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Paul_otterson
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When my Wife died, I lost the will to live and I lost my Faith- I’d like advice on how to regain my Faith in God
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noodles
Guest
just believe in the Lord…and pray…everything happens for a reason…
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Henning
Guest
Look unto Jesus
That’s what I did when I got divorced and my world changed…just kept ‘looking unto Jesus’…this kind of anchored me.
God bless you
That’s what I did when I got divorced and my world changed…just kept ‘looking unto Jesus’…this kind of anchored me.
God bless you
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Paul_otterson
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I 've heared all this before it don’t work
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Paul_otterson
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I did’nt get a divorce my Wife died I can’t see her again untill I die and then I don’t know if I will.
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Trishie
Guest
Paul, I know it doesn’t sound like much, but when I lost faith in God years ago, I used to pray things like, “God, if you’re there please find yourself to me. I can’t find you.” You lost faith because, I’m guessing, you were depressed and angry and maybe blamed God for your wife’s death. It didn’t seem God loved you because she died, and it seemed He wasn’t listening to you…so you feel He’s not there.
Of course, everybody dies, but that doesn’t make it easier. My Dad has had two wives die. My step-mum died in 2000, but he still chokes up if she’s mentioned.
My Dad instead of losing faith does tend to speak to God through his two wives, they are for him a human face on God. They loved him and so he feels they can mediate between him and the God he cannot see or hear. He talks to them with messages to God. That’s how he’s coped. He’s never wavered in going to Mass.
What can help you I don’t know. I know that when I’m overwhelmed by sadness and by the innumerable big blows I’ve had in my life, I can go back in my mind to a significant event where God showed unmistakably and miraculously that He loves me. Sometimes that memory is the only reason I can hang on at the hardest times. My husband says it isn’t fair that all people aren’t given something like that. I don’t know why I was.
From the bible: “As by your will you first strayed away from God, so now turn back and search for Him ten times as hard…so will He rescue you and give you eternal joy.” [Baruch 4:21, 4:28]
Of course, everybody dies, but that doesn’t make it easier. My Dad has had two wives die. My step-mum died in 2000, but he still chokes up if she’s mentioned.
My Dad instead of losing faith does tend to speak to God through his two wives, they are for him a human face on God. They loved him and so he feels they can mediate between him and the God he cannot see or hear. He talks to them with messages to God. That’s how he’s coped. He’s never wavered in going to Mass.
What can help you I don’t know. I know that when I’m overwhelmed by sadness and by the innumerable big blows I’ve had in my life, I can go back in my mind to a significant event where God showed unmistakably and miraculously that He loves me. Sometimes that memory is the only reason I can hang on at the hardest times. My husband says it isn’t fair that all people aren’t given something like that. I don’t know why I was.
From the bible: “As by your will you first strayed away from God, so now turn back and search for Him ten times as hard…so will He rescue you and give you eternal joy.” [Baruch 4:21, 4:28]
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Paul_otterson
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Thank you for takeing an interest in me just your words and pray will help.
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SarahR
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I’m sorry that I don’t have any words for you, but know that you are in my prayers and heart.
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OutinChgoburbs
Guest
I went through a crisis of faith. I didn’t understand how some people in my life could be so cruel. I didn’t understand how I could give birth to a child that was schizophrenic.
I was quite angry with God, because at the time, it was my contention that God made these people the way they were. I didn’t take into account that people had free will.
I am not saying your wife somehow wanted to die and leave you behind. I am just using myself as an example. These were my circumstances.
So, like Trishie, I called Him out on it, asked Him to show Himself, because I certainly couldn’t see the goodness in people, and I didn’t see why I had to raise a mentally ill child who tore holes in the walls of my house and stuffed lunchmeat in them.
God indeed performed more miracles than I could imagine for me, to the point where I was just a little embarrassed by the richness of the experience.
Here’s praying God will show You Himself, and His miracles.
I was quite angry with God, because at the time, it was my contention that God made these people the way they were. I didn’t take into account that people had free will.
I am not saying your wife somehow wanted to die and leave you behind. I am just using myself as an example. These were my circumstances.
So, like Trishie, I called Him out on it, asked Him to show Himself, because I certainly couldn’t see the goodness in people, and I didn’t see why I had to raise a mentally ill child who tore holes in the walls of my house and stuffed lunchmeat in them.
God indeed performed more miracles than I could imagine for me, to the point where I was just a little embarrassed by the richness of the experience.
Here’s praying God will show You Himself, and His miracles.
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vester44
Guest
I am not sure if I can offer any perfect answer.
Horrible things happen to fantastic people. I’ve got no clue why. I think that when we are in the presence of God when we pass away maybe we will all understand and go…“ohhhh, so thats why that had to happen that way.” But I dont know for sure.
