Giving up

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I’m pretty sure I’m giving up looking for a Catholic woman.

Ones that I’d be interested are difficult to find. My preferences are, in no particular order: (a) the taller the better, (b) at least a little knowledge of the faith, (c) against abortion and bc, (d) somewhat of a healthy lifestyle, and (e) not a financial wreck.

I’m just posting this thread to acknowledge that it’s more real for me.
 
As long as you aren’t considering actually marrying someone who doesn’t have even a little knowledge of the faith, who believes bc and abortion are rights, who doesn’t live even somewhat of a healthy lifestyle, or who is financial wreck. If you avoid that, there’s nothing wrong with marrying someone who’s shorter than you think the Ideal Venus ought to be.

Rush into a bad marriage, though, and you’ll repent at your leisure.
 
*Screwtape Letters, Letter XX:

MY DEAR WORMWOOD,

I note with great displeasure that the Enemy has, for the time being, put a forcible end to your direct attacks on the patient’s chastity. You ought to have known that He always does in the end, and you ought to have stopped before you reached that stage. For as things are, your man has now discovered the dangerous truth that these attacks don’t last forever; consequently you cannot use again what is, after all, our best weapon - the belief of ignorant humans, that there is no hope of getting rid of us except by yielding. I suppose you’ve tried persuading him that chastity is unhealthy?

I haven’t yet got a report from you on young women in the neighbourhood. I should like it once, for if we can’t use his sexuality to make him unchaste we must try to use it for promotion of a desirable marriage. In the meantime I would like to give you some hint about the type of woman - I mean the physical type - which he should be encouraged to fall in love with if “falling in love” is the best we can manage.

In a rough and ready way, of course, this question is decided for us by spirits far deeper down in the Lowerarchy than you and I. It is the business of these great masters to produce in every age a general misdirection of what may be called sexual “taste”. This they do by working through the small circle of popular artists, dressmakers, actresses and advertisers who determine the fashionable type. The aim is to guide each sex away from those members of the other with whom spiritually helpful, happy, and fertile marriages are most likely. Thus we have now for many centuries triumphed over nature to the extent of making certain secondary characteristics of the male (such as the beard) disagreeable to nearly all the females - and there is more in that than you might suppose. As regards the male taste we have varied a good deal. At one time we have directed it to the statuesque and aristocratic type of beauty, mixing men’s vanity with their desires and encouraging the race to breed chiefly from the most arrogant and prodigal women. At another, we have selected an exaggeratedly feminine type, faint and languishing, so that folly and cowardice, and all the general falseness and littleness of mind which go with them, shall be at a premium. At present we are on the opposite tack. The age of jazz has succeeded the age of the waltz, and we now teach men to like women whose bodies are scarcely distinguishable from those of boys. Since this is a kind of beauty even more transitory than most, we thus aggravate the female’s chronic horror of growing old (with many excellent results) and render her less willing and less able to bear children. And that is not all. We have engineered a great increase in the licence which society allows to the representation of the apparent nude (not the real nude) in art, and its exhibition on the stage or the bathing beach. It is all a fake, of course; the figures in the popular art are falsely drawn; the real women in bathing suits or tights are actually pinched in and propped up to make them appear firmer and more slender and more boyish than nature allows a full-grown woman to be. Yet at the same time, the modern world is taught to believe that it is being “frank” and “healthy” and getting back to nature. As a result we are more and more directing the desires of men to something which does not exist - making the rôle of the eye in sexuality more and more important and at the same time making its demands more and more impossible. What follows you can easily forecast!

