God’s plan - when you don’t know what to do

[sunny0]

I wanted to ask about the concept of God’s plan. My question is… what do you do when you feel God’s plan for your life is just repeated failure/frustration?

I have been trying for the past 3 years in many different avenues to improve aspects of my life. From self improvement to making outreach to making friendships, dating, and I’ve also been working for the past year and a half on a very lengthy process to get a special job that means a lot to me. I have prayed on all of these things continuously.

To sum up how all of this went:

As far as friendships, very badly, in a nutshell. Fell out with a friend of 11 years and the Catholic young adult group decided I was not “holy enough” for their clique. I wish I was kidding.

I’ve given dating a good try but it’s all been a disaster. Just can’t meet seem to find someone who has similar long-term goals for a relationship that I connect with.

As far as my job - it has been a rough couple years. Deciding I wanted to do something where I could help others more, I got a certification and went through the lengthy application/interview process. It took over a year. I prayed so much asking God to show me if this was the right path, and I felt all signs pointed to this. I thought maybe it was the answer to many unanswered prayers.

I found out last week I was not accepted for the job. I was so disappointed. I was told there will be other positions in the future and I have a very good chance of getting one. However, right now, I just feel so alone and sad, and frankly frustrated and angry.

There are many more trials than I’ve explained here. I feel I’ve fought every step of the way to change my life for the better asking for God’s guidance but continuously hit a wall. I understand God’s plans don’t always happen in our time but I feel I can hardly take any more disappointment. I am constantly lonely, unhappy in nearly every aspect of my life - all of which I keep trying to remedy but can’t. I’ve been lonely for a long time and I feel like this HAS to change. I just can truly not understand why God’s plan for me seems for me to be sad and alone. I’ve tried to change it all but I clearly need His help to do that.

I just don’t understand how this could be the life God has planned for me. I am truly no good to anyone the way things are, and I have so much love to give to others. I tried a couple times volunteering but didn’t hear back from anyone about it. I do cantor at my church.

I should keep being hopeful about future job opportunities because I think it will happen eventually but I feel really down. Working so long on all these things and failing at all of them… I don’t know how I can accept so much failure and loneliness indefinitely.

Some people say “God’s plan is never for you to be unhappy” but I feel I’m at a dead end, having tried over and over to find the right path but God seems not to want me to… I am struggling with how to trust things will ever get better. My optimism has been keeping me up but it was very hurt by the news of the job.

Does anyone have any thoughts on these situations and making sense of God’s plan, or a theological take on what I’ve described?

 

[otjm]

This probably won’t go over very well, but you are young. Now before you go off, understand I am 73. Been there, done that, have something like 45 or 50 t-shirts. In other words, welcome to the club.

I can look back and see some of the times I had a choice, and without any clear - or even foggy - sight, made the wrong one. I thought I knew what I wanted to pursue when I was in the 7th grade; and 8 years later, after two years in seminary college, I realized that I did not have that vocation. I joke, but it is not a joke, that I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up.

I will make a suggestion, and it comes from experience; you are free to ignore it or take me up on it.

Not in relation to work, but in relation to friendships and life, depression (you call it “sad”; I call it for what it is), loneliness, and frustration (as well as unmentioned trials).

My suggestion is that you get to a counselor. There are some very old phrases which I will repeat, simply because there is truth in them.

1. “You are either part of the problem, or you are part of the solution”. Friends? I have very few people I would call friends; but someone else looking at my life would say I have lots; and that revolves around the definition of what a friend is. all too many people put little thought into that definition, but many people are acquaintances; they are friendly ones, and if you have something happen untoward to you, they will express sympathy; but they are “good weather” friends. Real friends will weather the bad times with you.

But part of the question is how you react to others; and counseling can help you to see if there needs to be changes.

1. “Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is a definition of insanity”. Well, maybe it is not insanity, but it also does not bring about any change; you will get the same results whether you like them or not. Counseling can help you to see what you are too close to see now.