I do feel like the less you search for sure the less you will find.
So, therefore, the more you search, at least are you are doing something to try to find answers. And that is what you are doing here.
I guess that we are like children in the sense that my 2 year old had no clue why she cant touch knives or the stove, but she just knows she cant. She has faith in me and just trusts. We have to be the same way.
Of course, this is easier said when things are going fantastic.
I think that when horrible things happen people make a choice eventually after the grief. I think that you can choose to live your life with some sort of purpose or example or with some sort of plan, or you can just fall into a deep depression forever - and many peopel do that. I dont think its saying they are a bad person, just that they couldnt find the strength to get out of that hole.
Which leads me to this book I read. Its not a Catholic book, and I dont agree with the whole thing…but I did love it. its called “Get out of that Pit” by Beth Moore. I encourage you to read it. At least you will know you are not alone.
You are in my prayers.
Vester
Horrible things happen to fantastic people. I’ve got no clue why. I think that when we are in the presence of God when we pass away maybe we will all understand and go…“ohhhh, so thats why that had to happen that way.” But I dont know for sure.
I do feel like the less you search for sure the less you will find.
So, therefore, the more you search, at least are you are doing something to try to find answers. And that is what you are doing here.
I guess that we are like children in the sense that my 2 year old had no clue why she cant touch knives or the stove, but she just knows she cant. She has faith in me and just trusts. We have to be the same way.
Of course, this is easier said when things are going fantastic.
I think that when horrible things happen people make a choice eventually after the grief. I think that you can choose to live your life with some sort of purpose or example or with some sort of plan, or you can just fall into a deep depression forever - and many peopel do that. I dont think its saying they are a bad person, just that they couldnt find the strength to get out of that hole.
Which leads me to this book I read. Its not a Catholic book, and I dont agree with the whole thing…but I did love it. its called “Get out of that Pit” by Beth Moore. I encourage you to read it. At least you will know you are not alone.
You are in my prayers.
Vester
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Serap
Guest
wow…I feel terrible for you. I have never experienced that type of pain. It must be awful. I have an incredibly heavy cross to carry in my life that I can share.
I was raised by a mentally ill mother and a very abusive alcoholic father. Both of my parents were extremely abusive to me. My father beat me almost everyday and called me names that I can’t write on this thread. My father also abused me in other ways too, but I don’t want to get into it here.
The irony was that my dad was active in our church. He was always helping for charitable causes and it disgusted me. I thought that all people that go to church must be just like him and I would never ever go to church!!! I turned away from God and I left home very young and was exposed to a new life of more pain and suffering. I had no self esteem and was clinging onto life and just surviving. I wanted to die too.
In my early 20’s, I got really angry with God and everyone around me. I was in a rage over my pain. I was angry that I was always struggling. I finally channelled my anger into something productive. I decided to put myself through university. While in university I met some nice friends and they were Catholic. I became Catholic too, but soon after I graduated, my friends were all getting married and they had their happy big families and I was still alone.
I again turned away from the church. Why was my life so hard??? Why wouldn’t God give me a break??? I was so angry at life and I felt that God didn’t love me; that he didn’t care. During the angriest time in my life, I finally met my husband at 30. It’s really a wonder he fell in-love with me
Since then, I have returned to the church and I am now very strong in my faith. I have a beautiful little girl.
From my own experience, I can tell you that when you’re suffering, it’s REALLY hard to feel God’s love. When you feel utterly alone, where is God? Why does there have to be so much suffering? You feel like you’re suffocating in despair. I’ve been there, but under different circumstances than you.
All I can say is…pray pray and pray some more. Start reciting your Rosary (even if you don’t feel it) and if you want to yell at God…do it! Tell him how upset you are…swear at him…have it out with him. Tell him all your feelings. Not only will it make you feel better, angry prayer is better than no prayer at all.
I also recommend that you call and request a meeting with a priest at your church. He can help you and perhaps point you to some resources like grief counselling.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this! I am praying for you!
I was raised by a mentally ill mother and a very abusive alcoholic father. Both of my parents were extremely abusive to me. My father beat me almost everyday and called me names that I can’t write on this thread. My father also abused me in other ways too, but I don’t want to get into it here.
The irony was that my dad was active in our church. He was always helping for charitable causes and it disgusted me. I thought that all people that go to church must be just like him and I would never ever go to church!!! I turned away from God and I left home very young and was exposed to a new life of more pain and suffering. I had no self esteem and was clinging onto life and just surviving. I wanted to die too.
In my early 20’s, I got really angry with God and everyone around me. I was in a rage over my pain. I was angry that I was always struggling. I finally channelled my anger into something productive. I decided to put myself through university. While in university I met some nice friends and they were Catholic. I became Catholic too, but soon after I graduated, my friends were all getting married and they had their happy big families and I was still alone.
