That’s exactly what asking someone out is. It lets them know you like them and want to spend time specifically with them to learn more about each other.I dunno, I always feel I am a bear of little brain when it comes to all this analyzing of dating habits. Seems like overthinking it is what leads to disaster. If you like somebody, tell them so. Just tell them. They’ll either respond, or let you know you’re wasting your time. Then you can quickly move on to the next opportunity.
How can a guy date a girl for more than 2 or 3 yrs. without wanting to get married & make the union sexual?I don’t think being “asked out on a date” is the be all and end all of relationships. I had some guys who asked me out on dates. One of them led to a 10-year relationship. And I had some guys who didn’t ask me out on dates but we just hung out together and occasionally made plans to go do something (which could be due to me saying, “I’d like to go do X tomorrow, want to go together?”) One of those guys, I married. We’re still married.
Dating’s okay, nothing magical about it though.
Right.That’s exactly what asking someone out is. It lets them know you like them and want to spend time specifically with them to learn more about each other.
Asking someone to “hang out” or help you do chores could mean the above, or it could mean you enjoy the company of their friendship, which is great. But, someone with options may find someone more direct to be with by the time it takes to cut through your games.
And finally, confidence is sexy. It really is. If you can’t ask a cute girl to dinner but the next guy can, she’s going to be more impressed with him from the start. It’s not a conscious thing. Just the distinction of “date” vs. hanging out creates tension and excitement.
There are many reasons why people take a long time to get married, including long distance relationships, people needing to finish educations, people simply not being sure if marriage, or this particular marriage, is right for them, health problems, money problems, family problems, addiction problems. Every couple is different. In my extended family, there are long-lasting marriages where the people got married after a few months and other long-lasting marriages where they dated on and off for 10 years before tying the knot.How can a guy date a girl for more than 2 or 3 yrs. without wanting to get married & make the union sexual?
After a few dates if the girl isn’t compatible …break it off, then find the right girl.
This is if we are trying not to commit sin.
I wish I could say that reality reflects this, but unfortunately ‘my happiness’ trumps ‘for better or for worse’ these days.Sexuality is not some “no money, no honey” arrangement as secular sociology teaches us.
Very good advice. I am friends with many young women and heaven forbid that those friendships should go further. I am confident around women and never have trouble approaching and talking to women. I guess my problem is that I have never met a young woman who appealed to me as more than a friend. Sure, I’m attracted to women alright (maybe too much judging by my past), but the moment I start talking to a young woman and listen to what she says and how she thinks about life, my desire for ‘love’/romance disappears and I simply keep the acquaintance at friendship level.Klemens, I have heard, and it may have been my experience, that you will find someone when you stop looking and just let it happen. Perhaps you should just be friends with females with no expectations of anything more, and see where that leads.
I wish you nothing but peace and happiness, whatever you decide.
Let me understand…Your desire for romance disappears when a woman tells you what she thinks about life? So have you basically never met a woman who thinks the same as you? Differences are what makes life beautiful.Very good advice. I am friends with many young women and heaven forbid that those friendships should go further. I am confident around women and never have trouble approaching and talking to women. I guess my problem is that I have never met a young woman who appealed to me as more than a friend. Sure, I’m attracted to women alright (maybe too much judging by my past), but the moment I start talking to a young woman and listen to what she says and how she thinks about life, my desire for ‘love’/romance disappears and I simply keep the acquaintance at friendship level.
I’m just tired of these inevitable dead ends, and I just want to take care of myself without all the silly hassles of ‘love.’
Yes–OP, are your views so idiosyncratic that it would not be reasonable to hope to find a woman that shared them?Let me understand…Your desire for romance disappears when a woman tells you what she thinks about life? So have you basically never met a woman who thinks the same as you? Differences are what makes life beautiful.
Can I ask, have you been deeply wounded by love or rejected by someone you wanted a relationship with? I am just curious as to your attitudes toward life and your disdain for love.
Some people really are called to remain single and it could be that this is what is best for your life and there is nothing wrong with that, I just sense a kind of bitterness or something in your post that makes me feel that it isn’t your vocation to be single, rather something has happened to make you give up on finding a partner.
You could say that this is the case. I had a good albeit very unusual childhood/upbringing, the details of which I withhold for privacy’s sake. Needless to say, while it may seem reasonable to want someone of a similar background, the likelihood of this happening to me is impossible and I have simply given up my hope and desire (for marriage) altogether. It may be silly, but I want to be with my own ‘kind.’Yes–OP, are your views so idiosyncratic that it would not be reasonable to hope to find a woman that shared them?
If you’ve given up desire for marriage, then the decision to remain single become pretty easy!You could say that this is the case. I had a good albeit very unusual childhood/upbringing, the details of which I withhold for privacy’s sake. Needless to say, while it may seem reasonable to want someone of a similar background, the likelihood of this happening to me is impossible and I have simply given up my hope and desire (for marriage) altogether. It may be silly, but I want to be with my own ‘kind.’
You’re quite right. However, it’s much harder to remain single merely because nobody appeals emotionally and intellectually (my case).If you’ve given up desire for marriage, then the decision to remain single become pretty easy!
Be careful that you don’t view yourself as superior.You’re quite right. However, it’s much harder to remain single merely because nobody appeals emotionally and intellectually (my case).
I guess that I was born too late. I was brought up and surrounded all my life by older persons (most over 40). I like their way of thinking, their attitudes and their general way of being. I tried to be like them, rather than act like the children/adolescents my age (adults always seemed much grander and that appealed to me since I can remember). I find myself disconnected from women my age, like an old bachelor pursuing a much younger wife despite no actual difference in age. It’s not even a matter of maturity, but tastes, aesthetics, humour. As an adult, I find my contemporaries lacking the spirit of previous generations, not to mention young peoples’ unsettling lack of religiosity and morality (even when compared to the debauchery of the past).
This should hopefully clarify why I never found 'one of my kind.’
I do not view myself as superior, believe me. I simply feel like from another time (a few decades back), but by no means smarter, just different.Be careful that you don’t view yourself as superior.
I don’t view your intellect as superior to any other of your contemporaries who struggle socially.
You feel like you should live in the 80s or 90s?I do not view myself as superior, believe me. I simply feel like from another time (a few decades back), but by no means smarter, just different.
I will divulge that I don’t struggle socially, since most persons who interact with me in real-life, including the opposite sex, seem to enjoy my company. I’m the picky one. Of course not everyone likes me, which is to be expected, but I wouldn’t call my situation a 'struggle’ with sociability, at least not in the typical sense (me being socially awkward).
Maybe not exactly. As I wrote earlier, I was surrounded throughout my childhood and adolescence by persons far older (including siblings) than typical for most children. Naturally, given that condition, I tried to be more like adults, rather than simply act as a child. Even after I started school, I thought that adults were cooler, since they could do things children couldn’t. Adults have/had more poise, seemed wiser and displayed a generally greater charisma (minus those adults who seemed infantile). All my favourite film characters, book characters, etc. were always the more-dignified adults.You feel like you should live in the 80s or 90s?
Weird.