(continued)

 

[otjm]

(continued)
Jobs/career. I don’t know your talents; and I can’t tell if you do, or simply think you do. And although I know some of my talents, either timing, failing to grasp an opportunity, or to pursue an opportunity has caused me to pass by some things that might have fit. I had no guidance whatsoever grwoing up, and while I have managed to keep my nose well above the waterline, I still feel that I managed to survive, but not a whole lot more. Perhaps some serious exploration of what your talents and strength are by some outside help might be a key to unlocking where you are going to go. maybe that is on the same path you have been trying (and maybe your trying is to narrow in scope for that path). But someone not in the middle of it all, who can make assessments would help.

God’s plan. I cannot say that I have ever had a clue as to what God’s plan is/was for me. It has seemed that every time I have been in serious need of help, another door opened. Was that God’s plan? If so, it included walking into walls before the door, and at least once if not twice, running full tilt into that wall.

However, one needs to cooperate with God’s plan; and I for sure can see several times in the past where a door was available and I most certainly did not go through it. Had I done so, would that have been God’s plan?

God has a lot of doors, a point we too often don’t get; we think there is only one at this time and place. And again, sometimes we are our own worst enemies, doing the same thing over and over, and getting mad at God that things are not changing.

I don’t know if any of this helps; hopefully you have read through this calmly enough to make use of the suggestions. It is not my intent to make anyone mad; but I tend to be a bit blunt at times.

In short, there is not “an answer”. There are multiple answers. And in spite of appearances, everyone has struggles. Some appear to just float through them; but it ain’t necessarily so.

 

[po18guy]

You are very focused and working very hard.

I think too hard.

How much time do you spend in our Lord’s presence at adoration? Slow down, sit down, pipe down. Listen to the silence. Allow the voice of the Lord, which is heard in silence, speak to your heart; to give you direction. It may require a 180º turn in your life.

But - there’s a catch: you must be as patient with the Lord as He has been with you. Yet, when He grants you your consolation, via the Holy Spirit, you will be changed. Your breath might just be taken away. Words cannot describe it.

 

[Delphinus]

You are very focused and working very hard.

I think too hard.

How much time do you spend in our Lord’s presence at adoration? Slow down, sit down, pipe down. Listen to the silence. Allow the voice of the Lord, which is heard in silence, speak to your heart; to give you direction. It may require a 180º turn in your life.

But - there’s a catch: you must be as patient with the Lord as He has been with you. Yet, when He grants you your consolation, via the Holy Spirit, you will be changed . Your breath might just be taken away. Words cannot describe it.

I was halfway through a post but this kept coming back to me because of how beautiful it was. This, right here, 100%. Draw near to Jesus and love Him, and all things really do fall into line in their time.

I was once where you are. I promise, with Jesus it gets better. The power of the Holy Spirit can leave you so, as this post so beautifully said, utterly changed.

Just be you, love Jesus, and never give up. He’s not giving up on you!

 

[DeSales111]

I’m 53, and to be honest have had a hard life. Have been thru bad relationships that ended in divorce, have been homeless, have lost best friend and father in-law at the time to murder, lost Father to cancer, lost a job on Christmas Eve with three kids to feed, have failed at running a business, and lost a much loved and wanted child to miscarriage. So yes, I understand bad relationships, loneliness, loss, failures, and dreams being crushed.

A dear friend reminded me recently of what my favorite Saint said about such hard times. I hope it helps and that you draw nearer to our loving Lord through your trials. You will be in my prayers, hang in there, sometimes the lessons come before the blessings.

"The everlasting God has in His wisdom foreseen from eternity the cross that
He now presents to you as a gift from
His inmost heart.

This cross He now sends you He has considered with His all-knowing eyes, understood with His divine mind, tested with His wise justice, warmed with loving arms and weighed with His own hands to see that it be not one inch too large and not one ounce too heavy for you.

He has blessed it with His holy Name, anointed it with His consolation, taken one last glance at you and your courage, and then sent it to you from heaven, a special greeting from God to you, an alms of the all-merciful love of God."

• St. Francis De Sales

 

[Dan_Defender]

This is not what you want to hear but we all suffer in different ways. Offer your sufferings to God. And always remember: Jesus and the saints suffered more.