That is the general strategy of the moment. But inside that framework you will still find it possible to encourage your patient’s desires in one of two directions. You will find, if you look carefully into any human’s heart, that he is haunted by at least two imaginary women - a terrestrial and an infernal Venus, and that his desire differs qualitatively according to its object. There is one type for which his desire is such as to be naturally amenable to the Enemy - readily mixed with charity, readily obedient to marriage, coloured all through with that golden light of reverence and naturalness which we detest; there is another type which he desires brutally, and desires to desire brutally, a type best used to draw him away from marriage altogether but which, even within marriage, he would tend to treat as a slave, an idol, or an accomplice. His love for the first might involve what the Enemy calls evil, but only accidentally; the man would wish that she was not someone else’s wife and be sorry that he could not love her lawfully. But in the second type, the felt evil is what he wants; it is that “tang” in the flavour which he is after. In the face, it is the visible animality, or sulkiness, or craft, or cruelty which he likes, and in the body, something quite different from what he ordinarily calls Beauty, something he may even, in a sane hour, describe as ugliness, but which, by our art, can be made to play on the raw nerve of his private obsession.

The real use of the infernal Venus is, no doubt, as prostitute or mistress. But if your man is a Christian, and if he has been well trained in nonsense about irresistible and all-excusing “Love”, he can often be induced to marry her. And that is very well worth bringing about. You will have failed as regards fornication and solitary vice; but there are other, and more indirect, methods of using a man’s sexuality to his undoing. And, by the way, they are not only efficient, but delightful; the unhappiness produced is of a very lasting and exquisite kind,

Your affectionate uncle

SCREWTAPE *
 
How do you go about finding a wife? Have you considered moving to another country that might be more traditional/catholic?
 
Based on personal experience over many years I will say that the harder you look for a suitable mate, the less likely you are to find one… especially if you are young and rampant hormones are clouding your vision.
I suggest that you stop “looking” and just be yourself. Of course sodialize, go to parties, attend Church social groups and affairs. Date, without considering making it an “affair”. Relax and be yourself. Then, when you least expect it, lightning will strike, as sure as I am sitting at my computor!
One word of advice though. If you feel romantic, or otherwise are sexually attracted, go take an ice cold shower and calm down. The only person that you should consider as a life mate is your absolute best friend…Sexual attraction and/or romance doesn’t last very long between two people. If that’s all you have, the first time the woman uses the man’s razor to shave her legs and she doesn’t change the blade or tell her husband, there might be mayhem unless she is his best friend…and don’t forget, more than one modern marriage has ended in divorce because of a left up toilet seat.
You will put up with all of these minor things if they happen with your best friend, but they become serious matters with anyone else!
 
Ever hear the expression “good things come in small packages”? lol. That goes for us shorties, too, you know! I’m 5’4 1/2", my husband is 6’1". Who cares?
 
“Ones that I’d be interested are difficult to find. My preferences are, in no particular order: (a) the taller the better, (b) at least a little knowledge of the faith, (c) against abortion and bc, (d) somewhat of a healthy lifestyle, and (e) not a financial wreck.”

No wonder you’re having trouble finding somebody. Individually, none of your preferences are out of line, but when you put them all together, you’re looking for a genuinely rare critter.

I don’t think that dropping “Catholic” from the list really gets you anywhere. There are Protestants who don’t do birth control, but they don’t, as a rule, marry Catholics, so that doesn’t really get you anywhere.

I would encourage you to budge a bit on height and finances. Sure, if you have two equally good candidates, go for the taller woman, but you really do not have that luxury. Likewise with finances. I’m not sure exactly what your criteria are for “not a financial wreck,” but you may need to relax a bit on that one. A lot of perfectly suitable young women are going to have student loans, often fairly sizable ones. Personal finance is hugely important for future marital happiness, but I would encourage you to not reject out of hand women who are working on their debts and making progress.

Also, don’t forget that it’s not just a question of finding the right woman. You need to make sure that you are the right man, have nice manners, and to look and smell nice. Women don’t have super high standards on men’s looks, but make the best of what you’ve got.

Good luck!
 
If you don’t mind me asking… how old are u?

And, for now until I could get an answer to that:

I would suggest you continuing to grow as a catholic man and let God worry about finding someone for you. To be a good mate, you need to be well prepaired yourself …and so I suggest that you always put yourself out there (socially…always going out and getting involved and such) And for you to continue to become a stronger catholic man.