I again turned away from the church. Why was my life so hard??? Why wouldn’t God give me a break??? I was so angry at life and I felt that God didn’t love me; that he didn’t care. During the angriest time in my life, I finally met my husband at 30. It’s really a wonder he fell in-love with me
Since then, I have returned to the church and I am now very strong in my faith. I have a beautiful little girl.
From my own experience, I can tell you that when you’re suffering, it’s REALLY hard to feel God’s love. When you feel utterly alone, where is God? Why does there have to be so much suffering? You feel like you’re suffocating in despair. I’ve been there, but under different circumstances than you.
All I can say is…pray pray and pray some more. Start reciting your Rosary (even if you don’t feel it) and if you want to yell at God…do it! Tell him how upset you are…swear at him…have it out with him. Tell him all your feelings. Not only will it make you feel better, angry prayer is better than no prayer at all.
I also recommend that you call and request a meeting with a priest at your church. He can help you and perhaps point you to some resources like grief counselling.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this! I am praying for you!
B
Brenda_V
Guest
Losing ones spouse has got to be one of the hardest things to happen to you. We have a thread on that going on right now, one of our members has a little one and one on the way and her husband died!
I have no advice for you but you do have my prayers for God to show His face to you to help you overcome this grief and, well, just to know that He is real!
Brenda V.
I have no advice for you but you do have my prayers for God to show His face to you to help you overcome this grief and, well, just to know that He is real!
Brenda V.
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happymommy
Guest
I’ve been there my friend. I lost my mother 3 years ago. Next to my husband, she was my dearest friend. I was six months pregnant when she died. I stopped going to church. I was not a great person to live with. My husband was very worried. But I told him, I haven’t forgotten God, I’m just mad at Him right now, it’s okay I know He’s still there. It took me a year of anger and sadness to come out on the other side, with a faith stronger then I ever thought possible. It took me that long to work through the anger. I couldn’t deal with missing her and that she wouldn’t be there anymore. I had to be angry at someone. It wasn’t her fault she got sick, so I blamed God. And He took it. He was the Father that takes the yelling from a child when they don’t get what they wanted. I didn’t want to let go of my mother. I still had things I wanted to do with her, things I wanted to say. I didn’t get what I wanted and I was mad. I was 30 years old. Had three children, one she never got to see and I felt cheated. He took my anger and only gave me back love. Just like a parent does. And only when I hit rock bottom and in a fit of crying and screaming, yelled I just want my mom, was I able to finally let go of the anger and cry it away. I was able to come out of this and see that there was no one to blame. God didn’t do this to hurt me or my family. Everyone has a small amount of time in this life and then they move on. Who was I to tell God when He can take His child home to be with Him. Once I let go of the anger I was able to grieve and take my life back. I was able to heal and God was there waiting for me. He will wait for you too. He’s not going anywhere. And He loves you more then you could ever imagine. I know losing a parent is nothing like losing a spouse and I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s okay to be angry with God, it’s okay to hurt. You have to feel these things. This is how you are going to deal with your loss and no one can tell you it’s wrong. Take the time you need. What would your wife want for you? She would want you to be happy, she would want you to have your faith in God so that one day you can be together again. She would want you to live your life to it’s fullest and those are all things that God wants for you too. In gaining your faith back, you make God happy, you make your wife happy and you will make yourself happy again. Take it one day at a time, one prayer at a time and it will happen.
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Paul_otterson
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Thanks for takeing the time to write I’m so glad to see people that are interested. Please keep praying for me.
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vester44
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happy mommy:
I just wanted to say that was a beautiful post. It definitely touched my heart.
Vester
I just wanted to say that was a beautiful post. It definitely touched my heart.
Vester
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kage_ar
Guest
Praying for you. I will rely on the words of those far more wise and holy than me…
From the Catechism scborromeo.org/ccc/p1s1c3a2.htm#166
[166](javascriptpenWindow(‘cr/166.htm’)
Faith is a personal act - the free response of the human person to the initiative of God who reveals himself. But faith is not an isolated act. No one can believe alone, just as no one can live alone. You have not given yourself faith as you have not given yourself life. The believer has received faith from others and should hand it on to others. Our love for Jesus and for our neighbor impels us to speak to others about our faith. Each believer is thus a link in the great chain of believers. I cannot believe without being carried by the faith of others, and by my faith I help support others in the faith.
