God and Whoopie Cushions

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OK, let’s get the Orthodox in here. A friend, who visited St. Catherine’s Monastery on Mount Sinai – which is custodian of the bush that burned when God revealed himself to Moses – tells me that they keep a fire extinguisher right next to it.
 
That day David fled from Saul and went to Achish king of Gath.

But the servants of Achish said to him, “Isn’t this David, the king of the land? Isn’t he the one they sing about in their dances: ‘Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands’?”

David took these words to heart and was very much afraid of Achish king of Gath. So he pretended to be insane in their presence; and while he was in their hands he acted like a madman, making marks on the doors of the gate and letting saliva run down his beard.

Achish said to his servants, “Look at the man! He is insane! Why bring him to me? Am I so short of madmen that you have to bring this fellow here to carry on like this in front of me? Must this man come into my house?”
 
patg said:
Whoopee cushions? That’s so 20th century! My kids gave me an electronic device with a remote control that generates 5 different disgusting “whoopee cushion” type sounds. It’s endless fun to hide it under the sofa and sit across the room with the remote at family gatherings…
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Heh. You’re in good company. In Woodward’s book, “State of Denial”, he writes about a meeting with Rove, Bush and others where Rove (I think it was Rove) used the same device.
 
mercygate said:
OK, let’s get the Orthodox in here. A friend, who visited St. Catherine’s Monastery on Mount Sinai – which is custodian of the bush that burned when God revealed himself to Moses – tells me that they keep a fire extinguisher right next to it.
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LOL! I wonder if anyone would have the stones to use it if the Bush ever caught fire again 🙂
 
A priest and a rabbi had been friends for quite some time. They had both entered their calling at a very young age and had been friends ever since. There were sitting outside one night talking about life, religion, God…

At one point the priest turned to his friend. “Steve. Tell me the truth. In all the time you’ve been a rabbi. In all those years… didn’t ever, even once, eat anything that wasn’t Kosher?”

Steve looked around to make sure no one could overhear him. "I’ll tell you the truth. I have to admit, once, many years ago, I gave in to an impluse and ate a ham sandwhich!

So steve says to the Priest, “tell me Pat. In all the years that you’ve worn the collar. In all that time, didn’t you ever, just once, break you vows?”

Father Patrick looked around to make sure no one could overhear them. “Well, there was this one time, many years ago… It was just one time. I had relations with a woman.”

The two friends sat in silence for a few moments, until Steve looked up at his friend.

“Better than a ham sandwhich, heh?”
 
bella5110 said:
I hate religious jokes…:sleep:
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Pfft you hate everything 😛

“According to the Pastafarian belief system, pirates are “absolute divine beings” and the original Pastafarians. Their image as “thieves and outcasts” is misinformation spread by Christian theologians in the Middle Ages. Pastafarianism says that they were in fact “peace-loving explorers and spreaders of good will” who distributed candy to children.” Excerpt from the Gospel of FSM

Theyve aslo concluded that the reason for Global Warming is that the number of Pirates has been in decline. I shall show proof upon request 😃
 
Loginus said:
Pfft you hate everything 😛

“According to the Pastafarian belief system, pirates are “absolute divine beings” and the original Pastafarians. Their image as “thieves and outcasts” is misinformation spread by Christian theologians in the Middle Ages. Pastafarianism says that they were in fact “peace-loving explorers and spreaders of good will” who distributed candy to children.” Excerpt from the Gospel of FSM

Theyve aslo concluded that the reason for Global Warming is that the number of Pirates has been in decline. I shall show proof upon request 😃
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Does this mean your on your meds or off them?? Just wondering. :whacky:
 
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