control! 🤷
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This does not absolve women of their own agency in the process. Women are as much responsible for their own self control as are men.
 
Zzyzx_Road said:
This.

Most ordinary men don’t get offers, they have to solicit the attention of women. I am just one of many in this cohort; whatever attention I get, I have to work for it. I have to ask that girl for a dance; she is not going to approach me for it. Further, I have to risk that my attention is unwanted which has been the case sometimes.
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I don’t envy guys at all in that regard, but I’m very shy. I always appreciated the plausible deniability of eye contact and flirty looks and smiles.

But, maybe it’s all perspective. Occasionally you find women who are frustrated because they feel they “can’t” ask a guy out or if they do, it will be perceived as friendly instead of romantic.
 
I assume you live in Poland right? I think one of the biggest issues is people trying to find “designer spouses”. By that I don’t mean physical looks, but moral character. Shoot, my parents got baptised after we were born and married years after that.
I used to be a snob too. But then I realized that people who are morally misguided are not pariahs. They just need someone to tell them.
Most people are too prejudiced and have a set mind in what they are looking for. There’s a saying that sometimes God (love) is found in hell. To me true love is stuff you see in war movies were circumstances bring unlikely people together. When you are running for your life, you don’t care if the person next to you sounds like Sara Palin or has a neck tatoo. That’s real love. Not getting a “good girl” who wears a plaid skirt. In other words, the real testimony to love’s power is when it can cut through moral warts, class distinction, IQ difference, money, culture; NOT when you meet your wife by making a PROFILE on a dating website.
Celibacy is a vocation. It’s not a testimony on how relationships suck. No, the Bible teaches us that woman came from man’s side. They are of SAME substance and nature. Sexuality is not some “no money, no honey” arrangement as secular sociology teaches us. But it’s because women are the bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh.
 
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