From the Catechism scborromeo.org/ccc/p1s1c3a2.htm#166
[166](javascript
penWindow(‘cr/166.htm’) Faith is a personal act - the free response of the human person to the initiative of God who reveals himself. But faith is not an isolated act. No one can believe alone, just as no one can live alone. You have not given yourself faith as you have not given yourself life. The believer has received faith from others and should hand it on to others. Our love for Jesus and for our neighbor impels us to speak to others about our faith. Each believer is thus a link in the great chain of believers. I cannot believe without being carried by the faith of others, and by my faith I help support others in the faith.
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Lots2Learn
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happymommy
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I guess I learned more about God the Father through this. He was like a parent…you know the kids are so mad at you. They are really hurting and even in though they are so angry at you, you just love them more…I dished out some ugly words and anger at God during that time. He didn’t leave me, that was love. He gave my husband the strength to gather up the kids and go to Church without me and not let the whole family follow in my footsteps…he gave me wise children who started to question me as to why I wasn’t going to church anymore…I had to look into their eyes, see their love and their pain too…He knew I could get through this, but He let me learn it on my own…looking back, I see this is all done through the love of a Father. What better guide do we have as parents then the Almighty Father. He let me have my fit, stomp my feet and say bad words. But when I was done He was still there to pick me back up and get me moving again. That’s one of the things I love about my faith. It is a journey and I can look back and see where I have been and all of those things that didn’t use to make sense. All the pain from loses and heartache all come together…I look ahead and I don’t know whats next, could be more heartache, but I know that God loves me. My husbands favorite verse is I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me…I try to say that to myself everyday…Everything God does, He does out of love for us…We don’t always see it as that. Sometimes things just don’t seem fair or they don’t go the way we want (sounds like a kid, right) But He knows what is best for us…Have you ever heard the song, some of God’s greatest gifts are UN-answered prayers. We think we know what is best, we don’t. That’s why we have to trust God with everything in our lives. It’s hard to do. I would love to see my mother, I miss her so…He lets me, my youngest daughter looks more and more like her everyday! And even though I miss her, I would never want her to suffer as she did. She is in such a beautiful place right now. I take peace in that. That’s part of the love He gave me. He took my anger and replaced it with peace. That I can’t change what has happened. But I will always have love for my mother and from her too. Nothing can take that away.
I hope that helps answer your question. God is love, that’s all He ever gives us! What more do we need.
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Paul_otterson
Guest
Hello everybody I’m back again it’s been a little over two years now I was doing good but now I don’t believe that there is a Heaven or a God. I pray to everyone, God, Jesus Christ, Mary, all the Angles and Saints, All my relatives and friends, all my Wife’s family and relatives and friends. Now don’t you think with all them people that I know Love me someone would answer my Prayers and let me died so I can be with my Wife. I really don’t think I’m asking for to much. Love to all and God bless to all if there is a God. :bless you::bless you::bless you:
P.S. Tomorrow I'm going to talk to my Priest also a friend that I grow up with
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monicatholic
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Paul, your Heavenly Father has determined every moment of your life. you are asking for God to end your life, but your every moment is precious. you are asking God to deprive the world of your presence, your help, your thoughts, your creativity, your love.
who you are, the gifts you have to offer, the time God has allotted for you are precious and invaluable beyond measure. you are asking God to shorten that. that ***is ***asking for too much.
Paul, a few years ago our drug addict son disappeared. he was missing-- completely missing-- for seventeen months. another of our sons was a bounty hunter. during that time, he did John Doe searches in morgues in an ever widening circle from our home county.
during that time, Paul, i begged God for many things concerning my son. finally, all my prayers were reduced to this single entreaty, “Lord, if he is dead, PLEASE, someday let me meet the nurse, the bystander, the doctor who was with him in his last moments. let that person tell me, Lord, that my son repented and died in the Arms of Our Heavenly Father.”
it was a horrible horrible time. the only thing i wanted, in the end, was to someday know my son died in the arms of God.
my sorrow was immense.
every day i reminded myself, “God loves him infinitely more than I do. God knows where he is-- that’s infinitely more important than me knowing where he is.”
God loves your beautiful wife more than you ever could, Paul. rejoice in that. your wife is loved beyond all imagining! and so are you, Paul. God loves you more than you can imagine!
are you suffering, Paul? look to the cross. you have been invited to suffer with the God of the Universe. if you join your suffering to His, you will learn deeper love. when you learn deeper love, you will not wish to deprive the world of a single moment of the gift of yourself. like Jesus, you will desire to give all of yourself to the world around you.
in alcoholics anonymous, we sober people are promised “no matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.” we are promised that, with God’s help, we can give our suffering as a gift to others to help them with their suffering.
you’ve had much suffering Paul. because Jesus’ suffering has redeemed your suffering, now your suffering is valuable. now you have something powerful to give the world. the prayers of a suffering man for others are powerful. the empathy of a suffering man for others is powerful. the love of a suffering man for others is powerful.
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