It could very well be that God wants you to work on yourself first. If you find that that woman isint popping up…and you believe in a God that can do anything…then you must concede that maybe it’s not right just yet.

God bless AND DONT SETTLE!
 
When I read posts like these from men, I despair of ever getting married. Who knew cooking skills weren’t necessary? :rolleyes:
 
I’m pretty sure I’m giving up looking for a Catholic woman.

Ones that I’d be interested are difficult to find. My preferences are, in no particular order: (a) the taller the better, (b) at least a little knowledge of the faith, (c) against abortion and bc, (d) somewhat of a healthy lifestyle, and (e) not a financial wreck.

I’m just posting this thread to acknowledge that it’s more real for me.
I see all these people with lists of what they want in a partner and who they will only except as dating partners. While it’s nice to know what you want it’s also a good idea to keep an open mind. My list was a tall guy outdoorsy type of guy who was out going. I’m dating a guy who is slightly shorter only goes to the gym and why I wouldn’t say he’s exactly shy he’s not really outging either. He seems to have values though and that’s always been of more importance than the stuff on my list. I don’t know where things will lead as it’s early yet but I’m just saying to keep an open mind and not box yourself into a certain mind set like I did for many years.
 
When I read posts like these from men, I despair of ever getting married. Who knew cooking skills weren’t necessary? :rolleyes:
They aren’t, at least in this man’s view. But one of the necessary skills is the ability to get over perceiving sharp and constantly honed handyman skills (or interest in soccer) as a metaphysical requirement of manhood. 😛
 
“But one of the necessary skills is the ability to get over perceiving sharp and constantly honed handyman skills (or interest in soccer) as a metaphysical requirement of manhood.”

I’m really glad my husband isn’t sports mad, but being good around the house is very useful for the family man. Paying people to do stuff is so expensive.
 
They aren’t, at least in this man’s view. But one of the necessary skills is the ability to get over perceiving sharp and constantly honed handyman skills (or interest in soccer) as a metaphysical requirement of manhood. 😛
But I’m tired of being the handyman! :crying: Fixing things really is a requirement with me. Or the funds to hire someone to do everything. If I have to be the handyman, I would rather stay single than resent that I still have to fix everything! :hammering:

I hate soccer, though, so I don’t care if he does! 😃
 
But I’m tired of being the handyman! :crying: Fixing things really is a requirement with me. Or the funds to hire someone to do everything. If I have to be the handyman, I would rather stay single than resent that I still have to fix everything! :hammering:

I hate soccer, though, so I don’t care if he does! 😃
In my culture, there’s that stupid stereotype that if the man pays the plumber or electrician or any other techie, he isn’t a man (except computers, if you can fix computers without calling the techies, then there’s something wrong with you, and you should be avoided). 😃 Hence the joke. 😉

One nasty aspect of that stereotype – which I guess is very similar for women when it comes to cooking and a couple of other skills – is that it doesn’t matter what else you’re good at, if you’re a rocket scientist but can’t fix a kitchen sink, then you aren’t a man. Kinda like if a woman comes back home from work where she might well be a manager or key specialist (or both), it mostly counts if the soup’s hot enough or something like that, in some families. I’d probably become a proper alcoholic if I ended up having to face even more of that all the time.
 
I’m pretty sure I’m giving up looking for a Catholic woman.

Ones that I’d be interested are difficult to find. My preferences are, in no particular order: (a) the taller the better, (b) at least a little knowledge of the faith, (c) against abortion and bc, (d) somewhat of a healthy lifestyle, and (e) not a financial wreck.

I’m just posting this thread to acknowledge that it’s more real for me.
Giving up is bad.

Surrendering to God’s perfect will is best.

Pray to God and tell Him what you want and need. Defer to His judgement. He may send you a short curvy girl. I would not recommend compromising on your values (ie Catholic, pro-life, anti-contraception) because if you compromise on those things today just to get marriage over with, you may find yourself feeling more alone in marriage than when you were single.
 
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