God and relationships

[george92]

hi all

I’ve have been bugged by constant worry about finding a partner. i’m 19 and had a gf before. we’ve met completely out of the blue and i had no intention of finding a girl at the time. but we broke up in january as it was long-distant. so i’ve been missing a girl to have around A LOT this summer

i’m a really social and attractive guy with a lot going for me and i know for a fact that girls are naturally attracted to me. but i keep having these vivid dreams where i’m in a relationship with this girl i know that live 30 minutes away( and she’s single) but where going to different schools next year(could it be God telling me something?). but she does not appear to be the least interested in me( i.e. not answering texts). i know there are plenty of fish in the sea but it just is really frustrating because i crave companionship with another girl(and from what i’ve heard from others that relationships “come out of the blue” like my ex). and unlike the rest of teens in society, i actually want a girl that i have the possibility of finding a long and lasting relationship resulting in marriage.
thanks for any advice! and please pray for me that these dreams to go away

p.s. i’ve read all the jason evert stuff on finding a partner like a thousand times so don’t tell me to do that.

 

[AlTheCollegeGal]

Hi George,
I would suggest that you think of these dreams as just that: dreams. I think that although there is a possibility that they could be something more, dreams are often ways for our subconscious to filter in. I have often had nonsensical dreams about seemingly random events or even a small detail from the day before. I understand that you truly like this girl, but sometimes, when we are infatuated, we attribute meaning to ordinary happenings. Trust me, I have had my share of analyzing everything that someone does! The best advice I can give you is to focus on the here and now and pray. The first part of this is something that one should do all of the time; if the lady that you are interested in will not give you the time of day, find someone who will (church is a great place to start, having the same values is a crucial step in a relationship!). Secondly, prayer is so important. God wants the best for us, so try and listen whether you should be in a relationship right now. Remember, what we want is not always what is best for us. God wants the best of us, so I urge you to pray for God’s will to be done in your life. I will pray for you, and I hope that everything works out!
Al

 

[monicatholic]

you’ve read the jason evert stuff? and that’s not the advice you want? what advice do you want then?

if you want solid, Catholic, relevant, realistic advice that is grounded in the God-given, irrevocable dignity of each human person-- including the dignity of you-- then youve already read it a thousand times.

what you dont want, but apparently need, is patience and trust in God. if youre praying for a companion with lifelong possibility and you’re not finding her, it means you dont need her now. but your unrequited yearning would indicate you need something else-- as ive suggested-- patience and trust.

 

[MidnightSun12]

hi all

I’ve have been bugged by constant worry about finding a partner. i’m 19 and had a gf before. we’ve met completely out of the blue and i had no intention of finding a girl at the time. but we broke up in january as it was long-distant. so i’ve been missing a girl to have around A LOT this summer

i’m a really social and attractive guy with a lot going for me and i know for a fact that girls are naturally attracted to me. but i keep having these vivid dreams where i’m in a relationship with this girl i know that live 30 minutes away( and she’s single) but where going to different schools next year(could it be God telling me something?). but she does not appear to be the least interested in me( i.e. not answering texts). i know there are plenty of fish in the sea but it just is really frustrating because i crave companionship with another girl(and from what i’ve heard from others that relationships “come out of the blue” like my ex). and unlike the rest of teens in society, i actually want a girl that i have the possibility of finding a long and lasting relationship resulting in marriage.
thanks for any advice! and please pray for me that these dreams to go away

p.s. i’ve read all the jason evert stuff on finding a partner like a thousand times so don’t tell me to do that.

I think this time that God has given you as a single man is a great opportunity to really investigate why you are desiring a girlfriend/wife so much. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with desiring marriage if that is your vocation, but that desire should stem from a wish to do God’s will (in the same way that a young man who is called to the priesthood would desire his vocation). Often times, we desire a marriage because we want something out of it for ourselves and this is a very bad reason to enter into matrimony. Remember the story of Tobias and Sara:
Tobit 8:7:

Now, Lord, you know that I take this wife of mine not because of lust, but for a noble purpose.

Since you’re a 19 year old guy, I know lust is a very powerful temptation but we have to fight that temptation in every way we can. Getting married can definitely seem like a good way to quench the fires, but this is simply not the case. Truly, a relationship/marriage will do absolutely nothing to extinguish the fires of lust in your heart (in fact, even a married man can still commit sin by lusting after his wife), the only way to defeat this sin is to deny it battle by refusing the temptation today and until the day that you die. God may even be waiting to reveal your future spouse to you until you can deal with these sorts of temptations since lust is the prime cause of broken families and unhappy marriages in today’s society.

If you can truly get a handle on these temptations, I think you will find that your desire for a wife will not necessarly disappear, but should at least become a bit more manageable so that you can wait peacefully for God to reveal His plan to you!

As far as meeting a wife goes, definitely don’t be afraid to put yourself out there… but really, just get on and enjoy life! When you are doing things that you enjoy, you will naturally find yourself around like-minded people. And don’t ever think that you have to find yourself a wife, if your vocation is marriage then you can be completely confident that God will bring your future spouse into your life on His time (just as he did with Sara and Tobias):
Proverbs 14:9:

House and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord

May God bless you!